Chapter 4

After school that afternoon Riley, Maya, Lucas, and Zay went to Topanga's to hang out. Farkle had stayed after school to talk to one of his teachers and was supposed to meet them there later. Riley had only gone because it was something they normally did. And these days she was all about keeping things as normal as possible.

Only fifteen minutes after they got there she was wishing she could just go home though. It had actually been a pretty rotten day and she was ready to call it over and hope for a better one tomorrow.

She was just so exhausted. Usually being positive and cheerful was something that came pretty naturally to her, but today it had really been an effort. Between the late hectic start without Maya, the bad grade and embarrassments in her classes, and the conversation she'd overheard in the bathroom, staying upbeat had been a chore that had taken all the energy she had. She really just wanted to go home and go to bed.

But she couldn't leave things the way they were with Maya and Lucas. The two of them were still barely making eye contact with each other and she needed to do something to fix it.

So when Maya and Zay went up to the counter to get them all some smoothies Riley stayed behind with Lucas in the cluster of seats around the coffee table where they always sat.

When they were alone in their seats, he in one of the two orange armless chairs, and she on the printed ottoman, they looked at each other and smiled a bit uncertainly.

"So, you and Maya seem... quiet with each other. What's going on with you two?" Riley asked with an inquisitive smile.

Lucas glanced towards the counter at the girl in question and shook his head. "I don't really know, actually. We don't seem to know what to say to each other these days."

"Well-" Riley said the word shortly and shook her head as she searched for words. "Just don't give up on her, Lucas. I think she's worried about things changing, but maybe if you could let her know everything will be okay somehow, that might make things easier."

She didn't feel comfortable giving him suggestions that were any more specific so she left it at that.

"I think I'm going to go ahead and head home," she told Lucas, her face scrunched up in a self-conscious sort of smile. "It's been a long day, and I've still got a lot of reading to get done for my English assignment," she excused, scooping her bag up off the floor and slipping the strap over her shoulder as she stood.

"Oh. Okay," Lucas nodded, a little surprised that that was the end of their conversation. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow then."

"Yeah! I'll see you tomorrow," she responded brightly. "I'm just going to say bye to Maya and Zay before I leave," she added, pointing toward the counter as she headed that way, and throwing him one last smile.

Maya and Zay both turned to look at her as she approached, but it was Maya who zeroed in on the bag over Riley's shoulder.

"Hey. Are you leaving already?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired," Riley answered.

"I'll get our smoothies to go then." Maya turned to find the part-time waitress and change their order.

"Actually, I think you should stay," Riley told her, stopping her.

"What? Why?"

"You and Lucas should talk."

Maya's lips twisted as her expression flattened into one of confused skepticism. "Talk about what?"

"Just...talk. You guys have hardly said anything to each other since we got back from Texas. Why don't you take this timet to sit down and talk," she suggested.

"I think that's a great idea," Zay put in just as their drinks arrived. Thanking the waitress when she handed him his, he settled back with it on his stool and got comfortable. "I'll just drink my smoothie over here and let you two sit over there and talk."

Nodding once, Riley smiled. "You can think of it as practice for your date," she added lightly.

Maya's nod of agreement wasn't terribly enthusiastic, but she couldn't deny that if they were going to go on a date together they would have to talk to each other. A practice run beforehand might not be such a bad idea.

That settled, Riley said to both of them, "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"See ya, Riley," Zay returned easily, casually sipping his drink.

"Here, don't forget your smoothie." Maya started to hand it to her but Riley waved it away, not really in the mood for it anymore.

"Farkle can have it when he gets here if he wants."

"Okay." Maya set it back on the counter, then looked at her somewhat unsurely. "Talk to you later, Riles."

She seemed a little lost, and Riley put her arms around her to give her a bolstering hug. "Everything's gonna be fine, Maya."

Her best friend nodded, and they parted to exchange a smile of farewell before Riley went on her way.

She waved goodbye to Lucas when he turned in his chair to see her walking out behind him, and he returned her wave. She could see when he realized Maya wasn't leaving with her, and he shot a look over to the blonde who was heading his way with their drinks.

When Riley was home, tucked in at her bay window with her book lying unread beside her, she tried to guess at the emotions she'd seen in Lucas's eyes when he'd shot that look at Maya. Surprise, nervousness, uncertainty...pleasure?

