Summary: Sometimes that little spark is still there waiting to burn again.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The idea came from the song "I'm Coming Over" by Chris Young, lyrics also by him and of course it had to be a Jay and Erin story. I hope you all enjoy this! Please review!
So I decided to continue this one shot and make it into something more after rereading it and determining that in real life no one gets back like that. There will be struggle, happy times and sad times. So here we go with Chapter Two!
Still Burning
Chapter 2
"Momma we can't wake Uncle Will up. He's snoring loudly. Maybe he needs to go to the doctor's." Lola declared as she spoke over the answering machine that sent echoes through the apartment "Daddy's not asleep on the couch either. Momma where's daddy? Did he leave again?"
"He didn't leave you nimrod! He's with Mom!" Shelby spoke in a demeaning tone.
"Don't call me a Nimrod!"
"Well you are!" Shelby screamed before the answering machine beeped ending the phone call.
"And there goes a peaceful morning." Jay sighed awakening from his peaceful sleep. "I should probably get back there."
"They can wait?" Erin questioned it. "Will's capable."
"That's not what you said last night." Jay frowned slightly snapping at her. He was trying so hard to get over everything, push it all behind him to make his relationship with the one girl he loves more than anything in the world but it still comes crashing back. The emotions, the wondering, the heartache. It was all there just now buried slightly under a thin layer of love that was growing again.
"Still going back to that after last night?" Erin pulled away from him. She expected them to just ignore the past month and focus on the future.
"It's not like that." Jay hesitated. Jay was positive he wanted to go back to the way things were but there was something holding him back. What if this happened again? What if every time Erin's mad or holding something over his head they will resort to this? It wasn't healthy to think that nor will it be helpful for the future.
"Then what is it like, Jay, because I did everything correctly."
"Correctly?" Jay stared at her, "I don't think what you did was done correctly."
With an eye roll, Erin pulled the blanket from covering both of their naked bodies from the drafty old warehouse windows in their building leaving Jay exposed. "Give me a break Jay."
"This is what I fucking mean Erin. You're hot and then your cold. What do you want? What the fuck do you want?"
"I told you yesterday what I wanted." She mumbled biting her lip softly as she did whenever she was nervous. Jay made her nervous yet comfortable at the same time. It was a balance that she accepted gracefully. It was a bad habit, to bite her lip, and even Jay warned her the moment Shelby picked it up but she couldn't help it. The pain she felt from biting it relaxed her and calmed her nerves. All the focus left her mind about what she was nervous and uncomfortable with.
"Not really. You said you messed up that's it." Jay yelled back sitting up before climbing out of bed and quickly finding his clothes around the area. He sighed within himself that he fell for it, once again. He couldn't really define why he did, maybe it was hope? The hope that he'd be with the one he loves, be with his kids every day instead of whenever some judge that neither of them new in family court would decide what is the best schedule for them. "We were supposed to talk, Erin and I think we need to. I need answers, especially why the kids where with Voight on Friday."
"So what? I did mess up." She confessed in a way that Jay didn't know if she truly admitted it to herself that she did mess up or that she did ruin it herself by not knowing how to communicate her feels to him. Jay did have a part in it but he placed most of the blame on her. "I admitted it," Erin spoke, "and why can't that be enough? Them being with him is him wanting them. That's it." She finished with an eye roll. "Gosh, can't he see them ever?"
"And you still are." Jay hissed venomously. He we hurting and the way to solve his hurt was to hurt her back. It wasn't the most adult way to deal with it but Jay was getting tired doing things properly so to speak because it wasn't helping. He gave her space, talked to her through a fucking lawyer but it wasn't enough. "He can see them but shouldn't I get them first if your going out doing god knows what with God knows who because I'm damn sure Kim would never let Adam watch their kids two nights in a row. Who where you with Erin? Who the fuck were you with?"
"I was with Kim, is that hard to believe?" Erin may have been lying or she may have been telling the truth but Jay will never know. Erin had this picture in her mind about how it would happen. They would continue on with Jay home next to her all the time from now on but her mind didn't imagine this would happen. There was no image of the pain she saw in his face, the hurt that she just wanted to make it go away but she had no way to do so. She caused it and couldn't erase that damage like she hoped. So she pushed him away, shoving him emotionally away from her. She did it a lot in the beginning weeks and months when she moved in to the Voight's residence as a teen. It was easier than working through everything. "Just go home Jay."
