Tanith Panic, thank you for your review. I completely agree about saints! Even Ethan has flaws. I'm fairly confident Cal will tell Ethan as I don't think Ethan will let him out otherwise, but stories do sometimes change themselves without asking the writer!
ETWentHome, that was one reason why I couldn't think of any ideas - it would need to be something pretty big to get Cal into the right frame of mind to tell Ethan. But here, Ethan forces the issue. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you like the idea.
CBloom2, Chapter 2 is ready, Chapter 3 is written (though needs editing), Chapter 4 is started... my plan is for a chapter a day so I really hope you stay hooked! You'll have to wait and see what Ethan's reaction is! Thank you for your review.
LittleBritishPerson, I feel a bit guilty for stealing the lift idea, but I can see Ethan realising he missed his chance before and wanting to try the same thing again if he had the chance. Thank you for your review - I hope you enjoy Chapter 2.
X-Sammii-X, thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far. I have some idea of where I'm going to take it, but sometimes my stories go off in a different direction, so even I'm not sure what will happen!
Gillian Kearney Fan, it is really hard for Cal. I'm kind of hoping Ethan will understand that and not be too angry... though on the other hand, angry Ethan means lots of drama! I hope he will tell Ethan as Ethan needs to know! Thank you for your review.
Ethan had always hated seeing his brother cry.
To see his big brother - always so confident and (as he'd once thought) brave - reduced to tears had always wrung his heart. It was the same now, but he knew he couldn't give in to Cal's pleas and let him go. Something terrible had happened to Cal and he needed Ethan. And Ethan was going to be there for him.
He looked at his brother again. Cal's face was hidden in his hands now and he was crying as though he would never stop. Ethan felt the smallest sliver of fear, but he pushed it away. He knew that anything that had upset Cal this much would be serious and painful, but he'd just have to deal with it. Cal needed him to be the strong one – and Ethan knew that was something he could do.
With a sigh of sadness, he stepped away from the controls and sat down beside Cal, putting his arm around him. "Cal, do you remember when I told you you weren't alone?"
Cal sniffled and nodded his head.
"I meant it," said Ethan. "And I'm saying the same thing now. You're not alone; I'm right here – and whatever's happened, you can tell me and I'll support you. I'll do everything I can to help. You're my brother, Cal, and I care about you. If ever there's anything wrong, then I want to be here."
Cal sniffed again. "I just don't know if I can tell you."
"Of course you can," said Ethan. "There's nothing you can't tell me."
Cal lifted his head as more tears fell. "I don't know what to do, Ethan."
"Just tell me," said Ethan. "Start from the beginning and keep going until you get to the end."
"You'll hate me," wept Cal.
Ethan felt a stab of foreboding, but he tried to keep it hidden as he stroked Cal's shoulder. "I've hated you before, Cal. I've always changed my mind. If necessary, I can change my mind again. I'm sorry, Cal, but I really must insist. I can tell there's something wrong, and whatever it is, you can't deal with it on your own. But you don't have to. You're going to tell me."
There was a pleading expression in Cal's eyes as he looked at Ethan, but then he seemed to realise that Ethan wasn't budging. His mouth trembled and another tear fell. Cal wiped it away and sniffled.
"I'm here, Cal," said Ethan. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Ethan…" Cal's voice was choked. "I don't want to hurt you."
Ethan felt his heart speed up. For a moment, he considered letting Cal go. Ethan didn't want to be hurt. He'd been through so much recently. He didn't know if he could take any more emotion; he couldn't bear the thought that Cal's problem might in some way be his fault.
It must be, thought Ethan. Even if he hadn't caused it. he must have done something to make Cal feel he couldn't confide in him. Cal needed him so much and Ethan had somehow, without meaning to, pushed him away.
It was a horrible thought. It twisted his heart and brought him close to tears, but he knew he couldn't give into his emotions. Not now. He would just have to do his best and hope it was good enough.
And if it wasn't…
After all, his best mostly hadn't been good enough recently.
"Ethan?" said Cal. His voice was anxious.
