A/N: Here is chapter 22! Enjoy reading it and please review.

Summary: Izaya has been having headaches lately and when more symptoms appear he decides to go to the hospital. There he gets to hear that he has brain cancer.

Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!

Izaya opened his eyes slowly with a groan escaping his lips. He felt a bit dazed and sluggish, not really knowing why that was. What had he even been doing before he fell asleep?

Izaya tried to remember what happened, but it was all a bit vague. He could remember Shizuo and the doctor, but everything after that was fuzzy, as if he didn't want to remember. This was only making him more confused, since he felt like something happened.

He noticed that something was in his hand and he looked down to see another hand in his own, but that was not the only thing that was noticeable. There were more bandages on his arm than he could remember and when he looked to his other, there were more bandages there too.

His gaze traveled to the man who was holding his hand and noticed that Shizuo was sitting in the chair asleep. Had he been staying with him all this time? Could he really be concerned about him? However much he wanted to believe it, it just didn't work. His mind kept telling him that the blonde wasn't caring about him, even though Shizuo had clearly showed otherwise. Why was it so hard to trust someone?

Why couldn't his mind just agree with what he felt? Why did it leave him feeling like he couldn't trust anyone? Like they weren't being truthful to him? Like they didn't mean anything they did for him?

Izaya saw Shizuo shift in the corner of his eyes and when he turned his head fully in that direction he saw surprised brown eyes staring into his red ones.

"You're awake…" The blonde mumbled and Izaya almost didn't hear it, since it was quite soft. The blonde yawned for a moment and then focussed his eyes back on Izaya. "How are you feeling?"

Izaya blinked a few times. Shizuo's look had gone from surprised to worried and Izaya could tell that it was genuine worry. He's just masking it, there's no way those can be his true feelings. A voice in his head said, but Izaya shook his head, trying to keep the voice away. This however seemed to be a wrong move when Shizuo's eyes filled with more concern.

Izaya realised that he had answered with a shake of his head and that the blonde had taken it as if he wasn't alright. "Ah, sorry Shizuo, that wasn't meant as an answer." It didn't feel right to call the blonde Shizu-chan, so he was using his full name. "I'm just feeling a bit sluggish, but besides that I'm fine." He could see the skeptical look on the blonde's face, but Shizuo didn't comment on it.

"Izaya…" Izaya looked to Shizuo when he said his name. "There's something I need to talk to you about…" Izaya's eyes went wide at this. What could the blonde want to talk about? Would he tell him that he was tired of him too? See? I told you he didn't care and now he's dumping you.

"I don't want to." Izaya said, but the only reaction he got was the blonde shaking his head.

"We need to talk." The blonde repeated and looked to the raven determined to get this over with. "The doctor told me that your first appointment with the psychiatrist is tomorrow morning."

"What? I told him I didn't need that!" Izaya protested. He didn't want to see a psychiatrist. He really didn't want to talk about what happened to him and what the reason was for what happened. There was no way he could do that.

"Izaya!" The blonde said sternly and when Izaya looked at him he was glaring. "This is something serious and you need to talk to someone about this. Someone who can give you professional help." Izaya opened his mouth to complain again, but Shizuo kept glaring at him.

"What would that do?" Izaya started while his look turned into one of helplessness. "What do you think they can do to help me? They think the same as everyone else! The sooner I'm gone the better!" Izaya started yelling the last bits.

"That's not true and if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for me!" The blonde had also raised his voice and kept staring at Izaya.

"What good would that do? You will just throw me away in the end!"

"No, I won't. I care too much about you, so please do this for me. You need help." The last part was said a lot softer.

"I can't believe you. I can't trust you." Izaya kept saying. Somewhere he wanted to do this for Shizuo, but it was hard. It was too hard if he was honest. How was he supposed to handle all this when he felt like no one cared? He knew the psychiatrist wasn't going to care either, it would be their job, so they had to act like they cared.

"Didn't I tell you, you can trust me? Why don't you believe in it?" Shizuo tried, but tears were already gathering in Izaya's eyes.

"I'm trying, alright? I'm trying! But it is so hard! I feel like no one can be trusted and that I would be better off gone. No longer bothering anyone." Izaya's tears were falling freely now and he looked at Shizuo as if asking for help. He wanted to trust the blonde more than anything, but it was just so hard when your mind kept telling you not to trust him.

"It's fine Izaya. It's good if you're trying, but please go and talk to the psychiatrist for me. Just give it a try and if you don't like it, I won't complain anymore." Shizuo said and slowly stood up from the chair, going to sit on the edge of the bed.

