Chapter 3

Lucas and Maya went home with Riley after school that afternoon. They entered the apartment through the front door for once since they were all coming in together.

"Dad, I'm home!" Riley called out as soon as they all got in.

Without waiting for an acknowledgement, she led them on back to her room. The three of them went in, and by unspoken agreement, headed straight for the bay window, dropping their backpacks on the bed as they passed it.

Lucas ended up sitting in the middle, an uncomfortable representation of exactly how he felt these days, caught between the two of them.

He was hoping they were here to finally talk, and maybe figure out a way to stop this runaway train they were all on.

Somehow oblivious to the tension in the room, Riley said cheerily, "Isn't it amazing how comfortable we are with each other?"

"No," Lucas drawled in answer. "I'm actually not comfortable at all," he contradicted somewhat wryly.

"Yeah, I have to agree with him, Riles," Maya put in. Comfortable wasn't something she'd felt in days. Things didn't feel the same between her and Riley, even though they were both determined not to let anything change. And with Lucas literally between them, the undisputable reason why things were different, she didn't see that changing. Add to that the off-balanced uncertainty she felt around Lucas right now and she could definitely say she wasn't anything close to being comfortable.

"Why?" Riley asked with a smile, wrinkling her nose. "We're all good friends here, right? Lucas is my brother, you're my best friend, and the two of you are going on a date. What's uncomfortable about that?"

With a brief little lift of her brows, Maya made a face, the ironic expression seeming to say 'Let me count the ways'. But she didn't say anything out loud, so Riley continued on.

"So since you're my brother now, Lucas, I thought maybe you could give me some advice. 'Cause that's what brothers do, right?"

Shrugging helplessly, Lucas shook his head a little as he answered, "I guess they do. What do you need my advice about?"

"The Charlie Gardner of it all," Riley replied immediately. "What does a first date mean in the language of boy? I want to crack your code. What does he want? Tell me. What?"

Lucas looked at her disbelievingly. This was what she'd asked him over to talk about?

"You're seriously asking me that? You want me to give you advice on your date with another guy?"

Riley bit her lip, only then considering that it might not be be fair to ask this of him. She really was just trying to help them be more comfortable in their new roles. She'd thought this would help them feel more brother/sister-like. And she truly did want to know what Charlie wanted of her. Maybe she shouldn't have asked Lucas though.

Lucas was just looking at her silently. He wanted to be mad at her for asking this of him, but he could see that she truly was confused and was just looking for answers. He couldn't believe she'd come to him for those answers. But that was what a brother did, right? And he guessed he'd better start getting used to doing the brotherly thing.

"Fine." He sighed in resignation. "You want to talk about dates? We'll talk about dates." He shook his head at the craziness of it all. "It's not like it's some great mystery, really. He obviously asked you out because he likes you. I thought he made that pretty clear at the semi-formal. So, you know, technically, this isn't even your first date."

Which didn't make things better in Lucas's opinion. It actually made them worse. Not that he had a lot of personal experience to go on, but it just seemed to him that it would give a guy more confidence, knowing that a girl liked him enough to go on a second date with him. And going somewhere alone together to a public place was a whole different thing from going to a school dance, surrounded by your classmates, where your date's father was the chaperon. It might be enough to give a guy ideas.

He attempted not to grit his teeth again as he continued. "As for what he wants from you, I don't know the guy, Riley. I don't know what he's expecting." Thinking of their own awkward date, he said, "But it's probably safe to say that he might try to hold your hand at the very least, so if you don't want that I'd make it clear right up front."

It made him feel better to know that once she made it clear to him that something so innocent as hand-holding was off the table, Charlie would understand that everything else would be off limits, too.

Riley hadn't said anything, she was just sort of staring blankly towards the floor. Lucas couldn't help but think that she looked uncomfortable over the entire thing.

"You know, it's not too late to back out of this, Riley," he said gently. "Charlie seems like an okay guy," he admitted, much as he hated to. "I'm sure he would understand if you told him you'd changed your mind."

Riley's head jerked up at that, her lips curving in an automatic smile.

"I couldn't do that. What would I even say to him? I really don't have a reason to back out." Even though she'd decided that she wasn't going to second guess herself over this she was half-hoping they'd give her a good excuse to get out of it. "I mean, you two wouldn't back out of your date now that you've agreed to go out, right?"

