The Journey Home

Chapter Sixteen

Confessions

The soft sway of the horse Scarlett sat upon soothed and calmed her nerves. As she looked out over the swelling hills of the Georgia landscape, she realized why she had always loved it here and why she would never be happy anywhere else. There was something about this land that was part of her and would always be a part of her no matter how long she lived.

It was only when they passed the shell of the burned out houses over grown with weeds and thistles, did her mood turn melancholy. These were the homes of the families she had grown up with and now they were but reminders of a time long past, a time that would no longer exist again. It was also a reminder of all they had lost and how many countless lives were given to try and sustain it. The war had been a waste and Scarlett hated waste. It left a bitter taste in her mouth whenever she thought of it.

"You've just thought of something unpleasant," Eli said next to her. "I've noticed your eyes turn a darker shade of green and your brow wrinkles when you do."

Scarlett looked over at him on the other horse and frowned deeper. "You speak too boldly, Mr. Barrett and you notice too much."

"It's my job to notice things, it's what I do," he answered. "Otherwise, Ashley wouldn't have sent me here to look after you."

"Ashley," she snorted hatefully. "I don't want to talk about him. I hope I never see him again."

"Oh, I have a feeling that isn't something likely to happen. It seems you cast a spell on every man who makes your acquaintance. He certainly had nothing but glowing things to say about you," he cocked an eyebrow at her cheekily.

Scarlett sighed heavily and straightened. "Must you always be so rude? I can't imagine that you were ever a gentleman wherever it is you were from. A gentleman would never say the things you do."

"And you're no lady in the sense that I know a lady to be, so I suppose that makes us a bit even."

"I am a lady!" she bit out before she realized it and then regretted that she had. It was a sore spot for her because Scarlett wanted so badly to be seen as a lady like her mother, Ellen. It was always her intent to make things in her life right and to be demure and calm and a help to those in need, it just never seemed to work out that way.

Scarlett fiddled with the leather rein in her hand. She knew she was not fooling him, not one little bit. Somehow, he had seen straight through her and she had to admit it was nice not to have to hide who she really was. Most men simply couldn't accept her for her boldness or success, it somehow made them feel inferior around to her.

She glanced over at him and sighed again. "I wanted to be a lady, a fine lady that people looked up to but you can't be a lady and be successful, so I gave up trying."

To her surprise, Eli looked back to her and smiled admiringly. "That's the first honest thing I've heard you say. Well, you're right about that, but don't let it worry you. I never thought too much of these so called 'ladies' who didn't seem to have a thought for themselves. Give me a woman who can think and do what needs to be done."

A smile tugged at her lips. "There aren't too many men who see it that way."

"I'm not too many men, I'm me and I don't say what I don't mean."

"A woman can't be so cavalier in that way, however as I've ceased to care what others think of me or what I do, I do say what I mean. I can't stand mealy mouth fools who don't stand up for themselves. Does that shock you?"

A ripple of laughter erupted from him. "Not in the least. I find it refreshing. Does that shock you?"

Scarlett smiled then. "The only thing that shocks me about you, is your inability to take no for an answer."

Eli leaned back on his horse. "I wouldn't have come to this point in my life if I had done that. I was told no often enough, I just never listened."

"Somehow, that does not surprise me in the least," she replied quirkily. "Where are you from, Mr. Barrett? Not from Georgia, that much I'm sure of."

He nodded toward her. "I'm from Texas, a little town near Abilene I'm sure you've never heard of."

Scarlett's curiosity was piqued now. "I thought only bandits and outlaws lived in Texas."

"I've called many an outlaw and bandit a friend, but I can assure you that there are civilized people in Texas."

"Are they like you?"

"Some are, some are more primitive. My folks weren't from there, they were from Kentucky. They moved there before I was born. My father owns a cattle ranch down there running about ten thousand head, give or take."

Her mild curiosity rose to a very real interest. "Is there profit in running a cattle ranch?"

"There can be, if you know what you're doing," he answered casually.

