The feral roars echoed throughout the atmosphere, sending chills down your aching spine.
What in the name of Sina is that? you thought, not for the first time since you had launched off the roof with your comrades.
The wind whipped your hair into your face, almost painfully, and you squinted against the gale as it blew all manner of debris - you weren't sure you wanted to know exactly which manner - into your eyes.
As you soared deeper into the ever-darkening city towards your goal, you were comforted at last by the familiar whirring of the gear at your waist and thighs, twisting and pulling at all your limbs and joints. You could tell that they would leave behind the same dull purple markings that they always did. You found it strange that the bruises seemed so comforting to you now, when your fellow soldiers lay in pieces strewn across the city streets and alleyways.
You directed your thoughts elsewhere.
The roars tore through the air again and you closed your eyes.
You felt something stir in your heart but you couldn't possibly understand it.
"Follow Mikasa!" you heard a voice call from behind you. Jean.
You opened your eyes to see Mikasa swoop in and cleave the nape off a brown-haired titan so quickly you could barely see her. Even now, after all these years of knowing her, you were amazed by her. She was of a different caliber.
But...
Oh, no.
"Mikasa!" you shouted in alarm. "You need to slow down!"
She didn't respond. Either she didn't hear you, or she didn't care. Considering how far ahead she was, you imagined it was the former.
"Mikasa!" you tried again, shocked by how shrill your voice was sounding.
"She's amazing! How's she moving so fast?" Connie's called behind you.
"No, she's using too much gas!" you heard. You looked to your side to see Armin staring up at his friend in horror. "She'll run out soon! Mikasa!"
Mikasa was still in her own world, yanking and firing her anchors at break-neck speed. She looked like a demon, maybe an angel, cutting and slashing her way through all the titans that stood in her path. If you weren't so afraid for her life, you would have been paralyzed with wonder.
"She's not herself," Armin said. "She's covering up her shock up with action! At this rate, she'll soon..."
No sooner did he speak the words than you saw Mikasa started to sink. Fast.
"Mikasa!" you heard a shout. You don't know who it was. It could have even been you. Your eyes stretched wide in horror as the tiny dot that was her fell like a stone until disappearing completely from sight.
You and Armin both put on a burst, and you could hear Jean and Connie shouting behind you. She was too far away... you couldn't be certain where she even fell.
The fire from earlier had returned, stronger than ever.
Wait for me. I will find you. I will not fail anyone else, you thought.
Armin slowly sank behind you as you overtook him, soaring from alleyway to alleyway until you found your friend. She was nowhere to be seen.
Where are you? Damn it!
When you took a break from using gas and the hissing quieted, you could hear screaming come from where you had left the rest of the group. You could only pray they would be okay.
Damn it! Damnitdamnitdamnit!
Is this how it's to be? No matter where I am, no matter how hard I try, my friends, my family will die?
Will it ever end?
You flew higher and higher, leaving the world behind you, nearly as high as the clock tower. Too long. You're taking too long. She could be dead, dying. Find her. Find her.
Titans' heads dotted the city all around you. You were terrified that one of them, one of the ones walking with a purpose, with a prey... was honing in on your friend.
Stay safe, Mikasa. Please, please, stay safe.
A minute passed.
And the world shifted.
A booming sound ripped through the air followed by a crackle, almost like thunder, sending you tumbling down and crashing into a roof in shock. You pulled yourself to your feet, panicked. Armin landed beside you, followed closely by Connie. They seemed as lost as you were.
"What the fuck was –" Connie started.
CRASH.
This sound was even louder, and the ground beneath you shook with its force. You thought maybe a building collapsed, but you couldn't see what it might be that would cause such a reaction. The clock tower still stood. Smaller buildings crumbled around you like in one of the earthquakes you would read about in the military HQ's library.
An earth-shattering roar. Shingles clattered to the ground like raindrops.
A crashing sound.
Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
The roaring continued, sounding positively enraged.
…Rage?
No, that's not right.
The screaming and crashing continued for another half-minute before going silent.
Finally, it seemed like everything, even the titans, had paused.
