Story: "Just Alec, now."

Chapter: 06 - Life is neither fair, nor easy

Rating Story: NC-17

Rating Chapter: PG-13

Warning(s): AU/AH, mature content, swearing, language

Pairings: Malec, Will/Jem (TID)

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare thought of the wonderful world of the mortal instruments and infernal devices. I just play with the characters and change a bit of their life.

AN: Dear readers: thank you.

More information on Kyuudou can be found here: wiki / Ky%C5%ABd%C5%8D (just remove the spaces); I'm sorry if I don't get some of the references right, as I have never tried Kyuudou but as I'm familiar with Aikidou I'm taking some parts of our training to weave it into the Kyuudou training.

Alec was breathing slowly thorugh his mouth letting his mind come to rest. Mediating was part of Kyuudou - his new favourite pastime. When he had still been with his parents, being part of a club or learning martial arts was a no-go. Learning an instrument and studying was everything they were allowed to do. Now - at home, with Will, Jem and Magnus – he was allowed to do what he enjoyed. The three encouraged him to find a club where he could practice archery as he had always been fascinated by it. Nearly a month after searching they found the small dojo run by the granddaughter of a former japanese Kyuudou master. There were only 10 other members and they welcomed him with open arms. He had to smile to himself. It has been a prejudice that people from small villages would be open to strangers or people who were different. But here in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world the people were the most friendly.

Sighing he inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth slowly as he had learned in his first lesson. Two months already in New York and he never wanted to leave. Two months and he was slowly but deliberately falling for his golden eyed friend. He blushed furiously as he thought back to his birthday when Magnus woke him up with a small cupcake in his hand and kissed him on his cheek. For the older teen it was nothing special - or so Alec thought. Magnus loved to flirt with every person who looked in the slightest cute or was a tiny bit attractive. Alec wouldn't put himself in on of the aforementioned categories but Magnus - well Magnus was different.

He sighed again and opened his eyes. It seemed that he wouldn't be able to concentrate enough tonight. He could as well stretch a bit before he changed into his daily clothes and made his way home to the loft. He stretched his arms over his head as there was a commotion in the outer room. He heard his sensei calling to somebody that they should get their shoes off as this was "a dojo and not a f**ing gymnasium where everyone was allowed to do as they please". The sliding door opened to reveal his sensei, Maia, and surprisingly Will. The teenager stopped stretching in mid-air and looked at his guardian. The dark-haired man was on edge - his hair wind-blown and his face in a scowl (that wasn't new to Alec). He was looking around the room until his eyes landed on Alec.

"Alec. Get dressed. We have to leave." Nodding at his guardian the teen made his way to the changing rooms. "No time to shower, Alec."

Frowning at the older man's words, Alec ran into the small room where every one placed their things before training and changed as quickly as possible into his jeans and sweater, throwing his Kyuudou gear into his bag. The dark-haired teen walked out of the room with his bag slung over his shoulder seeing Will still standing with Maia - who was looking thoughtful and a bit sad, touching Will's arm in a gesture of silent comfort.

Alec stopped short. He gulped loudly. He tried to get the whole picture from the little pieces he had gotten so far: Will coming to get him, the older man on edge, urging Alec to hurry. No that couldn't be good. The teenager walked over to his guardian. Having grown a bit over the last two months the top of his head still only reached the top of the older man's shoulder. Will took Alec's bag and they walked silently to the waiting car. He got inside and buckled the belt. He tried to concentrate on breathing so that the forming panic attack wouldn't come. He closed his eyes breathing in and out.

"That's good. Don't stop breathing. I don't need another panic attack on my hands now. One is entirely enough."

Alec could feel Will next to himself. The older man had turned towards the teen and lay his hand on the younger man's head stroking his hair. As he felt calm enough Alec opened his eyes slowly. The motor was buzzing and from the pitter-patter on the roof and windows he guessed that it had started to rain.

"Another panic attack?"

The older man turned back in his seat and engaged the gear. They drove slowly from the parking lot behind the dojo onto the busy streets.

"Jem had a seizure today. When Magnus came home and found him, his pulse was low and his breathing shallow. Magnus didn't know what to do and by the time the EMS was at the loft, Magnus had a panic attack thinking that Jem was dying. They had to take him to the hospital and sedate him."