Of course pleasure. She chided herself for even questioning it. Of course he would want to spend time alone with Maya. Riley should've given that to them days ago. If they could get back to an even footing with each other, they could go back to flirting to their hearts' content. And then go on to even more. And Riley would be happy when they got to that place. Because that would mean she hadn't ruined everything between them. All the smiles she'd shared with Lucas, all the conversations where they'd enjoyed each other's company and had learned so much about each other, riding off together on the white horse, their first date when she'd kissed him, it would mean all those things she'd done with Lucas hadn't messed things up completely for Maya.

She'd loved getting to experience all those things with Lucas, but now she felt like it should've been Maya who'd experienced them instead. She wanted that for Maya, she deserved to be happy. But it made her feel like crying to think that all those moments with Lucas that meant so much to her should never have really happened at all.

When her mom startled her from her thoughts Riley realized that she was crying and she hastily wiped the moisture from her cheek.

"Riley? Honey, are you alright?" Topanga questioned, hovering in the bedroom doorway.

Riley smiled at her wetly then shook her head. "Not really," she answered with a self-conscious little laugh.

Topanga crossed the room immediately and sank down on the bench seat beside her.

Gathering Riley into her arms, she just held her for a moment, resting her cheek against her daughter's dark hair.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Do you want to talk about it?"

Riley's arms went around her mom's waist as she curled up in her comforting embrace.

"I don't know. Could we just sit here for a little bit?"

"Of course," Topanga assured her, giving her a little squeeze.

They sat there quietly for a short while, their only movements the slow, soothing passes of Topanga's hand up and down Riley's arm. When the position became a bit cramped for Riley she readjusted herself so that she was lying with her head in her mother's lap. Topanga adjusted to the shift of position easily and started stroking Riley's hair.

As Riley lay there under her mom's soothing ministrations her mind began to wander. She wondered how Maya and Lucas were doing at the restaurant and whether they'd managed to talk everything out. She wanted them to be able to do that, but at the same time she dreaded it. They'd been in a strange place this week and hadn't interacted much, but when they had, it had been hard to watch. When Lucas had done the 'hi' thing with Maya in the hallway their first morning back, when they'd gazed into each other's eyes here on the window seat when Riley had asked if they'd call off their date, watching those things had made Riley's heart feel as if it were being squeezed. She could only imagine how much worse it would be once they worked everything out and really started acting like a couple.

It was going to be so hard to stand by and watch them. And it made her mad at herself for thinking so because it wasn't right.

"I know I'm doing the right thing, Mom. I'm sure of it. I just don't understand why it hurts so much."

"I told you, honey, things are rarely as simple as we'd like them to be when feelings are involved. It's hard to make ourselves feel something that we don't just because we think we should. Is that what you're doing, Riley? Are you trying to feel something you really don't?"

Topanga had her doubts about Riley's feelings for Lucas suddenly turning sisterly, but those weren't the feelings Riley considered when she answered the question.

"No, I'm happy for Maya. Truly. Lucas asked her out and it was what she wanted, so I honestly am happy for her."

"And what about Lucas? Are you happy for him?"

"Of course. I realized today that he and Maya have liked each other all along. I shouldn't have gotten in between them."

Still playing with Riley's hair, Topanga frowned. "What made you realize that?"

"Something I heard just got me to thinking. It actually made me feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner."

"I'm sure you're not an idiot, Riley. What is it exactly that you think you should've seen?"

Riley shrugged a shoulder. "Just the way they acted around each other. They flirted with each other all the time. I don't understand how I missed it. It was right there in front of me."

"You're saying Maya and Lucas have been flirting in front of you? All these months when Lucas has been interested in you? Does that sound like something he would do? Because I'm sure it doesn't sound like something the Maya Hart I know would do to her best friend."

Riley frowned, considering what her mom said. She was right. Maya would never flirt with a boy she knew Riley liked. Especially not right in front of her. And it wasn't something Lucas would do either. They hadn't actually been together so it wasn't like he'd be cheating by flirting with Maya, but he was the one who'd acknowledged that he and Riley had an unofficial thing going, so he wouldn't go around flirting with her best friend.

It wasn't something either of them would do, and yet the fact was, they had been doing it.

Hadn't they?

"Maybe...they didn't realize they were even doing it," Riley said slowly, trying to work it out.

"Or maybe that's not what they were really doing at all," Topanga suggested.

