Having nothing better to do, Nigel took the tour. He now knew more about stars than he ever cared to, this Adam guy rattling on about them a mile a minute. Not quite sure just what to make of his new company, Nigel let him, the entire time just really wanting a damn cigarette as he glared at all the damn 'no smoking' signs. Adam had a pleasant enough voice even if he was a little odd at times. Eye contact with him was as fleeting as the emotion in his voice. Unless he was speaking about space, Adam spoke in monotone and sometimes gave out some weird ass answers to what Nigel thought were normal enough questions. It made Nigel wonder if he spoke English as fluently as he thought he did. It seemed like something kept getting lost in translation.
Adam obviously worked at this space place, enough employee-like people greeting him to make small talk about space of all things and peeking over all curious like at Nigel. Even in his hiking gear, Nigel knew he gave off an aura of danger, like a lion napping in the sun with half lidded eyes watching the mice run around in front of him. The smarter mice of men scurried away from them while the slower ones who stared at his scar got reduced to ash by his glare and unspoken threat of violence.
Plastic surgery or some shit like that had been brought up to him before while he was still in the hospital, but Nigel wasn't about to let anyone come near his face with a knife, medical license or not. He could live with looking different, and hell, that was what hair was for. He just needed to decide what he wanted to do now with the rest of his life. Money wasn't an issue, especially after selling his share of secrets and ownership of the club to Darko. Hell, if he wanted to, he could be a drunk, sunburnt beachbum until he keeled over. He was in the right state for it, but Nigel wasn't about that life either. He needed something to focus on or else he would go crazy. Until then, Adam was a distraction, Nigel letting himself be led around and talked at about the universe and its contents.
"So you're a tour guide here?" Nigel asked when Adam paused for air after going on about Saturn and some shit about the dusk in its rings. That would make sense, Adam with his pretty face and soft voice sitting out there in the woods to pull in patrons, like some ridiculous science nymph.
"No, I engineer microchips for the satellite guidance systems and design the code so that those chips can communicate with the computers in the telescopes so that they adjust themselves to optimal viewing angles and take pictures while in those positions." Adam told him like it was the most mundane job in the world.
"No shit?" was the intelligible response that Nigel came up with as his barely there brows rose up in surprise to disappear into his hairline. So definitely not a tour guide and loads smarter than most other people he'd ever met in his life.
"N-no shit." Adam stammered, proud of himself for understanding the vulgar slang and answering it appropriately. So far, things seemed to be going well enough. He had shown Nigel around, the man quietly listening to everything Adam had to say. The real issue at hand was that he didn't know what to do when they were done here. He wanted Nigel to stay but couldn't think of anything to keep him. "U-um, well… that's the end of the tour."
"Any place to eat around here?" Nigel asked, mostly because he was starving and didn't feel like having a damn protein bar today. That and being around another person again was kind of nice, even if that person was a bit of a complicated oddball.
"Yes." Adam nodded but presented no further information. Nigel went over the words in his head to make sure he had said all of them in English.
"Where do you go to eat?" Nigel rephrased the question anyway just in case. He was going to have to get a damn language dictionary at this rate.
"I go home. I live 23 minutes walking distance away from the observatory." Adam said with a nod as he checked the time. Lunch was definitely almost upon them.
"Do you have food at your house?" Nigel asked just to see what kind of response he would get. He didn't know if Adam as fucking with him or simply one of those guys who were so smart they were stupid about common sense shit. He was betting the latter. From what he could tell, and Nigel could tell a lot cause most of the time his survival depended on it, Adam didn't seem to have a mean bone in his body.
"Yes, of course I do." Adam said, looking over at Nigel like he was the weird one playing conversation tag.
"Would you mind sharing it with me or telling me where I can go get my own?" Nigel said, he thought rather patiently for a guy dying for a smoke and something to eat.
"O-oh yes!" Adam said, wanting to smack himself. He had been getting so much better about this, but he had been distracted by thoughts of how to keep Nigel with him. Ignoring the most obvious option available to him, eating lunch together made the most sense.
