Authors Note: Updating at about 4am.
December 24, 1994.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
(Enter Joey)
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
Monica: So, how'd it go?
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Monica: So what are you gonna be?
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin',
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)
Phoebe: (Sung)
...My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar,
And sometimes when it's breezy...
Chandler: Let's get the kids from my mom, Mon.
Monica: OK.
Monica was still weak and tired from giving birth, about three days ago. But nothing's gonna stop her from making the food for the Christmas eve party they were hosting that evening.
(Exit Mondler)
[SCENE: The Bings and Rachel's apartment. Mondler brought home Baby Luke from the hospital, the day before]
Rachel: Aww, Luke looks just like you Chandler.
Ross: Poor Baby Luke.
Chandler: Shut up Dino Man or I can tell you all the details of how, me and Monica conceived all of our kids.
Ross: Eww, Dude, No!
(Monica was making the food for the Christmas eve party they were hosting that evening. Chandler came up and wrapped his arms around her: kissing her neck)
Chandler: Cara Mia, what are you doing? You just had a baby three days ago.
Monica: Making the food for the Christmas eve party. Mon Cherie.
(He started kissing her as she was making the food)
Ross: Eww guys...!
(Phoebe started to play with her guitar. And Luke let out a loud cry from the nursery)
Chandler: Pheebs, um can you keep that down?(Goes into the nursery and returns a minute later with Luke)
Chandler(Blows on Baby Luke's tummy): Who's Daddy's little boy.
Karen: Daddy! Daniel hit me.
Chandler: Daniel, get your ass in here!
Daniel: What?
Chandler: Did you hit Karen?
Daniel: Yeah only, because she and Uncle Joey were making fun of me.
Chandler: Oh I don't know what to do with you kids.(Feeds Baby Luke, patting his back)
Ross: Haha.
Chandler: Shut up Dino Man. You don't know how much trouble me and Mon have raising our kids.(Baby Luke then starts crying for his mom) Cara Mia, Baby Luke wants you.
(Monica picks up Baby Luke, kissing him)
Monica: How's Mama's handsome little boy?
(Luke then let out a soft cry)
Monica: Why won't you stop crying, Baby Boy?(Rocks him)
Sophie: Mommy, he's so cute! Can I hold him?
Monica: Yeah just sit down. (Hands the little baby boy to Sophie after she sat down next to her Uncle Ross at the kitchen table)
Sophie: Hi Luke. I'm your big sister Sophie...I will always have gum.
Rachel: Aww Mon, Sophie already has your love for kids and she's only five.
Monica: I know!(Goes back to cooking the food and Chandler starts to kiss her arm.)
Joey(Karen's holding on to his leg, not letting go): Woah Mon, she"s freakishly strong...like you. Well I gotta go to the mall and give the fake Santa a piece of my mind.
Chandler: Karry Sweetie, let go of Uncle Joey's legs OK?
When Sophie, was a few months old, she couldn't say 'Karen' and called her baby sister "Karry' instead. Everyone catched on with it.
Karen: Fine, Daddy!(Let's go of Joey's legs, which caused Joey to fall into the closed door.)
(Exit Joey)
Ross: Hi Luke, you look just like your dad who is ugly.
Chandler: Shut up Dino Man. One last time or I'm gonna tell you all the details of me and Monica conceived all of our kids.
Ross: Hey, you got Monica pregnant on Thanksgiving '88. So who's to talk?
(Both men sat down across from each other at the kitchen; looking mad and sheepish)
Rachel: Can you guys be grown ups for once?(Placed both hands on Ross's shoulders)
(Luke started to cry once he got placed in Rachel's arms)
Ross: Poor Baby Luke.
Chandler: Alright Dino Man, that's it. I'm telling you how I knocked up Monica on Thanksgiving 1988!
-Thanksgiving 1988-
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Chandler: Are you all right?
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that—(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
The Doctor: What do we got here?
The Paramedic: Nineteen year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.
(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
The Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.
Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
The Doctor: Did you bring the toe?
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
Chandler: Toes On Ice! Coming soon to Madison Square Garden.
Ross: Save your strength man!
The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and—(Stops suddenly.)
Monica: What?! What is it?
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
Chandler: What?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel: You brought a carrot?!
Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.
Monica: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!
The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe!
Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
Mr. Geller: I'm not falling for that one!
[Scene: The Geller home. Ross and Rachel are holding Chandler up]
Ross: You ok Buddy?
(Chandler shaked his head)
Rachel: We should bring him up to the guest room. So that he can get his rest.
(Ross and Rachel then carry Chandler upstairs into the guest room)
12am.
Monica: Hey there Buggerface.
