A/N: Here is chapter 19! Enjoy reading it and please review.

Summary: Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!

Izaya was tired when he woke up the next morning. He had been having nightmares every time he closed his eyes and it honestly tired him out. The nightmares had been repeating the words he had read the day before and it kept haunting him.

Nobody seemed to care that he had feelings too. Seems like they all would rather have him dead. Was he really worth that little? Was there really no one who cared about him?

Tears started streaming down his face once more. He was surprised they hadn't dried out yet, since he had been crying a lot through the night, ignoring everyone who came inside to check on him.

Was it really better if he had just died? Would everyone really be happier? Would someone even care if he had died?

Izaya knew that Shizuo acted like he cared, but he wasn't so sure anymore that the blonde cared. Why would his enemy even care about him? There was no way that was true. He probably only did it out of pity, which meant he didn't really care.

Then what were those kisses? Was it just to take his mind of things. Were they fake too? Did the blonde really only do it to make him feel better? The blonde had mostly kissed him when he felt down, so was it just out of pity?

Would Shizuo care if he died? Or would he just go on with his life like nothing happened? He wanted Shizuo to care for him, but if it was out of pity, it wasn't the attention that he wanted. Why did he even believe that Shizuo cared about him? There's no way that could be true now that he thought about it. Shizuo saw him as an enemy and suddenly he cared about him when he fell ill? That was too good to be true.

Izaya could hear the door open, but he kept his back turned to it pretending to be asleep. He had been doing this the whole time since Shizuo left, so there was no way he was going to change it now. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He just didn't believe their concerns for him anymore. People had told him what they thought about him and it was clear that they didn't care and would just rather have him dead. Dying might not be a bad option if no one cared, the question was just if there might be someone who would care.

Heavy footsteps could be heard when the person got closer to him and he recognized them as Shizuo's. He had heard those too many times to be able to mistake them for someone else's.

Why had the blonde even come back after he told him to leave last evening? Couldn't Shizuo just stop acting like he cared? There was no way Izaya was going to believe him again, but he still didn't dare to face the blonde, so he kept pretending to sleep.

"Izaya?" The voice was soft as if trying to see if he was awake, but Izaya didn't react, just pretended to be sleeping. He could hear Shizuo sigh and stand still, he could almost feel the blonde's presence close to him, but there was no way he was going to show that he was awake.

"Izaya, are you still sleeping?" As if he was going to answer if he was really sleeping, but he wasn't planning on showing any signs of being awake.

The blonde shifted a bit beside him and it seemed like he was hesitating about something, then Izaya suddenly felt a rough hand go through his slightly grown back hair, it still wasn't really long, but enough for the blonde to be able to go through it with his hand.

Izaya tried not to stiffen, but he still did it a bit, luckily it seemed that Shizuo didn't notice this and Izaya didn't relax till the blonde finally removed his hand.

"Seems like you don't want me to be here." This took Izaya by surprise. Had the blonde found out that he was faking being asleep. "I'm sorry if I did something wrong, but if you're this tired that you're still sleeping, then it must have been a rough night." Oh he meant that he must not have gotten much sleep this night.

"I think it's better if I leave, sorry for bothering you." With this he could hear Shizuo walking away, something in Izaya wanted to call out to him, but his mind just wouldn't let him. It kept telling him that Shizuo was only doing this out of pity and that there was no way he would actually care about him.

Izaya heard the door open and close, leaving him alone in the room once again. He dared to shift a bit and turn around in his bed and opened one eye to see if his room was empty, but to his surprise he saw his physiotherapist inside the room. He had been so focused on hearing Shizuo leave that he hadn't heard her come inside.

"So you were awake after all?" She commented, but Izaya just turned back around, trying to ignore her.

"Are you two fighting?" Couldn't she just see that he wanted to be alone? "Or did something else happen?"

"What does it matter to you?" He decided to ask her, still having his back to her.

"I need to know if you're psychologically fit to do physiotherapy today." She just answered, but Izaya himself already knew the answer to that.

"Don't feel like it." What did it even matter? Everyone wanted him dead, so why he need to be able to walk again? Could he do it for himself alone? But his humans didn't seem to care about him, so why should he do his best? He might as well just die here like everyone wanted.

"I suspected as much, we can skip a day, but if you're like this tomorrow too, I will take action." She said with a soft voice, as if she cared. Izaya just didn't believe her.

"Just leave me alone." Was all he said and closed his eyes again trying to go back to sleep, but he knew it wouldn't come just like that.

"Fine, but I will come back tomorrow and if you don't have a better attitude I will take action." She said and then he heard her leave. Izaya didn't say anything more and just waited for sleep to come, which would take quite a while.

xxx

After Shizuo left the hospital he had gone to Shinra's since he still had time before he needed to start work with Tom and he wanted to talk to them about Izaya's strange behaviour the day before.