She didn't know why she'd even asked them that. She guessed she was hoping they'd contradict her, and if they backed out she could, too. But instead, they just sat there looking at each other in a way that was hard to watch.

It might have looked to Riley like they were gazing into each other's eyes, but Maya and Lucas were both actually contemplating her words. If either of them had given the other any indication that they wanted to back out they might have done it right there. They were both thinking that it might be a bit of a relief if they actually didn't go through with it. But there was also something there that kept them from speaking up; some curiosity that wouldn't be ignored.

When Riley couldn't take their silent staring anymore, she turned her gaze blindly towards the floor again.

"Right," she muttered in answer to her own question since none was forthcoming from the two of them. Taking a deep breath, she stated with firm determination, "So there's no reason for any of us to back out. We're all going out on dates."

Before they could discuss it any further her dad came to her door to check on them. And as a depressing testament to how much everything was changing, he didn't even try to throw Lucas out of her room.

##################

School the next day was hard for Riley. Everyone in their class was still buzzing about Maya and Lucas. Their yearbook pick for favorite couple was finally happening and everyone was trying to guess what could have happened over the weekend to get them together. Everywhere Riley went, in the hallways, at her locker, in the lunchroom, she kept hearing their names crop up in passing conversations.

And her dad had only added fuel to the fire in her first period class with him that morning. He'd written her, Maya, and Lucas's name on his board as the subject of his daily lesson without even bothering to relate their situation to a historical event as he normally did. He'd only made the attempt to couch it in terms of Japan's relations with France at the end of WW2 when Maya had jokingly called him lazy for not even making the effort this time. He'd been pretty worked up when giving his lecture, stating that they were growing up against his wishes. And he'd told them that what was happening with Riley, Lucas, and Maya would happen to all of them, and to everyone everywhere, at some point in their lives.

That, of course, had sent the speculation about the three of them running even more rampant.

Riley really loved having her dad as a teacher, but it was at times like these that she wished he had a more conventional teaching style instead of letting the events of her life guide his daily lesson plans.

The feeling that everyone was watching them everywhere they went added strain to an already strained situation. Riley didn't want things to feel strained. She tried her best to ignore what the other kids were saying and did everything she could to make things feel normal when she was with Maya and Lucas.

But no matter how hard she tried, there was an awkward tension among them that just wouldn't go away. It was even there when it was just her and Maya at her house after school. She hated it but she didn't know how to fix it. She tried to figure it out long after Maya had left, and still later when she should've been in bed.

On Wednesday Riley woke up to a gray, dreary day that was spitting a sullen rain at her bay window. She buried her face in her purple striped pillow case, not wanting to get up, and was just drifting back to sleep when her mom's voice roused her.

"Riley? This is your sixth and final wake up call, sleepy head. Unless you have chicken pox and can't go to school you have to get up," she told her, referring to an old joke. "Come on, honey, get up, you're late!"

She slapped an open palm against Riley's door frame a couple of times for emphasis then her heels went clicking briskly down the hallway.

Riley dragged her eyes open reluctantly and was yawning tiredly when she heard her mom talking to her brother in the front room.

"Auggie, baby, come on. Get your things together, it's time to go."

Riley's yawn died abruptly and she jerked upright, her eyes shooting to the clock at her bedside.

7:22. She was late. So late.

Jumping out of bed, she hurriedly stumbled to her closet. Pulling out her favorite top, she pawed through the hangers and snatched the first skirt she came to. She threw them on quickly, jammed her feet into the boots she'd worn the day before, then dashed down the hall to the bathroom. After a quick rush-job of brushing her teeth, washing her face, and brushing the tangles out of her hair, she barrelled down the hall to the front room, an apology to Maya for making them late already on her lips.

But her best friend wasn't sitting at the table where she expected to find her.

"Where's Maya?" she asked with a bewildered frown.

"I told her to go on ahead since you were running late," Topanga answered, stuffing a few last minute items into her briefcase.

"And she went?" Riley asked incredulously.

Topanga paused what she was doing at her daughter's tone and gave her an odd look.

"Well, yeah. Should she not have?"

