A/N: Chapter 20! I hope you will enjoy reading this chapter and please review.
Summary: Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!
Izaya had been ignoring all the nurses that came into his room that day. He suspected that his physiotherapist had told them that he was in a bad mood and that they needed to try and talk to him, since every single one of them tried to make a conversation with him.
Izaya didn't feel like talking and had ignored all of them, he had even ignored the food he had gotten and he knew that they were getting frustrated with him, but he ignored it all. They didn't really care about him, they just did this because it was their job.
He himself hadn't been doing much today, just sleeping and thinking most of the time and of course ignoring the people who came inside. He had been thinking about what had been written in those messages. Would everyone be happier if he just ended his life?
The people in the hospital would probably happy that he finally left, since he wasn't really the best patient they could have. His enemies would probably throw a party and the rest of his humans would probably be relieved that he was gone. That he was no longer able to mess with their lives.
But was he ready to take his own life? Was he really ready to give everything up he had if it made other people happier? What did it even matter if no one cared? Nobody would be sad when he was dead, not his sisters, not Shizuo, not anyone, so he might as well be dead.
Izaya would rather be dead than receive their pity, that was all that they were giving him, pity. Just pity, nothing more nothing less. They didn't care, it just seemed like caring, but instead it was pity and that was something he didn't need. It was the thing he hated the most.
But what would be the best way to do this? He was in a hospital after all, so there wouldn't be much things he could do, especially when he wasn't even able to walk. It had to be something that he could do while he was sitting in the bed here.
Izaya looked around the room carefully, seeing if there was anything that could help him. At first he didn't see anything, but then his eyes rested on his jacket that was hung over a chair, not too far from the bed, he should be able to reach it and if his switchblade was inside he would be lucky.
Izaya balanced on the bed with one arm, while he reached out with his other arm towards his jacket. He knew he was risking falling out of the bed, but he had to get his jacket.
He stretched a bit more and then he could finally grasp the fabric of his jacket and pull it towards him while he let himself get steady on the bed.
Izaya was now sitting in the bed and he looked at his jacket for a moment. If his switchblade was inside that would be his only chance, he knew that. He just had to hope that no one would come inside while he was doing this.
He searched the pockets of his jacket till he felt the familiar form of his switchblade. It was a miracle that nobody had taken it out. There were a few people who knew he kept it inside after all.
Izaya tossed the jacket back on the chair and then flicked open his switchblade. He looked at the blade and turned it over in his hand for a bit while he kept his eyes on it. Was he really ready to do this? He knew it would be easy, just slit his wrist deep enough for it to bleed hard enough and he might as well do both arms, since then it would probably go faster. He was in a hospital after all, so if it didn't go fast enough he might survive this.
He decided that he would first slit his left wrist, if he did his right first, it might not be strong enough to slit his other wrist, but if he did his left first, he knew he could trust it to do the job to the other.
There were of course other ways he could do this, he could stab himself multiple times or just slit his throat, but that was quite hard to do yourself, this was definitely a more effective way, even though it would be slower.
His right hand was holding the blade tightly while he put it down on his wrist, drawing a small line of blood from it. He knew this wasn't enough so he pressed harder and more blood started to flow out.
It hurt less then he had expected, he had thought it to hurt a lot, but it was more like a stinging pain, yet oddly satisfying.
He lifted the blade for a moment to go to another position on his wrist and cut there too, just as deep as the other one was. This should do for this wrist. He could already feel a bit lightheaded by all the blood that was flowing out, but he had to do his other wrist too.
His left hand shook a bit while it grabbed a hold of the switchblade and placed it on his right wrist, shakily pushing down, starting to draw a small line of blood.
xxx
Shizuo had been getting impatient while they waited for Mikado to come over. The boy was really taking his time and Shizuo was getting more irritated with the second.
"Why the hell isn't he here yet?" Shizuo growled and he saw Shinra flinch, but before anyone could answer him a knock sounded at the door and Shinra left to open it.
"Ah, Mikado-kun, come inside. We've been waiting for you." Shinra said in a friendly tone, which made Shizuo only more irritated.
Shizuo watched while a teenage boy came walking inside and he thought he was a bit familiar, but he couldn't remember his name.
