Harley opened the door and beamed at her visitors. "C'mon in, everyone!" she said. "Johnny, Emilia, so good to see you again! And the kiddies too, of course!" she said, kneeling down so that she was eye-level with Katrina. Annabel and Irving were being carried by their parents, and Lenore perched on Crane's shoulder, keeping a watchful eye on the children.
"How are you doing, sweetie?" asked Harley, smiling at Katrina. "Excited to be spending the weekend with your Auntie Harley and Uncle Joker and your twin cousins?"
"No," retorted Katrina, bluntly. "I'm not."
"Katrina, dearest, what have we said about being rude?" asked Emilia, gently. "You must forgive her, Harley – she's just in a bad mood at being left."
"Aw, I understand," said Harley, nodding. "But your Mommy and Daddy aren't leaving you with us because they don't love you. They're leaving you with us so that me and your Uncle Joker and Arleen and J.J. can get to know you, and enjoy your company the way your Mommy and Daddy get to do every day. So c'mon, angel, a little smile? For Auntie Harley?"
Katrina did not smile. Her sister Annabel and brother Irving did, however, gurgling happily at the new faces. "Katrina, you must promise to behave for your aunt and uncle before we leave," said Emilia, kneeling down next to her. "I don't want Harley telling me when we get back that you've been acting sulky all the time we've been away. We're only going to be gone for one weekend – the time will fly by and we'll be back before you know it."
"No, time only flies when I'm having fun," grumbled Katrina.
Emilia sighed. "I'm so sorry, Harley – please try to be patient with her."
"Sure, no problem," said Harley, smiling. "I bet we'll really have a lotta fun together once we get to know each other, right, Katrina?"
"I certainly hope so," said Crane, as he handed the other two children over to Harley. "Goodbye, my angels," he said, kissing them all. "Katrina, do please behave. Oh, and I'm leaving Lenore here just in case," he said, as the raven hopped off his shoulder and onto Katrina's.
"In case of what?" asked Harley, puzzled.
"In case she's needed," retorted Crane. "She's very protective of the children, and I would feel better if she were here. She's very independent – you won't even know she's around. If you leave the window open, she flies out to catch her own food and everything."
"Well, anything to make your kids feel more at home here," said Harley, shrugging. "And I love pets."
"Yes, please keep her away from the hyenas," said Crane, stroking Lenore's feathers.
"Mommy and Daddy love you all very much," said Emilia, kissing all three of her children in turn. "And we'll see you very soon. Have a good weekend."
"Bye! Have a great time!" said Harley, waving them both away. She shut the door and then headed into the living room. "Arleen, have you seen your Daddy?" she asked her daughter, who was seated in front of the TV with Bud and Lou. "Or your brother?"
"Nope," retorted Arleen, not glancing up from the screen.
"Well, come say hi to your cousins," she said, sitting down on the sofa with Annabel and Irving in her arms. Katrina sat down next to her, pulling out her book. The other two Crane children stared, fascinated, at the bright, glowing screen – they had never seen anything like it before.
"Hi Katrina, whatcha reading?" asked Arleen, trying to be friendly.
"A book," retorted Katrina.
"You're welcome to watch my show," said Arleen, gesturing to the screen. "It's cute and funny."
"Mommy and Daddy don't let us watch TV," replied Katrina, not looking up.
"Well, I'm sure a little won't hurt you," said Harley, as she looked down at the other two children's hypnotized faces. "I don't think."
She looked around. "You sure you ain't seen your Daddy?" she asked. "I haven't seen him all day."
J.J. entered the room at that moment, sipping a can of soda. "J.J., you seen Daddy?" asked Harley.
He nodded. "He's in the garage. He sent me to ask you to join him there. Says there's something wrong with the car engine and he needs you to take a look at it before he takes it out to fight Batman tonight."
Harley sighed heavily. "Aw, criminey," she muttered, standing up and placing the two younger children on the sofa. "Katrina, keep an eye on your siblings, please. I know your raven will. I'll be back in a jiffy," she said, as she headed out of the living room toward the garage.
About fifteen minutes later, the Joker strode into the room. "Where's Mommy?" asked J.J.
