Shades of Grey

Chapter Eleven: Two Halves of a Whole

"They were two halves that together formed a magical whole."

- Dick Button

Hermione awoke the next morning, a groggy and disoriented tangle of limbs. She was only vaguely aware of what had occurred the night before regarding her pasty-skinned companion, and for a moment her dark brows knit together in a fit of confusion as she noticed she was laying with him...bare-skinned, at that. Luckily, Malfoy was still sleeping, so she was able to blush in shame and embarrassment in private. Tucking an errant curl behind her ear, Hermione slowly untangled herself from Draco's surprisingly warm embrace, finding her clothes in a heap on the ground and picking them up. Stealing one last look at the peaceful-looking Slytherin, she tiptoed towards the bathroom, washing her dirty clothes in the basin and drying them with her wand, which she'd located on the nightstand next to Malfoy's cot.

Pausing to stare at herself in the mirror, Hermione struggled to determine whether or not the morose reflection gazing back at her seemed any different. She brushed her fingertips against the soft blush of her cheek, noting that while so much had changed for her in the past twenty-four hours, she was still the same. The same curly-haired, determined, logical Witch she'd always been. And while she was perfectly aware that the loss of her virginity wouldn't have somehow altered who she was on the inside, Hermione couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret. Not for what had happened, but...for how casually her body was reacting to it.

She'd slept with Draco Malfoy...had willingly been intimate with a man who had spent the better part of their school years tormenting her for her bloodline. And what was worse was the realization that she'd initiated it.

Inhaling sharply, she told herself that everything would be fine. It wasn't...it wasn't that big of a deal, really. It's not as though she would be eternally indebted to him for "deflowering her", or even feel any sort of attachment to the fair-haired former Slytherin Prince. A low snort escaped her lips at the thought, and Hermione forced her swollen lips to lift into a slight, feigned smirk of sorts. Slowly, however, the sly grin faded from her lips, replaced with the queerest contortion of her mouth as she allowed reality to dawn on her.

Gripping the cool edge of the basin, she gulped a pocket full of crisp air, her hazel eyes widening slightly as bits and pieces of what had happened the day before came to her. Blurred images of her running away from the two Snatchers flooded her vision, and she swore she could still taste the bitter flavor of dirt as she came crumbling to the ground in the middle of the attack. Her fingers gripped the stone basin harder, as though she was struggling to stay on her feet. The world threatened to wither away beneath her, and Hermione dug her nails into the cool texture of the stone as her mind forced itself to visualize and code everything that had happened yesterday afternoon.

Before she was even aware of what was happening, she felt a tremor explode from her chest and spread through her body. Her fingers slipped on the slick basin, and soon she was tumbling down to the ground. She fell with a light thud, bringing her knees up and curling into herself. She buried her head in her legs, using her arms to shield herself as silent sobs choked and strangled her. She felt tears, hot and salty, trickle down her face, coating her cheeks with the proof of her weakness as she succumbed to a complete loss of control. It was only here, where she could neither be seen nor heard, that Hermione Granger allowed herself to break apart. She didn't need saving-she was hardly the type of girl to sit around and wonder when the man of her dreams would come and scoop her up. She didn't need for someone to hush her and tell her that everything was going to be alright-she deserved to know the truth, and she'd learned long ago that the truth was a complex and fragile sort of thing. The utterance of it could break the weakest of hearts; crack the strong-willed and deteriorate even a lioness's composure.

Still, she couldn't deny that the comfort of another's presence from time to time was something she craved. As strong as she tried to be, and as determined as her spirit was, she still was, after all, human. And the human heart craves affection.

She spent approximately twenty minutes in such a fashion. With nothing but her hushed sobs and shivering limbs to distract her from the feeling of her body unraveling itself. Once she'd exhausted herself, she swallowed heavily, her throat achy and scratchy-feeling after such an intense bout of crying. Licking her dried lips, she swore she could taste the dried remains of her tears against her mouth, and she wiped the remaining tears from her glossy eyes with the back of her trembling hand, deciding that there really was no use in crying anymore. After all, she, Harry, and Ron had been through far worse a predicament in the past, and she'd managed most of that better than she was handling this. Perhaps that was it, though-perhaps she'd been too dependent on the company of her best friends. Their presence had been soothing to her in times of trouble. Here she was alone; here she didn't have a comforting hand or a friendly shoulder to lean on when things got rough.

She had Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy and his condescending sneer; his elitist way of thinking, and his cold, piercing grey eyes. His...his eyes that shone in the sun like shimmering glints of silver. His smile, that was so rare but so achingly beautiful; it spread across his face like an infectious bout of pleasure, and the scarce times in which his mouth contorted itself into such a stunning expression never failed to have her smiling in response. The way he...no, no. She wouldn't do this to herself. She couldn't.

