A/N: Chapter 18! I might have been a bit hard on Izaya in this chapter. Anyway enjoy reading this chapter and please review.

Summary: Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!

Izaya was bored, definitely bored. His morning routine had already ended and he had even had lunch. Shizuo had gone to work, leaving him all alone in his room. It wasn't the first time he had been bored, but he didn't know what to do now. He could go on his laptop, but he didn't really feel like it. Not after the kids had come here after he had gone back on the chat for a moment.

He didn't want to risk having them coming over again and asking questions or asking questions in the chat. Maybe he could gather some information, that couldn't hurt right? He would be going back to work once he was fit enough, even though he didn't know how long that might take.

His physiotherapist had given him an estimation of how long it would take, but that meant that it still took months before he would be able to work. Even though he could start with searching things on his laptop, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get as much as he would able to get with field work.

It might be a good idea to ask Namie to come here and then they could discuss it, the doctor would probably complain if he started working again, but he felt fine, besides his legs not working.

Determined he grabbed his phone and called Namie. It took a few rings, but the phone was finally picked up.

"What do you want?" It was clear that she wasn't happy that he was calling her.

"Namie~ Can you come over?" He decided to just tell her what he wanted.

"Why should I? You have all your stuff there right?"

"But I'm bored!" Izaya complained.

"I'm in a meeting right now, so find something else to lift your boredom." Namie could really be mean at times.

"Is it with Shiki-san? Bring him over too then~" He hadn't planned to ask Shiki here, but he was planning on starting with a bit of work again, so might as well see if Shiki had something for him.

"Why should I bring him over?" That woman could really act dumb when she wanted.

"I want to start a bit of work again, so that I won't be bored."

"Has your doctor given you the permission to work again?"

"I haven't talked to him about it and it will only be some work on my laptop." He could hear Namie sigh on the other end and converse with someone else, but it was too soft for him to make out. "Don't ignore me Namie!" He told her through the phone.

"Keep quiet! I was explaining to Shiki-san what you said and he said that he was fine in coming over."

"Yay!" Izaya said and couldn't help but smirk when he heard Namie groan on the other end.

"We will be there as soon as possible."

"See you soon~!" Izaya couldn't keep the smirk off of his face when he stared at his phone after Namie had hung up. Seems like he might get a job to do after all. He knew that his doctor wouldn't agree yet, but as long as he didn't know it was fine.

xxx

A knock sounded at his door about an hour later and Izaya called them inside cheerfully, smiling at them when they came in.

"Don't smile like that, it's creepy." Namie just had to comment on the smile he was wearing, but Izaya still didn't let it disappear.

"Don't say that Namie. I'm just happy to see you." There was no way that could be true, but she should know that.

"Orihara-san, I would like to know why I had to come here together with your assistant." Oh right, Shiki was here too.

Izaya turned his head towards the man and let his smile disappear before looking at the man with a neutral look. "I was hoping you had some work I could do here on my laptop, since I'm getting quite bored here." He had been bored for longer than this, but until now he had been able to manage with the times Shizuo was here.

"You want to start working again while you're in the hospital?" Shiki was definitely suspicious of him.

"I told you I am bored, so I would like to have something to do." Izaya could see the man still looking at him suspiciously.

"And you're fit to work again?" He knew this was going to come up.

"I can do work on my laptop just fine, might get a headache after a while, but that's nothing new." He had been having headaches before this all started, but that might have been related to this all.

"And you're saying that won't affect your ability to work?" He really never stopped, now did he?

"I might be a bit slower, but I want to do this. It is that I can't do field work for a while, but I am planning to start working again once I'm able to." He was getting irritated with the many questions. Couldn't they just give him a job to do?

"Still, working from a hospital is a bit…" He could clearly see that Shiki didn't feel comfortable with him working here.

"It's not like I can go anywhere else!" And there he snapped at the man. He was honestly tired of everyone trying to keep things from him, including his own body, since it was stopping him from going where he wanted. "My head is doing fine now, it's just my body that isn't working properly yet!" He was definitely pissed and for a moment he could see surprise flash on Shiki's face before it disappeared.

"Oh? You still haven't told me why you're here in the first place." Shiki suddenly started. "Your assistant only told me that you weren't able to work."

"That's none of your business, now just give me something to do." Izaya growled and glared at the man who wasn't giving him a job.

"It is my business if I let you work for me again, I need to know what you're capable of right now." Damn, that was not fair, using a job against him.

"That's not fair." Izaya pouted.

"Life isn't fair, now are you going to explain or should I leave without giving you a job?" Izaya growled at that, he really didn't want to tell Shiki about it, but it seems like he didn't have a choice.

"Fine, you better give me a job after this." Izaya finally said with a sigh. "In september I was diagnosed with brain cancer, I have received treatment and now everything should be gone. The only thing that happened between the two surgeries was that I lost any feeling or movement in my legs, which is why I'm still here, since I'm getting help from a physiotherapist to be able to walk again." He gave Shiki the short version, since he really didn't feel like explaining everything.

"Brain cancer huh?" Shiki really couldn't say it more subtle, now could he? "That explains why you looked like crap those two times I saw you at your apartment."

