Chapter 6

Beverly

After Deanna had left, she had managed to immerse herself into her work, blocking out the rest of the world. Now, reality was crashing down on her as she stared at the screen.

-DNA alteration successful-

Beverly's hands shook as she looked at her computer screen. She had been so afraid of failure, she hadn't stopped to think of the consequences of success would be. The block letters on the screen blurred as her eyes filled with tears.

She jumped as a chime from her door jerked her back into the present moment. Quickly, she hid all evidence of what she had been doing and turned around to see the doors of her quarters opening.

The worried face of Will Riker appeared through the doors. Her body relaxed, but only slightly. He had no idea how easily he could jeopardize her mission; and the lives of many others.

Will didn't move from the entrance. She spoke first.

"Come in." She took a seat on the sofa, leaving both the chair and other side of the sofa open for him.

He sat down on the chair, pulling it nearer her. Will's distressed face broke her resolve for silence.

"Will, I – "

"You don't have to explain," He said, pulling her hand into his. "Deanna told us."

Beverly nodded, partly relieved that he had stopped her from telling him everything and partly sad that she hadn't told him.

"So, Bev, how are you doing?"

She couldn't even muster any energy to get upset at him shortening her name, just shaking her head as reply. Beverly looked down at her feet as tears filled her eyes, concentrating hard to keep them at bay.

Seconds later, she felt his arms envelop her. Gratefully she put her head on his shoulder, letting a few tears escape before squeezing her eyes shut. Thankfully, Will didn't pull away as she gave shuddering breaths to push back the tears and clear the lump in her throat.

When she was calmer, Beverly felt Will's arms relax against her. She pulled away, looking at him again.

"What's wrong?" The worry that shone in his eyes made her insides quiver with guilt.

A response assuring him that she was fine flitted across her mind, but she pushed it away. Will deserved the truth; at least what she could tell him.

"The nightmares…" Her voice shook and she stopped to take a breath. "The nightmares are getting worse."

Will was quiet for a second. "Why?" He asked, voice breaking.

Beverly shook her head, not willing to create a larger web of lies than what she had already twisted.

There was an awkward silence between them for a moment before Beverly spoke, attempting to divert the conversation.

"Thank you for coming by. I was beginning to wonder if Deanna had remembered to ask you."

She pleaded with Will with her eyes to leave the topic alone. Beverly could see the cloud of thinly veiled questions in his eyes, but he seemed to understand what she was asking.

Will smiled, though the movement was forced on his usually open face. "She told me that you asked for me to stop by; however, she also requested that I wait a while before to give you time to think first."

She gave a light laugh to try to defuse the tension. "Yes, that was probably for the best."

He smiled again and they fell into another awkward silence, which Will broke this time.

"Is there anything I can do to help with…" He trailed off, watching her carefully to gauge her response.

"Thank you," she said, silently telling him that she understood the offer he was giving her to always be there for her. They were quiet, each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Will must have noticed the way that Beverly was leaning much of her weight against the couch arm, or how bagged her eyes looked, because he began getting up from the chair.

"Beverly, you have to get some rest."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you Will. For always being there."

"I always will be there for you, Beverly."

Her eyes began misting again, and she blinked to stop the tears from overflowing. "I know."

"For that matter, any of us will do anything for you." He watched her carefully, and she could guess what he was going to say. "Including the Captain."

Beverly nodded, looking away. She knew that quite well. That was the very reason she had to hide the truth from them, him especially.

Beverly stood up and gave him another hug, struggling not to break into tears.

She pulled away after a few seconds, looking at him again. Beverly spoke through her constricting throat. "Will, could you do me a favour?"

He nodded, looking in her face for a sign of what the request might be.

"Could you apologize to Deanna for me? Maybe it could be excusable that I didn't tell any of you about my hallucinations, but as my best friend and personal councillor, she had the privilege to know."

"Don't you think you should tell her yourself?"

Beverly nodded quickly, "Yes, but I thought that you would see her first, and I wanted her to know… sooner."

Will nodded, but his eyebrows remained pinched together in consideration.

She spoke before he could dwell for too long on her words.

"Thank you for coming by, Will."

He grinned, though she could tell that it didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Anytime, Beverly."

She smiled reassuringly at him. He understood the indication of her silence and went to the door, but paused before he exited.

"Beverly, you really should talk to the captain. He is very worried about you."

Beverly nodded sadly. She should. But she didn't know if she could keep up her lies around him. She was worried that he would talk to her and see through her lies. Or that he would start remembering what had happened on the planet.

Will exited her quarters, the doors sliding shut behind him with a final swish.

Turning back to the room, her shoulders slumped. She looked at her screen, remembering the words she had seen only minutes before.

DNA alteration successful. Beverly sighed. It was time to prepare for departure.

Jean Luc

Deanna's words repeated in Jean Luc's mind as he paced his quarters. I don't think you should go yet. Until she asks you to.

Beverly had made it clear on the bridge that she hadn't wanted him accompanying him down to sickbay and made it clear again when she asked Will to come visit her that she didn't want to see him.

Jean Luc guessed that it could be the disease on the planet that was causing the nightmares to become so severe, but that didn't make sense if Beverly couldn't remember anything that had happened on the planet.

There seemed to be no explanation for nightmares except that she did remember the planet and had seen the disease. But if that were the case, it meant that Beverly had lied to them all about what had happened.

Jean Luc shook his head, confused. It seemed to keep coming back to the same thing. Either Beverly was lying, or she was telling the truth. The problem was, she was the only one knew the answer to that question and she was currently ignoring him.

He sat down on his bed, staring at the wall. He thought about his dream, his thoughts drifting to re-imagine the grey cell from his dream.

Jean Luc again heard the footsteps come down the hall, stopping in front of the cell and the doors opening quickly to push Beverly through.

The first time he had dreamt this, he had only seen the blood on her arms and legs, not looking the red on her uniform. This time, however, Jean Luc imagined zooming in to the picture, looking at Beverly's face. To his surprise, the image responded to his thoughts, focusing on Beverly's face.

Her face was tired and Jean Luc could see the tear tracks that were still visible on her face.

"Beverly, come here." That was odd. He hadn't thought about saying something, but he had spoken.

His imaginary arms moved without his thought and Beverly moved forward, crying in his embrace. After a minute of her crying, imaginary Jean Luc spoke.

"Beverly, what are they doing to you?"

She leaned away from his arms, looking up at him as she spoke. "They don't mean to hurt me, they just…" She trailed off.

"What do you mean they don't mean to hurt you? Have you looked at yourself?"

"No, it's just - " She stopped abruptly. "Shit."

"What?" Beverly hardly ever swore, so if she was swearing, the situation was dire. "You know too much. There is no way they are letting you go now."

Beverly turned around and began banging on the door she had come through.

"I give up! You win! I will come with you!"

Beverly's form began blurring on the edges, becoming more and more indistinct.

"No," Jean Luc muttered to himself, trying to visualize the walls again. Still Beverly kept dissolving before him until he was again staring at the walls of his quarters.
Jean Luc blinked. There was no way he could have imagined any of that.

He stared at the wall in front of him, trying to comprehend what he had just imagined – no – remembered.

What did this mean? If what he had remembered was all true, then he could have been the reason that Beverly had given up. And what had happened on that planet? Who had cut Beverly?

Jean Luc stood up, pushing away his thoughts for the time being. It was time to talk to the only person who could hopefully answer some of his questions.

He was going to talk to Beverly, whether she wanted to talk to him or not.