I hope this chapter is okay. Charlie is in this quite a lot and I find him really difficult to write. It also wasn't easy writing Ethan's reaction - I wanted him to behave in a slightly OOC way, but not too much, if that makes sense.
X-Sammii-X, I'm looking forward to the next episode too, but one episode doesn't usually continue immediately after the previous one, so I'm a bit worried there might be a time jump so we miss the good bit! It is a lot of shocks for Ethan - it was bad enough for Cal, and he had a lot more time to get used to each individual shock. Thank you for your review.
CBloom2, I've never been accused of killing someone twice in two days before! I wonder if I can do it again today. More seriously, thank you for your review and your support with my stories - I do appreciate it.
Tato Potato, thank you for your review. It's actually a really nice coincidence if it leads on from the episode as I wrote it before the episode was on, but either way, I'm so glad you like it.
tracys dream, thank you for your review - I'm pleased you enjoyed the chapter so much. I hope you enjoy this one too.
Tanith Panic, thank you for all your reviews. Poor lift... it's has a lot of mistreatment from Ethan lately. Their real names are much more typical of men their age, but I think they'll always be Cal and Ethan to me! I don't know if I'll write lots more, but there will be at least two more chapters. I never seem to make things painless for Ethan... I don't know why. Thank you for your review.
"Huntington's," said Ethan slowly. "Our mother has Huntington's."
He looked so calm. He sounded calm too. But Cal knew that wasn't how Ethan was feeling inside.
"Yes," said Cal, his voice catching slightly.
There was a long silence as Ethan looked at Cal, and Cal realised Ethan's eyes weren't so much calm as empty.
"You do know, of course," said Ethan, almost conversationally, "that when a mother has Huntington's, there's a 50% chance of passing it on to any child she has?"
Cal nodded, his eyes filling. "Ethan, I-"
Ethan cut him off. "And as Emilie has two children – us – there's a very high probability that one of us has inherited the gene?"
"Yes," whispered Cal.
"You knew that," said Ethan, ominously calm, "and you still didn't tell me? How long would it have taken you if I hadn't given you no choice?"
"I… I… I didn't know how to tell you!" burst out Cal. "And it was never the right time. I was upset at first. I couldn't do anything. You know I was barely keeping it together. I was in that car crash and three people died; then I lost Katya. I might have told you then, but you were so supportive and I just couldn't do that to you."
"How… thoughtful."
Cal felt his tears escaping. "Then after that, when I was finally starting to feel back to normal, you started struggling. You lost a few patients. You made a couple of mistakes – such tiny mistakes, Ethan – but it really made you doubt yourself. Then you lost the suicidal patient… you were distraught. How could I land a bombshell like this on you?"
"Because you had to," said Ethan shortly. "Because you owed it to me to tell me the truth."
"I tried," said Cal brokenly. "I really did try."
Ethan looked at him without pity. "The thing is, Cal, I don't believe this was about me at all. You just didn't want the responsibility. It would be a bit of a first if you did! You couldn't tell me when you were upset because you were afraid I'd fall apart and you didn't want to have to deal with that. Not when you were wallowing in your own, selfish, self-indulgent misery, thinking yourself such a martyr for sparing me. Then, when I was struggling, you couldn't tell me then either. One more shock could make me fall apart completely and you didn't want to have to deal with that! That wouldn't fit into your lifeplan at all: comforting a devastated brother." His voice hardened. "And as for taking care of a brother with Huntington's… why worry about that when you could just bury your head in the sand?"
"No!" Cal held out a hand to him. "It wasn't like that, Ethan. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Ethan stood up. "I'm going out."
"No, don't go!" Cal got up too and caught his arm. "Please don't go, Ethan. Stay. We need to talk about this."
Ethan removed Cal's hand from his arm and walked past him towards the door.
All Cal wanted was to run after him and stop him, but he knew he couldn't stop Ethan. Ethan was too strong and Cal was too weak. Cal felt his knees buckle and he sank to the floor, sobbing. "Ethan, please. Please don't go. I need you and you need me. You said you'd support me no matter what and I'm saying that too. If you have it, I'll support you."
Ethan picked up his keys, opened the door and went out. He slammed the door behind him, leaving Cal a sodden mess on the carpet.
He didn't know how long he lay there. At first, he did nothing but cry and leave Ethan tearful voicemails, but Ethan didn't reply and Cal soon gave up even on that.