"Seizure?" Jem was ill? The gray-haired man was so full of life that Alec couldn't imagine him lying still on the ground fighting for his life.

Will flinched slightly.

"I… We wanted to tell you. I urged Jem to talk to you. That, as you're part of our little family, you should know about his illness. But he wanted you to arrive fully before he even start to mention anything about himself." The dark-haired man scratched his head and sighed heavily while they were waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

"Jem and I have been friends since High School when Jem moved from Hong Kong to London. I have always been a loner and he was the new guy from that exotic country with silvery gray eyes and, I don't know, it just fit. We were thick as thieves from day one." The older man sighed again overhauling another car.

"And then four years later there was Tessa. She came from the US and had just lost her mother and her only remaining relative was her brother who was working in London. So she had to move. Jem and I were still the best of friends and I knew that I wasn't solely interested in women or solely in men – that I liked both, had kissed a girl and liked it and had kissed a boy and liked it. Jem on the other hand was more reclusive. I was still his only close friend and I knew he was developing feelings for me. Being 16, I was flattered and liked the idea that my best friend could become my lover. But with Tessa it was different. She was not smitten with my charms. That was when I noticed that I was slowly falling in love with her." The small smile vanished from his lips.

"What I didn't notice was Jem slowly slipping away from me. He was withdrawing from me and from our classmates he was kind of close to. And one day shortly before the school year ended, when we both were 17, he told me that he and his uncle, who he was living with, were moving to New York and that he would finish his schooling there. I was devastated and angry and said some very hurtful things but Jem just smiled, kissed me softly on my lips and walked away." Alec was watching his guardian carefully.

The older man was nibbling on his bottom lip gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. "I married Tessa as soon as we were out of school. She wanted to study art and literature but I was more interested in 'real work'. So I started training as a police man. Not two months later, Tessa told me she was pregnant. We were young and didn't have much money but we loved each other and for us that was enough." The older man bit his bottom lip drawing blood, licking it away quickly.

"Six months later and she was killed in an accident, our son with her. I was 19, a young widower, never having met the son she carried, and I couldn't stay. The only reasonable decision at that time was to get out of England, to get away from all the memories. I packed my things, sold what I didn't need and asked an old family friend if he knew where to look for a job. He did more than that and I'm still grateful that he got me into the police programme over here."

They turned into the small side road leading to the hospital where Jem was working.

"I made my way through the academy and lower ranks of the police and at 22 I was a detective working in the murder squad. That was when I met Jem again. I didn't recognise him at first. His hair had turned gray and the eyes that had shone so brightly were dull and without life. He had gotten so thin that he was wearing sweaters in the middle of summer."

They stopped on the parking lot near the entrance of the hospital and the older man turned off the car. He leaned back on his seat closing his eyes.

"We met for coffee and Jem told me that he was studying to become a doctor. We weren't close anymore. I made sure that I had his address and that I would work hard on becoming friends again. It took months until he trusted me enough with his story. He went through some harsh times and it didn't end so well for him. Then one day he didn't come to one of our meetings. I was hurt at first and then I got nervous. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with him. I went to his flat and found him lying on the floor. His lips were turning blue and I couldn't feel a pulse. I called an ambulance and performed mouth-to-mouth until he could be taken to the hospital. I have never been so afraid. I knew that my feelings for him were resurfacing and that I couldn't lose him again. I went to the hospital where one of Jem's mentors was kind enough to inform me of his condition."

Will opened his eyes looking straight at the teen next to him.

"Jem has a tumour inside his brain. It is inoperable and from time to time it triggers a seizure. The medicine he took before he changed to his medication he is taking now, is not only highly addictive but also sucks the colour from your hair and skin. That is why Jem has gray hair and is so pale." The older man reached over and wiped a tear from Alec's cheek.

"Jem is as healthy and active as he can be. He won't die until I say so and he knows that." Alec laughed out loud but it turned into a sob. He buried his head into his hands letting his tears flow down freely. Will pulled him close and let the teen cry on his shoulder. "Life is neither fair nor easy. We all – Jem, Magnus and I and you as well I think – learned that the hard way. But I think we suffered enough. It is time to live our life to the fullest, society be damned."