You saw an unfamiliar, foreign-looking titan straighten up in a nearby alley.
What the...
The sun peeked through the clouds, out of character in the dank environment, illuminating the strange titan, tall, fourteen or fifteen meters, with a sheet of wild brown hair concealing his eyes. His lips were missing, revealing a massive set of teeth bared in a menacing sneer. He stared up at the sky, hair falling out of his face. Maybe he was a deviant.
Wait…
You stared, mesmerized.
Now that you could see them, you were most startled by his eyes.
They were green, full of pure, white hot rage.
They were so foreign and so familiar at the same time.
Your heart squeezed.
You took off, launching from the roof, but you noticed Armin had left before you, dropping down into the alley directly in front of the strange titan.
"Armin!" you screamed.
But Armin ascended as quickly as he descended, carrying a girl in his arms before crashing on a roof further away.
Mikasa.
You and Connie landed roughly down on the roof beside them.
"Armin! Mikasa! Are you hurt?" Connie asked.
You squatted down beside Mikasa, gripping her shoulder and looking at her with concern.
She looked like she had just seen a ghost, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Her gaze lifted to meet yours.
Had she seen it too?
She must have.
There was no way she didn't.
They looked like his. Those green eyes, filled with passion. With fire.
"Damn! Two fifteen-meter ones! We have to get out of here."
You looked up to see the same titan from before and a new titan approaching each other slowly, steps shaking the ground.
"No," Mikasa said quietly. "That's..."
Your eyes dropped. A huge, steaming corpse lay on the stone.
"How did -"
ROAR.
The green-eyed titan opened its huge maw, letting out a heated bellow.
So that's where it was coming from, you thought as you watched the other titan shriek in response.
And what happened next, you would never, ever forget, as long or as short as you lived.
The strange titan dropped into the hand-to-hand combat pose you had been practicing all these years. The pose you and Eren had learned from Annie.
...What?
The other titan roared and charged, angry, and the strange titan swung his massive fist.
More shingles fell off the roof as the strange titan knocked the head clear off the other titan. It flew and collided with the clock tower before falling to the ground, covered in an avalanche of stone and wood.
All four of you were frozen.
The other titan fell forward, defeated, and the green-eyed titan drew up its deteriorated hand, regenerating it before your eyes with a speed you hadn't known was possible.
Why would it... Titans don't kill each other. It's a rogue? A rogue titan?
The titan on the ground started trying to pick itself up, its neck steaming.
As if to confirm your suspicion about the titan being a rogue, it picked up its foot and stomped down once, hard on its nape. The other titan didn't move again.
"Did that titan just strike a finishing blow? It was almost like he knew that particular spot was vulnerable..." Armin mused aloud, voice tinged with both fear and wonder.
"Forget about it," Connie said shakily, backing away instinctively. "We have to get out of here before that one heads this way."
"No..." Armin said slowly. "That one's not interested in us at all."
"It knows martial arts. What the hell is that about?" Mikasa asked quietly.
"Let's just call it a deviant and move on!" Connie pleaded desperately, unnerved.
"It could have attacked us at any point and it hasn't," Armin argued, folding his arms across his slender chest in surveying the area.
"Just forget about it," Connie said forcefully. "We need to get back to HQ anyway. We don't have time to play scholar."
"Wait," you interjected, finally speaking again, snapping out of your reverie. "Mikasa's completely out of gas."
"What? Are you serious?" Connie balked. "What're we supposed to do without you?"
Mikasa looked blankly out over the city. Her eyebrows drew together in worry.
Armin looked between the two of them before dropping to the ground.
"Here," Armin started, disabling his gear. "Have mine."
"Armin!" you and Mikasa both shouted. Connie's jaw dropped almost comically.
"It's the only way," Armin said, removing his gas tanks. "I'm no use with them anyway. It's not like it was earlier. None of us are strong enough right now to be able to carry someone and move quickly enough to get away from the titans."
"Cut the shit," you growled. "We can still do it. We're not giving up yet."