"If I want to be correct, this is my house and I can continue to stay here." Jay hissed. "If you want to fucking fix this then try. Don't give me this shit of building up these fucking walls Erin. I'm trying, trying so fucking hard for you. Gosh, don't you ever realize how fucking difficult you make things?"
"And I can easily get your ass out of here, Jay." Erin hissed shoving on an old Chicago Bears shirt that she knew was his from when she was pregnant with Shelby all those years ago and refused to buy bigger clothes because his fit her so comfortably with her ever expanding stomach. "Get the fuck out. I'll text Will to meet me somewhere to get the kids later because them being with you is not exactly working and I don't think I want to see you."
"Text him? They're our kids! I can keep them from you just like you've been doing to me." He ran his hand through his hair. His level of aggravation grew whenever she opened her mouth. "If you wanna be that much of a bitch, fine. But don't you ever fucking threaten to keep them away because you know what, Erin? I'm a damn good father to them. I deserve to see them all the time like you see them."
"Whatever you think, Jay." Erin rolled her eyes because during their month separation she researched custody in Illinois. She researched long and heard because she was angry and wanted "payback" against him. There was no way he'd be granted full custody or even 50/50 with Erin and Jay rotating every week with who has the kids because of his long, not predictable hours. He should be happy she was willing to give him every other weekend.
"You are something else, you know that? I would've never imagined that you could turn into a bitch like your mother but look at you. All you need is the alcohol and the drugs again and you'd be a perfect mirror image." It was a lowball threat that he just pulled but he was angry and hurt and just didn't care anymore.
"Don't you ever compare me to her!" That hit her hard. All her life she tried so hard to be better parent's and a better human being than either of her parent's. Jay knew this. She cried to him the first night she got drunk after Shelby was born because she was so pissed at her self for getting drunk- never mind the fact that it was New Years Eve and Shelby was almost a year old at that point. She barely touched any alcohol usually. Just a beer here or there or maybe even one or two glasses of wine when she was out to dinner. Erin pushed herself to never be like her and she was proud of the fact that she wasn't like her Mother. "I am nothing like her at all!"
"No, you're an even bigger bitch then she is." Jay hissed. He dealt with Bunny countless times, even when Erin wrote her off only to have Bunny prance back the moment Shelby was born to try and take on the role of Grandmother of the Year to all her friends. "Start looking at yourself because this person you are now is not the one I fell in love with."
Erin just simply shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know how to respond to that. Does she say "people change over time" or " people grow apart". It was weird because she didn't feel like that. She just felt the walls expanding around her, emotionally blocking her from feelings.
"If you want to fix this fucking mess then try because at this point you are once again pushing me the fuck away." He was more reasonable at this time surprisingly. "Do whatever you have to do to try and fix this because Erin there's a time when a person can only take so much of your shit and leave. I'm getting really close to that leaving mark." He didn't want to argue anymore because it was getting them no where so he left but paused before to remove the one thing that's been in place since Erin was four months pregnant with Shelby, his wedding ring. The silver ring was a sign of love and devotion but he was feeling it anymore. He was feeling emotionless about it all. He placed the ring on the dresser with one last comment. "You know what Erin? I fucking believed you last night and yet again we are back to were we started. When you figure out what the fuck you want from me, let me know because it may be too late."
Erin didn't respond but as soon as she heard the slamming of the door she sunk to the ground. This wasn't what she wanted but why was she pushing him so hard. She didn't understand it not did she realize she was doing it until that ring came off his finger. That broke her completely.
-CPD-
"Daddy!" Lola sashayed over to him with a look that he's received from Erin countless times she was made at him. The pout, the way her eyebrows formed a "v" shape on her forehead. "Yous in trouble!"
"Why am I in trouble?" Jay questioned trying not to show his mood. They didn't deserve it nor did he want to take it out on them.
"You not here when I woke up!" She pointed her figure in his face when he lifted her into his arms.
"Well I'm sorry for that, Buttercup. I went and got breakfast." Jay smiled at his back up plan holding up a box of donuts. He knew he had to stop and get something because if the kids knew the truth there would be questions that he did not want to answer. "And I think there's a sprinkled one in there for you."
