Shades of Grey
*Read the a/N at the end, please!
Chapter Two: The Serpent's Lair
"Kiss me, and you will see how important I am."
- Sylvia Plath
"She is absolutely and irrevocably the most infuriating creature in the world!" Draco spat, snatching a neatly-folded cotton t-shirt out of the mahogany dresser, whose drawers stood ajar, and stuffed it inside his trunk, wrinkling the article of clothing in the process.
Angrily mumbling to himself as he stuffed yet another piece of clothing in the case—this time a pair of black trousers—Draco cleared his throat and continued to complain about this distasteful situation he'd managed to land himself in.
"I mean really," He continued, rolling his eyes. "How the fuck does Potter expect us to work together? Someone must've dropped him on his bloody orphan head one too many times."
Running a hand through his white-blonde hair, Draco began pacing back and forth in the spacious room of his flat, far too agitated to even bother packing his trunk properly. He heard a very feminine sigh emanate from the master bathroom connected to his room, and Draco couldn't help but roll his eyes at the soft sound.
"It's just one mission, dear," came the soft and composed voice of Astoria Greengrass, who sat at the vanity in the bathroom. Draco's silver eyes met her light blue ones from the reflection in the mirror, and he watched as she plucked a bobby pin from its resting place on the counter in front of her and finished pinning back the last strand of her raven-black hair.
"Just one mission?" Draco sputtered incredulously, arching one fair brow. "This is Hermione fucking Granger we're referring to here, you do realize that, don't you? How the hell am I supposed to know what it's like to camp with her? What if she does some weird know-it-all Mudblood voodoo shit?"
"Such as?" Astoria challenged, her lips puckered slightly. Draco managed a half-hearted shrug, stumped by her question.
"I don't know," He managed in exasperation, flailing his arms about. "Do some kind of weird ritual dance around a pile of books or something."
"Draco," Astoria warned, moving to stand. Her long silk nightgown billowed around her, sweeping across the floor as she glided out of the bathroom and towards him. She shook her head in a manner of disapproval at him, her lips lifting into a slight smile. He noticed a strand of her hair had fallen free, and once she was close enough he moved to tuck it behind her ear.
"You're going to be fine, stop being so damn dramatic."
At her response Draco scoffed, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth to express his disgust.
"You say that now," Draco commented, his eyes narrowed slightly. "But you'll be sorry when you receive the news that your boyfriend was suffocated in his sleep by the dead animal residing on top of Granger's hair."
Astoria gave a short laugh in response to his jest—a cool and dignified sort of gesture that sent a slight shiver down Draco's spine. Astoria the Ice Queen—so many thought of her this way, and it was only when they were alone that the younger of the Greengrass sisters managed to let her guard down.
She was his confidante—he was her shoulder to lean on, and together they made what the Wizarding World deemed a superb match. There was just one obstacle that stood in the way of their happiness.
Draco didn't love her.
He suspected that Astoria had been aware of the fact that his attachment rooted no further than friendship for quite some time. Just how she felt about him, however, was a different story entirely. Sometimes, during their bouts of forced intimacy, Draco felt as though her attachment was founded on a much more…personal level. He knew that she was more than likely expecting a proposal of some sorts, whether or not he loved her as one should love a future wife, but Draco found himself unable to fully commit to her. Perhaps it was because he had difficulty trusting another in such an intimate matter—perhaps he was such a fucked-up individual that the concept of love was too foreign to him.
Perhaps he just hadn't found the right person yet.
Nevertheless, there was a small black box hidden away in the corner of his dresser, hidden under a stack of clothes he rarely wore that held a decently-sized diamond ring in it. Draco had been planning to propose to Astoria within the next few weeks, but with the sudden arrival of this mission he was being forced to complete with Granger, Draco was left with two options: give Astoria the ring now, or wait until he'd finished finding and claiming the last two remaining Hallows before proposing.
Like the coward he believed himself to be, Draco chose to wait. After all, there was no harm in mulling things over for a little while longer, was there? She would, after all, be patiently waiting for him once he finally returned, just as she always had—it was in her nature. It was who she was.
