This might be a very confusing chapter for many. Here s what you need to know, Edward is experiencing Renesmee s memories. This is explaining her absence from Charlie, her non-existence for years, her behavior. ETC.
Here s the confusing part: This is in Edward s point of view. Not Renesmee s, unfortunately. He is seeing Renesmee s memories through HER eyes, not his. He's experiencing EVERYTHING she went through, AS her. However, he's still himself.

ATTENTION, ATTENTION. CAUTION, CAUTION. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Does everyone remember when I said this story touches on VERRRRYYYY sensitive subjects? If you find rape/abortion, anything to be a trigger or offensive to you, PLEASE do not continue. Because for one, NO, I am not changing this, this is what makes Renesmee grow into the person she is towards Edward. DO NOT read along, and then complain to me about it.
NO I don't condone raping, NO I will not disclose my view on abortion. and NO, this isn't how I view it NOR does this impact my own PERSONAL view on it.

Before I die

I had never looked into Renesmee s thoughts before. I had imagined that they were memories, but nothing like this. It was such an extraordinary experience, I could feel my heart beat again. Even though I knew it wasn t mine. It was my Daughters, but it still felt like mine. I could feel warmth run through my veins, warmth I hadn t felt in a hundred and sixty years, like many things I hadn t done in those years. Feel my hair grow, feel sweat bead down my face. I could even feel the linen of the clothes that clung to my body. Although, there was something significantly wrong I was only four foot tall.
Memories flashed of hers, seemingly unimportant as I watched myself in her eyes.

Behave, I commanded, my voice as harsh as I wanted it to be back then. Anything to get rid of her, or make her absolutely aware she was no Daughter to me.

One memory among others, that made my dead-heart sink, was the argument Bella and I had the night before Renesmee s birthday, A day where my family and I should have prepared to celebrate, where Renesmee could have recalled it with happiness with her Mother and Aunt and the rest of her family if any of us had ever treated her as family.

Instead, her supposed Family had disappeared to do their own thing, on the very day her birthday was. To be gone until the day after it was done. Leaving her Mother upset and fed up with everyone s behavior.

I listened, which felt odd. I was listening through Renesmee s ears, but it felt like it echoed to put an even more haunting effect as it vibrated off the walls of her mind as she listened to the argument she heard Bella and I having.

Bella, we had to watch you suffer. And practically be torn open because of that creature! Why should she savagely murder you, and she still gets rewarded? I'm sorry Bella, but I am ashamed. I am ashamed that not only must I say I created such a vile creature, but that I am also forced to say she's my 'daughter'. She is by biology, but not by my account. She took your humanity. I wanted you to keep your humanity and thanks to her, you got it literally ripped away from you. She will not be rewarded with my love. I heard myself shout. The memory seemed to shift, blur, and then squeeze out of my sight. Writing Bella s goodbye letter, and then mine. I forced myself to watch her gather her things after Bella and I had left for her birthday. Burning them, descending at blinding into the forest with nothing but the clothes on her back.

But then she did something I never expected, stopping at a bank, going unnoticed at the ATM as she withdrew every cent from her bank account Bella had kept for her, for her Seventh birthday. There wasn t a trillion dollars in it, but it was more than any Seven Eighteen-year old looking teenager needed. Bella had insisted on it, since she had raised Renesmee with Rosalie, I had no place in forbidding it.

At first, I was confused about where I was or where Renesmee was as I stood at the porch of Charlie Swan s. Almost thirty years ago. It even shocked me to see how he had aged compared to now. When Renesmee was this age, we had never allowed her to see Charlie. He wasn t aware that she even existed and at my point, I never wanted him to know about her. At this point I was ashamed of this girl.

I Renesmee stared at the crumbled brown bag she had crammed into the mail slot in the door for a second, allowing me to see her reflection Snow clung to her dark brown curly hair, wide brown eyes that consumed everything around her, including her love for her Mother. The old Renesmee, I remembered. A slightly frightened, but determined expression appeared on her face.

As she turned to dart away, the sound of an doorknob turning and opening the door caused her to panic, momentarily making her forget her vampire speed, as she whirled around to face the man. In the reflection, I could see her shocked reaction in the reflection of the glass in the door. Her ability to speak was hinged as she looked up at the man, his eyes questioning I was shocked not to find a trace of shock in his face. In fact, it looked as though he had been waiting for this.

Well, Well, he said, softly.

Hi there. Charlie greeted, giving the little girl a smile.

This was the first time; I saw Renesmee truly frightened or shy was in the reflection of Charlie s eyes as his eyes trained on her.

Hello, I Renesmee said, hoarsely.

Her memory seemed to skip over the brown bag, and any other unnecessary memories to her sitting in the sofa, as Charlie fixed her a cup of hot chocolate. Though her warmth was evident, I could now feel she was a little chilled, even for a super natural hybrid. Everyone has their weaknesses, I supposed.

