Chapter 7- October, 2008

October 1, 2008

Fall has finally hit, so at least there's some happiness in all this. Cool's gone from worried to furious that I've isolated myself. So I've agreed to meet him at the library later, in our windowed sanctuary, away from others.

I know he deserves the full truth, my feelings and all, but I can't jeopardize him like that. I have to lie to be kind and it hurts because you don't lie to the ones you love, not even to protect them. The truth always gets out eventually, and you wind up looking like a fool.

After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions…

(Later)

It's been getting too close. I almost broke, I almost told him. It was so tempting, but…I had to refrain.

I met him in the library a little late in the afternoon and my nerves were already wracked. He was livid, but kept it under thin wraps. His restraint was surprisingly strong, though that's probably because it was me he was about to go off on.

I mustered up a smile. "Hi".

Cool simply nodded and pointed to a chair. "Sit".

Without a word, I complied. We stared at each other, assessing one another. Hoping one of us would break and calm the storm raging between us.

"Well?" he raised an eyebrow, still standing.
"Well what?" I asked.
"Do you want to tell me what's been going on lately? Dr. O'Reilly is worried sick! Ever since the incident with 106, you've done nothing but ignore us! Something happened in his pocket dimension and we want to know what exactly that was!"
"Nothing really happened" I kept my voice calm, though my heart was anything but, "We fought and then he started ranting".
"About what?"
"I…I don't want to say".
"Don't want to or has he coerced you into not saying anything?"
"Look, I just don't want anyone to get hurt alright!"
"Hurt? Did 106 threaten you?"
"Not exactly me".
"Then who?"

I hesitated a moment. "You".
"Me?"
"Do you think 106 can see the future somehow?" I dared my own question.
"Cadence-"
"Do you?"
"No".
"Well, he left me under the impression that he could".
"How?"
"He said…that…that one day I'd have to make a choice".
"Choice? What choice?"
"He didn't say exactly, but I'm fearing the worst".
"Cadence…I'm so sorry they put you in there with that monster".
"Things happen-"
"But they shouldn't happen" he took my hand.

I couldn't think of a response so all I could do was look up at him, and there was nothing but sympathy and warmth in his eyes. I melted and looked down at the bracelet he gave me.

"I never did get to thank you for this" I smiled a little.
"You don't need to. We had a deal after all. But Cadence, I mean it, I won't let anyone hurt you or come between us. I care about you Caddy and I'm not the only one. If you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me. If there's a problem and you need someone to talk to, talk to someone. If not me, then at least Dr. O'Reilly. Promise me, Cadence Revan".
"I promise. If this happens again, I'll talk to Dr. O'Reilly".

He hugged me! He actually hugged me! If I thought the touch of his hand was nice, Cool holding me was a dream come true. I just wish somehow he does it again.

Yours,
Caddy

October 8, 2008

Things are slowly sliding back into normalcy, or at least something close to it. I got the legend of sleepy hollow and other tales by Washington Irving to get myself into the Halloween spirit.

I haven't actually celebrated Halloween in years. I know the Foundation usually holds a party of some kind, usually with a different theme. It'd be nice to go, but I don't think I'd be able to. If only makes sense, being an SCP and all. Still, I think it'd be wonderful to go.

Ugh, I'm starting to sound like Cinderella now…I guess there are times when I live up to the title of Crystal Princess.

Yours,
Caddy

October 15, 2008

So, I guess Cool and I are plotting. He sees how people stare and start rumors about us. Well, it turns out he's sick of it as much as I am. So…he's done something unheard of: Asked me to the Foundation's Halloween Ball!

Oh my gosh! This is beyond huge! I'm beyond psyched! This could open so many doors, and not just for me. I could be…well, like a representative for other human anomalies like me (Like 073-Cain, Euclid, and Iris, 105, Safe). We're not all bad and now hopefully I'll have a chance to prove that.

But now the question arises: What should I wear? It's a costume ball after all, and I want to look amazing. Not too many options for a girl with red hair, and no, definitely not wanting to do Ariel from the little mermaid or Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Hm…this is tricky…what could I be that's unique and somewhat uncommon? And something also very refined and beautiful…hm…

I think I got an idea, but I'll need a few things from the outside world. Maybe Dr. O'Relly can help me.