Riley thought about the interactions between Lucas and Maya that she'd seen so differently after the conversation she'd heard in the bathroom, and tried to make sense of them given what her mom had pointed out. But she just couldn't get them to gel.

"I don't know," she said after a moment, giving up on the endeavor. "All I know is that I never should've started anything with Lucas to begin with. It would've been better for everybody." There was a moment of silence after she made that statement, then she said in a small voice, "But...it makes me so sad to wish it all away when it was so wonderful."

Topanga gave Riley's arm a comforting squeeze, sharing her daughter's pain, but she didn't know what to say. She felt like she needed to give some wise motherly advice, but she was at a bit of a loss. This was a difficult situation and without knowing the true feelings of everyone involved she didn't know how to help resolve it.

In the end it didn't matter. She'd stayed silent so long that the soothing movements of her fingers in Riley's hair had eased her exhausted little girl to sleep. Topanga sat there with her troubled thoughts and continued to stroke her for a long while until eventually Cory came to find her.

"She fell asleep on me and I didn't have the heart to wake her," Topanga whispered when he crossed the room to join them.

Cory squatted in front of the window seat and put one hand on his wife's calf and the other on Riley's arm. "She's had a pretty rough week," he whispered back, looking at Riley with sympathy.

"Yeah, and I don't think she's been sleeping," Topanga added.

"Wanna get her to bed?" he questioned, and she answered him with a nod.

Easing an arm under Riley's neck and his other arm at the bend of her legs, Cory lifted her from Topanga's lap. He tried to be easy but the movement startled her partially awake.

"Daddy?" she said groggily, her eyes barely even open.

Cory cradled her closer to his chest as he carried her toward the bed. "It's okay, I've got you," he reassured her, "Go back to sleep, Riley."

Riley turned her face into his shoulder and was back to sleep in the next instant.

Topanga got to the bed ahead of him so she could pull back the covers, and after he'd laid their daughter down, they tucked her in together. With one of them on either side of the bed, they took turns leaning over and kissing her goodnight.

Cory was last, and after dropping a kiss onto her forehead, he leaned back to look at her sleeping face. There was a frowning crease between her eyebrows and he used a thumb to gently try and stroke it away, his own expression unsettled. Riley was such a happy person, it was rare that she frowned, it disturbed him that she was doing it unconsciously in her sleep. He exchanged an uneasy look with Topanga, and then tenderly stroked the hair from Riley's forehead before leaving her.

He and Topanga left the room together, and as soon as he flipped the light switch off and shut the door behind him she said, "I'm worried about her, Cory. I just don't see how this whole thing can work out without someone ending up unhappy. And I know Riley's going to do everything she can to make sure it's not Maya or Lucas, no matter what it ends up doing to her."

Cory shrugged helplessly. "What do you think we can do? You were the one that said we had to trust them to work it out, and I think that's the only thing we can do."

"I just wish we knew how all three of them really feel so maybe we could do something to help guide them," Topanga said in frustration.

"I don't think they know how they really feel, honey, that's one of the things they have to figure out." When she continued to look concerned, he told her, "I talked to Farkle today and he's going to find out what he can and try to help them. They'll figure it out together, Topanga." He slid an arm around her and pulled her to him, and with his cheek against her hair, added, "They always do, right?"

Topanga took shelter in his arms, wrapping her own around his waist. Lying against his chest, she let out a sigh and agreed. "Yeah, they do. But I still think we should keep an eye on her, and keep checking in." She leaned back to look up at him. "Our daughter has a habit of taking care of everyone but herself sometimes."

"Mm, she's like her mother that way," Cory said, and their smiling lips met in a kiss.

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"You poured your smoothies over his head?! Maya, why?" Riley asked the next morning, apalled that Maya could hve humiliated Lucas that way in the middle of their everyday hangout. She'd left them alone to talk and this is what happened?

When Maya replied it was a near-groan, rife with frustrated confusion. "I don't know. We were just sitting there staring into space like a couple of idiots, and when I told him to give me his best that's what he came up with? The same story he told you when you two were starting out?" she said with skeptical incredulity, her face an angry grimace. "I felt like he was giving me a line or something and he was expecting me to react to it the same way you did. But I'm not you, Riley, I'm nothing like you, and I guess I just kind of lost it," she explained shortly, gesturing with an upturned palm and an abrupt shrug.