Izaya saw the blonde sit down and felt warm hands covering his cheeks when he was made to look at Shizuo. Once again he could see honesty there and something said he had to fight the thing that was making him feel like he couldn't trust anyone, but it was hard, a lot harder than he had thought it would be.

Taking a deep breath he finally answered the blonde. "I will try." Were the last three words that were said. They kept in silence and sometime they both fell asleep.

xxx

Izaya hadn't slept that well, so he was a bit tired, but he knew he wouldn't get any more time to rest when he saw the door open and a young man walked in. He was probably not much older than he and Shizuo were.

"Good morning, Orihara-san." Izaya narrowed his eyes for a moment at the friendly tone of the man. "You don't need to be so hostile, I'm the psychiatrist your doctor was talking about and I would like to talk with you for a while." Then his gaze turned to Shizuo. "I would like to talk alone with Orihara-san, so could you wait outside?"

Izaya's eyes widened at that. "Can't he stay?" He tried, but the man shook his head.

"This will need to be done with the two of us." Izaya looked at Shizuo for help this time, but the blonde was already standing up.

"I will be outside, please call if I'm needed." Shizuo said and then left the room, leaving Izaya alone with the psychiatrist.

Izaya was not happy that the blonde had left him alone with this man. He didn't trust the man, so leaving him alone with him was a bad idea if you asked him.

"Orihara-san, I just want to talk to you about what has happened over the past months and how you felt about it." The psychiatrist started, which only received him a glare from Izaya.

"Why would I need to tell you?" Izaya questioned him.

"You don't need to, but I'm here to listen. I won't judge you." The man said, but Izaya still felt wary of the man.

"So I just need to talk?" Izaya asked and at that the man nodded.

"Just take your time. Where do you want to start?"

"I think starting at the beginning would be fine right?" Izaya asked and when he only received a nod he sighed. This man was really not going to leave until he told him something.

"It's up to you where to start." The man added and Izaya stayed silent for a moment thinking about what to tell first.

"The first time something happened, it was quite frustrating." Izaya started. "I was walking up the stairs in my home when I lost my balance and fell down. I still remember how I landed and it hurt quite a bit. Afterwards I tried to stand up, but my body wouldn't listen to me and my assistant had to help me to my room." The psychiatrist nodded and encouraged him to go on, but Izaya decided to watch the man for a bit.

"Could you tell me about how you felt? Not just frustrated, but maybe something else." It was clear to Izaya that the man was looking for his real feelings, but there was no way that Izaya was going to give himself open like that.

"I'm afraid of the stairs now, even though I can't even walk properly right now." Izaya decided that that should get the man's attention, so that he could avoid the other emotions inside him.

"Why do you think you are afraid of stairs?" This was too easily to get the man to ask what he wanted to ask him.

"I'm afraid that my body is going to fail me again and that I'm going to fall down once again, but I know that's crazy." Izaya told the doctor and he could see the man nod in the corner of his eye.

"So you're thinking that you can't trust your body anymore?" The word trust hit a bit too close to home, but he tried not to show it.

"That might be it." He answered curtly, not really wanting to go further any longer.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" The man tried, but Izaya shook his head.

"I think we're done." Izaya said.

"It's fine, I will be back in a few days." The man said, which alarmed Izaya.

"You're coming back? I don't need this, so why are you coming back?" Izaya really didn't want to talk about this any longer.

"I can't force you to talk, but I will be coming back, since that blonde outside asked me to. If you don't want to do this any longer, you should convince him first." The man said and turned around to leave.

"Fine, I should be able to survive another session." Izaya grumbled and let the man walk out before looking to the door when he heard Shizuo enter.

"How did it go?" The blonde asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. I honestly don't want this, but be happy, since I have decided to do it for you." Izaya said and glared at the blonde at the last words.

"Thank you. I know it must be hard, but I really want you to do this." Shizuo said and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"If this goes wrong it will be your fault." Izaya grumbled, but he didn't really mean it. He knew the blonde wanted the best for him and he tried his best to ignore the voice that was telling him that nothing of this was true.

"Do you want to go somewhere in the hospital? You haven't been out of the room for a while." Shizuo asked, but Izaya shook his head.

"I'm tired, I think I'm going to get some sleep." Shizuo nodded and Izaya saw how the blonde leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. Izaya didn't kiss back, but just let the blonde kiss him.

"Just go to sleep then." Izaya thought he saw a bit of a hurt look in the blonde's eyes when he didn't kiss back, but he couldn't be sure if he had really seen it or not. Doing as the blonde said he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.