Moving to stand, she brushed the dirt off her trousers and checked her face in the mirror once. Her eyes were still slightly puffy, and her hair was a damn mess, but to be quite frank, Hermione couldn't much find it in her to particularly care. Tugging on the sleeve of her sweater, she made her way out of the bathroom, noticing that Malfoy was still sleeping peacefully from his position on the bed. Folding her arms across her chest, Hermione watched him in silence for a handful of moments, deciding that she enjoyed seeing him in such a serene state. This was the Draco Malfoy she was permitted to see every once in a blue moon-the side of him that showcased his vulnerability; his humanity. She guessed that not many people had seen as much of him. Even she had difficulty believing it sometimes.

Hesitantly, she stepped forward, allowing her arms to drop to her side. Before she could stop herself, she bent down, gingerly grabbing the blanket that was twisted around his abdomen and pulling it up, covering his pale chest as she did so. Unable to stop herself, Hermione lifted a dainty hand and brushed a lock of hair from his face, noticing once more just how achingly soft those white-blonde locks of hair were. Pulling away before she could do more damage to herself than she'd already done by relishing in his presence, Hermione turned around, heading over to the table that held all of their work thus far. She grabbed a granola bar from her bag and moved to perch on the edge of the bench. She unwrapped the bar quietly, taking a bite and looking over her writings.

She reached for a map in front of her, her fingers skimming over each place that was marked with a red "x", the ink dripping slightly and giving the entire paper the feel that someone had swiped their blood across its contents. Reaching for the quill in front of her, Hermione took another bite of her granola bar, chewing more aggressively as she brought the quill down to the clearing close to their current camp site. With flared nostrils and a decent bit of ferocity, she crossed the clearing off, reminding herself never to return to the place where she'd almost become a play toy for the Snatchers ever again.

The map was a representation of the places she and Malfoy had looked...scouring for any bit of evidence of remaining Hallow clues that they could find. Much to her dismay, their luck hadn't been working out too well thus far, but she still had hope! After all, she'd just been...distracted lately, was all. It was...it was Malfoy's fault, really! Him and his damn distracting hair, and the way he sometimes smirked at her, and his...his...either way, he was infuriating, and she wouldn't tolerate it any longer! Huffing in slight aggravation, Hermione went about studying the map closer, struggling to remember if Harry had given any indication of where he might had dropped the Stone in the letter he'd sent her a while back. She knew that he wouldn't have known-not exactly, at least. He'd been in such a fit of distress that day...they all had, really. It was a miracle that as many people had made it through the battle as they had.

Suddenly, Hermione was struck with an idea. Of course! Oh, Merlin, of-of course! Why hadn't she thought of it before?! Gasping with the realization that all she'd needed was directly in front of her, Hermione scrambled for the map of Hogwarts she'd placed on the edge of the table, drawing it closer and connecting it to the map of the Forbidden Forest. Her lips pressed together tightly for a moment as she assessed the two maps drawn together, allowing her hands to roam over the surface of the parchment as she struggled to find where the paths of each map would line up. She found a dotted line that led from the castle to the edge of the forest, and lined it up with the appropriately placed dotted line on the map of the Forbidden Forest. This was it! She'd been looking at only bits and pieces, when in reality she should have been looking at the puzzle as a whole!

"Malfoy!" She breathed, only half aware of the fact that she was even saying his name in the first place. Clearing her throat, she smacked her index finger against the jointed lines, growing excited as she increased the volume of her voice. "Malfoy!"

Turning around in her seat, she faced a groggy Draco Malfoy as he stirred from bed, running a hand through his hair and yawning. He was so out of it, she could tell, and Hermione was half-tempted to snap at him to wake up so that she could show him what she'd found out. When she noticed he was searching for his clothes, Hermione turned around, a blush blossoming on her cheeks. She buried her head in the work before her, determined not to turn and face him while he was consciously aware of how indecent he was. Grabbing her quill, she dipped it in a bit of the ink on the table, drawing a circle in thick, dark ink across the jointed lines, quite pleased with herself for figuring out the piece of the puzzle they'd been missing for so long.

"Hurry up, Malfoy!" She said excitedly, blowing on the ink and willing it to dry so that she wouldn't smudge it with her fingers as she prepared to explain her findings to him. Tucking a wild curl behind her ears, she turned around and noticed him sloppily pulling on a white t-shirt, yawning and scratching his lower abdomen before padding over to her. She struggled not to allow her gaze to hover over the patch of exposed, pale flesh of his hip as he scratched his stomach, running her tongue across her lower lip subconsciously. Shaking her head to clear herself of such...inappropriate thoughts, Hermione turned to sit forward in her seat, instructing that he sit across from her on the bench.