When his tears finally dried, he lay there simply because he had no reason to stand up.
He just wanted Ethan to come home. if he hated Cal, fair enough. Cal could understand that. But he could deal with that as long as he knew Ethan was safe.
The relief when he got a text message was immense, but his heart sank again as he realised it was from Charlie.
Cal, if either of you needs anything at all, I'm still here for you.
Cal was close to tears again as he dialled Charlie's number. "Charlie, he's gone! I don't know what to do! You've got to get him back!"
"Cal, it's going to be all right." Charlie's voice was firm but kind. "Can you take a deep breath for me?"
"No! Just find Ethan!" pleaded Cal.
"We'll think about Ethan in a minute," said Charlie. "Just breathe for me, Cal. You know your brother better than anyone. We need you to think clearly so you can help us find him and for that, we need you to be calm."
"How can I be calm after what I've done to my brother?" wailed Cal.
Charlie's voice remained calm. "It was always going to be a shock for Ethan. No matter how gently you broke the news to him, it was going to be as much a shock for him as it was for you. But he can get through it with support and we're both here to support him."
"I'm scared, Charlie."
"Of course you are," said Charlie soothingly. "But he's your little brother and I know you can be brave for him. Can you take a couple of deep breaths for me? For Ethan?""
For Ethan... Cal slowly breathed in and out.
"That's good. Now, I want you to tell me again what's happened – slowly."
Cal wiped his eyes. "I told him, Charlie. About the Huntington's. He was so calm. He was angry with me – he said I was selfish and wallowing and all kinds of things I know are true – but he said it all so calmly. Then he said he was going out. I know I should have stopped him. But I sort of collapsed like the weak, pathetic guy I am and let him go!"
"I'm sorry he reacted like that," said Charlie. "But that might have happened no matter what you'd said. You know how upsetting it is to get a shock like that. The important thing is that he knows everything and there are no more secrets. You can both move forward now. Now, Cal, I want you to stay where you are and I'm going to come and pick you up."
"I'll come to the ED," said Cal.
"No: I don't think you're in any condition to drive and it would make sense to begin the search from your home as that's where you last saw Ethan."
Cal struggled to keep his tears back. "It's my fault, Charlie. I should never have let him go! He wanted to go; he told me not to follow him and… I let him go!"
"You did what you thought was best at the time," said Charlie. "That's all any of us can do, at any time. Sometimes we're going to get it wrong – there are times when everything is wrong - but we don't know yet that you have done the wrong thing for Ethan. Now, I need you to be strong, Cal. Ethan needs you to be strong – and I know you can be. Stay where you are and I'll be with you soon. Then we'll go out and look for him together."
Charlie disconnected the call and went straight to find Connie. She hadn't been very happy about Cal and Ethan having to leave early; he didn't doubt she'd greet the news of Charlie's imminent departure with equal enthusiasm.
But Cal and Ethan needed him. They didn't have anyone else. Charlie was the only person who knew. Even with Connie, Charlie hadn't gone further than saying that Cal and Ethan had serious, potentially life-changing personal problems and there was absolutely no way they could have continued to work.
He was almost at Connie's office when he heard the phone.
The red phone.
Cal had washed his face and managed to stop crying, but he still felt far from calm. He paced up and down the flat, his medical bag slung over his shoulder. He knew he probably wouldn't need it, but he didn't want to take any chances.
He'd promised Ethan he would be there no matter what and he wanted to be prepared for anything.
But he wasn't prepared. Not emotionally. Cal half-fell onto the sofa as his eyes flooded again. He was useless. He couldn't care for their m… for Matilda – for either Matilda – and he wouldn't be able to care for Ethan if he had Huntington's. He would fall apart. Run away. Leave Ethan to fend for himself because that was what Cal always did.
He put his head in his hands and cried some more. There was nothing else he could do, after all. Nothing but wait for Charlie.
And then it came: the sound he'd been waiting for. The doorbell. Cal ran to answer it, almost tripping over the medical bag that he must have dropped without his realising.
"Charlie, I'm so glad-" began Cal, but then he stopped. "Charlie, what is it?"
Charlie put his hands on Cal's arms. "Cal, it's Ethan. He's alive, but he was involved in a car accident about five miles away: a number of cars were involved. I'll take you to the ED now and we can wait for him there. I'm so sorry, Cal."