"Ok, has anyone here ever skied before?" asked the instructor at the bottom of the slope.
"I've used ski equipment as a murder weapon before," volunteered Joker. "But not actually for skiing."
"I've been skiing in the Swiss Alps," retorted Bruce, glaring at Joker.
"Of course you have, rich boy," sneered Joker. "Thanks, Mom and Dad, for dying, so I can spend your money skiing in the Swiss Alps."
Bruce resisted the urge to punch Joker as the instructor continued. "Well…the theory is pretty simple. It just takes most people a little practice until they're comfortable shooting down a ski slope…"
"Oh yeah, high speeds, slippery surface, extreme risk of damage to life and limb, sounds like my kinda sport!" chuckled Joker.
"Mr. J, there's no way I can even stand in these skis!" snapped Harley, who had spent most of the time getting up on her feet only to plop down in the snow almost instantly.
"Balance takes some practice too," said the instructor, heading over to her. "Here, let me help you…"
"Hands off my property, pal!" snapped Joker, shoving him out of the way. "Or I'll stick a ski pole through your spine! Which, incidentally, is a great way to use ski equipment as a murder weapon!" he chuckled, dragging Harley to her feet. "Now just stand still, you useless blonde. Lean on the poles when you feel like you're gonna fall down."
"Selina makes it look so easy," muttered Harley, glaring at her.
"That's because I have the grace and poise of a cat, Harley," retorted Selina. "And you have the klutziness and pratfall stylings of a clown."
"I'd take it as a compliment, pooh," said Joker.
"Ok, we just need to head up the mountain, so everyone onto these chair lifts," said the instructor, gesturing to the lift next to him. "Two at a time, please. Mr. Joker, Miss Quinn, why not you first?"
"All right, let's show 'em how it's done, Harl," said Joker, as the two of them managed to cut through the snow over to the chairlift, Harley only slipping occasionally. They got into position, and then Joker pointed off to the right. "Hey, Harley, look! A polar bear!"
"Where?" asked Harley, straining to see the white creature through the white snow. She shrieked suddenly as the chair lift suddenly made unexpected contact with her body, knocking her face-first into the snow. And as if that wasn't humiliating enough, her skis got tangled on the lift, lifting her off the ground upside-down and carrying her into the air.
Harley began screaming hysterically and panicking while Joker nearly fell out of his chair with laughter as the lift took them higher and higher up the slope. Bruce and Selina watched them, shared a look, and then took their own seats without a word.
At the top of the slope, Joker easily slid off his chair and watched as the lift doubled back around, taking a still screaming and struggling Harley back down the mountain. "Here, I got ya, pooh," he said, grabbing onto her flailing ski pole as she headed past and tugging hard. The lift kept pulling her back down the mountain as Joker kept struggling to free her, until at last she dropped down face-first into the snow again with a thud.
"What kinda crazy idea of fun is this?!" shrieked Harley as she struggled to her feet again. "It's horrible and dangerous before it even starts! And it's freezing! I get that Mr. Freeze might like it, but anybody else has gotta be nuts!"
"Well…now that we're here, a few pointers," said the instructor. "Don't ever just point your skis straight down the mountain – go down the slope using long, wide turns. If you ever need to stop, put your skis into a wedge shape, which slows you down. Use the poles to balance and turn, and just give it a try. Miss Kyle, why don't you go first?"
"Ok," said Selina, pushing off with her poles and turning her skis slightly. It was at that moment that Joker lunged forward, giving her a hard shove which foiled her turn and sent her whizzing straight down the mountain, screaming.
Bruce was after her in an instant, catching her before she could fall. "You son of a bitch!" shrieked Selina, fighting to break free of Bruce's hold. "Let me at him! I'm sticking this pole into his eye!"
"Yeah, good luck getting back up the mountain, kitty!" chuckled Joker. "I dunno, Harl – I kinda like this sport! You can prank people and they can't come back and get you for it because they have to go all the way back down and ride all the way back up again! It's great for hit and run kinda crimes!"
"Would you like to try it, Mr. Joker?" asked the instructor.
"Nah, Harley can go first," said Joker, gesturing her forward. Harley gulped, taking a deep breath, and then slowly pushed herself off with her poles…
And that was when Joker stuck one of his poles in between her skis. She tripped, fell, and began tumbling down the mountain, shrieking in pain and fury until Bruce managed to race over to her and stop her rolling.
"She really shoulda seen that coming," chuckled Joker. The instructor just looked at him expectantly, clearing his throat.
"Are you going to try it?" he asked.
"Yeah, gonna need to in a second," said Joker, checking his watch. "But my ski jump's gotta be ready first."
"Ski jump?" repeated the instructor, puzzled. "What…"
But at that moment, they heard the sound of a distant explosion, and then a far-off rumbling that grew closer and louder. Bruce looked up at the overhanging mountain in dread. "Avalanche!" he shouted. "Everyone clear the slopes!"
People began screaming and panicking as chunks of ice and rock and snow began pouring down the ski slope, settling at the bottom of the mountain in a raised formation. When the snow finally settled, Bruce looked around to make sure Selina and Harley were ok, and was just about to turn his attention to everyone else and avalanche rescue…
When he suddenly heard a familiar, hysterical laugh, growing louder, and looked up to see the Joker pelting straight down the mountain, heading up the newly formed slope and jumping off it into the air. He flew a good distance, and then landed on his back in the soft snow with a plop next to an angry and sore-looking Harley.
"Wow, what a rush!" he chuckled. "Skiing's fun, huh, pooh? Forgotten about the kids yet?"
Harley said nothing, but removed her skis, picked up one, and then struck Joker across the face with it before storming back to the retreat alone.