Yours,
Caddy

October 18, 2008

Well it's settled. I have my costume idea and Dr. O'Reilly is helping me with it. I'm keeping it a secret from Cool, but I plan to be the Autumn Fairy Court Queen. So I've been trying to generate a lot of bright colored crystals to fashion into a makeshift crown. I thought of asking Dr. O'Reilly if he could get me something I could use for a crown. Sure I can carve one from crystal, but I kinda always imagined the Fall Queen would have a crown of gold, brown, red, and maybe a little purple leaves. I suppose I could crystallize the leaves for decoration, but I'm not sure.

Meanwhile, Cool and I have been doing something kinda awkward. Dancing. And yes, the very thought of it is blush inducing. We're somewhat teaching ourselves in our sanctuary at the library. I'm certain we've been spotted several times, but he tells me not to pay them any attention. Kinda hard under the circumstances, as we're doing something completely unconventional and looking like fools doing it.

As I've already said, I don't like being stared at or singled out. It's not the most comfortable feeling in the world. But at least for once I don't feel so alone doing it. All thanks to him.

Yours,
Caddy

October 21, 2008

Ten more days now and I'm already nerve wracked. I hope he knows what he's doing at least on some level.

But I'm writing today for another reason. This day is the anniversary of the Foundation finding me. As you know, my parents died when I was ten. I was put up for adoption once I healed completely from my few injuries.

But the people who adopted me were not good at all.

I discovered my anomalous trait under their care. I tried to keep it hidden, but with no gloves it was absolutely impossible. They found out…and exploited it mercilessly.

I was locked in a basement, where I was forced to generate crystals on my own. How? Well, by making me bleed. I turn blood, yes, even my own, to crystal. Usually ruby or garnet depending on the injury inflicted. If I get burned, blood turns into garnet. If I get cut and the blood is very bright red, it turns into a ruby.

I'm riddled with scars all over because of those horrible people. I hate my skin because of them. I was twelve years old when they abandoned the place with all the money they made off my blood and ability. I was rescued a few months after they left. I've called this Foundation home ever since. But again, I find myself wondering if this is what home really feels like.

Yours,
Caddy

October 23, 2008

Our plan is coming together nicely actually. But I had another session with Dr. O'Reilly. Like Cool he also wanted to know what happened in 106's pocket dimension. I really had no desire to talk about it, but I told him what I told Cool, with some added details. When I was finished, the older doctor shook his head.

"I know he makes you uncomfortable, but Dr. Gears needs to be told about all of this".
"And you want me to tell him? You want me to go right into the lion's den?".
"I know it's risky, but it'd be best if you told him the truth yourself".
"He probably knows now, or at least he will know soon. What I'm fearing is what if 106 is right? What if Gears is using Cool to achieve his own ends?".
"Everyone here is ambitious, Caddy. But I don't take Gears for an ambitious man. He lives to work and that's about it from what I can tell".
"And what if that's what he wants you to think?"
"Then you need to always be on your guard, all of us".

The session ended on that note. Soon, I'll be facing the one I fear and hate the most.

Ugh…the things I do for love.

Yours,
Caddy

October 25, 2008

Maybe Dr. O'Reilly was right. Maybe Gears isn't all that ambitious but I still don't trust him Yes, I ventured into the lion's den and survived. He did make it painfully obvious he didn't care for my friendship with his pupil…

Dr. O'Reilly accompanied me for moral support, thank god. If he hadn't I would've abandoned the whole thing. Gears was calm, almost like he was expecting us. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he was. Chances are, he knew everything. But I refused to be intimidated.

"Well, if it isn't 2991…Dr. O'Reilly has told me some…interesting things about you".

I glared briefly at him, but he seemed as lost as I was. I never pictured Gears as one to lie, but chances were he was lying to scare me. I didn't respond as my mind suddenly went blank.

"Sit. Let's talk".

Personally I wasn't in a talking mood. I wanted to skip the limbo and cut to the chase. But I sat anyway.

"You survived 106's pocket dimension. I must say that is most impressive. Not too many can take on this keter class and live to tell the tale".
"Maybe…he wasn't looking to harm me. More like" I paused for a moment, "To warn me".
"About?"
"I'm not sure what exactly, but something about power and ambitions".
"Who's ambitions?"
"To be truthful, yours. He kept saying you had plans for your junior researcher, Dr. Cool?"
"Plans? Ambitions? If anyone between the pair of us has ambitions it is him, and him alone".
"Why would 106 say that then?" I asked, "And more importantly, what on god's green earth possessed you to put me in that demon's holding area knowing there was a chance I wouldn't survive?"