I wasn t obsessed with the bag she had crammed into the door, but when she rose from her seat when Charlie was in the kitchen, darted across the room and collected the bag and casted a look into it. Money, I was sure there was a little over one-hundred-thousand in the bag. What was she doing with it? I watched closely as the memory skipped again, to the moment that defined her and Charlie s relationship forever, him asking who she was, and her confession that who she was, and even more. That she was his granddaughter, her fear of him now tossing her to the curb as everyone else had.

I know you re different, Charlie said. Renesmee s eyes instantly looked up into his, Shocked. I could hear her thoughts this time even thought they were silent. She was used to being scrutinized for being what she was, a monster, tyrant, and a curse. She waited for his next response.

But you re my different granddaughter I don t care, he declared not a trace of shock or uncertainty in his voice.

Family is family, no matter what they are.

Renesmee didn t hide her vampire speed this time, but she was careful with Charlie s human frailty to her own strength. She ran over to Charlie and locked her arms around him.

I can tell not very many people have told you that, his own arms tightly held her.

The memory skipped again, but even though that was in movement, I felt frozen. Someone who had never met Renesmee in their life, sees her on his door step, without ever knowing her, was able to love her unconditionally within seconds.

I past the memories as she left the bag of money on Charlie s table along with a note, promising to be back soon, and then left that night on the journey she had begun. What was wrong with me and the rest of my family? I resented Renesmee because of what had happened to Bella. But it was now that I had noticed something. Renesmee s memories blazed past me. I wished I could ve seen what I d looked like through her eyes.

It was clear to me now, I was the monster.

Mentally shaking my head at myself, her memory shifted to a disorienting timing in her memories. The future, how many years into the future were beyond me. But it made me sick to my stomach, as I watched her stumble through a terrain of a mixture of forest s, desert s, and places she couldn t go noticed in. Anticipating Bella s heavy search for her.
But one day, I could feel Renesmee as the cold began to overpower her warm hybrid skin and system, as it turned cold, and numb. Was it possible for her to die from exposure? I wasn t sure.

But it scared me, that even though this was a memory, how I watched and felt how she died. Compelled to watch through her eyes, unable to spring out of the memory into that point in time, save her, drag her home as Bella wanted to. No, I was compelled to watch as the girl that only wanted to give me back my life, start to waste away and slowly start to lose hers. As she tried her best to push herself to walk, her legs more and more began to feel like the bone had been sucked from them. They wobbled and shook from beneath her weight, threatening to plunge her forward.

Everything around her blurred, and wiggled out of focus, making her stumble as if she was a drunken, fourteen-year-old looking, girl. Her head tortured her every waking moment with pain from the hunger she had. She had started to waste away around yesterday, and now she was even worse, but she didn t think she d make it any longer for it to get anymore worse than she was now. The lack of blood or food, she was resistant to far more longer than any human, but it was obviously having effects. She no longer had weight on her bones, giving her warmth. She drew the line at her final destination, as her legs finally gave way, launching her sideways into a tree that didn t even shudder as her body depended on it for support.

But soon, not even that was enough. She slid down the trunk of the tree, desperate for food, not having knowledge of how to hunt, and freezing to death, and obviously suffering from some type of illness as a fiery of pain rose in her lungs, like she was breathing fire, and wheezing as she tried to intake as much oxygen as she could but failed. She coughed and the liquid that came out began to gently spray the fresh white snow in front of her with blood.

The bitter cold bit at every exposed area of her skin, which from so much travelling wasn t much. The sweater she had equipped herself with had been ripped in places from branches, cactus s, and any bushes that stuck out as she past them, her jeans were useless.

She hunched herself together, in an impossible way to try to gain warmth within her, but she could see above her, in the woods, it was about to snow again. Her hair was already frozen white with her trek, but something else was devouring her.

Giving up, that was all she had. She would set her, and let death consume her. She had nothing left. She couldn t even force herself to die sooner. She was numb already due to the cold, so she knew it d be painless. I screamed for Renesmee to continue, to keep fighting for the nearest option she had. A rabbit, a rat, even a tarantula at this point. I begged her to fight.

But it was too late. She leaned her head against the oddly comforting tree, stared ahead, and started to close her eyes, and hummed a soothing melody she had remembered from one of her ballerina dancing figures.
She was drifting, death in her reach, her body separating her. But when she heard footsteps snap a twig near her, she couldn t even open her eyes to see who had done it.

Something lifted her, and for a split exhausting second, her eyes opened to view the man lifting her lifeless body. She looked up at the wiry looking man, that closely resembling Nahuel looking back down at her. But there wasn t a trace of kindness in his eyes.

Her instinct already into a fighting motion, she found strength in her to spring from his grasp and weakly fell and crashed into the ground. Her legs that were now unusable failed in helping her even crawl away. Her small from was nothing for him to scoop back up into a now unbreakable grasp.

Help, help! Renesmee helpless squeaked out over her hoarse and sick voice. She tried to limber away but he was too quick.

His face was the last thing Renesmee looked at, before it morphed out of focus, and was turning into another nightmare.