Thanks to Mx Akiyata and madders10 for reviewing.

Okay, I think I should add this: I don't have any issues with being transgender. The characters find it awkward, and they're still trying to get used to it. Also, I have no problems with homosexuality. Just want to let you know since there's kind of a homophobic comment (it's a scene between the two Hungaries, so while Elizabeta likes yaoi, Reka hates it). Just thought I'd let you know.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 75: Insecurities

Through their self-imposed weakness, they will fall.

That is the price of insecure walls.

…

Felic wasn't particularly happy.

He was forced to remain at South Africa's house as well, but was physically too weak to do anything like, for example, clean the house. He was confined to a bed, with one of the Southern Nations checking in every now and again.

And he was bored.

He wasn't allowed to have anything that could keep his mind busy, and he didn't dare fall asleep while he was in enemy territory. There were a few Nations that would love to take advantage of his current weakness.

He jumped when the door opened, revealing Malaysia.

One of many Nations that would like to repay Felic for everything he had done to them.

Said Nation glared, before putting the tray of food he was carrying on a table, just out of Felic's reach. They knew full well that moving around was a bit of a problem for him, probably because India went through the same as Felic did.

Malaysia didn't say a word, but there was still an underlying hint of a threat directed at Felic, should the Pol try anything.

Felic sighed in relief when Malaysia closed the door, before moving the covers away and staring at the dress he was forced to wear.

Yes, the Southern Nations knew that he had returned to his male form. No, they wouldn't allow him to change into something else. This was his punishment, after all.

And they had threatened him by saying that if he gave anyone any problems, they would ask Hungary to bring one of her frilly pink dresses for him to wear.

Yes, he would behave.

…

It was dinnertime once again. Yao, Sadiq and Feliciano had been responsible for the dinner. It was agreed that no one with the surname 'Kirkland' would be allowed to use the kitchen at all, and Jett and Leon were a little upset that it included them as well.

Sigurd was having trouble because she was forced to sit still and be quiet. She didn't really like that idea, but had no choice, considering there were dozens of Nations around that wouldn't hesitate in hurting her, especially considering the part she played in several of them being tortured or because of the general mess caused by her torturing Lukas.

And Berwald made sure to keep a close eye on her at all times.

Meanwhile, several Nations were dealing with their own emotions.

Roberto was unsure about what to do regarding Anika's newly-revealed weakness. He wanted to tell someone about it, and the most likely candidates would be Lars and Miguel. He would tell Arthur, if it weren't for the fact that she was also under pressure from the Deathplayers.

Antonio, Arthur and Francis each felt that they were failures as parents. Arthur's feelings were reinforced by many different things, the latest the reminder that she couldn't cook. Francine's was due to her absence in Matthew's life, and Antonio's was because Rosa, Sofia and Luis wouldn't answer her question. And she knew, deep down, that she couldn't ask Lovino. He would push her away, as usual.

Lukas and Vlad both felt like failures as older siblings. They couldn't shake their thoughts. Vlad couldn't get a confirmation from Nicolai, though in all fairness, they didn't know each other that long. And Emil wouldn't give into Lukas's request.

And Gilbert just felt like a failure in general. She constantly thought of how Old Fritz would react if he saw her now. She thought of how she was no longer a country, though Gilen was. And she was reminded of how her younger sibling thought she was a waste of space (at least in her mind).

There were also a few other Nations that would discreetly glance at Anika. Vash, Rahim (Malawi), David and Mei were informed of Anika's attack earlier. They would keep her secret, but now that they knew that she couldn't deal with it in her usual way, they would need to watch her carefully. They would also need to ask Jana how to deal with her when she had an attack.

Other Nations continued to converse with each other, not noticing that some of them were distant. Lovino had in fact complained loudly about Flavio, to which most of the Nations from the other side laughed, until Matt revealed that due to a concussion, Flavio's personality had changed. Before, he was almost exactly like Luciano, and the two of them were the two things that Francois feared the most. After that, no one wanted to discuss the Italian siblings on the other side.

And some of the Micro Nations were complaining about wanting to meet their own counterparts. Hans informed Marcello that he had met his counterpart, and noted that he was rather reserved. Matt informed them that it was because the Micro Nations were often under constant surveillance, and most of them were rather reserved.

And then Sigurd had to mention what a brat the other Sealand was, which resulted in all the other Nations glaring at her because her comment was unwanted, and she was meant to remain silent, which earned a pout.

The conversation then picked up where Matt informed Molossia about what his counterpart was like, Basch told Kugelmugel what his was like and Gabriel told Ladonia what his counterpart was like.

The conversation then turned to differences in history, of which the troubled Nations didn't take part in. They were too busy focusing on their own emotional turmoil.

