Author's Note: This is an unauthorized parody of Neo the Sayan Angel's story "Fine", with that in mind, you should really check it out. The plots of this two stories are very similar. And if you only read one, read hers, which is the better one.
Felix had it all planned out.
The snackage was real! He had it all planned out! He had embarked on the quest for raw meat and had sat still (well, he sat still always, but he had sat in front of the computer not doing much else), for the predetermined period of time, to make sure the meat cooked properly. And the game icon for the meat indicated it, the name having changed from "Raw" to "Cooked". Besides that everything was set up. He had reserved a lobby in the server, of the mmo version of the game he played, and had set Player vs Player to off, so even if people tried to ruin his confession, things wouldn't happen.
Felix couldn't help but be nervous as the minutes turned into hours, he hadn't told Ron what the invite into the private lobby was, but he was sure that as soon as he saw the perks of engaging in a relationship with him, things would go smoothly. His mom knew not to come down, and not to use the phone, just in case the connection went down, circa 90's, or it got it slower. It was in the middle of the afternoon and he had invited a Gm ™ (game mod) to officiate the ceremony.
How Felix wanted, more than everything, to turn on voice chat and be congratulated by his online friends, and for Ron to say yes, so that the Game Mod could make them an official couple! Heck, Felix wouldn't even mind if Ron laughed like a goof, annoying everyone but himself, or made a fool of himself. That didn't matter. He wanted their characters...not to grow old together...characters in this online game didn't age, but, at least to be together.
How he wanted ron to constantly press the greet button, and the kneel button, so they could pretend to be affectionate. They hadn't been together in real life, not since some months...they played online a lot. Zombie Mayhem, too, but, not in person.
And how he wanted...other things, and not only to share items, but also to share other things with Ron, things like boost upgrades, class perks, alliances, guilds.
He had originally thought to ask sooner, as soon as it was possible...but fate had had other plans, Ron had been busy, then he had started going more and more on missions with Kim. It was like Dr. Drakken and Duff, and whomever else knew of his plans and were dead set on ruining them. At first he had planned to do this almost a month earlier, before an urgent "sitch" had shown up. And then another, and another.
Felix would think he was avoiding him, except the news of Team Possible's rescue, or mission, or whatever would always show up in the newspapers or evening news of the next day. It crushed him, but he knew the feeling.
But Ron had promised him a night of gaming, and Felix knew that this time nothing would show up. Or, he didn't know, but he hoped so. People had already started to show up to his server, which he had named "The love Shack!"
It was a bit too on the nose, but Ron didn't really look at the name of server names or games before entering them, he'd just give him the Ip, and he was sure they'd join. People were already inside, trying to hit each other, without any success, as the PVP was turned off, and eating food. The Gm, daunting his power armor of level 70 looked at Felix, and voice chatted with him.
"Ready to start?" - Felix looked at the magnificence of the Game Mod and his exclusive power armor, it was great, it was aesthetically pleasing, and he was caught aghast by it. Felix pressed a button on his chair, so as to voice chat and said:
"Yeah, just waiting on the happy groom"
It wouldn't take long now. When Felix had revealed his plans to his mother, to marry another guy, in a game, his mother had been taken aghast, but she had been supportive. She had been totally honest, she had told him she didn't understand any of this online games things, leading Felix to start an (in his opinion) very engaging talk about the advantages of perks of marrying in the game, a talk that went on for about half an hour until his mother simply left the room in annoyance.
But having the blessing of his mom was important, at least to him, and, having the time finally come to ask the Ronman, warrior dude, and his big axe, it was time. Though a part of him couldn't help but worry. He had spent a large amount of money on this, and had rented the server as well as the services of the Game Mod, before having a yes.
Finally the Ron showed up, though his username contained numbers, he could have gone with an original name and used stoppable, but he wasn't too proud of his last name, at least in an online game, it wouldn't make people run away!
Even as nervous as Felix was, he couldn't help but still admire the features of the face of the character of Ron Stoppable. He had spent hours in the face creator, and he had a mighty jaw indeed. He had totally been smithen!
"What's all this?" - Ron asked, in a private chat with Felix, and Felix's stomach couldn't help but drop. Did he...did he not like it? Wasn't he going to wed?
"I thought maybe we could unite our characters….just think of all our perks! Increased boosts, item sharing, alliances, guilds! It'd be super swell! And it'd be super romantic! " - Though Felix spoke quickly, to get the words out, before they tangled his throat, the feeling still didn't pass. And it wouldn't until Ron provided an answer.
"Yeah, Kim's cousin...kinda asked me this morning, I'm sorry…"
Felix dropped the keyboard. Fingers having opened in shock. He'd have screamed if he weren't still in his voice chat with Ron. He stared straight ahead, at his monitor, where the key "G" was repeatedly being pressed. He had lost "TheRonman23" - Ron. - His best friend. - because of pure luck. - Why hadn't he asked earlier? Why had he waited instead of simply sending a text message? A simple "You're warrior's-might, wanna hook up (in game, no-homo)" would have been enough.
And the worse part was, he couldn't compete with Kim's cousin, he knew his reputation, he was one of the highest members of the mmo, level 68, and he spent almost 6 hours a day there. It was crazy.
He noticed that Kim's cousin, Larry's character, was in the audience of the server, and he was pressing the taunt key.
Maybe someday Felix would find someone else to wed ingame and reek the benefits...but as it were, he remained a scrub.. A level 44 Scrub.
He just had the energy to pick up and turn off the server and game. Maybe in a few days he would return to the game….
But he didn't feel like it at the moment.