Nigel watched as his strange company got flustered and then walked off, obviously with a destination in mind or at least Nigel hoped so. Not sure if Adam's sudden departure was meant as an unspoken invitation, he decided to follow anyway. Adam could always just tell him to fuck off if he didn't want him there.
True to his words, 23 minutes later Nigel was standing in front of small house he had often passed before but never given much thought about on his way to the woods. It was tucked back off the road and his walking route so Nigel had only acknowledged it in passing as a landmark. The exterior of it had recently been painted a rich cobalt blue with bright canary yellow trim and front door, Adam letting him in.
From the smell, the interior had been painted as well, the living room in shades of blue with its walls covered with framed pictures of space. It was a small place, with only one bedroom, a living room, a bathroom and a kitchen area. The entirety of the house could be mapped out from standing in the living room. Furniture was at a minimal and all of it served a function. Shelves were filled with books but no knickknacks. A single chair sat in the living room to face a huge flat screen TV but with no end tables or even a couch. The blue and white kitchen was just as bare, with nothing left out or even vaguely decorative to spruce it up. There was one chair in there as well but it did have a table for company at least. All the furniture and appliances were higher end as far as Nigel could tell with no IKEA bullshit here. The house was obviously cared for as well, all the flooring, cabinets, and fixtures looking shiny and new. Other than picking up that Adam really liked the color blue, there just wasn't a lot of anything that would suggest an actual person owned or existed in this place.
"Nice place you got here." Nigel said, feeling like an idiot and completely out of his element. Give him a beer, some liquor, and a bar, and he could show anyone a hell of a good time. Making small talk like a normal person actually turned out to be pretty hard, Nigel unsure of what to say. He had just wanted to grab something to eat and now he was standing in some stranger's kitchen, looking out their windows to find something to talk about with them.
"I know. I've done all the work myself." Adam said offhand as he considered their lunch options. He normally had Lipton's instant chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. He didn't want to change that but politeness stated that he should offer his guest several options, or at least so he had been told and read. Adam really hoped that Nigel didn't want to have All-Bran though. He didn't think he could bring himself to eat breakfast for lunch. It would completely throw off the rest of his day. "What do you like to eat? I-I have…things."
"Anything is fine. I'll eat what you eat. I'm not picky." Nigel shrugged, peeking out the window to see a garden of sorts in the back. It looked like Adam as growing telescopes back there, a pack of them surrounding a poor defenseless gazebo. Glancing back over at Adam, Nigel wondered what he could have said to make the guy look so damn happy all of the sudden. Not knowing what to do with himself, Nigel sat down at the table, watching as Adam made their lunch. Nigel amused himself by noting that Adam had a complete set of plates, but probably only because they sold the damn things like that.
"You're in my seat. I have to sit there to eat." Adam said quietly as he handed Nigel is food.
"We could go grab the chair from the living room." Nigel suggested to immediately wonder why Adam suddenly had a look of panic on his face. He looking into the living room the other chair like the house would explode if it were moved out of its spot. "Or you could sit here while I stand.
"Okay." Adam agreed quickly, switching places with a relieved sigh much to Nigel's amusement.
"Are you not understanding me? Is my English really that bad?" Nigel asked, drinking his soup straight from the bowl. It made Adam twitch for some reason and bend over his own food to avoid commenting on.
"Though your words are heavily accented and you have a bad tendency to mumble at times, it's for the most part quite understandable, even pleasant to listen to even if I don't understand what you are saying at the time." Adam said, honest to his own fault. As per usual in his life, Nigel's face didn't give him much to go on, but the man had stop eating to stare at him so Adam took that as a bad sign, knowing he must have said something wrong. "I-I'm sorry. I umm…I have this thing called Asperger's syndrome. It makes it difficult for me to tell what people are feeling and thinking. I can miss social cues entirely or will say something that doesn't fit or comes off as rude when I don't mean to be. I also can talk a lot which can make other people feel uncomfortable or bored. Probably like I am doing right now with you."
"I've noticed." Nigel said slowly, absorbing all that information with a shrug. He had met far worse, fucked up people before.