So for now, the ring was stashed safely away. Perhaps she'd find it while he was gone—perhaps she wouldn't. Either way, it didn't make too much of a difference to him; she was bound to be expecting the engagement sooner or later. Draco had merely grown tired of waiting for himself to fall in love with a woman he so clearly was destined to view as only a friend.
Perhaps marriage would be good for them. Maybe it would fix whatever emotional malfunction seemed to be occurring within Draco's heart.
"I received another Owl from Hogwarts today, you know," Astoria commented, breaking away from him and snapping Draco out of his interior monologue. The Malfoy Heir blinked twice, his hazy grey eyes adjusting to the dim setting of their room as he quirked one brow in response to her statement. Grunting slightly, he removed the shirt he'd been wearing and balled it up, tossing it to the floor. Astoria merely rolled her eyes at his action, walking over to the nightstand and retrieving her wand. With a dainty flick of her wrist, she fixed the mess that Draco had made of his luggage, and a sensation of embarrassment washed over him when he realized that, in his agitation, he'd forgotten that he could have just bloody well magically packed his damn trunk in the first place. A fresh wave of irritation washed over him, but he brushed the emotion aside, slipping out of his trousers and searching for his emerald pajama bottoms. Finding his favorite pair, he slipped them on and tied the string at the waistband before finally turning to face her.
"What did this one say?" He inquired.
"Oh, the same as always," Astoria answered evasively, her hand flitting around in the empty air as if to brush off the subject. She picked up a stray sock that had somehow managed to escape her supervision as she packed his trunk and gently folded it, placing it on top. Draco walked closer, noting how much tidier his luggage looked now and sighed in relief before reaching over and closing the lid, latching the trunk shut with ease. He leaned over and brushed his lips against her soft cheek, muttering a "thanks, love," before picking up his own wand from its position on the bed. Murmuring an incantation to himself that he'd grown to learn by heart, Draco watched as his luggage shrunk itself, and he felt a swell of pride at his skilled magic. Shrinking his luggage had taken a bit of practice over the years, but after several sessions of working the spell, he'd finally gotten the hang of it.
Feeling satisfied, he picked up the now-miniature trunk and placed it on his nightstand, mentally reminding himself not to forget the crucial item the next morning when he departed for his dreaded mission with the Queen of the Bush-Haired. Realizing he'd never answered Astoria, Draco turned his gaze towards her and replied with,
"You really should go back, you know. They've rebuilt Hogwarts and I'm sure that McGonagall makes a fine Headmistress…even if she can be a bit batshit crazy and aggravating as fuck."
"Why do you want me to go back so terribly, Draco?" Astoria asked quietly, her dark brows knitting together in confusion. She gazed at him coolly, demanding an answer, and with a grunt Draco made to sit down on the bed, crossing his legs at his ankles and leaning against the headboard. He placed his tongue between his lips for a moment, as though assessing his response, before he finally settled on,
"You never finished your schooling."
"Neither did you," She countered snippily with a glare, moving to the other side of the bed. She laid down next to him, her own head resting against the headboard. She craned her neck to look at him, her bright blue eyes assessing him in the dark. He could feel her judging him; it was something he bloody well hated about her—she was always scanning him over and assessing his persona, as though she could learn something about him. As though she were trying to disapprove of him.
"Yeah, but I only didn't finish my seventh year," He argued, shifting on the bed and turning to face her. He didn't understand why she was so against returning to school. Then again, the same could be said for him.
But…that was different. It was completely different. Draco's family had been activists on Voldemort's side during the War, while Astoria's family had remained neutral. Returning to Hogwarts would have meant hell for him and would have cost him the chance to redeem his family…returning for her, he believed, would not cause such a problem.
When Astoria said nothing, Draco felt the blood boil beneath his skin, and a slow hiss escaped his lips.
"You're seventeen years old, Astoria! You're supposed to be at school preparing for your N.E.W.T.S. or…or shit, frolicking with some bloke in the fucking courtyard! You're not supposed to be shacking up with a Death Eater every night in a flat in the middle of London."