Shizuo knocked on the door and it didn't take long before Shinra opened the door with a surprised look. "Shizuo? What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you and Celty about Izaya." He said, which made the doctor even more confused.

"Why?" But Shizuo ignored him for now and just walked inside towards the living room. There he saw Celty sitting on the couch and when he came in she stood up and showed him her pda.

[Shizuo? Why are you here?] It was almost the same question as Shinra had asked.

"I need to talk to you two about Izaya." He repeated his answer once more.

[What's wrong?] Celty seemed to catch on faster than Shinra.

"He was acting weird yesterday."

[Weird?]

"I came to visit him, but when I went inside I saw him ready to throw his laptop on the ground and when I had taken the laptop away and asked him what happened he told me to get away." Shizuo answered, still remembering how Izaya hadn't dared to look at him and when he had tried to kiss him, the raven had just moved his face away.

[What did you do?] Shizuo got a bit red at this question and he didn't really know if he should tell them about him trying to kiss Izaya.

"I tried to kiss him, we have been doing that for a while, but he moved his face away and when he kept asking me to go away, I just left him."

"You kissed him?" Oh great, now Shinra decided to join the conversation.

"Yeah I did, just that yesterday he ignored it." Maybe he was a bit too honest, but there was no way back now.

"I wonder what made him act like that…" He heard Shinra mumble, but he didn't know the answer to that.

[It might have been something on his laptop!] Celty tried. [Did you look at the laptop?] Shizuo tried to remember if he had seen anything and he could vaguely remember that there was a site opened. Now that he thought about it more it was a familiar.

"There was a site on, I think it was a bit familiar, but I can't remember what kind." Shizuo answered honestly and when he had said that Celty was already standing and walking to grab her laptop. She came back with it and did a few things before showing Shizuo it.

[Is this it?] Now that he looked at it, it was definitely that.

"Yes, that's it. Which site is it?"

[The Dollar's site, around what time did you visit the hospital yesterday?] The Dollar's site? Oh right that gang he had been a part of for a while, no wonder it was a bit familiar.

"It was around 8pm." He answered and then watched as Celty scrolled through all the messages till she arrived at the ones for 8pm.

Celty started reading the messages and soon she stopped and started shaking. Was she angry?

"What's wrong Celty?" Shinra asked and Shizuo also looked at the Dullahan.

[Just read this and you will understand Izaya's actions.] Was all she said and turned the laptop for Shizuo and Shinra to read.

Shizuo didn't know what she meant, but started reading anyway, but what he read made his blood boil with anger. He wanted to kill the ones who had written those messages. No wonder Izaya acted like that, it must have hit him hard if he read it.

"How dare they." He growled and he saw Shinra flinch for a moment at his angry tone, but he could see that the doctor himself was angry. "I will kill them!" Shizuo abruptly stood up and went to leave, but got stopped by Shinra's voice.

"You don't even know who they are!" Shinra said and Shizuo knew he was right, but he needed to vent his anger on something or someone.

"Do you have a better idea then?" He growled and this time it was Celty who replied.

[I might know someone who can help, he's the founder of the Dollars.] Shizuo looked at her for a moment and then nodded.

"Alright, get his ass over here then." Shizuo said and walked back to the couch before sitting down.

[I don't know if he would want to meet in person.] Celty typed, but Shizuo just growled at that.

"Tell him that he would better get his ass over here, otherwise I will find him and kill him." Shizuo growled and Celty only nodded before opening a chat.

xxx

-Setton entered the chatroom-

Setton: Is Tanaka Taro here?

Bakyura: Is that any greeting to give us when you enter the chatroom?

Setton: I don't have the time for this, I have a fuming blonde beside me.

Bakyura: Oh? Who could that be?

Setton: Doesn't matter, is he here or not?

Tanaka Taro: I'm here, what do you need me for?

-Private chat with Tanaka Taro-

Setton: I need you to come over right now, it's really important!

Tanaka Taro: What's so important that I need to come over right now?

Setton: Can't explain now, just come over and I will tell you.

Tanaka Taro: And if I don't?

Setton: Heiwajima Shizuo will otherwise find you and kill you.

Tanaka Taro: Is he the fuming blonde?

Setton: He is, so get over here, since it is important.

Tanaka Taro: Fine, see you in a bit.

-Private chat ended-

Tanaka Taro: Seems that I need to go, bye!

Setton: I need to go too, goodbye!

-Tanaka Taro left the chatroom-

-Setton left the chatroom-

"And?" Shizuo asked almost immediately when the laptop got put aside.

[He said he would come over, now we just need to wait.] Celty answered.

"Great, I hope he comes here soon." Shizuo said.