A/N: ...Ok first of all...YES! I KNOW! I said I'd update routinely!... I failed T_T...that and life happened, it does that and things got super super busy and sadly this fic got shoved on the backburner. Now technically I should have been back over a month ago but I was reading through the later chapters of this fic and realised that I no longer liked some of them so I decided to re-write a few. Dont worry! Still following the same plot, just changed a few things up.

Also I'm probably going with a different layout from now on with shorter but more numerous chapters, however that may change again. Tell me what you think, k?

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing or anything related to it...if only :P

Chapter 7

Three days had passed since that night in the dungeons of the Hellsing household. The evenings events had been casually pushed aside by both of the vampires and neither admitted to the other of what happened that night.

This was a pretty easy feat to achieve at least for everyone at hellsing was making final preperations. Their flight for Kumaju was set to leave that evening and the manor was buzzing with commotion.

Integra was still ironing out all of the details for the management of the Hellsing organisation in her absence; she was locked away in her office, neck deep in paperwork and onto her two billionth cigar of the morning.

Walter, too, was similarly busy. He'd been placed in charge of organising the accommodation and training of the extra troops recruited into Hellsing to bolster its forces whilst Sir Irons was in temporary command in Integra's absence. The troops were from an organisation called the 'Wild Geese', a loud and unruly bunch of mercenaries whom Integra viewed with suspicion. That aside Walter had convinced her to use them based of their impeccable credentials, in spite of their poor table manners and choice of humour.

Seras was busy in her dungeon chambers, packing her bag like an excited schoolgirl who was going away on her first camping trip. So far she had managed to pack seven, yes seven, suitcases to bursting point, in her defence two of them were filled with weapons in the highly unlikely event of them being needed. That was Alucard's suggestion, of course. The other five cases were filled with clothes and some of Seras' personal affects.

Unlike everyone else, in typical fashion, Alucard was busy, but not in the productive way that everyone else was. He was instead hunched on his throne, his eyes gazing quizzically into the bright screen of this new 'smart phone' that Seras had been ordered to buy for him.

Alucard's previous phone was to say the least very outdated, it didn't even have a colour screen! However he was very fond of it and was rather insulted when Seras presented him with this new, slim and fragile looking thing. Honestly he felt it would break if he so much as sneezed on it. Then there was the touch screen, the evil touch screen.

Alucard loved wearing his ivory white gloves, they were soft and comfortable, but nooo, now he has to remove them to work the strange new device in his palm, and he was still trying to figure out what all of these weird square shaped 'apps' were.

After a few moments of rather embarrassing fumbling Alucard figured out the advanced art of swiping between screens, which to his dismay revealed even more apps; several pages of them. Resigned to his fate, Alucard knew there was no point complaining to himself about it and set about exploring each app in its entirety, he prayed it would pass enough time that the wait for the 11pm flight would not be so deathly boresome.

What exactly is a dropbox? Hmm a clock, useful I suppose. Oh a settings screen, I wonder if I can make all of these apps go away? Ugh! Nope, staying out of that one. Ok whats next?

He flicked through the phone, itemising each app and its specific use.

Messages… I assume that means texts these days…

Hotmail? I thought it was called an e-mail…

Camera? I don't see any photographic equipment in here? Wait…it does have a camera! How fascinating.

Twitter? Create new profile? Hm. perhaps I shall wait and get the Police Girl to explain this one.

Alucard was interrupted from his app-searching duties when the door to his chambers burst open, allowing an exhausted and aghast looking Walter to stumble through the threshold. As soon as he was safely inside Walter slammed the door shut behind him, the sound echoing through the halls, and slumped to the ground resting his back against it for support. Never before in human history has a butler look so worn out, or so sweaty.

"Ah! Escaping for our mercenary friends are we Walter?" Alucard asked, placing down his newfangled phone to engage with his comrade. "I'm amazed you made it out alive."

"I don't find that amusing Alucard!" Walter scolded between heavy panting; he pulled out a small handkerchief from his vest and wiped away the droplets of sweat that clung to his brow. "This blasted holiday could not come sooner enough! I cannot believe I recommended that rabble to Sir Integra!"

"Come now Walter" Alucard cooed sarcasticly, "I'ts not like you to get this upset so easily, please share your tale of woe with me." With a click of his pale fingers a chair had materialised beside the vampire and he beckoned Walter to sit by him.