"I'm s-sorry." Adam stammered, his stomach tying itself into knots. It had been going so well up to this point.
"I don't give a shit. It's not like I'm doing anything right now anyway. I have all the time in the world to waste. I might as well learn something about something even if I don't understand it." Nigel shrugged again, biting into his sandwich. "Is that why you invited me to take the tour?"
"No. That was a means to an end. I've been wanted to talk to you for some time now." Adam said, hope calming his insides down. Nigel was eating again and didn't seem bothered by his Asperger's.
"Why?" Nigel asked, feeling a little perplexed. He wracked his brain but couldn't think of anywhere he had seen Adam before today. Adam answered the question nonverbally, his flighty eye contact landing to stay on his forehead, making Nigel bark out rough laughter despite himself. "Fuck, you really like stars don't you? You got to see me up all close and personal so why the invite to eat? Considering what you do for a living, I'm not all that interesting. Being with me isn't exactly taking in the arts or caring for the soul. I don't give tours or know shit about anything relevant."
"You said you were hungry and I couldn't think of any other activity to keep you with me. Also the proper protocol is to off to have someone over at the conclusion of a date." Adam said, collecting their plates up to take them to the sink for a wash and rinse. Nigel helped by drying them off, lost in thought for a moment.
"I'm not a faggot." Nigel said finally, not getting nasty about. He took Adam's Asperger's into account, whatever the hell that fully entailed, hoping that this was some sort of miscommunication. Despite everything, the general weirdness and overabundance of science, Nigel found himself liking Adam.
"That's fine. Neither am I." Adam said, putting the dishes away.
"Oh good…" Nigel said, feeling like an ass for a hot second.
"The proper terminology is pansexual." Adam continued, not missing a beat.
"Sounds kinky." Nigel had no idea what the hell that was.
"Kinky?" Adam laughed, going into his normal amount of detail. "No, no, it just means that I am not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. I can have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with anyone, no matter what they identify as."
"Well shit, let me break it down for you further then. I don't suck dick." Nigel said, suddenly somewhat at a loss. That was a concept he had never considered before. Such things had no place in his old life, where one had to constantly prove they had the sharpest teeth and the biggest dick. That meant fucking other people in one way or another, not getting fucked or appearing weak. If a turf war happened and there were survivors, Nigel had seen more than one guy from the losing side of life be fucked in into his new gang if he didn't want to risk the fight option.
"That's fine." Adam said, cutting through Nigel's haze. "No sex if fine with me if it makes you more comfortable in my company."
"That's fine? You're fine in a relationship with no sex?" Nigel looked over to squint at Adam, not sure what to do with that information. Why the hell were they even talking about this? When had this become a date?
"Yes. I'd prefer my partner to feel comfortable rather than obligated." Adam said, wondering what they should do next, if anything at all. Adam considered putting on a movie. Beth had given him a few as presents so he would have something to watch that other people might like. The Actor's Studio wasn't for everyone.
"But it's sex." Nigel muttered, deep in thought and a surprising amount of inner turmoil. Nigel was smart, knew he was and had to be to stay ahead of everyone who wanted to see him dead. He wasn't educated like Adam obviously was, but he read more than he would ever admit to another living soul. This wasn't his old life anymore though. A tiger couldn't change its stripes but it could learn the layout of its new territory.
"I don't get sexual aroused by extreme power plays or making others feel discomfort. Rape, even in roleplaying, is also not agreeable to me." Adam said, wondering if he should have Nigel pick out the movie since he was his guest.
Holy shit, where was this conversation going and how the hell did he make it stop? Apparently he had just gone on a date with a guy who couldn't read his face worth shit, and now they were talking about his kinks. Nigel had to admit to himself though that this was one of the more interesting conversations he'd had of late. Looking at the front door, Nigel knew he could leave anytime. He already knew Adam wouldn't be the type of guy who kept bothering him if Nigel told him to fuck off.
"Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about that." Nigel sighed, turning his attention back to Adam who was staring at DVDs like they held the answer to life itself. "What I mean, is that sex is usually pretty damn important to people."