Alec was walking beside Will with his head bent forward to hide his red eyes. He was still sniffling from time to time as they made their way upstairs. The older man had set his face into his customary scowl. They walked through one of the doors leading to one department to another. They stopped in front of the rooms and Will knocked on the door. Cat who they had met when Alec had been examined by Jem, was opening the door and let them in. Magnus was lying on the only bed inside the room sleeping. Even with his eyes closed he looked exhausted.

"Thank you, Cat, for looking after Magnus."

"No problem, Will. Have you heard anything from James?" The older man shook his head.

"We have just arrived here and I'm on my way to the ICU to ask Chris for information."

"Should I wait here with Alec until sleeping beauty awakes?" A small smile tugged at the corners of Will's mouth.

"Now that Alec is here, you can pack in. I know your shift ended three hours ago." The woman huffed and stood with her hands on her hips.

"As if I can walk home without further information. I'll go and get something to eat for the boys and then I'll be back, waiting here for you to inform your charges. I'm sure they want to know how their other "daddy" is doing." With those last words Cat was walking by Alec and Will and out of the door, the later who was left speechless.

They walked over to Magnus, Will taking the seat that Cat had just vacated and Alec sitting on the bed beside Magnus' legs. The older man was rubbing his hand over his face.

"I think it's best when we do as Cat has proposed. I'll go down to the ICU and you and Magnus will wait for me to come back here. You will eat what Cat brings you. She is normally accurate in guessing what someone likes to eat. When Magnus awakes, he will eat as well – don't take a 'no' or an 'I'm not hungry' for an answer. Threaten him that I will force-feat him, if he doesn't do it on his own." Will sighed and stood up, walking out of the room.

"Lie down with me?" Startled the teen looked down and saw sleepy golden eyes directed at him.

"You're awake." Magnus nodded slowly.

"Have been for a while. Cat knew that, but was pretending she didn't and let me rest."

The older teen slipped back and opened his arms wide enough that Alec could lie down next to him under the thin blanket. The blue-eyed teen crawled next to his friend and laid down facing the other teen.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy. Exhausted." The older teen closed his eyes again. "Will told you?"

"Yes."

Magnus nodded at his answer. "That's nothing I want to handle on a more frequent basis. The last time was not nearly half as bad."

"So it had happened before?"

"Yes. Twice before since I've been living with them. The first time Will was with him and I was brought to the hospital to see them and Will told me what was going on with Jem and why he's ill. The second time Jem was complaining about a headache. He went to bed and Will was checking in on him an hour later. The seizure had just started and they rushed off to the hospital. Jem was able to come home that same night." The older teen nibbled at his bottom lip drawing small figures on the bed sheet.

"Do you think there will be permanent damage?" Magnus looked up at Alec's question.

"I don't know." He snuggled deeper into the blanket forcing Alec to slid closer to his friend. Not knowing what to do with his hands, the younger teen slung them around the other teen hugging him loosely. Magnus closed the distance on the bed and hugged Alec close to his chest.

"I love them both so much. I don't know what I would do without them." He pecked Alec on his cheek, inhaling deeply. "And I love you as well. Don't leave me, 'kay?"

Within seconds the older teen had fallen asleep again while Alec was starring out of the window. Probably Magnus didn't think about the implication of those three words but Alec's mind was working on full speed. He liked Magnus. Liked liked him. But was his friend feeling what Alec was feeling? He doubted it. Clearly Magnus saw Alec as part of his family, as a kid-brother maybe, and that's why he loved him.

"Stop thinking, Alec. I can't sleep with you fidgeting around."

The older teen sighed and looked up at the blue-eyed boy who had gone into some kind of shock.

"Were you aware that you were talking out loud?" Alec blushed a deep red and avoided Magnus' eyes. The older teen sighed heavily, leaned up and pressed his lips softly on Alec's. "I like like you, too." The idiot implied behind the sentence could still be heard. "And now lie down and sleep or think quitely." Magnus closed his eyes again and smiled when Alec snuggled into his arms.

reneblond : Thank you. Will is in the crime department and we will him see at work much later on :D