Feeling out of sorts and, irrationally, left behind, Riley continued to frown. "We always go together. Every day since we started middle school, Maya and I have gone to school together."

"Well, honey, you were late," Topanga reasonably pointed out for a second time. Turning away from the counter, she began bustling around in the kitchen. "You weren't going to make the 7:30 train, so I told her you'd go in with me and Auggie."

The explanation didn't do much to appease Riley. She didn't know why it was bothering her so much that Maya had gone on without her. It was perfectly reasonable for her to have gone on ahead, there wasn't any point in them both being late. But somehow it felt more significant than just that.

If things had been completely normal between them she thought Maya would have waited for her even if it meant being late. But it seemed to be yet another small thing pointing out that things weren't the same between them. And not having her there to start her day with intensified the feeling of wrongness that seemed to surround them all the time now.

"Why didn't you get me up sooner?" Riley complained, her brow furrowed and a slight pout on her lips.

Topanga made a small sound of disbelief, gaping at her daughter good humoredly. "I tried to, Miss Cranky. You wouldn't wake up. You kept falling back to sleep every time I called you. Why are you so tired?" she questioned with a sudden frown. "You aren't really sick are you?"

Sighing, Riley answered, "No. I just haven't been sleeping very well lately. Sorry. For being cranky," she said contritely.

"That's okay, honey," Topanga assured her, head tipped to the side and her face drawn into a sympathetic moue as she walked over to her. Handing Riley a warm toaster streudel wrapped in a paper towel and a cold glass of milk, she said regretfully as she stroked her arm up and down, "I wish you had time for a better breakfast, but we have to get a move on. The cab will be here any minute."

Riley nibbled on the pastry while she packed her bag for school. She was only half way through both when their cab driver announced his presence on the intercom.

Taking the cab to school was frustrating. Traffic was snarled more than usual, due to the rain, and by the time they'd made it to John Quincy Adams after dropping her brother off at his school, Riley was nearly ten minutes late.

The front steps were deserted as she hurriedly climbed them. She did her best to shield her head from the rain with her bag but she was drenched within moments. Entering the building gratefully, she swiped at the wetness clinging to her everywhere as she rushed down the silent hallway, but it was futile. She felt like a drowned rat.

She was glad she had her dad's class first, although she did hate to make him look bad by showing up late. She knew she wouldn't be in any real trouble over it, but it was a sure bet that he'd say something to her about it in front of everybody. And whatever he said would probably be personal, which would make everyone look at her- all wet and messy and barely put together- and start them whispering some more, something she was finding it harder and harder to deal with as the week wore on.

Surprisingly, he let her off easy though. He didn't immediately stop his lecture the minute she walked in the way she'd expected him to. Instead, he kept talking while she silently took her seat, and only after he'd finished what he was saying did he stop and give her a concerned look.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," she assured him with a nod. "We got caught in traffic. I'm sorry."

He accepted the excuse with a nod, then resumed speaking to the class.

As Riley pulled her book from her bag she glanced over at Maya and Lucas and greeted them with a smile.

"Sorry I didn't wait this morning," Maya immediately whispered.

Riley dismissed the apology with a smiling shake of her head.

"There wasn't any need for you to be late, too."

Chewing on her lip, Maya smiled briefly in return, nodding in acceptance of her easy forgiveness. She'd felt bad ever since she'd left Riley's apartment at Mrs. Matthews' urging. It had seemed like the reasonable thing to do at the time, but once she'd gotten on the subway alone it felt wrong that she'd broken their morning tradition. Especially now, when things felt so uneasy between them.

Riley was acting like she was fine with it, but Maya was sure that if it bothered her, it was bothering her best friend who always overthought things.

She wouldn't pursue it in class though. Ever since she'd blurted out her confession about Lucas and everybody had started flapping their gums about it she'd been trying to keep their personal stuff a little more private. All the rumors flying around didn't make things any easier whenever she was around Lucas now, but even so, she thought it bothered Riley more than it did her. Riley always worried so much about what other people thought. Maya was sorry she'd gotten the whole gossip business started and she was trying to do better to make up for it.

So she waited until class was over and they were on their way to English before offering more of an apology.

"It felt weird coming in to school without you this morning."

