Chapter 13. April, 2009

April 3, 2009

I can't believe almost a whole year has passed and I'm still writing this journal. I've barely touched the one Cool gave me for Christmas. I actually can't wait to start writing in that one.

Speaking of Cool, we're still on good terms, though I can't stop the ache I feel whenever he's close. There's a pain in his eyes too. Carefully hidden, but I know him enough to know…I feel horrible.

I just want to throw my arms around him, to tell him I love him and I want to be with him. I want him to kiss me again, and tell me he loves me once more. But so far, both of us have really been too scared or awkward to even touch each other. He doesn't think I can see it, but I see him blush lightly when he looks at me.

The tension is high, and I think everyone can feel it. I've heard he's hit the books hard, focusing on more Keter studies. It's to be expected, since he's trying to avoid me and he's so close to becoming a full scale researcher.

My only hope now is that it won't be the end of us.

Yours,
Caddy

April 10, 2009

My birthday's soon, and already I've had Iris ask what I wanted. There isn't really much anyone can give to me, and to be honest I only want one thing.

And I think we all know who that is.

He hasn't come by to visit, and I fear again. I made the wrong choice. I love him, and now I know he loves me. Maybe…love is something worth taking a chance for.

Later…

Well, Iris and Carlisle aren't happy about me getting advice from Clef. Apparently they don't trust him anymore than Dr. O'Reilly does. I never realized just how odd Carlisle's cell really is. Everything just seems on the verge of breaking apart, but yet it all stays together. It's weird. But not the point.

Imagine trying to go to the library and wind up in Carlisle's cell. I didn't realize he could use his power from a distance. Well, joke was on me apparently. He used the stones I gave him as a means of decoration. Iris was sitting on a pile of books and Carlisle stood in a corner with his arms crossed tapping his foot.

"What?" I looked around, "What's going on?"
"What's going on?! You went to Clef for advice, that's what's going on" Iris looked a little hurt, like I had done something to betray her or something.
"So what? I didn't go to him for advice, he just offered it".
"The man's a devious, conniving asshole, Caddy. And you know he's an associate of Gears', right?"
"I know, but he's helping me".
"But why? Caddy, have you even thought of why he's helping you? What if he's going back to Gears with information?"
"I haven't told him anything" I partly lied, as he did somewhat figure it out.
"You could've gone to anyone else. Anyone. Caddy, we're friends, it's what we do. We want to help, but…you won't let us".

I sighed. "Okay look I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you guys. Clef's expendable. I don't see him as an actual friend, more like a means to an end. Originally, I was gonna ask if he could talk to 106 for me, but I needed someone in Gears' inner circle to keep an eye on him. That's why I turned to him. I don't want to put either of you guys at risk, and Dr. O'Reilly's been going through enough. I didn't want to pull him into this. It's my problem and I won't risk anyone's safety to correct it".

And it's true, I won't. If anyone's going to get hurt from this, it's me. I know they want to help but I can't…I can't risk them. Forget what happens to me, if I lost them…well, life would suck even more.

Yours,
Caddy

April 12, 2009

I caught him in a hall coming back to my cell from the library alone. I took his arm as he tried to slink past me.

"We need to talk" I said simply.
"About?"
"You know what".
"Cadence…look, I've been thinking of what you said. Maybe you're right. Maybe it'd be safer for us-"

I put a gloved finger to his lips. "Stop. Right. There. I was wrong. I…I talked to a friend and it's also gotten me thinking. I love you, you love me. Maybe…somehow, we can make it work. Maybe we can show the Foundation that…that this isn't bad. Forget Gears, forget everyone else. Let's show them we can beat the odds, and that…well, as corny as it sounds, but…that love really can find a way".
"And if it doesn't work?" he asked.

I shrugged. "At least then no one can say we didn't try. In fact, we can say we did what no one else bothered to do here. I'm not an object to you. I'm a person, and a person you love. That's unheard of here".
"We could both be killed".

I gave him a determined look. "I dare them to even try. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe".
"So…does this mean-"

I cut him off with a kiss, slow and a little drawn out. He put an arm around me until finally we parted a little.

"It means yes, we're together. I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else. I just want you".

The smile he gave me was positively radiant. "Caddy…th-thank you. I promise, I'll do everything I can to make this work".
"We both will. We can do it. I know we can".

And I mean it. The Foundation may threaten, but neither one of us are letting go. That I'm most definitely sure of.

Yours,
Caddy

April 18, 2009

Happy birthday once again to me. Twenty two now…wow, how the year's gone by. And much has changed.

It truly has been a wonderful year. I've survived tests, barely escaped termination, now I'm happier than ever with my very own Prince Valiant. I don't think it's possible I could be any happier.

But I know times may get harder. Love is never easy, and it's even more so when it's forbidden. I don't doubt our love's strength, but we're both taking necessary precautions. It's still a death sentence if the higher ups find out.

Cool was sweet as usual today. He and my friends surprised me at the library with a little party. Dr. O'Reilly even came with his little girl, Carson. His son, Lucian, has been out on an important mission since after Mrs. O'Reilly passed away. He sent his regards anyway.

Iris and Carlisle were there too, as was SCP 999, who was more than happy to see me.

999 is one of those few SCPs that my power doesn't entirely work on. I touch him, but he doesn't crystallize. He just turns all sparkly. The reasons for this are still mostly unknown but they think that the membrane that holds 999 together may hold a similar compound to silk, which is why he feels more smooth than slimy to me. I guess it makes sense.

A few days ago, Cool himself proposed a test that was a little safer than what I was used to. We know my powers don't work on silk cloth, but we never tested it on spider web silk.

Well, we tried it out, and I can't crystallize it. Theories are abound but no one's really too sure how or why this is. I don't know if there's a difference between spider and silk worm silk, but it's definitely something I plan to look into.

Paladin also showed up and it turns out it was he who got me the beautiful lilies for Valentine's day, as he gave me my favorite kind, Tiger Lilies, now for my birthday. Clef also showed up briefly, making Iris and Carlisle uneasy. He wasn't there long, just to wish me a happy birthday and give me a black rose charm for my bracelet.

Cool also got me a new charm, a silver dragon with diamond eyes. I think it's my new favorite. Both of us, it seems, have a soft spot for dragons.

Overall, it's just been a wonderful day. A reminder of all the things and people I love.

Yours,
Caddy

April 25, 2009

Cool's back to hitting the books. He's trying to keep Gears off of us as much as possible. So far, thankfully, it seems to be working. He works so hard, he more than deserves to become a full scale researcher.

Studying Keters is no easy job. Keters are the most dangerous class SCPs, and have potential to destroy the world. Every day my beloved will be risking his own life to save the world. It's noble and risky, yet it makes me love him more.

But I fear losing him. I'm sure anyone else would in my position. But I have faith in him. I know if he's ever in danger, I'll come to him if I can. That's the nature of love, I believe. Keep them safe and happy, and they never truly leave you.

At least I hope not.

Yours,
Caddy