"Yeah, yeah, now just give me a job." Izaya said, really not wanting to continue the conversation.

"You didn't get any brain damage from the two surgeries you had?" Did he really need to know that.

"Only my vision got a bit worse, so now I have glasses, but beside that, nothing." Izaya said grabbing his glasses from the table beside him and putting them on to show the man.

"Glasses look quite good on you. Anyway, fine. I have a job you can do on your laptop, but if you can't find anything just give it to Yagiri-san, alright?" Shiki said, but there was no way he was going to give it to Namie, he would be able to do this himself.

"Fine, so could you now please tell me what the job is about?" Izaya asked and grabbed his laptop, so he could start looking once he knew what he needed to find.

xxx

After getting told about the job, Izaya had started looking on his laptop for the information, meanwhile he had also looked on the fora to see if word got out of him being in the hospital, since he still didn't trust Masaomi and he wouldn't put it past Mikado to tell it on the Dollar's site.

Logging in to the site he started going through messages and just as he had feared, there were rumors going around about him being in the hospital.

-Did you hear? I heard Orihara Izaya is in the hospital

-I heard the same thing, but nobody seems to know why

That was at least good, then he wouldn't need to try and lie about it.

-Still it is weird, he hasn't been seen in Ikebukuro for almost half a year

He knew that that was true, if you didn't count him riding on Celty's bike to and from the hospital

-It has indeed been quiet.

-Even Heiwajima Shizuo has calmed down

-That might be because he has been visiting Orihara Izaya

Oh great, now they just had to start about that.

-I have seen him going into the hospital many times over the past few months, so if Orihara Izaya is there he might be visiting him

There were more comments like this, but Izaya tried to ignore them as best as he could, but in the end he decided to put his own message.

-Orihara Izaya has probably just been busy and will be back very soon

He knew it wasn't true, he might have started working again, but that didn't mean he would be back anytime soon.

-Really? I think he might have died

-Yeah, me too. It might even be better that way, since it's a lot more quiet like this

That hurt, Izaya couldn't deny it, so they thought it would be better if he had just died.

-So you just want him dead because you don't like him?

He knew he must have sounded desperate, but no one knew he was saying it.

-Yeah, he's screwed up in the head, so it might indeed be better if he is dead

This was really not what he wanted to hear right now.

-Don't you think you're going too far? He's still a person!

Was someone trying to help him?

-As if, he's more of a monster, calling himself god and everything

Izaya didn't know how to react, being called a monster was definitely something he would have shaken off had he been his old self, but now, it hit something and hard.

-I heard someone saw going around in a wheelchair in the hospital

-What? So he really is in the hospital?

-That's surprising, but that still means he's not dead. Does anyone know why he is in the hospital by the way? Maybe he is dying.

-I don't know, that person didn't know.

-It might be cancer or something like that, I mean, there is probably not much that guy would go to the hospital for.

-That's true, it might indeed be something like that, let's hope he dies from it

Izaya couldn't take it anymore, why were they so cruel? Why couldn't they see they were hurting him? Why did nobody love or care about him?

Izaya lifted the laptop from his lap, ready to throw it to the floor, but a hand on his arm stopped him and he looked up at Shizuo's concerned eyes.

"Izaya? What are you doing?" The blonde asked, his voice full of concern, but the only answer he got was Izaya shaking his head rapidly.

"Let go." He said in a soft voice, but Shizuo didn't listen. "Please let go." He knew he must look pathetic, but he didn't want the blonde to see him like this. He would only pity him, there was no way Shizuo could care beside pitying him.

"Izaya." Shizuo said it more firmly. Izaya tried to yank his arm out of Shizuo's hand, but the blonde kept a firm grip on him and then pried the laptop away with his other hand placing it on the table. "What happened Izaya?" Stupid tears, don't start, it will only make Shizuo pity him.

"Just go away." He couldn't get his voice louder.

"What?" Was the blonde really that deaf?

"I said GO AWAY!" Now he was yelling and he saw the shocked look of the blonde for a moment but then shook his head. He wouldn't accept his pity again, there was no way he could.

"Izaya…" Shizuo tried, but Izaya was definitely not listening.

"Didn't you hear me? I said to go away." Izaya raised his voice a bit when he said this. "Let go of me and just leave me alone." Shizuo didn't let go of him and instead grabbed Izaya's face with his other hand before closing in on the raven, trying to kiss him, but just at the last moment Izaya managed to pull his face away.

"Don't. Just leave." He could hear Shizuo sigh and felt the blonde's hand finally let go of his arm.

Shizuo was definitely frustrated, Izaya could hear the blonde growling, but he didn't dare look up at him.

"Izaya, why are you doing this?" It was a futile attempt to try and get him to talk, but there was no way Izaya was going to give him an answer.

"Leave me alone, I'm going to rest." Izaya said and then laid down in the bed, turning his back on the blonde.

He could hear the blonde sighing and then he finally stood up and left the room through the door.

Izaya knew somewhere that he had screwed up. He had pushed away the only person who had seemed to really care and he might not even be coming back. Silent tears started falling out of his eyes and this time there was no one to comfort him and even the sleep that came after a while was restless, filled with nightmares.