"Yeah, it did feel weird," Riley agreed. "We always start our day together."

"I shouldn't have left without you."

"I shouldn't have slept so late," Riley countered. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I tickled your toes," Maya told her, and an immediate awkwardness fell over them again.

It was true, she had gone into Riley's room and tickled her feet. It was what she always did to wake her when Riley overslept. But the last time Maya had told her she'd done that, Riley had smiled goofily and said that explained the Lucas dream she'd been having.

She was sure Riley was remembering that moment the same as she was, and Maya didn't know what to say.

Riley was remembering it. And the memory shot a small pang through her.

Ignoring it, she didn't look at Maya as she spoke to fill the uneasy silence between them. "Well, I'm sorry I didn't wake up. And it's okay that you didn't wait. Let's just promise never to come to school without each other again. Even if we have to drag each other out of bed."

"Agreed," Maya said firmly, taking her cue from Riley and ignoring what she'd inadvertently dredged up. Giving her a sidelong glance, she grinned. "Because clearly you need my fashion expertise when it comes to picking out what to wear in the morning," she teased, eyeing Riley's pink and blue top paired with a gold skirt that had a bold rust-colored print.

Riley laughed good-naturedly and looked down wryly at her hastily chosen outfit.

"It's true," she agreed lightly. "I'm a total disaster without you, Peaches."

Smiling, the two girls linked arms as they made their way into Harper's class.

The hour in English went slowly. Riley usually enjoyed the cool new teacher's classes. She had an unconventional teaching style the same as her dad did, but Harper was edgy and fun.

Riley wasn't keeping up with the current assignment though. They were reading 'Where the Red Fern Grows' and discussing it in class. When they were finished they were supposed to watch the movie adaptation, then choose a more current book that had been made into a movie, and contrast the two. Riley hadn't decided whether she was going to go with the 'Hunger Games' or 'Divergent' series but she was looking forward to that part of the assignment.

It was the current reading she was having trouble getting through. She knew how the older book ended and she wasn't eager to get to that part to begin with, but every time she tried to read at home, her mind would wander to Lucas and Maya and everything that had been happening lately. As a result, she was much further behind on the assigned reading than she was supposed to be and she was completely lost during the class discussion.

Riley was trying not to let on about how clueless she was feeling, but when Harper called on her she had to admit that she hadn't done the day's reading assignment. The teacher was nice about it and told her to try and be caught up by tomorrow's class, but Riley couldn't let herself off the hook so easily. She was used to doing well in school. She always did her homework, and sometimes did Maya's, too. She didn't like not being prepared in class, but lately it seemed like that was all she ever was. It made her feel like this huge failure, and she didn't like the feeling at all.

That feeling was only intensified when they got the results back on their pop quizzes in Biology.
A big, red 67 stared up at her from her paper and Riley felt sick. She'd braced herself for a less than stellar grade but she hadn't expected a D. She'd never gotten a D before. Her mom would be so disappointed in her.

Maya tried to console her before they separated to go to their next classes, but grades didn't mean as much to Maya. She didn't like to fail but she got low marks pretty regularly and she thought Riley was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. It was just one grade, she tried telling her.

Riley tried to pay attention in Health class next period, but she kept picturing her mom's face and what she'd say if she found out about that one bad grade. Riley knew she wouldn't yell or anything, but she'd probably want an explanation, and Riley really didn't have one. She'd just been too distracted lately and now it was affecting her school work.

A fact that was illustrated when she was once again called on by the teacher and he asked her to reiterate something he'd just said.

Cringing, she searched her memory for the answer, but she finally had to confess, "I'm sorry. I-I wasn't really listening."

"I understand," Coach Thomas nodded sagely. "This is boring stuff. We wouldn't want to get in the way of your daydreaming."

The class laughed, and Riley wanted to sink through the floor. Having the attention of your classmates in your dad's class was one thing, but no one wanted to be the butt of a teacher's joke when they were already embarrassed to begin with.

She didn't let her attention stray for the rest of the class, and Coach Thomas made a show of calling on her twice more while the rest of the class looked on, entertained. When class was over she couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Needing a minute to herself before she met her friends in the cafeteria for lunch, she ducked into the girl's restroom. It had been a horrible day so far and she just needed a chance to pull herself together and gear herself up to face everybody.