"Absolutely," Mikasa agreed, putting her hands on her hips authoritatively.
"This time, just use it carefully," Armin continued, ignoring the two of you. "To save everyone."
Mikasa closed her eyes, letting out a steady breath. You and Connie both fell silent.
"I took the lead, even though I wasn't prepared to be responsible for everyone's lives," she whispered.
"And I almost gave up on my life because I didn't feel that responsibility... for my own selfish reasons. I..."
Armin had replaced Mikasa's gas tanks with his own, pretending not to hear her words. You didn't think she had noticed. "Done. It will be fully functional now, just... leave me one blade. The last thing I want is to be eaten alive," he laughed darkly, looking at the broken metal in his hand.
Mikasa knelt down beside him, gently taking the blade that reflected his quivering eyes out of his hand. She straightened up and threw it down into the alley before going back to his side, sliding her small hand into his.
"Mikasa... why? Why?" he croaked.
"Armin," she said gently, but with the firmness that was only hers. "I will not leave you here."
She pulled him to his feet, still holding tightly to his hand.
Watching them, you found your heart aching for Eren more strongly than it had since you lost him.
Armin swallowed, composing himself, and Mikasa waited patiently. You could hear the rogue titan from several alleys over. His cry was still so loud that it almost hurt your ears to listen. He effectively killed another titan as the four of you watched.
Armin suddenly froze, staring at it with a funny look in his eye.
You knew that look well. He was planning something.
"Listen," Armin said fiercely, his strength returned, staring at the rogue titan. "I have an idea."
You turned to look at the strange titan as he roared in the distance.
You still didn't know what it meant.
But it lit your heart aflame.
This is fucking crazy.
We are absolutely fucking crazy.
So were the thoughts going through your mind as you, Mikasa, Connie, and Armin carried out the blonde boy's idea.
You swooped down, slicing up the nape of another titan. Mikasa was up ahead, doing much of the same. Connie carried Armin behind you, slowly but surely avoiding any and all obstacles. Last in the group, the rogue howled as it locked in combat with another titan.
The HQ didn't seem so far off now, or so impossible to reach.
You were going to make it.
You just hoped that the ones you left behind had made it too.
Finally, you dropped into the HQ tower through broken windows, the rogue titan directly behind you.
The first thing you saw was Marco.
"Oh, thank God," you breathed, pulling him into a hug.
"I am so glad you're safe," he responded, returning the gesture.
You could see Jean, Sasha, Reiner, Bertl, Annie, and several other former cadets around the room as well. Some had not made it, but you were grateful that all the ones present were only injured. That, at least, they were alive.
Connie patted Armin roughly on the back and the blonde boy winced. "We were running on fumes, but we made it!" He then stood up and walked over to where Jean and Mikasa were talking quietly, stopping to ruffle Sasha's hair affectionately along the way. She patted his back briefly, a relieved smile on her face. "Look! This titan is a rare deviant that kills its own kind. Furthermore, it shows no interest in us. Look! Look!"
Everyone leaned over to get a look out the large gap in the wall without making themselves exposed to the titans' grips. The rogue titan walked by not fifteen feet from the gap and several of the soldiers stepped back in abject horror, but the beast didn't even spare a glance in their direction.
Jean seemed skeptical. "A titan, our savior? Only in your dreams!"
You noticed that Jean looked far more sunken in than even just that morning. He had always been tall and thin, but his cheeks seemed hollowed out and under his eyes was a dark bruising like he hadn't slept in a week. His lips were bloodied and looked like he had been biting them. He had an almost wild look about him. What had happened?
You knew it was probably better not to ask.
Mikasa's voice came from the back of the group. "It's not a dream. He kills only other titans. I've seen it over and over again."
You nodded. "We can use him. He's stronger than other titans. We need to keep him fighting as long as possible."
Jean looked at you with narrowed eyes. "How certain are you of this?"
Mikasa scowled. Your expression was no different. "I would say 'I would bet my life', but it seems I already have," you retorted dryly.
Jean pursed his lips, but halted his questioning. "Okay. Well. For now, at least, we need to refuel and rearm ourselves."