"Yes, but a person's happiness more so. If someone doesn't wish to engage in sexual intercourse with me, I find masturbation is a perfectly acceptable alternative." Adam shrugged, knowing he would probably doing that later after Nigel left.
"So if you and I went out on a date again, you wouldn't want to fuck? You would be completely fine with that?" Nigel found himself asking. He really took a look at Adam, considering new things that crept into his cracked skull. He surprisingly found himself warmed by them as he let himself really enjoy the blue of Adam's eyes, the color brought out by the houses interior, and the soft looking curls on his head. His skin looked pale and smooth as any woman's. Nigel found that he wanted to touch it to see for himself.
"Yes. I would just chose to masturbate later on after you left. Your face is unusual and interesting to look at and your body is aesthetically pleasing as well." Adam smiled, mirroring Nigel's own expression. Smiles were good.
"Interesting face? What the fuck does that even mean?" Nigel said, amused. He may be a little odd, but Adam was interesting, saying things Nigel didn't expect or predict.
"Your facial features are prominent and shouldn't work in some sense. I believe sex with you would be pleasurable but I value your company as well, if not more so. It's nice having someone to talk to again." Adam said, keeping still as Nigel reached out to touch his face, trailing the light touch down to his neck.
"Why the fuck would you want to do that? I know fuck all about space. I couldn't give two shits about it, and you are obviously way out of my league and we both play for different teams. Why would you bother?" Nigel said softly, his attention more on how wonderful and warm Adam's skin was, like heated silk.
"I don't understand how sports play into this. I'm going to assume that it's an analogy of some sort." Adam said. Nigel was running his fingers through his curls much to Adam's annoyance. He had been meaning to get his hair cut for a while now but hadn't found a barber yet he felt comfortable enough to sit still for. The end result was his hair curling in little fly away curls due to northern California's misty mornings and humidity. He used leave-in conditioner to keep them soft.
"Damn it. I'm trying to say that you're a good person and I'm not. I'm also saying that I'm not attracted to you." Nigel lied, sucking in his bottom lip to let it go in a puff of words. He was too close to Adam but he didn't seem to mind. Probably missing that social cue due to his Asperger's, much to Nigel's own personal pleasure, the bad man taking advantage of it.
"Your pupils state otherwise." Adam said, meeting Nigel's eyes to evaluate the situation.
"What?" Nigel grinned, knowing he was going to love this unexpected answer.
"A human's pupils widen in response when they see someone they are attracted to. It correlate's with arousal and sexual orientation. Yours do it quite often when looking at me." Adam said, sounding unimpressed by all of this.
"Well fuck me." Nigel said in surprise. He hadn't known his own damn eyes had outed him.
"Is that permission?" Adam asked, taking note of Nigel's close proximity. He took it as a positive sign.
"Is that a joke?" Nigel grinned, creeping in closer. If Adam was a mouse, he would have been in some serious danger because this tiger was about to pounce.
"I can do that. I can joke." Adam smiled for real instead of mirroring Nigel's expression, making himself look even more beautiful to Nigel who liked how Adam lit up from within from that expression.
"You silly little shit." Nigel laughed despite himself. He settled his hands lightly on Adam's hips, pulling him in closer. "I don't fit into your life."
"You can." Adam said softly, liking how they fit already. Nigel was only a little bit taller than him but still somehow managed to loom over him.
"Even if I were entertain this notion, and I'm not, people will talk. We don't look like we belong together." Nigel said, closing his eyes as he breathed Adam in.
"Night and day don't belong together but they work in tandem with one another so people accept one with the other despite their differences. They share common ground at dusk and dawn." Adam found himself whispering for some reason, wondering if he should lean in yet to try and kiss Nigel. It was very tempting, but Adam didn't want to risk being wrong. "People already talk, about everything. I don't care. I'm used to it. Does it matter to you?
Nigel laughed, the sound of it sounding rusty even to him. When was the last time he had laughed this much? Adam was right in his own strange way. Why the fuck did he care? Most of his old associates presumed that he was dead. Nigel knew already that Darko encouraged this rumor. He was alive in America without a soul knowing who he was or what he used to be. No longer important, no one here gave two shits about him except Adam. Adam who is fine with whatever Nigel wants to give him.