Several girls filed out as she came in, so there were plenty of unoccupied stalls. She darted into one towards the middle of the row, knowing she didn't have much time to waste. They only had 30 minutes for lunch and Maya was waiting for her.

While she was occupied in her stall, the bathroom door continually swung open and shut with the noisy coming and going of girls looking to wash their hands, primp in the mirror, or use the bathroom. Over the sound of chatter, flushing toilets, and running water at the sinks one girl could be heard complaining in front of the mirror.

"Ugh, I look like something my cat threw up."

"Speaking of," another one answered, "have you seen Riley Matthews today?"

On her feet in the stall, Riley froze in the act of adjusting her clothes.

"She looks like a homeless person or something."

"Right? Did you see what she was wearing?"

They both laughed.

"It's like she threw on the first thing she picked up off her floor."

Riley bit her lip, looking down at her mismatched outfit, unable to laugh it off like she had when Maya had said something.

"And I heard she walked into her dad's class like 45 minutes late this morning, and it looked like she'd run all the way to school in the rain."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. She's a total wreck. She's clearly having a breakdown over losing Lucas."

"You think? I've seen her still hanging out with him and she doesn't seem all that upset."

"Oh come on, it's a total act. I mean, it's Lucas Friar, the most gorgeous guy in school. Of course she's losing it over him."

Girls were still coming into the room and leaving, but the two girls talking never paused. Obviously, they didn't care if they were overheard.

"It's not all that surprising, really," one of them said. "I always knew Lucas would wake up one day and realize Maya was the one for him."

"Oh, I know. It was always so obvious that they had a thing for each other. The way Maya was always up in his face trying to get him to break?"

"I know, right? And Lucas totally flirted back. You could always tell how much he loved driving her crazy."

"Yeah, they practically sizzle together. Lucas and Riley were cute, but him and Maya are like...Damon and Elena. They have all this passion or something."

"Exactly," the other agreed. Her next words were said as the two of them were on their way out the door, and were almost swallowed up by the noise of the hallway outside. But they were still audible. "Poor Riley doesn't even hold a candle to them."

Standing motionless inside the stall, Riley was stricken. It still hurt to hear people talk about her relationship with Lucas and find it so lacking. She'd heard comments like that when the yearbooks had come out and everyone had voted Lucas and Maya 'Favorite Couple'.

But now it just left her painfully wondering how she could've been so blind. She and Lucas had never had any fire, they'd been like a brother and sister from the start. Why hadn't she seen that like everybody else and gotten out of Maya's way?

It made her feel like such a terrible friend for not seeing how much Maya had liked him from the very beginning. She had gotten up in his face a lot, and had always been pushing at him to try and get him to—do something. And yeah, Lucas had always refused to give in to her, but he'd always enjoyed her efforts. He'd even said that once a long time ago. Why hadn't she realized that they had been flirting? Everyone else had seen it, why hadn't she?

If Riley hadn't been indulging her own delusions about Lucas all this time Maya could have been with him from the first and they wouldn't be going through all this painfully confusing awkwardness right now. She could've spared them all the heartache if she hadn't been so blind and selfish.

Riley exited the stall, her throat aching with sadness and guilt. Mechanically, she washed her hands before leaving the bathroom, then joined the dwindling flow of students that were heading for the lunchroom. She walked down the halls on auto-pilot, only taking notice of her surroundings when she was approaching the cafeteria doors. There, she found not just Maya waiting, but Lucas, Farkle, and Zay as well.

When she got a few yards away from them she could hear Lucas saying, "Should we check and see if her class got held up or something?"

"I'll go," Maya immediately volunteered.

Turning to leave them, she saw Riley and stopped.

"There you are," she said with relief. "What took you so long?"

"Sorry," Riley said huskily in a small voice. "I just went to the bathroom. You guys didn't all have to wait."

"That's okay. We didn't mind," Farkle assured her, looking at her assessingly.

Lucas was silently studying her, too. She didn't seem right, and her voice sounded funny.

"Riley, what's wrong?" he asked with concern.

Immediately she put on a smile. He was beginning to hate when she did that. It was like she thought she always had to put on a good face for them.

"Nothing," she replied with a shake of her head. "I just feel bad that I made you all wait."