There was murmur of agreement, and you nodded. "Good idea." You looked to one of the Quartermaster Corps. soldiers. "Will you show us where the fuel depot is?"
The boy, nose bloodied (recently, you noted), shook his head with panicked eyes. "I can't."
Jean scowled. "Why not, coward?"
Marco nudged his shoulder scoldingly, and Jean rolled his eyes. The boy look terrified of Jean.
You thought you could infer what had happened with the bloody nose from their exchange.
The boy cleared his throat and continued. "There are, um, titans. Lots of them. Inside the depot. We couldn't get in there."
"So you said," Jean growled. "Why didn't you just kill them?"
The boy gaped at Jean.
Marco gripped Jean's forearm gently. "Jean. Leave them be. We can take care of it."
Jean looked like there was more he wanted to say, but he let it go. "Yeah. Whatever. We'd do a better job anyway."
The boy visibly relaxed, and his friend, a traumatized looking girl, gripped his hand tightly. You felt bad for them.
You knew the terror that they were feeling now.
"At least show us the way, please," Marco requested, as kind as ever.
The girl looked up at him and nodded. "Okay. It's below the armoury. Follow me."
The group of twenty or so soldiers followed the two quartermasters down the stairs briskly, two steps at a time. You didn't have any time to waste.
Finally, you reached the basement level, with a single lift on the far side. There was a door that you assumed led to the armoury the girl had mentioned. You did not descend the elevator to the fuel depot.
"They're down there," the girl said shakily, pointing a trembling finger at the lift. "Maybe… six or seven of them? All small enough to fit inside, though. Four, five meters, tops."
Jean sighed, beckoning a few of the nearby soldiers. "I'm going to go search the floor for anything useful. Come on."
You made your way over to a platform where you started stretching out your sore and injured legs while you waited. It was certainly bearable, but in top shape, you were not. You would make do.
After a bit, the soldiers returned with Military-grade rifles. Whether or not they would work was a different story.
They had to, though. They were your only shot at survival.
Armin laid out a large graph paper on the ground, drawing the floor plan of the basement with the assistance of the quartermasters.
Before long, a plan was formed.
An hour or so later, you took the lift back up into the armoury, clutching your rifle in your hands so hard your knuckles turned white.
You had only been one of the gunmen firing at the small titans due to your minor injuries, but still, you thought your heart would leap out of your chest when you saw the same titan that had killed Mina turn its evil gaze on you.
Those huge eyes.
You shivered.
They were all dead now, so you shouldn't think about it anymore, but you couldn't help yourself.
You didn't think you'd ever be able to close your eyes again without seeing that horrible face.
At least it was over now.
All that was left was to ascend the wall and get out of this goddess-forsaken district.
"[Name]?" someone called.
"Hmm?" you looked up to see Mikasa coming over to you. "What's up?"
"I needed to talk to you, privately," she said softly. "Mind if I sit?"
"Of course not," you said, gesturing beside you.
She sat down, and the two of you waited in silence.
What does she want? you wondered.
Does she…
Oh.
Before you knew it, you were the one speaking first.
"I'm sorry."
She raised her eyes. "Why?"
You struggled to keep your heartbeat regular as you spoke. "I was with him. I tried to save him, but I wasn't fast enough."
"[Name]," Mikasa said. "I didn't come here to blame you. I will never blame you or anyone else but the titans. They are at fault. Not you. Not Armin. Not me," she said with the smallest of smiles.
You weren't entirely convinced, but you smiled back anyway. "Thank you, Mikasa."
"There is only one thing we have to do now," she said. "Keep fighting and live so that we can remember him. Because if we don't, no one else will."
You nodded. "You're right."
She gripped your hand tightly before letting it go. "I wanted to talk about something else, though."
You looked at her curiously. "...I'm listening."
She paused, uncertain, before continuing. "I know we can leave anytime now that we've refueled, but... I want to go find that titan again. See what it's doing. See if there is anything we can do with it."
You knew it was a bad idea. You did, you knew. But you didn't care.