Gears was quick to answer. "We needed to do more tests on the sun stone you produce. We think it can strengthen our sun guns and keep 106 under better control".
"That's not what I want my crystals used for".
"You act as though you have a say in the matter, 2991. You are a weapon, nothing more or less. And no, I don't care what my student has told you or what pitiful ideas you've put in his poor head. You are an SCP, a weapon of mass destruction. He has yet to learn this lesson, something he may need to find for himself I'm afraid".
"Cadence" I seethed my own name, "My name is Cadence".
"When you were human perhaps it was" Gears replied coldly, like it meant nothing to him.
"You don't even hear yourself" I told him, "Crystals have been used in healing since time began. Why I be used to heal and not harm?"
"How are you any different than SCP 409?" Gears asked, "Besides the obvious of course".

I rose from my seat. "I'm a person, and I damn well can make my own choices!"
"And if faced with a choice, what would you choose?" Gears stayed calmly seated.
"I'd choose what mattered to me. I've done enough for the world" I moved toward the door, "We're finished here".

Gears took out some papers and started writing. "If you say so, 2991".

Needless to say, I never want to do anything like this ever again.

Yours,
Caddy

October 27, 2008

Cool's not happy about anything that went on between me and his mentor. He doesn't like that Gears called me a weapon or a thing. He offered to confront him for it, but I told him I was fine, that I had expected this reaction from him. We just went on with our lesson and discussed costumes. Of course, he was first to ask.

"I'm doing something more beautiful than scary" I told him, "A very fall theme".
"That's nice".
"What about you?"

Cool gave me a light smile. "I'm kind doing something I just thought of, kinda like a gentleman death kinda thing".
"Oh" I smiled, "That sounds awesome".
"Inspired by a poem actually".
"Oh?"
"Because I could not stop for death-" he quoted.
"He kindly stopped for me" I took his hand, "I didn't know you read Emily Dickinson".
"Only recently. But I have to admit, you were gutsy, Caddy. Not too many people can look Gears in the eyes and tell him to screw off".

I let myself laugh. "I didn't tell him to screw off. I told him the truth. If ever faced with a choice I'd choose what mattered the most to me".
"And what matters to you?" he was getting ever closer, his hand moving up my gloved arm.

My head was suddenly blank. I couldn't think with those soft brown eyes giving me that same wondrous look he had before, when we first met. I closed my eyes and felt him start to pull my gloves off slowly. I felt fire in my blood, heard my heart in my ears, as he leaned over and asked again.

"What matters to you?"

I trembled, but I don't know why, as the gloves slid off. My eyes snapped open and I shook my head.

"Cool…don't do this" I told him, my voice just over a whisper.

His reply was another question and a light smile. "Do you trust me?".
"You know I do" I nodded.

Cool whispered in my ear. "Then trust me".
"What are you-Oh!"

Before I could say anything else, one of his arms wrapped around my waist, leaving my gloveless right hand to dangle away from him slightly. He held my left arm and I wondered if we were going to try to dance like this.

What actually happened was far more blush inducing.

His hand was gentle as it slid down my arm, just with his fingertips. God, it was like electricity flowed between us as he caressed me like that. He moved his hand down my arm and my heart beat so loud I thought he could hear it. He made no sign that he did and headed right for my own fingertips, my deadly hands. I tried to move, to get out of his hold, but he wrapped his arm tighter around me.

"Trust me" he said.

I calmed and watched his fingers brush over the top of mine. I felt this sort of magnetism, like my hand was drawn to his. He brushed the tops of my hand but no further. I felt crystal, rose quartz, emerge from my fingertips.

I blushed and when I looked at him again, he was giving me another stunned look.

"What?" I asked.
"You…you're sparkling" he said.
"Sparkling?"
"Yeah…is that…you're way of blushing?"
"Uh…um…I don't know I've never actually done it".
"It's so…pretty" his hand cam up to my face.
"Am I?" I dared to ask.
"Sure you are, you mean…you don't know, or-"
"I've never…really seen myself as pretty to be honest".
"Why?"

Without a word, I showed him the scars on my arms and shoulders. I was amazed at how quick his expression changed when I told him how I got them. I saw his fists clench and his expression darken. I could see there was a darkness in him, but I wasn't afraid of it. Far from it, it actually only made me care more.

When I was done, I reached for my gloves but he took them.

"Let me" Cool insisted and took my arm.

With a look as gentle as his touch, he pulled my gloves back on. I couldn't help but smile, surprised by his tenderness.

Could it be that maybe, on some level or other, maybe he loves me too?