Lucas didn't think that was all it was. She seemed really upset. And Maya wasn't buying it either.

"Riles?" she probed with a frown.

But Riley smilingly insisted, "It's nothing, Maya. I'm fine. Let's just go eat, okay?"

Giving them little choice, she entered the cafeteria, herself and left them to follow behind.

The line for food was short, and when it was Riley's turn to be served, she forced a smile for her friend Geralyn and gave her a friendly hello. The dark-skinned woman returned her greeting warmly as she spooned a serving of bland spaghetti onto her tray, then extended her greeting to Maya as she served her next.

The two girls headed for their usual table and were seated before the boys had made it over.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Maya asked, dividing her attention between Riley and readying the drink on her tray.

"About what?" Riley asked, playing dumb, and Maya gave her a chiding look.

"Did something happen in Health class?" she persisted.

"Besides getting caught daydreaming and putting myself on Coach Thomas's hit list?" she said jokingly just as the boys were sitting down across from them.

"Coach Thomas caught you daydreaming? Oooh, that's not good," Zay commiserated, speaking from experience.

He told them about some of the times he'd 'had other things on his mind' in class and the humorous consequences when he'd gotten caught. Riley laughed along with everyone else and even made light of her own recent experience with Coach Thomas, but her heart wasn't really in it.

The guilty sadness she'd left the restroom with wouldn't leave her, and she found herself looking at Lucas and Maya with different eyes.

There wasn't any fire between them at the moment. Actually, they barely seemed able to even look at each other, and had been that way ever since they'd all come back from Texas.

Their awkwardness around each other was yet another thing for Riley to feel guilty about because it was her fault it was there. She probably shouldn't have confessed Maya's feelings to Lucas, it hadn't really been hers to confess. But Lucas had been so confused about what was going on that she'd wanted to give him some kind of an explanation.

And it had been clear that Maya wasn't going to say anything to him about how she felt. She'd just been watching him without saying anything since the moment Riley had told him she just wanted to be his sister.

So Riley had just wanted to give them a little push. The same way Maya had when she'd asked Lucas out last summer. When Riley had misunderstood her motives for doing that she'd explained that she'd only done it to push Lucas towards Riley. He'd see it was actually her he wanted to go out with when he realized he didn't want to go out with Maya. Her words were ironic now, because Maya had assured her then with complete confidence that Lucas didn't want to go out with her. He would never go out with her.

It looked like she'd been wrong about that, Riley thought now, a fresh wave of melancholy washing over her.

She guessed she'd been tuned out from the table conversation for awhile because when she looked up from her tray she found Lucas watching her from across the table.

Her heart stuttered then started beating faster as they locked eyes. A longing for something she couldn't even name pierced her chest as she took in the caring concern in his gaze. Lucas was such an amazing person. He was so good, and funny, and kind, and he'd do anything in his power to help his friends when they needed him. She was so incredibly lucky to have him in her life, and she wanted him to be there always, no matter where life ended up taking them.

Being her brother ensured that he would be. But brothers didn't make your heart beat faster, did they? Brothers didn't make you wish for things you were afraid to put a name to.

So she had to put those kind of feelings away. They didn't do anybody here any good except to confuse things.

Lucas wasn't sure what he was seeing in Riley's face as they gazed at each other, but for once she was serious and unsmiling. She'd looked so sad, sitting there listlessly picking at her food, and he was sure something had happened to upset her. But when she'd looked into his eyes he'd seen something there that had made his heart turn over. It didn't seem like a look a sister would give him. It seemed like she was wanting something from him, yearning for it maybe, and, immediately, he wanted to give her anything.

But a few seconds later something shifted in her eyes and seemed to shut down, and out came that smile she'd been wearing so often lately. He didn't know what it was about it that seemed to set his teeth so on edge. Riley smiled all the time, it was nothing unusual. There was just something about this particular smile that made him want to shake her or something.

Anyway, whatever he thought he'd seen in her eyes was gone now. Or maybe he'd never seen it there in the first place. He was never sure what Riley was thinking anymore. And that made him feel like he'd lost something important.

Because sister, friend, girlfriend, whatever she wanted to be to him, there was no question that she was one of the most important things in his life.