I'm sorry for the delay - I've had internet, family and injury problems, but I hope to make a few updates today, as well as starting a new story relating to Ethan's fear of heights. I'll also start catching up on reviews.
LittleBritishPerson, I'm glad you weren't expecting it! I wanted the ending to be a bit of a shock. I think when Ethan is so shocked, he might do something uncharacteristic like getting drunk, but I didn't think of that! Thank you for your review.
Tato Potato, thank you for your review. I'm afraid I completely failed at updating 'soon', but I hope this chapter was worth waiting for. I'm looking forward to reading your updates and your new story.
Becs2202, thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're still reading my stories! You're actually not the only person to wonder if Ethan was to blame, as you'll find out...
20BlueRoses, I love your waffly reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed the last couple of chapters. Ethan knows Cal very well so I could imagine him guessing some of what Cal is telling him. I'm relieved that Ethan's reaction to the news worked! Thank you for your review.
Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. Poor Ethan - as if his day isn't bad enough already, I had to make it worse!
ETWentHome, don't worry - I know you're busy at the moment. I'm just happy you're reading the story! Not that I want to scare you, but I'm glad Ethan did come across as being a little bit scary because I wanted him to scare Cal! Thank you for your review.
tracys dream, thank you for your review - I'm pleased you liked it. I'm glad the chapter wasn't slow!
X-Sammii-X, Ethan is one of the main reasons I watch Casualty as well, though the whole cast is gorgeous and I do love the medical procedures. Thank you for your review - I can't tell you yet if Ethan is going to be okay, but I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.
CBloom2, after 'killing' you twice, I needed a new victim - Ethan was the perfect choice! There's something so emotionally-involving about a sweet man like Ethan being hurt. Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, it is important for writers to write about characters we care about - and that's exactly what we're doing! I think you could be right about questions being raised... More Charlie in this chapter. Thank you for your review.
Thank you to 20BlueRoses for the follow.
Cal stood outside Resus, watching through tear-filled eyes. Doctors and nurses were scattered around Ethan, putting in lines, checking stats and examining injuries as Connie barked out instructions. Cal was sure he ought to be able to recognise everything the doctors and nurses were doing, but all he could think was that the man lying so still on the bed, covered in blood and drapes and bandages, was his little brother.
He felt Charlie's hands on his shoulders. "Come on, Cal. You've seen him now. Let's go to the staff room and wait there. As soon as there's any news, someone will come and tell us."
"No, I want to help! I've got to be there!" cried Cal. He pushed the doors open, but Charlie held him back.
"You know the rules, Cal. He's getting all the help he needs. Connie insisted on treating him herself, not because he's our most serious emergency but because he's Ethan. You know she'll do her best – and her best is better than most people can dream of."
Cal nodded impatiently. He knew how good Connie was, though he couldn't help thinking no doctor was good enough for his brother.
"But soon, Ethan will have received the treatment he needs and he'll be needing his brother's support," said Charlie inexorably. "That's where you come in. Until then, you need to come with me and conserve your strength so you can be there for Ethan when he needs you."
Cal swiped at a tear. "If he ever wants to speak to me again."
"Of course he will," said Charlie. "You've been through a lot, you and Ethan. I'm sure you can get through this as well."
Cal pressed his face against the door again. "Can't you go and help, Charlie?"
"They've got all the nursing staff they need. I'll just be in the way."
Cal turned to face him, tears streaming from his eyes. "But he's my brother, Charlie. He needs the best. You're the best. So I want him to have you."
Charlie patted his arm. "That's kind of you, Cal, but there's nothing I can do that Rita, Lofty and Robyn can't." He smiled. "The best thing I can do for Ethan is to sit with his brother and try to stop him from going crazy."
"I think I went crazy a long time ago."
"Then I'll stop you from going crazier. And standing here watching isn't going to help you or Ethan." Charlie gently led Cal away from Resus. "Let them do their jobs – and let me help get you ready to do yours."
Cal wondered if there was any use in praying. He felt so useless. All he could do was sit here. Waiting. Thinking. Or overthinking, in Cal's case.
"Why did he crash?" asked Cal in a soft voice when the question had been going round and round in his head for what felt like hours and the only possible answers he'd found were too terrifying to contemplate.
"I don't know, Cal," said Charlie gently. "I don't know anything that I haven't told you. But there's no reason to assume it was anything more than an accident."
Cal's throat was aching as he tried to fight back tears. "He was so upset, Charlie. What if…"
"No!" Charlie's voice was firm. "He might have been upset, but he's still Ethan. Ethan wouldn't give up like that. Even if he did want to… to hurt himself in some way, he wouldn't risk injuring anybody else."
"Not even if he was too upset to think straight?"
"Not even then," said Charlie. "If Ethan was too upset to think straight, the last thing he'd try to do is drive a car."
"I would, if I was upset," said Cal.
"But you're not Ethan," said Charlie.
Cal sighed. "Do you think, if I was more like Ethan, this wouldn't have happened?"