Yours,
Caddy

October 29, 2008

Well, two more days now. My costume's ready and Dr. O'Reilly even got me a pair of red, orange, and yellow fairy wings. I made myself a crown of leaves and branches, hopefully it won't hurt too much to wear. Iris, SCP 105, has volunteered to do my make-up and hair.

Speaking of which, poor Iris has her work cut out for her. She's been trying to get one of the newer SCPs, dubbed 3030 I believe (Keter class, if memory serves), to speak. So far, no progress but she's patient. Dr. O'Reilly has named him Carlisle, and Gears has also taken an interest in him. At least his attention is off me for once.

But I can't stop my thoughts from the previous entry. I feel so confused, yet happy at the same time. What should I do? Asking would be too bold, too risky, and would get a confession from me that Cool could easily take to his mentor. Ugh, what's a girl to do in love?!

Yours,
Caddy

October 31, 2008

Oh…my…god! OH MY GOD! Tonight…it's been the best night of my life, bar none! It was just so…festive and beautiful and bright! And…I just wish I could relive it again!

Iris and I spent the day doing each other's hair and make-up. She went as an angel, ironically enough. But she admitted that my costume was surprisingly a lot of work with the eye make-up designs I had in mind. And on top of that there was a lot of gold and red glitter involved. She wanted to paint my nails, but there wouldn't have been a point. I was wearing a pair of gold silk gloves so…not really much of a point there. I felt beautiful by the time she was done. Iris had curled my hair, made my somewhat angular face a little smoother. And I swear I didn't see a single blemish on me. To say it was awesome is the understatement of the century.

Even my dress was elegant. Made of red silk, it was safe for me to touch with my bare hands. And Dr. O'Reilly got the gold gloves as an added touch to contrast all the red I wore. I wore also the bracelet Cool got me on my left wrist. When I looked in the mirror, it was much more regal version of myself.

"You are gonna blow his mind tonight, Caddy. Let's go get your Prince Valiant" Iris chuckled and we left my cell together.

Cool was accompanied by Dr. O'Reilly and, to my surprise, Carlisle. Iris gave the new reality bender a pleasant smile and he looked away shyly. Dr. O'Reilly looked on smiling and, as for Cool, he looked amazed at me. I breathed a heavy sigh, trying to relieve my nervousness.

"Caddy…you…you look amazing" he offered me his hand which I happily accepted.
"Thank you" I smiled, "You look wonderful yourself".

He really did. Cool had gone all out in what seemed like Victorian era dress, all black, with some macabre touches. His top hat was lined with small bones and dangling from a pocket was a watch with a cover resembling a black rib cage. The cape he wore was velvet or something close to it, but it looked nice.

"I see you got creative too" I smiled.
"Too much?" he took his hat off.

I took the hat and put it back on his head. "Not at all".

He gifted me another heart melting smile and offered his arm. "Shall we go blow some minds then?"

I nodded and took his arm. "Let's give them something to talk about".

Iris flashed me a "Go get him, girl!" kind of look as we led our small strange group to the sanctioned off part of the Site 19 where the ball was taking place. There were people everywhere and when a large portion stopped and stared, I gripped my friend's arm tighter.

"Relax…no one's gonna hurt you. I'll hurt them if they try" he whispered to me.

I simply nodded in response and he led me out to the center court where there were others dancing. We parted briefly but Cool extended his hand.

"May I have this dance, your highness?" he smiled and I had to laugh at his willingness to go along with my costume.

I nodded, too nervous to say anything. He took my hand and put an arm around my waist, holding me close. My heart pounded as I put my other hand on his shoulder.

"Trust me" he told me, just like the other day.

I trusted him. It was everyone else I didn't. People stared, and one face I didn't fail to notice was Gears, obviously chaperoning like we were all a bunch of teenagers. I felt sick, I wanted to run, but I would die before I let myself miss this chance.

"Pay him no mind. Let him see. If you have to look at him, do it only to stare him down. Not to be aggressive, but enough to show you aren't ashamed or afraid".
"I'm not sure how to go about with that".
"Then just keep focused on me. Just imagine us alone…because I may just make that happen soon".

I was going to ask what he meant, but knowing Cool he wouldn't tell me. He smiled and we ended our dance, he brushed a hand through my hair.

"You…are impossibly, heartbreakingly beautiful" he told me.

I blushed, sure that I was sparkling again, and looked down. "Thank you".

He gave me a soft, self assured smile and we made our way to a vacant table. We spent half the time guessing people's costumes and masks while enjoying some cinnamon pumpkin cakes. Finally he put a hand over mine.