"She went out to do some shopping," said Joker. "So you kiddies are my responsibility. And I say we're going on a little road trip! Everybody into the car!"
"Didn't Mommy take the car shopping?" asked J.J.
"Nope, she wanted to walk," said Joker. "Needs the exercise since she's getting a little paunchy, y'know. Now c'mon, kiddies, hop to it!" he said, clapping his hands. "Car time!"
"Do you have baby seats for my brother and sister?" asked Katrina, looking up at him.
"Don't need 'em – not going far," said Joker. "Now get in the car."
"It's not safe to drive with babies without them," said Katrina, firmly.
"Well, I'm not a big fan of safety," retorted Joker. "So just do what I say, you know-it-all brat. Just as annoying as your old man, swear to God…" he muttered, grabbing Annabel and Irving and heading off to the garage.
Katrina followed him, scowling, with Lenore cawing irritably on her shoulder. She was followed by Arleen and J.J. and Bud and Lou, who all piled into the backseat of the Jokermobile.
"Daddy, what's that sound?" asked J.J., as Joker started the car.
"Just the engine, J.J. – need to get it looked at," said Joker.
"I don't think engines are supposed to be making banging noises," said J.J., puzzled. "And it sounds like it's coming from the trunk."
"It sounds like a muffled voice to me," said Arleen.
"Well, it ain't that," said Joker, hastily. "It's the engine. They all sound like that."
"Where are we going?" asked Katrina as they drove off into Gotham.
"It's a surprise, kiddos," said Joker, beaming. "A big surprise for everyone involved."
…
"Whoever could that be at the door, Alice, my love?" asked Jervis Tetch, standing up from the tea party he had been having with his goddaughter Alice in response to the forceful knocking.
"Maybe it's someone else to join our tea party," said Alice, as she petted her kitten Dinah who purred in her lap. "The March Hare or the Dormouse or the Mock Turtle."
"That would certainly be wonderful, wouldn't it, my dear?" asked Tetch, smiling at her. He opened the door and was stunned to see the Joker standing there with a bunch of children and animals.
"Joker, what a surprise," he said. "And children…to what do I owe the honor?"
"Yep, it's your lucky day, Tetchy!" said Joker, shoving Irving, Annabel, and several overnight bags into Tetch's arms as he ushered all the children inside. "You love kiddies! But not in that creepy way that I've always accused you of loving kiddies, right? Because if that's the way you love kiddies, I ain't leaving mine here with you - I'm gonna castrate you with acid instead."
"Leaving…children…here?" stammered Tetch. "But…what…why…"
"Harley and I are off on a surprise romantic getaway for Valentine's Day weekend," said Joker. "As are Johnny and Emilia. So you being a single guy who loves kiddies, you get to watch all of ours for the weekend! Plus our pets, because I know you love animals too – be sure to feed the hyenas regularly or they'll start snapping," he said, as Bud and Lou dashed into the room, chuckling. They noticed the kitten Dinah and raced toward her. She hissed, leaping up onto a shelf as the hyenas leaped up to reach her, knocking porcelain dishes and knick-knacks over. Lenore flew into the room after them, squawking and scolding them, until Dinah took a swipe at her which caused her to turn on the cat.
Tetch stared from the animal fight to the children – Arleen and J.J. were already running around the room while Katrina seated herself in a corner with her book and Annabel and Irving began wailing in his arms at the commotion.
"If my kiddies need anything, call," said Joker. "Otherwise don't bother me. Toodles!" he said. "Bye bye, Leenie and J.J.!"
"Bye bye, Daddy!" said the twins, waving him off as he shut the door, Tetch still staring after him in shock.
"Where's your TV, Uncle Jervis?" asked Arleen, looking around.
"I…I don't have a TV," stammered Tetch.
"But how am I gonna watch my show?" asked Arleen, pouting.
"You can join our tea party," said Alice, holding up a cup. "Uncle Jervis and I were just sitting down."
"Yes, you go on ahead, my dear," Tetch said, trying to quiet the screaming, struggling babies. "I won't be sitting down for...a little while, I imagine. But do save me a cup. Something tells me I'm going to need a lot of tea this weekend."