You had to see, too.
You looked her in the eyes. "I do, too. I don't know why, but there was something about it. We can't just leave it to die without trying to figure out what it is and whether or not it can help us."
Mikasa pursed her lips. "Yeah. I don't know why either, but you're right."
"Good," you said, standing up tenderly. Now that all the adrenaline had died down, your legs were getting uncomfortable to stand on. "Let's go before anyone notices."
Checking around you, you both made your way up to the top floor where you had initially entered the building and took off out through the gap. It didn't take you long to find the rogue titan. You just had to follow the rising steam.
What you saw caused you to drop to your knees.
"No," you groaned, head falling down onto your chest.
Mikasa said nothing. The two of you simply stood silently, watching while a small group of titans ate the rogue as he lay prone against a wall. He had finally fallen.
After several minutes of the horrifying sight, you heard someone call your name. "[Name]! Mikasa! What are you –"
Armin stopped short once he saw it. "Wha –? Cannibalism?"
The titan roared weakly, trying to get up off the wall. It did not get very far before being pushed back against it. The sight was so pathetic it was almost sad.
"Can't it regenerate?" he asked.
No one answered. The answer was obvious.
"I thought this was our way out," you said weakly, falling back into a sit. "And now it's gone."
"We could have learned so much from it," Mikasa said, almost mournfully.
"I agree," came a deeper voice.
You looked over to see Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Jean watching over the titan as well.
Reiner continued. "So if we let it get eaten, we won't learn a thing. Let's drive away the titans and keep it alive."
You looked up in interest to see the determined glint in Reiner's eyes, but Jean gaped in disbelief. "Are you crazy, Reiner? We are not going to risk our lives for a titan!"
"What if there's a possibility of that titan becoming our ally?" Annie piped up. "What stronger weapon could there be?"
"That titan is not going to be an ally! Are you serious?" Jean shouted, pointing at the subject of discussion.
"But what if we –" Mikasa started, but she was cut off.
Armin gasped. "Oh, no. Look!"
Your head snapped up and you felt rage and horror fill your entire being all at once.
That's... the deviant that ate Thomas.
It seemed so long ago. It was hard to believe it had only been a few hours. Since you lost Thomas, since you lost Mina, since you lost Eren.
You stood up quickly, on high alert, ignoring your discomfort, before a scream seemed to split the sky into pieces and your attention was drawn away.
The rogue titan pushed itself off the wall, shaking off the smaller titans like stray leaves, letting out a deafening blast as it started charging towards the deviant. You would never know the position he had just been in seconds earlier. Pieces of his skin fell from his body, revealing ribs. His arms had been ripped off and eaten, but he was not daunted.
He gripped the back of the deviant's neck in his teeth and lifted its whole body up above his head, still growling angrily from the back of his throat. He swung the deviant around, batting away another titan with so much force that it crushed the building behind it, and then dropped the deviant to ground, dead. Its nape was crushed. The rogue let out one final roar.
Jean scoffed. "Save it, my ass."
Then, as if to mock his words, the rogue titan pitched forward where it lay motionless.
What the hell? It was like it knew…
Like it knew that was the titan that killed Thomas. That caused all of this.
The titan started steaming.
What?
Everything else in the world drained away as you watched.
You could hear Jean making comments from behind you, but you did not hear him.
You were staring.
At the titan's nape. Where the steam was the most concentrated.
What is that?
"It's time to go now. Haven't you all had enough?" Jean asked, grabbing your shoulder.
"Shut up, Jean," you said, shaking him off.
That looks like... a person?
"What is it with all of you?" Jean groaned, coming over to the edge of the roof, where he stopped, dead in his tracks. "What... is… that?"
The steam started to clear, revealing what was clearly a human body seated in the nape of the rogue titan's neck. He was bent at a funny angle, his face lodged inside the titan's muscle. It was more than a little disturbing, but you couldn't look away.
Slowly, the person pulled outwards until he tore free, leaning up with his face turned to the sky. But it was clearly a person. A man.
The light from the sun shone on his face.
…a boy.