"Now," Draco began, his voice thick from sleep as he rubbed his eyes, blinking twice before focusing his gaze on her. "What the hell was so important that you had to wake me up for?"

If she had been any less excited and fueled with such an adrenaline rush, she would have found the time to be irritated with the fact that Malfoy was acting as though nothing had transpired between them. As if he hadn't taken her virginity! As if they hadn't slept together and enjoyed it! Oh, blast it all-she was thinking about it again! She allowed herself a moment of anger before composing herself, inhaling slowly in an attempt to steele herself before she tried to address the pale man seated before her.

"This is the map of the Forbidden Forest," Hermione began, using her right hand to point at the map on the right side of the table. She ran her fingers along the path of red x's, her gaze locking on his so as to make sure he was comprehending what she was communicating to him as she spoke again. "And these are all the places we've searched for the Stone. Now, the Forbidden Forest isn't exactly the...smallest of forests-"

"Really, Granger?" Draco asked sarcastically, arching one fair brow in her direction. "I had no bloody idea. Truly, thank you for your insight on the subject. Now, can I make myself some damn breakfast?"

"No!" Hermione shrieked, her bushy hair shaking wildly as she glared at him. "Pay attention, Malfoy, this is important!" Draco rolled his eyes, but leaned forward nevertheless, studying the map she'd just spent the past few minutes explaining to him. Hermione cleared her throat, sitting straight and smoothing her sweater before deciding to continue.

"As I was saying, the Forbidden Forest is a large stretch of land, and there's no way we'd be able to cover all of it in the allotted time it would take us to collect the Hallows before Bellatrix does," Hermione continued, feeling a bit more confidence when Malfoy nodded his head in response. "So I thought for a moment that maybe Harry could remember where he'd dropped the Stone. Of course...of course he never included any ideas of the whereabouts in specifity, but seeing as how he was so pre-occupied with meeting Voldemort, I rather suppose he didn't rea-"

"Granger, I enjoy the narration you've got going on here, but do you think you could get to the point before you reach menopause?" Draco snapped, leaning back and drumming his fingers against the table top in slight irritation. Hermione glared at him, huffing her irritation before primly nodding, resisting the urge to tell him to sod off and let her finish.

"Anyway," She began, her voice bitter as she appraised him with a cold glare before turning her attention back to the maps placed in front of her. "I began thinking to myself about what route Harry might have taken-that would have eliminated a plethora of places we could have searched. That's when it hit me! I was looking at the Forbidden Forest by itself, when really..." She paused, her left hand sliding over to rest on the Hogwarts map, so that one hand was placed on each map. "...I should have been looking at the entire problem!"

Draco sat in silence for a moment, his silver gaze flickering back and forth between the relatively clean map of Hogwarts to the inky mess that was the map of the Forbidden Forest, and after a few minutes in which he attempted to figure out what Hermione was saying, his lips drew into a pout, and he lifted his head to meet her gaze once more.

"I'm not sure I follow. What does Hogwarts have to do with this?"

"Don't you see?!" Hermione exclaimed, inching forward and waving her hands sporadically. She realized she more than likely looked like a lunatic, what with her frantic hand gestures and her bushy hair a mess around her face, but she couldn't find it in her to care. Not when she'd discovered something so ground-breaking! Draco shook his head slowly, as though he were slightly wary as to what her response would be, to which Hermione rolled her eyes in exasperation, jabbing a finger towards the dark circle she'd made near the edge of the Hogwarts map.

"The Battle of Hogwarts took place at the school, obviously," She began, a hint of the know-it-all tone so predominant in childhood surfacing as she addressed him. "When Voldemort told Harry to meet him in the Forbidden Forest, he slipped under the Invisibility Cloak and made his way from the castle down to the Forest. Now, in the entire time in which we were at Hogwarts, Harry, Ron, and myself had a specific way in which we'd use to enter the forest. We-"

"How many times did you and the rest of the bloody Trio enter that damn forest, Granger? Or go anywhere near it, for that matter?"

A hot blush rose to her cheeks, which Hermione fought, nibbling on the inside of her cheek and dismissing the urge to smack him, turning her gaze back down to the map.

"Doesn't matter," She mumbled before clearing her throat, choosing to remain on task. "As I was saying-we used to trek down to Hagrid's Hut. We visited him quite a bit there during our school years, and since his hut was on the border of the Forbidden Forest, well...it was just always the most obvious choice, you know?"

Draco nodded, and Hermione was pleased about the fact that he'd followed her thus far.

