Author's note: Sorry it has been so long since I have posted! It has been a busy summer and a busier school year! I hope to have another chapter up soon, however! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter and, as always, I want to thank everyone who reviews and has followed this story! BIG SMILES FOR ALL OF YOU! :D :D :D :D :D :D

Chapter 5

Beverly

Beverly knew that her friend was nearly bursting with questions when they left the bridge. Though she dreaded the confrontation, she knew there was no avoiding it.

Deanna's arm was around her waist pushing her insistently to Beverly's quarters. Neither of them said anything until they were inside her quarters.

When the doors shut behind them, Deanna stepped back from Beverly, turning to face her.

"What did you see?" Deanna's dark eyes were worried and hurt.

Beverly looked away, tears gathering in her eyes against her will. "Arvada III."

Understanding dawned in Deanna's eyes, confirming Beverly's suspicions that Deanna had read the files on her by her previous personal counsellors. Beverly had never spoken about the incident to anyone on the Enterprise and was thankful that Deanna had never brought it up.

Deanna was quiet for a moment before asking her question. "When did you start getting the nightmares again?"

Beverly smiled forlornly. "They have come and gone, but this was the worst I have had in a while." That was yet another lie, mixed with some truth. The nightmares had never gone away, but they hardly ever got this bad.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The hurt was evident in Deanna's voice.

Beverly looked apologetically at her. "There was nothing that you could do. I have been through enough therapy sessions and counselling to know that."

"How come it never showed?"

"The nightmares didn't get as bad." Or her acting skills had improved. Immensely. "The last time I had hallucinations was after Jack's death."

Deanna winced and Beverly was regretful that she hadn't talked about this with Deanna before.

"Not even when your Grandmother died?"

"No, though I have to admit, I did expect to." Beverly gave a weak laugh, trying to lighten the conversation.

"Why now?" Deanna would not be deterred.

Beverly shook her head, unwilling to answer the question with another lie.

"Was it the planet?" Deanna pressed.

Beverly sighed, knowing that she wasn't getting out of this conversation without some explanation.

"My subconscious mind is mixing memories of the planet with memories of my childhood." That statement was true at least.

Deanna cringed, but continued with her questions. "Does that mean that you remember what happened on the planet?"

Beverly shook her head vigorously. "No, and honestly," she looked at Deanna, "I don't think I want to." No, she most definitely didn't want to. But she did.

Deanna blinked back tears and Beverly had to focus above her shoulder instead of looking at her face to keep from her own tears from escaping.

Beverly knew that her expression on the bridge must have been enough to scare everyone there, but not only had Deanna been subject to her best friend walking around in a nightmare, she would also have felt Beverly's terror and panic. She felt a lump grow in her throat as she thought of how awful it must have been for Deanna.

"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to stay with you? I can move into your quarters until your nightmares get better." The desperation in Deanna's voice nearly broke all of Beverly's resolve.

She shook her head. "But next time I am having nightmares, I promise I will tell you." It was yet another lie, but it was the least she could do to comfort Deanna.

"Thank you." Deanna said in a quiet voice. She understood what it meant coming from Beverly.

Beverly looked away. It was getting harder and harder to continue this lie when she knew how much it would hurt them when they found out.

"Deanna, I just…" She paused and looked pleadingly at her friend. "I think I need some time alone for a while."

Deanna moved reluctantly towards the door. "Send me a communication if you need anything. No matter what time it is."

She nodded, knowing that she would probably never send that communication.

Deanna went through the door, but didn't exit, staying in the doorway for another minute.

"Did you want to talk to Will or Jean Luc?"

Beverly considered her question before replying. "I might want to talk to Will. Do you think you could ask him to come down when he has a spare minute?"

She nodded, but still didn't move.

Beverly gave her a playful shove on her shoulder. "Go. I will be fine."

Deanna left reluctantly, watching over her shoulder as she left.

As the door slid shut behind her, Beverly collapsed to the ground, leaning against the cold metal of the door. No matter how good of an actress she was becoming, it was an exhausting act to do all day long. She had been telling more lies than truths recently.

Leaning her head against the cold metal of the door behind her, she looked up at the ceiling. As she stared at the contours of the ceiling, a faces began taking shape. First it was the pale face of the dying girl, then her Nana, then her mother. She tore her eyes away from the ceiling, jerking herself up from the ground.

Too many ghosts haunted her memory. She had to resolve this. She had to find closure.

Beverly sat down in front of her computer. Maybe she should thank Jean Luc for taking her off of work. If she didn't have to report to sickbay, she would have more time to work on her own project. She started her program on the computer.

Jean Luc

Jean Luc waited in tense silence with Will Riker for Deanna to return. When she finally did, she looked shaken.

She made her way slowly towards them, the look on her face putting him on edge.

"What is it?" He asked anxiously.

Deanna looked around them at the curious crew around them and gestured to his ready room.

The three of them moved into the privacy of the room.

Will spoke before him, obviously just as nervous as him as to what the news could be. "What happened?"

Deanna looked solemnly at them, her eyes unfocused. "She had a relapse." Her voice was slightly monotone.

They fell into shocked silence as the implications of her words sunk in. The raw fear that Jean Luc had seen on Beverly's face was enough to make him shudder at the thought of her having such nightmares before.

"Of what?" His voice was weak.

"Beverly suffers from nightmares that sometimes manifest themselves into hallucinations. This was one of those occurrences."

"How do you know about this?" Will's voice sounded broken and detached.

"The only reason I know about this before was because I had read all of the previous counsellor's files on Dr. Crusher. There were many more files than I had expected."

They were silent, absorbing the information.

"What are they about?" Jean Luc almost wished that Will hadn't asked. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what had caused the fear that had been in Beverly's eyes.

Deanna hesitated before answering. "I don't completely know. She told the counsellors that her nightmares had stopped, but I have a feeling she only said that to get out of the therapy."

"Can we fix it?" There had to be something to help Beverly. Anything...

Deanna shook her head. "Anything I can think of has been already attempted with disappointing results. The best that we can hope for is that they get better again."

"Can I see her?" The desperation in Jean Luc's voice was palpable.

Deanna looked at him empathetically. "I don't think you should go yet. Until she asks you to."

Deanna turned slowly to Will, still watching Jean Luc out of the corner of her eye. "She asked for you to come see her."

Jean Luc knew why Deanna was now looking at him sympathetically, because she would have known that the news hurt him. He was filled with questions. Was there something that he had done to Beverly unconsciously? Was he inside some of her nightmares? Was that why it was so hard for her to look him in the eye recently?

"Can I go down right now?" Will's voice drew Jean Luc back to the present conversation.

"I would give her a while first. She was a bit shaken."

Will nodded. "I better return to the bridge for now. Captain." He dipped his head at Jean Luc before leaving the room.

Jean Luc felt the weight of Deanna's eyes on him before he even looked at her.

"Captain, there is something that you should know about the planet you were on."

Jean Luc perked up, eager to have some answers.

"Beverly wouldn't tell you this and I doubt that she let me tell you if she knew."

Now he was really curious. "What is it?"

"The planet..." Deanna hesitated, though Jean Luc thought that he, of all people should have the right to know this. "The Federation had recently found traces of the same disease that had affected Arvada III on the planet that you and Beverly were on."

Deanna walked to the door, leaving him absolutely stunned alone in his ready room.

The pieces fell together. The nightmares. The relapse after visiting a planet she had no memory of being on. The fact that it was only him and Beverly sent down to the planet. The fact that Beverly was sent down to the planet and not another doctor.

Jean Luc sank into his chair.