As the days passed by, each girl's excitement began manifesting itself in its own way. Beca was spending every spare moment making the perfect mix for the big reunion bash, as Chloe had requested. Stacie was looking through Facebook to keep tabs on her prospects. Unfortunately a number of her favorite Trebles had rings on their fingers, or in some cases, even kids in their profile picture. Chloe was doing her best to stay in the moment, which was particularly hard, as her heart was already back in Atlanta.
"But Ms. Beale, I already finished my homework," a small child whined.
It was Chloe's turn to supervise the after school homework help room. It was her least favorite of her teacherly duties, especially in May when the kids already had spring fever. She looked sternly at the child in front of her. "Kira, that's not what Mrs. Jones said. You need to work on your book report." The eight-year-old sighed loudly and sat back down.
With the room finally quiet and the kids working (or otherwise occupying themselves in a non-disruptive fashion), Chloe's thoughts turned back to Barden.
The reunion was only a month away and it was time to start nailing down the details. Just thinking about all of this planning and organizing had Chloe grinning. She pulled out her laptop and began crafting a message to the group.
Hello pitches!
For the sake of nostalgia (and simplicity) seniors have dibs on their rooms from the 2014-2015 school year! If you're planning to stay elsewhere let us know so we can let others stay there. Looking forward to seeing you all!
Chloe shut her laptop and looked around the room. She smiled at this rare, extended moment of calm.
Only a moment later, one of the students jumped out of their seat, "Ms. Beale, Ms. Beale!" The second grader called, at an unnecessarily loud volume, "Is it time to go?" Chloe looked at her watch and was happily surprised to see that in fact, it was.
Beca had situated herself on her couch that evening, a container of leftover Chinese food in her lap. She opened up Facebook to take a look at Chloe's latest instructions and exhaled when she read the message, letting go of tension she hadn't realized she was holding in. She was quite happy at the prospect of bunking with Amy. It might have been the first time she'd ever felt that way, but it was because she'd been worried Chloe was going to ask her to share a room.
And, well, they'd only been horizontally situated together in a room alone, once since graduation.
It was back a few years ago, when Chloe was headed to Los Angeles for a music education conference. She had burst with excitement when shared the news. "Ready for a kickass sleepover?" Chloe asked.
"Of course," Beca said, hiding her uncertainty, "can't wait."
When Chloe arrived Beca offered her the bed, insisting she would take the couch. "Nonsense," Chloe replied, "It's a queen size bed, Bec. We can just share."
"But I roll around a lot and sometimes I kick in my sleep and hog the covers..." Beca rambled.
Chloe chuckled, "I think we'll manage."
And they did manage. They managed quite well, in fact. Beca was caught off guard by how much she loved the way Chloe seamlessly wove into her life. Chloe made extra coffee when she left early in the morning. Beca rushed home from work trying to be back in time to have dinner with Chloe. When she failed, Chloe just smiled and suggested they go out for ice cream.
Beca couldn't help but laugh when she woke up Sunday morning with Chloe's arms locked around her waist. When Chloe woke up, Beca had shared about their inadvertent snuggling.
"Whoops," Chloe replied with a giggle. "I must have thought you were Dave." Dave was the guy Chloe was seeing at the time. Beca's heart sunk when she heard his name but she couldn't explain why. Or perhaps she just wouldn't explain it. Denial came easier when they lived on opposite coasts.
Chloe's visit had brought their night in the tent back to the forefront of Beca's mind. It was a night that she had spent a lot of time thinking about (and a lot of time trying not to think about) in her years of being single. She wondered what would've happened if she just had leaned in a little further instead of turning away. What would've happened if she'd acknowledged that Chloe wasn't the only one feeling a little bit curious.
It might have made things awkward. It might have led to nothing. But regardless of the outcome, if she'd "sacked up" as she was always instructing others to do, if she had made a move, maybe the weight of regret wouldn't be lingering when she even starts to think of future relationships. And maybe she could finally enjoy one drunken evening without it ending with that moment played on loop in her head. Leaving her wondering how Chloe's lips would've felt on hers.
These thoughts were something Beca kept locked up tight. Typically refusing to even acknowledge them herself. Sometimes in these introspective moments she thought of Kommissar from Das Sound Machine too. She'd concluded a number of years ago that she wasn't straight, but didn't feel like settling on a label. She figured without a label, she shouldn't even bother to try to articulate it to anyone. Sure it wasn't logical, but Beca's desire to keep her secrets secret was powerful.
She'd come close to telling Chloe, when Chloe's online dating streak started including women. But she was too nervous to get the words out. It was always a given that Chloe was bi, or pan, actually. She'd only come out to the Bellas about a year after graduation but no one was surprised. Her love knew no bounds.
But someone like Beca? Someone so misanthropic? Admitting these complicated (and sometimes even mushy) feelings just felt different for her. So she stayed quiet.