After another brief moment of catching his breath Walter complied and stumbled over to the ornate piece of furniture, he flopped down on the chair and allowed a relieved sigh to escape him before regaling his story to Alucard.

Apparently Seras had been introduced to the Flying Geese earlier on in the morning, it had been a riot. Put one plump-breasted, attractive woman (vampire or not) in a room full of single soldiers and you're asking for trouble. Not only was she subject to an unquantifiable barrage of lewd comments, advances, and innuendos but she also had to put up with the Frenchman, Pip Bernadotte.

The man, according to Walter, was clearly and idiot. He simply could not believe that the 'sweet little blonde' was a vampire. That was until she flicked him into oblivion; it's quite amazing that a vampire possesses enough strength to flick a grown man around the room as if he weighed less than a balloon. She only stopped when she realised Pip was using the attack as an excuse to look up her skirt every time he fell to the floor. This caused a niggling irritation (or perhaps jealousy?) in Alucard that he daren't admit, and he swiftly cast the emotions aside.

Apparently though, at one point, Seras had snapped and began threatening to personally castrate each and every soldier should they make one more sultry remark about her. This then proceeded to escalate to the point that Seras was chasing them around the mansion which what appeared to be a chair leg, turned makeshift club. Needless to say it took Walter an exuberant amount of time to calm down both Seras and the fleeing men whom she'd been pursuing. It then took even more effort to convince the young draculina to go down to her chambers and complete her packing, despite it already being complete. Truth be told Walter just wanted an excuse to lock her in that iron room. As soon as that was done, he sought the only place in the mansion that was safe, except for Integra's office.

"And now I'm here talking to you." Walter finished with a huff, crossing his arms in frustration. "I'm beginning to understand why you like it down here Alucard."

"Ha, yes the Police Girl can be quite the troublesome thing when she wants to be."

"Yes…although I've noticed you seem to find her less irritating these days."

"Incorrect Walter, I've simply learnt to tune out her ceaseless drabble" Alucard lied. He knew all too well that Seras was trying his temper less and less with each passing day; it was a …worrying development. One he should try to correct at the next opportunity. "I find her to be tolerable at the best of times, usually when she's silent."

"Oh I'm not so sure about that, from what I heard you rather enjoyed that little shopping expedition that you were…'forced' to go on." There was a disctinct smugness in the butler's voice which Alucard was determined to rub out.

"It was the only way to keep the darned girl quiet Walter" He lied again; this was going to become a bad habit at this rate. "However it did give me some ideas to help entertain myself whilst we are away on this little trip."

Walter cocked an eyebrow at Alucard who now had a devilish grin plastered across his face. "Alucard, you're not planning on antagonising the poor girl the entire time we're away are you?"

"How could you think me so cruel Walter?" Alucard grinned even more; oh he was going to love this. Although he hoped Walter won't die from a heart attack at the sight, "In fact…I brought Seras a present."

"Oh?" Walter raised the other eyebrow now, "Do please show me what this wonderful gift is."

"Very well" Alucard replied as he summoned forth a small black box from the shadows, it floated over to the pair and sat itself down on Alucard's lap. "I do hope she likes it, I put significant effort into my choice of purchase."

*Click*

"…"

"Well? What do you think?"

"It's…very dramatic"

"Do you believe the Police Girl will like it?"

"I'm trying to think of a word a little stronger than…'no'.."

"What do you mean no? I think It's rather fitting." If I do say so myself.

"Yes Alucard, its very fitting."

Fitting it was indeed. Alucard was carefully holding up a black swimsuit, a very revealing, well fitted black swimsuit. It was a one-piece although it was cropped here, there and everywhere to reveal as much skin as possible whilst still being considered swimwear and not a strippers outfit. There was no real back to it, only two straps designed to hold he bust in place, and as for the bottom of the swimsuit well…skimpy would be an understatement.

"Where on earth did you find it?" Walter asked, still recovering from the shock.

"In a wonderful place that Police Girl called an 'alternative clothing store'!"

"Ah…"

"…"

"Alucard?"

"Yesss Walter?"

"You didn't…buy anything for Sir Integra did you?"

"If only she were so easy to buy for, sadly no."

"Thank heavens." A sigh of relief, "I don't think I'd have enough cleaning products to scrape your entrails off the walls if you had."

A/N: Oh yes, the secret gift from Alucard has been revealed!

So this was a shorter than usual chapter, as I said I'm toying with doing shorter but more frequent chapters. You never know I may do both here and there. But enough waffling! Plz R&R :)