"Let's go somewhere a little quieter" he smiled and led me away again.

I was nervous, but I wondered what exactly my Prince Valiant, my gentleman death, had in mind. When we reached our destination, I was blown away.

In different parts of Site 19's grounds, we have these gazebos that are meant to be designated smoking areas, but this one in the center grounds was very well kept. It kept a fall theme, decorated with false vines of brown, gold, and red leaves. Red, orange, yellow, and black lights twinkled at random like various autumn colored stars. My jaw almost hit the ground.

"You like it?" he asked.

Like, again, was the understatement of the century. I didn't like it, I loved it! I looked from the decorated gazebo to him, beyond happy.

"I love it!" I answered unable to contain my excitement.
"There's a radio on one of the benches inside".
"Our own personal dance floor!" I was giddy with excitement.

Arm in arm, we made our way into the beautifully lit gazebo. Sure enough, there was a radio with a CD player. I haven't seen one of those in ages and my smile widened. Cool went over to the radio and turned it on, hitting play on the CD player part of it. A soft piano melody started to play as he offered me his hand.

"Will you do me the honor?" he asked in a very gentlemanly fashion.
"I'd love to" I took his hand still beyond happy.

The music played on and we danced almost without a word. Words weren't needed. Music and gestures, and expressions were more than enough. But this, it was a literal dream come true. For the first time in years I felt loved and happy, cherished and safe. Finally, I just had to ask.

"What song is this?"
"While Your Lips Are Still Red by Nightwish, instrumental of course, but the version with lyrics is good too. I wanted something soft but wasn't afraid to be somewhat edgy and unconventional".
"Like the strange mix we are?"
"Exactly…I don't mind a little strangeness".

I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. My friend kept his arms around and…it was just the best possible feeling. Finally, almost as quickly as it started, it ended. I sighed, nothing good is meant to last. But he stopped and held me as he turned the radio off and sat with me on the bench.

"Cold?" he asked me.
"A little" I answered honestly.

He took off his coat and put it like a blanket over us. I cuddled into his chest, his steady heartbeat the only music I truly wanted.

"They'll be talking tomorrow" I said.
"Let them talk" he kept me close, "We know the truth, they don't".
"There's no way to prove them wrong if they say some lie or other".
"You know, I think I just figured out what your problem is. You care too much about what people think".
"Hard not to when you've spent your whole life being judged".
"Everyone's been judged, Caddy. It's human nature really".
"According to your mentor I'm not human" I looked down, "I'm a weapon".
"Do you think you're a weapon?"

I shook my head. "No. I know I'm not".
"Then you're not. I don't see you as a weapon either".
"Why?"
"Because weapons aren't alive. Weapons are tools for war, but you…you're not. You're just you, Cadence. You're Cadence Leah Revan and quite possibly my best friend here".

I didn't know what to say to that and he held me tighter.

"If either of us is a weapon, a tool, it's me".
"Maybe in a way we both are" I finally said.
"I could never see you as a weapon. You're too…good. You don't have a bad or ill tempered bone in your body" he smiled.
"We really should head back…but to be honest I really don't want to".
"Hm…perhaps…but…how about one more dance, to top the evening off?"

I laughed. "You'll stop at nothing will you?"
"Hey, any excuse to stay close to you is worth it".

He took his coat back as he helped me back to my feet again.

"So…are you saying you like being close to me?" I asked.
"Perhaps" his smile seemed to brighten just slightly.

The next song we danced to was an instrumental of Can You Feel The Love Tonight. Dear god…

"You just had to play this one" I laughed again.
"I thought you'd like it".
"I never took you for someone who liked music like this".
"I suppose I'm just full of surprises aren't I?"
"I suppose you are…you know, recently, I've really just wanted to be like everyone else".
"Why?"
"Because maybe then, I'd actually be living. I've always wanted to see the world, learn new things…be ordinary".
"Ordinary is overrated. Once again, it goes back to you caring about what others think. I think you're perfect just the way you are, Caddy. Like someone for their qualities, but love them for their defects".
"Could you love mine?" I asked, my boldness surprising even me. Oh dang, that was too close to what I really wanted to ask.

Cool kept his smile, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "I already do".

Oh my god! He loves my power! I guess, in a sense, it means he loves me! I don't know what to say, think or feel! I want to scream it out but sadly can't. I'll just have to be happy in silence. So with this, maybe just maybe I have a chance. Somehow, someday, he'll trust me with his whole heart…as I do with him.

Yours,
Caddy