Ethan released a breath and tightened his hold of Cal's shoulder. "I know you don't want to hurt me. But sometimes you don't have a choice about things like that. Some things have to be said. Keeping quiet only makes it worse."
"Yes," said Cal. "It does. Ethan, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," said Ethan. "Just be honest." He looked into Cal's eyes. "Okay?"
Cal nodded uncertainly and turned away from Ethan, his eyes on the lift doors. "I don't know where to start."
"The beginning," said Ethan. "Tell me where you are and what you were doing when you first realised there was a problem."
The direct instructions seemed to calm Cal a little bit. Not much, but perhaps enough. "It started when I got the result of the paternity test."
Ethan knew he hadn't hidden his surprise. At first, he'd believed the had believed the problem was Matilda, but he'd long ago changed his mind about that.
"The results had my blood group on it," said Cal.
Ethan looked at Cal for a moment. He could see there was something deeply significant in those words, but he couldn't see what it was. "What is your blood group?" he said at last, when Cal remained silent, apparently examining the floor of the lift.
Cal looked agonised, then apologetic. "My blood group is O."
Ethan waited, but Cal said nothing. "...and?" said Ethan at last.
"Don't you get it?" said Cal.
Ethan shook his head. "Why don't you tell me?"
"Well, don't you know what…" Cal stopped. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and pressed his hands together.
Ethan could feel he was shaking. Cal's breathing had quickened and his eyes were shining with tears again. "Come on, Cal," said Ethan with a calmness he couldn't feel. He stroked Cal's back. "You can tell me."
Cal sniffed and wiped his nose on his scrubs.
Ethan didn't care. "What don't I know, Cal?"
"You don't know what blood group Mum's was," said Cal heavily.
"Of course I do," said Ethan, surprised. "Mum's blood group was…"
He stopped.
He felt as though he'd been hit or run over. He tried to breathe, but it was as though something was sitting on his chest. In that moment, if Cal had decided to re-start the lift and run through the doors at the next floor, Ethan could have done nothing.
His body seemed to have frozen, his arm around Cal.
"Are you sure there wasn't a mistake?" said Ethan at last.
Cal shook his head slowly. "I asked Charlie to repeat the test. I knew it was impossible. But the second test came out the same."
"But that means that you're… that we're not…" Ethan's eyes were full of tears too. He looked at Cal but couldn't really see him. Hardly knowing what he was doing, he removed his glasses, wiped his hands across his eyes and then put his glasses back on again.
"No, we are," said Cal quickly. "We are brothers, Ethan."
Ethan thought for a second that he meant it, but he dismissed that thought at once because how could Cal know? Only if Cal had done something about it, and Cal never did anything if he could help it.
He could only meant that they were brothers because they'd grown up together; shared their lives and their homes; gone through hell together. That was all Cal could mean.
"But that means we're… or at least that you're…" Ethan put his trembling hands to his head. "No. There must have been another mistake with the blood test. Why would Mum not tell us?"
Their roles seemed reversed now. All Ethan wanted was reassurance from his brother. He would give anything for Cal to laugh and say he was joking.
He must be joking. Their mother was their mother. It couldn't be any other way.
"If it was true, she would have told us," said Ethan, but he spoke without certainty because he couldn't be sure of anything anymore.
Cal looked at him sadly and gave a helpless shrug. "I'm sorry, Ethan."
Ethan felt himself beginning to panic. He forced himself to breathe. "Cal, who am I?"
"You're Ethan Hardy," said Cal. "You're the same person you always were. My little brother."
Ethan knew that, in a way, he was right. He was still a doctor at Holby ED. He was still (in a way) Cal's brother. He still loved walking holidays and industry conferences. He still thought Cal was the most annoying brother in the world. He still thought Cal was the only brother he could ever want.
But he felt lost. Changed. Different.
He looked up at Cal, seeking reassurance but knowing it wouldn't come. "But why didn't she tell us, Cal?"
Cal looked sad too. Slowly, he lifted his hands and put his arms around Ethan. "I don't know, Ethan. And I don't know how we can ever know for sure."