"I don't think that at all," said Charlie. "There are a lot of differences between you. As you say, you're more reckless than Ethan and I understand you even have completely different views on the correct use of a dining table. But it's the similarities between you that cause a lot of your problems. You're both so protective of each other. Ethan might think that, in your position, he would have told you the truth straight away, but I'm not so sure." Charlie looked at Cal for a moment, his gaze thoughtful. "Ethan has secrets too, you know. Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but did Ethan tell you he was thinking of quitting his job?"
Cal gasped. "What? No! Why would he…" Without realising he was going to do it, he grasped Charlie's arm. "Is it because he wants to get away from me?"
"Of course not. It's because he's had a bad couple of weeks," said Charlie. "He's lost a lot of patients, including a suicidal patient he tried to help but had to leave because he was overworked. He's very upset, as anyone would be. The problem isn't this hospital, of course. It's partly the NHS and its restrictions, but it's partly that this is a hospital and sad as it is, no hospital can't save everyone."
"I'm sure Ethan knows that," said Cal.
"Of course he does, but he doesn't want to believe it," said Charlie. "He's telling himself the problems happened because this is Holby City ED and that if he moves to another hospital, everything will be okay. He's running away: from the hospital and from the truth. Sound like anyone else we know?"
"But… but he wouldn't really go?" said Cal. "Would he?"
Charlie smiled kindly. "I don't think so. But that doesn't make his feelings of frustration and helplessness any less real. He's still got to work through them."
"If he'd told me," said Cal remorsefully; "if he's told me how bad it was, I would have helped him."
"Of course you would," said Charlie. "And if you'd told him about your blood group, Ethan would have helped you too. You're both adults, Cal. You you don't have to protect each other all the time. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. You don't need to worry about your brother not being strong enough because he is."
Cal shook his head. "But you just told me he's going through something pretty major himself – and my problem is going to affect him too."
"Yes… but it's easier to share two problems than to go through one on your own. And you actually get rid of a problem that way too – the problem of having to pretend everything's okay. Of course, it's not that simple, but do you see my point?"
"But just because we're brothers, Charlie, that doesn't mean we're going to be close."
Charlie nodded in agreement. "Of course not. But you and Ethan… you've been through so much. You've hurt each other, but you're still here; still together. If that's not an indication of a strong relationship, I don't know what is."
"And you don't think…" Cal stopped. "Even if Ethan didn't… you know… he might still have caused the accident. If he lost control of… his hands…"
Understanding passed over Charlie's face. "It's very unlikely, Cal. He's very young to start getting the symptoms and we don't even know that he has the gene. He hasn't been showing any other symptoms, has he? Like irritability? Impulsiveness? Not recognising your needs?"
"All of those things," said Cal quietly. "Except for impulsiveness, but if he's considering quitting his job…"
Charlie smiled. "Okay. Is he more irritable than normal, or has he become irritable to an extent where the problems he's having at work might not be considered a reasonable trigger?"
Cal thought. "Probably not," he said at last. "He often is irritable when he's with me and the problems he's having would stress anyone out."
"Is he failing to recognise your needs more than usual?"
"I don't think so," admitted Cal. "or if he is, it's probably partly because because I won't tell him anything."
"There: you see?" said Charlie. "As for Ethan's impulsiveness, I do agree with you that it's not like him to think of quitting his job, but he didn't do it in response to one thing. It's lots of things, one after another. And when that happens – as I'm sure you know yourself – it's natural to start questioning why we do this job. We want to make a difference; to make people better. When we're clearly not doing that, we wonder why."
"Okay, maybe it's unlikely he's getting symptoms," said Cal. "But you can't say it's not impossible."
"No, it's not impossible," said Charlie. "But Cal, even you had told him weeks ago; even if Ethan had been tested and had been discovered to have the gene, that wouldn't mean that Ethan would never drive a car again. He's not going to shut down his life just because of something that's going to happen in the future. And car accidents are so much more common than Huntington's. Ethan's not a reckless driver, but he could easily have been sharing the road with one."
"But he wouldn't have been on that road if I hadn't upset him," said Cal.
"No, but that doesn't make it your fault," said Charlie. "It's just bad luck. No more than that. If you want to apportion blame, you could say it's my fault. I'm the one who told you to leave early. If you'd left on time, Ethan wouldn't have been on that stretch of road at that time. Or perhaps it's Ethan's fault, for making you confess something like that in the middle of work. If he'd waited till you were at home-"
"It's not Ethan's fault!" said Cal sharply.
"Of course it isn't, but you can blame anyone if you go back far enough," said Charlie. "It's bad luck, Cal. That's all it is. Even if it is the first symptom of Huntington's, it's still bad luck because neither you nor Ethan could have known it would happen today. But it's very, very unlikely that it was."
"Really?" said Cal, wanting desperately to believe him, but then, suddenly, it didn't matter anymore.
The staff room door had opened. Connie was there.