Chander: Hi.
Monica: Listen I came into here to apologize. Not just because Ross and my parents made me, because I really wanted to.(Rests her head on his chest)
Chandler: I accept. Mon?
Monica: Ya?"
Chandler: I wanna hold you in my arms, kiss you and make love to you.
(Pushes his lips up to hers)
Monica: Bedroom?
(He nods and they go into her bedroom)
[SCENE: Monica's bedroom]
In the bedroom, Chandler started to rip off Monica's pj shirt then played with the clasp of her bra.
He pulled her pj pants down.
They were undressing each other and he forced himself in her.
Chandler: Am I hurting you Mon?
Chandler knew Monica was still a virgin, he couldn't bring himself to hurt her.
(Imagines Ross' angry face)
Monica: No no(Started to cry a bit)
Chandler: Baby just tell me, am I hurting you?
Monica: I don't care. I need you so badly. I want to have my first time with you.
Chandler: Okay, Mon.
(Makes love to her as gentle and careful as possible)
Afterwards, Monica lay in Chandlers arms.
Chandler: Did I hurt you Mon?
Monica: No you were amazing. I love you.
Chandler: I love you too Mon.(Kissed her hand then her lips)
She looked at her naked body then at his: she can't believe she is a woman now.
They had sex, she gave her flower to him.
The Geller home at AM time.
[SCENE: Monica's bedroom at AM]
(Monica turned over and saw Chandler in her bed. Then looked at her naked body and back at his)
Chandler:(Saw who's bed he was in) Oh my god! I slept with Ross' little sister. I took Ross' little sister's virginity.
Monica: Chandler, Chandler calm down.
Chandler: OK. I still can't believe this though.
Monica: Let's get dressed and pretend this have never happened.
(Instantly found her pj shirt and pants. About to put it on)
Monica: Could you not look?
Chandler: Maybe, I don't wanna look.
(He found his clothes too finding it: putting it on)
Chandler: I'm going back into the guest room. Love you.
(Kisses Monica's forehead then going back into the Geller's guest room)
Monica was staring at the dark bedroom celling, watching the sky light up.
Trying to wish the pain away.
Then fell back asleep and before she knew it; is was morning time.
Ross: Mon, wake-up, it's breakfast time!
Monica: OK, gimme a second. Will ya?
(Back to the present day)
Ross: Eww Dude!(Covers his ears immediately. Groaning in disgust)
Chandler: Told ya so(Kisses up Monica's arm)
[SCENE: The Bings and Rachel's apartment. The Christmas eve party is going underway]
(The door opens. Joey is standing there. His Santa coat is muddy and torn, his hair is disheveled and his face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Monica: Oh my gosh! Joey, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's everyone?
Joey: Berlin. They missed their flights.
Joey: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. The I hit my head on the curb and cut my lip on my whistle... And then all these kids started attacking me. Oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
[Sophie's Room. Phoebe and Monica are watching Joey put on make up in the vanity mirror.]
Joey:. K, that looks ok don't it?
Phoebe: You…umm…went a little wide on the lip.
Joey: Oh! Right there?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey:It's hard for me to tell. My eye's closing up.
Monica: Let me get it for ya. (pencils in on his lip) Ok.
Joey: All right. (winces in pain)
Monica: You know what? You look fine.
Joey: Ok here we go! Screw those mischievous kids. Screw that psycho cab lady. It's Christmas Eve. Let's have a good time.
Monica: Yes! Ok. (Phoebe exits)
Joey: Ok, here we go! (gets up)
Monica: Ok. All right there you go. (Joey walks the wrong way.) No this way. You're fine. There you go. And change out of this Santa costume.
Joey: OK.
Monica: Well I hear Luke crying. I'm gonna tend to him.
(Exit Monica)
[SCENE: The nursery where Luke is]
Monica: Hi, Baby Boy.
(The little baby boy starts to cry when his Mother picks him up)
Monica: Please don't cry, Baby Boy. It's me- Mommy. See?
(Luke calms down)
Monica: Oh my god, you are such a handsome baby boy. You look just like Daddy and Danny, Baby Boy.
ENDING CREDITS.
[SCENE: Mondler's bedroom. They are cuddling]
Chandler: I love you so much, Mon.
(Starts to kiss her)
Monica: Oh, I see where this is going. We can't do it for another 5 weeks. The Doctors orders. And doing it with you, got me into this...again.
Chandler: How can I help it when I've got an extremely gorgeous wife?
Monica: I love you HubbyKins.
(Rested her head on his chest)
Authors Note: This took me from 4am on Saturday to 11am on sunday to complete. Good bye for right now!