"Daddy got donuts!" Lola screamed running off with the box towards the television where Shelby and Aidan sat watching some cartoon. "And Shelby doesn't get any cause she called me a Nimrod!"
"Share Lola." Jay gave her that look that all parents give their kids when they're misbehaving.
"Hahahaha" Shelby stuck her tongue out at her little sister.
"Cut it out, both of you." Jay didn't want to deal with anything, especially the girls, his girls, fighting.
"Damn, you don't look so good." Will slapped his brother's back. "Was it a good night or bad?"
"Started off good and ended badly. I'll explain later." Jay didn't want to discuss it with little ears around. "Just know I may become a permanent resident to your guest room."
"Fuck man."
"Language!" Jay warned him. He didn't need Lola or Aidan running back to Erin cursing up a storm.
"Dude, what did you do?" Will questioned. "I mean you go to fix things, fool around and end up making things worse. Fix it."
"Kind of hard to do at this point." Jay looked down not giving eye contact because he was embarrassed. This was his whole life-his wife and kids- and now he gave up on his wife.
Then the door started to be pounded on and Jay expected this. His guess it was either Adam, being the best guess, or Voight threatening to kill him. Either way it is not going to end positively.
"Every time I have a knock on my damn door it ends up being someone here for you." Will mumbled placing his coffee cup on the table and walked slowly and tiredly towards the front door. Opening it he was startled. "Jay!"He didn't want to inform him it was Voight was here because Will knew Jay would refuse to come to the door.
With a deep breath, Jay walked slowly towards the front door to receive a glare from Voight who stood on the other side. "Fuck" he mumbled under his breathe. He got along with Hank just fine but after this morning he knew Erin would probably call Voight. It was obvious.
"You and me need to have a little talk. Let's go." Hank hissed in his raspy voice. He was cold to Jay because he was protecting Erin. He's been her protector since she was a young kid on the streets. Hank offered Jay to become that but now he's letting him down. "Now."
"I am not doing this now." Jay stood firm in position near the doorway. "I don't have anything to say to you that will change anything. This is all between Erin and me. It's time she fought her own battles, Voight "
"What the hell did you do to her Halstead?" Hank wondered out loud. He showed up at the younger Halstead's apartment after receiving a very cryptic message from Erin filled with tears and mumbles that he didn't understand so he went to the source, against Erin's wishes. She wanted him to get her the best damn lawyer who would not fight fairly when it came to custody because she was hurt. Instead of following up with that, he went to the source of her pain- Jay.
"It's what she did, not me. She's made this mess and it's time we let her figure it out."
"Papa!" Aidan yelled running towards the front door causing Jay to silently curse for not shutting it. "Are you still mad at my daddy cause you yelling at him?"
Little kids are very perceptive and Jay noticed it constantly but he also knows how to keep things hissed from them. "Back inside Aidan, now." Jay insisted on it.
"But Daddy," Aidan frowned deciding he did not like his father's decision at all. "Papa is here."
"True me I know that." Jay shoved the young boy slightly inside before closing the door behind him. "If you came to fight Erin's battles think again Voight because for once she needs to do them herself."
That was the opposite of what Hank planned on doing when he found himself on his son-in-law's door steps early this morning. He came to reason with Jay, something Hank himself never does but he didn't want either of them suffering, nor did he want his grandchildren having to go through the possibility of having divorced parents. He came and spoke to Jay first simply because he's not as stubborn as Erin and would somewhat listen to him. "Not at all. I came to knock some sense into one of you. This little fight is ridiculous and is interfering with work. Work it out by the end of the month or one of you is being transferred. Erin's coming back. She requested it this morning. You bet your ass I'm gonna make you two partners again. Maybe sitting in a damn car will knock some sense into one of you because it seems like you both are too stubborn to try." With that Hank was done. He never did this "give support" family man guy. He was a keep emotions tucked behind walls-like Erin. But once in a while those emotions have to be seen to really understand the person and that needed to be now.
"I told her what she had to do, it's up to her to do it." Jay turned on his heels after calling after Hank. He walked back inside and didn't know what to do anymore. Everyone was fighting for him to make it right but he was trying. Trying so damn hard to make it right but Erin fought it. She fought it in his eyes. Maybe enough is enough?