Silence fell across the couple at Draco's outburst, and all he could hear besides the pounding in his ears was his labored breathing. He wasn't sure what had just transpired, but Astoria's lack of response frightened him. She always had something to say in response to one of his arguments—always.
"So, what you're saying is—" She began, clipping the words out to mask the hurt behind her voice that Draco had grown to know so well over the past year. "—is that you don't want me here."
Draco rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to scoff. Of course, leave it to Astoria to deduce something like that from his little tirade. Honestly, was she ever going to get it?
"No, of course not," He drawled, offended by her accusation. Honestly, she knew him better than that. "I'm merely saying that you were only in your fifth year when the Battle of Hogwarts occurred—you hadn't even finished your O.W.L.'s. I just think you deserve to give yourself a chance, is all."
"Then we agree to disagree," was all that she could manage to say. An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and finally Draco cleared his throat just to rid himself of the unsettling aspect of it all.
"Look, it's your last night, and I don't particularly wish to fight," Astoria said suddenly, and Draco noted that her voice was quieter than usual; softer than usual. He turned his gaze on her once more, his silver eyes finding her bright blue ones in the dark. They were glossy, he realized, and idly wondered if she was holding back the urge to cry. Ridiculous, he thought to himself. Astoria didn't cry—not even in front of him.
"Alright," Draco agreed, the prospect of not fighting with her on his last night in the comfort of his soft and luxurious bed more than satisfying. Yawning, he stretched his limbs and made to dive under the covers, but a soft hand on his arm stopped him. Inquisitively, he turned to Astoria once more, and she seemed to be pleading to him in the dark.
"I know you don't enjoy doing it often, but I was just wondering if we could…" She trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence to Draco's imagination.
So…sex then, he decided.
While, like any other teenage male with overactive hormones, he loved the prospect of sex, the idea of doing so with Astoria always seemed wrong to him, somehow. Perhaps it was because he felt no emotional attachment and he feared that she did. Maybe it was even a small amount of decency lingering within him that even he himself was unaware of. Whatever the case, the prospect of having sex with Astoria was something he tried to avoid by habit, but something in him felt sympathy for her tonight. She seemed defeated, somehow, and he begrudgingly decided that the least he could do for the damn girl was give her what she wanted.
Without responding, Draco pulled her close and kissed her. His mouth worked mechanically against her own, and while her lips were soft and warm, he felt no lusty passion for her. She slowly and hesitantly moved to grip him by the shoulders, pulling him on top of her. They worked as though they were two parts of a machine—there was no love in it for Draco; no deeper emotions, nor was there anything he could hold onto and claim as a bout of passion. It felt wrong and it felt cold—it felt nothing like what he'd assumed sex would be like, and seeing as how she was the only woman he'd ever done anything sexual with, he doubted he'd ever find out what it felt like to have mind-blowing and passionate sex. He wanted a good fuck; he wanted someone to roll around in the sheets with and shag senseless. He wanted someone who could make him moan until his throat was hoarse; make his hips thrash wildly with desire and his vision blur with passion.
But instead, Draco forced himself to settle for this. He was always settling for things—settling for a life at the Order to save his family; settling for a life branded by the Mark to keep him and his parents alive; always settling.
And as he and Astoria consummated their relationship once more, Draco realized how cold and distant the act of intimacy was.
Just like everything else in his life.
a/N: Hello, everyone! Alright, so I've decided, with this fic, that I wanted to include a love triangle. If you follow me on Tumblr, then you've already been made aware of this. I didn't want to do the traditional Draco/Hermione/Ron love triangle, so I decided to use Astoria. That sounds awful, I know—use Astoria. I just wanted to take this time to clarify that this is, quite obviously, a Dramione fic, and the Astoria interactions will be limited. I just needed to take this chapter to establish their relationship, and the lack of love in it from Draco's side. I hope you're all enjoying this so far, because I have a lot of plans for this fic! Thank you for reading, and as always, let me know what you think xx.