"And you didn't want to go back? Why, you could be making money hand over fist."

"I have all the money I need and besides, I'm not a rancher."

"But, surely you would make more money doing that than running around the country hiring yourself out as some sort of bodyguard."

Eli lifted his hat and ran his hand through his thick, brown hair. "I'm not cut out to be a rancher, never have been."

Puzzled by his answer, Scarlett rode in silence for a bit. When he didn't offer anything further, she decided to probe deeper. Now that she had opened the door, she wanted to know more about him.

"How is that you came to hire yourself out? Has that always been your livelihood?"

He slid his gaze over to her and smiled again. "Why all of these questions about my personal life? I thought I was a cad that could roast over the fires of hell damnation for all you cared."

Bristling, she straightened and turned from him. "If you're going to be that way, you can roast over the fires of hell damnation for all I care."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. You're very easy to rile…must be the Irish in you."

She glared over at him and clicked her horse to speed up. She didn't like being teased or toyed with. He didn't have to tell her anything about himself and she hoped he fell off his horse and broke his fool neck, she told him uncharitably.

"Here now, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tweak you, please accept my humble apologies," he said behind her.

Scarlett looked back at him over her shoulder and saw that he was smiling again. Slowing down, she let him catch up to her. "If you insult me again I'll push off that horse myself."

"I have no doubt you would try," he grinned. "Let's see, where were we? Ah yes, my livelihood. Well, when the war broke out, naturally I wanted to do my part for the cause and so I joined up. I marched with McClellan clean through to the end. After that, I decided that I didn't want to go home and be a rancher like my father so I went north and joined the Pinkerton Agency. It was a good living and I enjoyed what I did, but as does happen, things change and so I set out on my own. I'll tell you a secret, Mrs. Butler. You're the first body I've been hired to guard since I set up on my own."

"Me?" she asked mildly pleased.

"Ashley and I have kept up our friendship through letters and he wrote to me telling me of your dilemma. I figured I had never been to Georgia just for pleasantries, so here I am. At your service."

"At my service whether I want you or not," she sniffed but found herself smiling nonetheless.

"Well, you haven't had any trouble since I've been here, have you?"

"Well no," she admitted grudgingly, "but then Jonas Wilkerson hasn't tried anything either. He's kept his distance."

"You have a lot to learn, Mrs. Butler. Do you suppose that just maybe he's aware of my presence? Do you suppose that he's already been warned properly to stay away?"

"Has he?" she questioned sharply.

Eli smiled again and shrugged. "You haven't had any trouble have you?"

Scarlett tuned back to the road and thought about what he said. It was true that she hadn't heard so much as a peep from Jonas since the day of Careen's wedding. If Eli was telling the truth, then that meant he was afraid to try anything against her and it was because of Eli's presence.

Suddenly the thought occurred to her that Ashley and Eli had taken it upon themselves to watch out for her and yet Rhett stayed away throwing her to the wolves. He hadn't done one thing to help her, not one thing. Oh, how her heart constricted when she thought of him. He had well and truly turned away from her. He didn't care about her, he didn't care about her at all. How could he when he had abandoned her this way? Pain, fierce and deep seared down to her soul. Why did she have to discover her love for him just as he was through with his for her? It was too much and Scarlett didn't like thinking about things that took too much from her.

Raring her shoulders back, she gripped the reins and looked ahead. She would not let this beat her. She was a survivor, hadn't she proved that enough? Let Rhett stay away, let him keep his precious principles. She didn't need him, she didn't want him if he wasn't going to give himself to her willingly, but she no sooner thought it than she knew it was a lie. She did want him, she just hated herself for wanting him when he didn't want her.

"There you go again, thinking of something unpleasant," Eli said next to her.

"That's not any of your concern," she answered coolly.

"No, I guess it's not," he replied and surprisingly let the matter rest.