A familiar boy.
You heard Mikasa gasp quietly beside you.
Your legs gave out.
"No," you said, clutching at the tiles on the roof, at your chest, heaving heavy breaths. You knew right away you that were hyperventilating; you were breathing too fast, so fast you couldn't catch any breath at all.
No. No. Please. Don't do this to me. Don't, you begged internally, begging whoever was listening, whatever god, whatever devil, already feeling your eyes get hot.
Eren?
Eren, is that really you?
Why are you here?
You're dead.
You're supposed to be dead.
I saw you die.
This isn't possible.
Am I crazy?
You heard a line zipping and then Mikasa was gone from your side. You wanted to beg her to stay with you, please, don't leave, but you could not move nor speak. You heard another zipping sound, then another, then another, but you didn't know nor care whose they were.
You put your head in your hands, feeling like a headache would split your skull. You could hear Mikasa sobbing, and vaguely registered your surprise at the sound. Mikasa? Crying?
"How is he…?"
Jean. Jean was still behind you.
You wanted to look, to see, but…
I can't do it. It would be too cruel.
You sat so long that you felt like you were melting into the roof. Eventually, you heard muffled voices – talking about you, you thought – and felt someone pick you up beneath your legs, bridal style. You didn't care. You didn't get angry like you normally would. Then you felt the roof disappear beneath your feet, but you could almost feel it clinging to you like quicksand as it fell away and you rose, up, up. You looked up. Brown hair. Bertholdt was carrying you?
Why? Put me down.
Let me die down there.
Let me be with him.
Then you were on the wall. Wall Rose. Mikasa was still crying, quietly now, and everyone else was silent. Bertl gently placed you down. Mikasa was holding someone, but you dared not look at who. You sat, with your head between your legs, praying for everything to go away so you wouldn't have to face reality.
You couldn't look at him. No. Not when you'd already seen.
Finally, Mikasa's crying came to a stop and you felt a hand on your shoulder.
Armin was beside you. "[Name]. Look at me."
You looked up, your eyes feeling swollen. Were you crying?
Everyone was gone except for Armin and Mikasa. There was someone lying on the ground. A body. You didn't look.
"Everyone else?" you asked weakly.
"They left to report in," Armin explained patiently.
"And... who…?" you started, trying to say it. The words didn't come.
There is no way. I can't get my hopes up. It will kill me. It will kill me.
"I think you should come with me for a second," Armin said, gripping your hand and pulling on it. "Can you stand?"
"I... think so," you said shakily, standing up on unsteady feet. You hated how weak you were. You looked at Armin, refusing to see anything else. "Armin… what's going on?"
"Please come here," he said calmly, pulling you along.
He was bringing you to... the body. His body.
You closed your eyes, halting, tears dripping down off your eyelashes and landing on your cheeks. "Armin, I can't, I can't, please, please."
"No, just come see, [Name], it's okay," he reassured.
Mikasa finally spoke up, quietly, eyes red. "It's okay."
You looked between the two of them, conflicted.
You trusted them. They were all you had left.
You nodded. "Okay."
You let Armin lead you and then knelt down, still avoiding looking at the body on the ground before you.
Just do it, [Name]. Just look at him.
You need to look at him.
You gradually raised your eyes.
Fabric. Cadet Corps. uniform fabric. And... a left arm? He shouldn't have...
You looked down. Both of his legs were still there too.
You felt relieved and heartbroken at the same time. This wasn't him. It couldn't be. But then why would they –
You looked up and your heart leapt into your throat.
Eren slept, looking as peaceful as you ever saw him. His eyes were closed, but you knew well the brilliant green that lay behind them.
You heart thundered in your chest.
"…This is impossible," you whispered hoarsely, before slowly placing your hand on his chest.
You would not allow yourself to hope, but…
Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.
"Oh, Sina," you whimpered, voice cracking, laying your whole head against his chest and wrapping your arms around his back, pulling him to you as tightly as you could.
Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.
You could not just feel it now; you could hear it. His heartbeat. Eren had a heartbeat. Eren was...
Alive.