"He knows you're not like me, Maya. He doesn't want you to be. He likes you. And he would never use a line on you, how could you think that? Lucas isn't like that." Riley was dismayed that she didn't seem to know Lucas better than that. "You told him to give you his best and he was doing what you asked. That story broke the ice with us when we were having trouble talking. And it was something he'd never told anybody else when he told me that was what made him decide to be a veterinarian."

"Yeah? Well, now he has told somebody else. You. And it felt like he was trying to recreate that day or something. And I didn't feel like being a stand-in for you," she muttered softly to her lap.

"Maya," Riley said sympathetically, reaching over to cover her hand with hers. "I'm sure that's not what he was doing. He just— you kind of put him on the spot. You know?" she said gently. "Demanding that he come up with something to say and to make it good. What did you expect him to say?"

"I don't know," she groaned again. "I just don't understand why it's so hard. We've never had any trouble talking to each other before. Why can't he just tell me his stories, and I can make fun of them, and everything will be back to normal?"

The two girls were sitting in the bay window and had to leave for school soon, but they'd taken a moment to talk when Riley had asked Maya how her time with Lucas had gone. Now Riley was smiling in puzzlement over Maya's last remark.

"You still want to make fun of him? I thought you only did that to hide how you were feeling about him. But you don't have to do that now."

"I know," Maya replied, a hint of defensiveness in her voice. "But that's just how we work. I don't know how else to be, with him."

"Don't you ever want to just talk to him?" Riley asked, her nose crinkled in an inquisitive smile. "He's really nice to talk to."

"I know he is, for you. You two have a lot to talk about. And now that you're brother and sister you don't have to worry about the awkward thing anymore, so you can talk as much as you want." This whole conversation was making Maya uncomfortable, but that idea made her feel better. She'd told Lucas that he and Riley were at their best when they were just talking to each other, and now they'd be able to do that whenever they wanted without any problem. "Me, I just like making fun of him." Her head tilted in a shrugging little laugh.

"But why?" Riley asked, feeling a little upset, but covering it with a laugh of her own.

"Why do I like making fun of him?"

"Yeah."

"Because..." Maya shook her head briefly, searching for words, "he's great," she finally said.

"Yeah," Riley said again, this time in agreement. She was still smiling but her forehead was furrowed with confusion.

Seeing that she didn't understand, Maya elaborated. "He needs someone like me to bring him down."

Riley nodded along with Maya even though she wasn't sure she agreed.

"And he needs someone like you for..."

"For why? For why does he need me?" Riley prompted, needing to hear the answer. Now that Maya was occupying the place that Riley had held in Lucas's life for the past year and a half, Riley honestly didn't know what she had to offer him anymore.

"To- build him up," Maya offered in answer, gesturing to Riley with an open palm. "To listen to his Ranger Rick stories and make him feel like a hero. You like his stories. And he likes yours," she pointed out, her voice faltering at the acknowledgement of how good they were for each other.

Yeah," Riley said softly once again, sadness welling up behind her smile.

She did love talking to Lucas. And for some strange reason it felt like she hadn't talked to him in weeks, even though she distinctly remembered chattering away with him the past several days. Somehow it didn't seem like that had even been her. And even though she knew Lucas had talked to her, too she couldn't remember anything they'd said to each other lately that seemed of much consequence.

Things weren't the same between them anymore, she realized. She missed him like she hadn't seen him in such a long time even though he'd been beside her all week as much as he always had.

Was this how it was going to be between them now? she wondered painfully. Would it feel like she'd lost him even though he was right there?

The prospect haunted her for the rest of the day.

Their conversation made Maya feel unsettled all day, too. The things they'd said kept playing through her head at odd moments of the day and had her questioning things again. All she seemed to do these days was question everything.

Everything they'd said that morning had just seemed to point out how much better Riley was with Lucas than she was. How much better for him she was. Riley was good at listening to him and enjoyed what he had to say. She built him up and made him feel good about himself. And what did Maya do? She liked to make fun of him and bust him down. She poured smoothies over his head. What was wrong with her? She was terrible to him, and he was probably sorry he'd ever asked her out. She wasn't sure why he'd even done it to begin with.

Why couldn't she just talk to the guy like a normal person? Why did she have to be so... Maya?

She needed to do better. If you liked someone and were going to date them you shouldn't make fun of them. She needed to try and be different with him.

It was a resolve she carried with her to their date the next night.