Scarlett's mind began to wander from Rhett back to Eli. He was an mystery to her for all that he had told her about himself. What drove him? What really had brought him to her doorstep? She had a thought and found herself addressing him on it. "I think you might be handier than I first wanted to admit, Mr. Barrett. However, I refuse to be indebted to Ashley Wilkes so whatever he has paid you, you can keep, but I will pay for your services from here on out. If you can live with that then we have a deal."

"I make no promises, Mrs. Butler. I decided a long time ago that I work for whom I wish, for as long as I wish. But, until the day comes that I change my mind, I guess you could say we have a deal."

Smiling, Scarlett felt satisfied with her decision. She didn't Rhett or Ashley or any other bothersome man telling how to live her life. And since she was paying Eli he couldn't tell her what to do, either.

She and Eli continued their conversation all the way back to Tara. It wasn't until they reached the main house that everything drastically changed. Prissy came running out and down the porch steps.

"Miss Scahlett, you has to come inside now! You just has to!"

"Good heavens, Prissy. Can't you let me even get down off the horse first," she frowned down at her.

"Laws Miss Scahlett, you has to come inside ret now! It's Mr. Rhett, he's here Miss Scahlett. He's here and he's in yo room!"

"Rhett?" she paled and stared foolishly down at her. "Rhett's here?"

"Yas'm, Mammy sent me ret away aftah you. He's been hut Miss Scahlett, real hut."

"Rhett, hurt?" she gasped and felt her limbs go weak. Suddenly, two strong arms lifted her from the horse and set her on the ground. Eli was behind her and she held on to the firmness of his arms for a moment trying to gather her wits.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"I… I don't know," she answered before she realized it.

"Miss Scahlett, please come inside!" Prissy beckoned.

"Yes, yes," she said absently. Her mind was running away with her. She looked up at the small square windows of her room knowing that Rhett was behind them right now in her bed. He was hurt? But, how? What happened? Her thoughts were scattered and then none of it mattered. Rhett was here, he had come to her and he was hurt and he needed her.

With a bound she took off up the steps and through the door, up the stairs and down the hallway. Mammy was at the door waiting for her.

"Rhett?" she asked breathlessly.

"He restin'," she told her. "He a might busted up, but he gwine be fine."

"Oh, thank goodness," she smiled in relief. "I have to see him."

"He gwine need lot 'tention so you be da wife he need," she said firmly. "You gots yo second chance, Miss Scahlett."

She nodded, bolstered by Mammy's confident words. She pushed the bedroom door open and saw him lying still beneath the covers. His face almost pale in contrast with the sharp blackness of his hair. His big body took up most of her bed, his masculinity de-feminizing the lace and frills surrounding him. She stared at him, taking him in greedily.

His arm was wrapped tightly to his body by a wide bandaged. He was quietly breathing and had not even opened his eyes. She moved slowly to the side of the bed and searched him over. Even in his debilitated state he was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen.

"Oh, Rhett," she breathed and reached out to touch his brow. He moved at her touch and slowly opened his eyes. Scarlett smiled and leaned forward but she stopped short. Instead of seeing the desire and love she craved to see, she saw the hardened, dark eyes he had given her the last time she had seen him. Her breath caught in her throat as he stared up at her.

"Hello, Scarlett," he said thickly and without emotion.

"H… Hello, Rhett," she managed.

"This is not exactly how I envisioned our first meeting," he said wryly.

"Oh, Rhett, I'm so glad to see you, I was so worried you wouldn't come," she started but he shook his head.

"No, Scarlett, this isn't what you think. I'm not here to reconcile. My stay will be short and only until I'm healed. Then I shall be on my way back to Charleston."

She frowned at him hurt at his uncaring, emotionless tone. "Is that all you can say to me after all of this time?"

"No," he answered flatly as he stared at her. "No, that isn't all I can say."

She knew then. She knew what he was going to say and she shook her head, not wanting to hear wanting to hear what she knew was coming. "No, Rhett."

"Scarlett, I want a divorce," he said with such finality, her heart nearly stopped. "I want to end what's left of this so-called marriage."