"Come here. Come closer." And bless his weird little heart, Adam does exactly that, pressing himself to Nigel so there is nothing between them except their clothing. Nigel who could do anything to him right now. He could beat this kid's head in for coming on to him without breaking a sweat, but he's not going to do that. In fact from this point on, he'll probably end up killing anyone who even glances in Adam's direction the wrong way. All those little ember from earlier were now a flame, warming Nigel to the tips of his fingers and toes. He was getting that old familiar sensation back, his very own twisted version of love. Obsessive, compulsive and ever so volatile, Nigel already knew he was going to pay for that ticket to take this ride.
Nigel watched Adam's face as he reached between them, placing one firm hand on Adam's hip to keep him in place as the other unbuckled the man's belt. Adam didn't look opposed to it, his face blank as per usual though he watched Nigel undo his pants to let them fall away down to his knees, underwear soon following. Nigel made him step out of his clothing, his now naked skin goose bumping.
"But you said…" Adam started, cutting himself off when Nigel took him in hand. He stopped talking completely when Nigel caressed him, his grip firm and almost too rough to be pleasurable. Sighing in relief, Adam leaned into it.
"I know what I said." He'd never touched another's man junk before but was well versed enough with his own to know what a guy would like. "I want to see if I can. Are you fine with not? I'm not into rape either."
"Y-yes. This is fine." Adam stammered, his eyes fluttering shut from the sensations. It had been a long time since Beth.
"Good." Nigel said as he pushed Adam back until he hit the wall. He made a surprised sound from it, the air knocked from his lungs from the force of it. He got it back in a rush when Nigel reached down to pick him up in one smooth motion. Adam's back was still braced against the wall but up way further than it had ever been, his knees currently bent and locked over Nigel's shoulders. A warm mouth was on Adam's cock, Nigel sucking down what he could manage. The experience was new to them both.
Never one to shy away from a challenge, Nigel dove right in, so to speak. The taste was what he'd thought it would be. He hadn't exactly been saving himself for marriage or was untouched when he met Gabi. He'd eaten out enough ass and pussy to figure out that most women tasted like rain, meat, and salt. Men turned out to be no different really. It was less slick, more musk, and different things to wrap his lips around, Adam thick and heavy in Nigel's mouth. He was pretty damn sure that this was a shitty blowjob with too much spit, and not enough suction because Nigel was still trying to figure out how woman could stick a whole dick down their throat without vomiting. He couldn't get the tip past the back of his tongue without his body threatening to weigh in heavily on that decision, but Adam was acting like a battle worn pro was giving him the best head of his life.
Looking up, Nigel saw that Adam's eyes were screwed shut, that perfect mouth agape and shiny from spit as he panted out short hot breathes. His hands were busy in Nigel's hair, tangling the two together to give Adam's fingers something to do. The position limited both of them, but Nigel wasn't about to get on his knees for anyone. He was learning new things about himself all the time but he had to draw the line somewhere. Adam didn't seem to mind though, if his rapt expression was anything to go by.
Blue eyes leached of all their grey flew open to stare down in wonder at Nigel. Whatever Adam saw there on Nigel's face did it for him, the younger man coming with no warning. Remembering in time not to drop Adam on his ass, it tasted about how Nigel expected it to taste, swallowing it down the best he could. He had eaten worse things from Romanian's street carts. If he wasn't dead by now from that, a little man spunk wasn't going to hurt him.
When he let Adam down, the man was near boneless, all relaxed and blissed out. He shamelessly clung to Nigel, making the older man very much aware of himself, about how hard he was.
"It would appear that I was wrong." Nigel snorted, rubbing off his wet chin on Adam's shoulder. It turned out to be the best place ever to do so, the man's odor there bright and vibrant with pheromones, sweat, and whatever the hell he used after he shaved. It was something light and citrusy, working with Adam's natural scent. It was doing all the right things to Nigel as he rutting against Adam's body in slow, deliberate movements.