"You're the one?" He just growled irritatingly and he saw the boy start to shake. Was it in fear or something else? He really got a weird feeling from this boy, but he decided to ignore it and focus on what he had to say for himself.
"Heiwajima-san, I don't know what you mean, but if you mean that I'm the one who was supposed to come then you're right." The boy said a bit timidly.
[This is Ryugamine Mikado, founder of the Dollars.] Celty told him the boy's name and Shizuo gave a curt nod.
"So Mikado-kun? You're the founder of the Dollars right?" Shizuo asked him and he could see a surprised look appearing on the boy's face.
"I am, but what has that to do with me coming here?" Did the boy not read his own boards of the site?
[Mikado-kun, we wanted to ask you something about some messages on the Dollar's site.] Celty answered for him and he could see the boy's face turn into one with a frown.
"What kind of messages?" Shizuo was getting irritated.
"Don't you read all the messages on your site? We're talking about the ones saying that they would rather have Izaya dead." Shizuo growled and now a confused look appeared on the boy's face.
"I don't read everything no and I haven't seen those messages." Celty had grabbed her laptop once more and this time turned it to show Mikado.
[These are the messages, could you find out who they are from?] Shizuo looked at the boy while he was reading the messages, but he was getting impatient.
"Do you know them?" He growled, which caught the attention of Mikado.
"I don't and I can't help you in finding them, everyone is anonymous, so I have no idea who everyone is." Mikado said carefully, knowing that Shizuo would get angry.
"What? So you can't help us? Great, just great. Now we ruined some of the time we had." Shizuo growled and stood up, walking towards the front door.
"Shizuo where are you going?" Shinra asked, but Shizuo didn't turn around while he answered.
"I'm going to see Izaya, I already told Tom I won't come to work today." Shizuo answered and had already opened the door when he got stopped by Shinra's voice.
"Wait a moment, we will be coming with you. Are you coming too Mikado-kun?"
"Yeah, sure." And Shizuo waited impatiently, while the three of them got ready to go and that's when they left for the hospital.
xxx
Shizuo had been getting more anxious while they were on their way to the hospital. He had a feeling like something bad was happening and he didn't like it.
Now that they were in the hospital and on their way to Izaya's room, he was getting more and more nervous that it was even noticeable for the other people with him.
"Shizuo? What's wrong?" He heard Shinra ask and he turned to face the doctor.
"I have a bad feeling." Shizuo mumbled and then turned his look back on the hallway before him, they still needed to go a floor up and then they would need to walk a bit before they would be at the room.
"Is it because of how Izaya was acting yesterday?" Shinra asked and Shizuo just shrugged.
"Don't know, just have a bad feeling." He said and that was the end of the conversation. The bad feeling kept increasing while they got closer to Izaya's room and he didn't know why until he opened the door.
xxx
Izaya pushed the blade in deeper, ignoring the tears that had started streaming down his face. It didn't hurt, not as much as his heart did. It would be fine, he would be dead soon and there was no one who could stop him.
He lifted the blade and wanted to make a last cut, but suddenly his hand got gripped by someone's strong hand and he looked up to the one who had stopped him to see Shizuo staring at him in shock.
Izaya could see the blonde's lips move, but he didn't comprehend what he was saying. He was shocked that someone had been able to stop him, but he wondered if it had been in time. He hoped it hadn't been, but something said it hadn't been enough. He had been a coward, he should have just stabbed himself several times.
Izaya tried to tug his hand free from the blonde, but he felt weak, the blood loss hadn't done him any good, he noticed. He was weak.
Suddenly he felt someone prying the blade away from his fingers, but he didn't want it to be taken away from him, so he tried to hit the one who had tried it with his right arm, but this one got caught too.
He wanted to protest, to hit the one who was keeping him at bay, but he had no strength in his legs, he couldn't even walk let alone kick and his arms were caught by someone strong.
His mind couldn't grasp around what was happening but he knew he had to get free, get his switchblade back and the only way to do that was to get himself free from the one who was holding him.
Seeing no other way, he lunged forward and sunk his teeth into one of the arms that were holding him, but it didn't budge, even when he felt skin break and tasted blood the one was still not letting go.
Suddenly he felt a sting from a needle and some liquid entering him, before he slowly felt himself falling into unconscious. The last thing he thought about was how unfair everything was and that he honestly hoped that he wouldn't wake up again.