"Therefore, if my prediction is correct-which I'd bet all the Galleons to my name that they are!-then Harry would have taken this familiar path down to the Forbidden Forest when he was going to meet Voldemort. Now, that limits the path down greatly, and I got to thinking...Harry would have had to dispose of the Stone before he'd gone to see Voldemort. After all, the last thing Harry wanted was for Voldemort to get hold of any more of the Hallows. After all, he'd already had the Wand in his possession at the time. So, if I'm correct, then Harry would have dumped the Resurrection Stone in the outer lining of the Forbidden Forest, right around Hagrid's Hut-" Hermione explained, her index finger tracing the circle she'd drawn on the map connecting them.

"So that means..." Draco began, his voice slow as he processed all of the information Hermione had given him. The brunette Witch nodded once excitedly.

"We have to go see Hagrid, yes."

Draco, understanding what this meant, exchanged a look of gratitude with Hermione. She beamed at him, unable to help herself for a moment. When she realized just who she was smiling at, however, the grin disappeared from her face, and she cast her gaze downwards once more.

"Granger," Draco began after a beat of silence, and Hermione noticed that his voice was much quieter than it had been only moments before. "What happened last night?"

At his inquiry, Hermione stiffened. She struggled to focus on nothing but the swirling lines of the maps laid on the table, and instinctively she shook her head, not wanting to discuss it.

"Nothing, Malfoy. It was a mistake, alright?" She said coolly, pulling away from the table and moving to stand. She turned away from him, tucking her arms against her side and staring at the blank wall canvas of the tent ahead of her. She heard a rustling movement behind her, and could tell that Malfoy had moved to stand behind her. Luckily, though, he refrained from touching her. Merlin knows how she would have reacted if he had.

"A mistake?" He asked. There was no hurt in his tone; no anger or happiness or even a hint of hopefulness. His voice was flat...as though he were doing nothing more than merely restating what she'd just said. His lack of emotion infuriated her-he had to feel something about it! Anything!

"Yes, a mistake," Hermione managed, her voice wavering slightly. She lifted a hand to brush at her cheeks as though she were wiping away tears, though she was fully aware of the fact that she hadn't been crying. As if she'd cry over Malfoy! Ridiculous.

She shook her head again, as though in response to something he'd said. But Malfoy hadn't spoken...neither one of them had.

"I just..." She began, her voice filled to the brim with suppressed emotion. "I just thought that maybe...if I tried to distract myself, then maybe I wouldn't look back on yesterday with as much disdain. I thought that...if I did it with you, then I could forget. I was...swept away in the heat of the moment and all that. It doesn't matter."

She almost hated herself for being so open with him, but the confession was tumbling past her lips before she could bother reigning it in.

At first, Malfoy didn't say anything. He stayed silent, to which Hermione couldn't decide whether or not she appreciated. On the one hand, she would have had it so that neither one of them discussed their sudden night of passion ever again. On the other, she hated feeling so confused about everything. Sometimes, she wished that complex situations like these came with textbooks. She'd always been a quick learner and an avid reader-she would have been able to handle so many things in her life differently.

But life didn't come with an instruction manual, and she couldn't prepare for anything that it threw her. That was something Hermione had been forced to come to terms with a while ago, and she sure as hell wasn't going to relive the process of acceptance all over again.

Finally, however, Draco spoke, and interrupted her tumultuous thoughts.

"Why me?"

Hermione stilled immediately, torn between the desire to explode and tell him what an idiot he was for not getting it, and ignoring him completely. Finally, she turned to face him, appraising him with a hard, curious gaze for a moment before shaking her head, shrugging her shoulders slightly and feigning indifference.

"I don't know," She said quietly, the lie scorching her tongue. Draco studied her closely, as though he didn't quite believe her. Before the Malfoy Heir could be granted the chance to say something else, though, Hermione opened her mouth and spoke once more.

"Can we just...forget it ever happened?" She asked, slightly hopeful and slightly crest-fallen. She tugged on a knotted strand of hair, watching him closely as shock flitted across his features, slowly replaced with indifference. When Hermione was quite sure all hope of an agreement of sorts were lost, Malfoy cleared his throat, giving the stiffest of nods, and in the briefest of moments, Hermione felt both guilt and relief flood her system, and the battle between the two caused the queerest of emotions to overwhelm her being as Draco uttered the three words she both feared and craved for him to say.

"It never happened."

a/N: Hey, everyone! I apologize for the delay in updating, but real life and writer's block tend to get in the way. I've recently started my freshman year of college, and while it's exciting and I'm definitely in love with the college experience, the work load is also a lot more extreme than a lot of what I was used to in high school. I hope all of you are doing well! Don't forget to let me know what you think, it means a lot!