"About what?" Adam asked, barely treading water in this fresh wash of sensations and emotions. Whatever this was, it was better than anything he had experienced sexually with Beth. Pushing down the front of Nigel's running shorts, Adam freed what was trapped there, taking Nigel in hand. Being with Beth had taught him to be considerate about his partner's needs. Comparatively, Nigel's cock was thicker and a little longer than his own, uncut and darker in color. Moving the foreskin back and forth over the tip intrigued Adam and made Nigel shudder against him.
"Looks like I'm a cocksucker after all." Nigel chuckled low and breathy, his breathing becoming erratic the more Adam played with him. "And a star one at that if your response is anything to go by. You look a little pink, gorgeous."
"Your technique needs work. It was too sloppy and wet." Adam assessed, more involved with studying the glide of his hand on Nigel's shaft. He liked how they moved together, his thumb pressed up to Nigel's tip as he worked the skin there slick and shiny with precum.
"Sweet talker." Nigel laughed, leaning in to finally kiss Adam whose lips were as soft as they looked. He came like this, with his cock trapped between them and Adam's fingers gripped around his shaft tight enough to hurt the way he liked.
The two stood there for a moment, leaning in on each other and breathing in each other's air. Nigel ran his hands through thick chocolate curls while Adam amused himself by pressing their bodies harder together to let their parts press together, soft now, moist, and oversensitive. Adam liked the feel of it, of Nigel's parts pressed against his own. He wondered if Nigel could be persuaded to take this to his bedroom so that they could try that again in a more normal position. He said as much, liking the way Nigel looked at him as he told him his plan for the rest of the day. Most of it involved them in bed, experimenting with perhaps one quick break for some proper lube, condoms, and cheesy macaroni for dinner.
"You're going to make a madman out of me, I promise you that. The fucking love. It really does bring out the worst in me. Turns me somewhat insane if I'm being honest with you." Nigel warned even as he stripped himself and Adam out of their clothes, wiping off his mess from their stomachs with his shirt. Too soon they were falling into Adam's bed, Nigel moving to cover the younger man's body with his own. "No one believes me when I tell them that. The terrible things that I will do for love. I'll soon be apologizing for my behavior if you let me love you."
"I believe you." Adam said so simply it made Nigel's heart break into something new and terrible. "I don't understand you, but I believe you. I don't understand love. I know the definition of it but I can't make sense of it. Everyone tells me something different about it, how it should feel."
"Then tell me how it makes you feel. How you think it should feel." Nigel said, letting himself fall further into his own self-made madness. It was like coming home, the imposing void crumbling away as it was filled with the sweet, hot mixture of need, want, lust, and obsession. If Adam didn't run now or make Nigel leave soon, Adam would never be rid of him. Till death do them fucking part.
"I think it should feel like the same way I feel when I look up and see a comet or my favorite constellation." Adam said, tracing Nigel's own with his fingertips. The scar felt strangely cool and smooth beneath his touch. He liked its placement in Nigel's forehead, his fingers trailing down to touch Nigel's shy eyebrows and feel the bone of his brow.
"I know why I survived. I know why I was stuck in limbo for so long now." Nigel sighed, pulled Adam's hands off of him so he could kiss devotion into their palms, blessing fate and the lifelines there alike. "I have loved before and lost so much because of it. I did not die for love though, not the way I should have. I was kept alive by it so I could be made for you, marked by it just for you."
"I found you like a star." Adam admitted, hoping he was doing the right thing. Beth had warned him not to tell Nigel about his earlier observations, but it felt almost like lying to him. "With my telescope by accident. In the morning, when you would walk by my house. I was told that sounds creepy but…"
Nigel cut him off with a kiss, moved by the knowledge that Adam had seen him first and decided on him before they even met. His scar didn't matter to him, at least not in the way other people were assholes about it. It didn't even matter anymore to Nigel that they were both men. Adam wanted him, had chosen him.
"You don't have to explain anything to me, darling. All you have to know is that this is our love story. Do you believe me, gorgeous?"
"Yes."