…

Arthur was on her way to her bedroom when she heard a familiar Portuguese accented-voice. She knew that she should probably go, but for some reason, her curiosity was piqued. And she had a feeling that she should know what was being discussed.

So she crept closer to the door, pressing her ear against the wood in order to hear.

"Are you saying Anika's in trouble?" Netherlands's voice said.

Arthur's eyes widened, and she pressed closer.

"Well, she might be," Brazil's voice said. "She has a… condition. It's kind of like panic attacks, but they're due to everything happening in her country. When the pressure becomes too much… she gets these attacks. Theresa said that they range from difficulty breathing to seizures."

Arthur's eyes widened. Why wasn't she informed?

"Why are you telling us this?" Miguel's voice asked.

"In case the Deathplayers take me before Annie," Brazil said. "She would be vulnerable, and I want someone to watch over her. You two, being a parent and a sort of uncle to her, would be ideal."

"What about Arthur?" Miguel asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Brazil sighed.

It was at that point that Arthur moved away, trying to fight the tears stinging her eyes. As though she needed more confirmation that she was a bad parent. Brazil's reluctance said everything, and the fact that he went to Miguel instead of her really hurt.

"Your children don't want your help. And their friends don't want it either."

Arthur walked away, going towards her room.

…

Natalya stared at the tarot cards in front of her. It made no sense at all!

Yes, she managed to find out that something bad was about to happen, but why was the Hanged Man for the past and Justice for the future? And why were the two of them upside down?

Yes, she checked to see if other cards were upside down. Only the three she drew.

She looked towards the third card, the card for the present.

The World.

…

The bad touch trio were sleeping in the same bed. Anyone who knew them would know that something was wrong.

The previous night, Francis had been flirtatious, and Antonio had joked around as well. And Gilbert was still in the other world, but would have joined in the joking.

But now, the three of them were solemn and quiet, and none of them questioned the others, too absorbed in their own thoughts.

Anyone would be able to see that something was wrong.

…

Elizabeta glared at her reflection. She didn't think it was possible, but would you look at that.

There was someone more annoying than Gilbert.

Reka was on the other side, talking non-stop about previous encounters with a certain Nation.

"And then Marius kissed me, while the fireflies were flying around us, so that it looked like the stars were dancing with us," Reka explained.

"Could you please shut up?" Elizabeta asked, exasperated. "I don't want to hear about you and the other Romania."

"Okay," Reka said. "Do you want to hear about me and Gilen?"

"No! What about your Austria?"

Reka made as though she was gagging, and Elizabeta narrowed her eyes.

"So you're willing to have a relationship with Prussia and Romania, but not Austria?" Elizabeta asked.

"Have you?" Reka asked.

"Of course. We were married once."

Reka looked absolutely disgusted.

"You have poor tastes," Reka said.

"I could say the same with you," Elizabeta said. "But please, tell me there is at least some decent yaoi on your end."

"Um, what's that?"

Elizabeta took the time to explain, and Reka looked horrified.

"What, no!" Reka said. "That's disgusting. You have issues."

It was at that point that Elizabeta had enough, and so she decided to leave the bathroom and go to bed.

…

Natalya was glaring at the mirror, which made Natasha nervous.

"Um, is something wrong?" Natasha asked timidly.

"I want to know something." Natalya said. "Do you know anything about fortune telling?"

"Da. I've dabbled a few times, though not recently…"

"Then tell me something. What are the odds of the three tarot cards you draw being the only ones that are upside down in the deck?"

"Are you sure they were upside down and you didn't just…"

"I'm sure."

"Then there is nothing good. I'll try myself later, if you like."

"Good. And don't tell anyone about this."

"A-alright."

…

"Why do I have to do this again?" Sigurd huffed.

"It's punishment, Big Sister," Gabriel sighed.

"Don't call me that!"

The two of them were in the library. Sigurd was searching through books, while Gabriel was watching her.

"I hated it when you called me 'big brother', and I hate 'big sister' even more," Sigurd continued.

"You used to be okay with that," Gabriel said.

"That was when you were little and it was cute. Now, it's just humiliating."

"Russia and Ukraine don't mind when Belarus calls them 'Big Brother' or 'Big Sister'," Gabriel pointed out. "And it goes for both ends. The German brothers – sisters – over here call each other that. The Italies do it…"

"I don't care! It's pathetic and idiotic!"

A throat was cleared, and the two turned to face Lukas, who was carrying a few books.

"Here are some more," Lukas said, dumping the books on the table. "I'm going to bed."

"What's wrong with you?" Sigurd huffed.

"Nothing. Good night."

"Don't give me that. I've gotten to know you, remember? I know when something is wrong with you. If the situation was different, I'd be taking full advantage of it."

Lukas turned to face Sigurd, and Gabriel's eyes widened when he saw the fury in the normally blank blue pools.

"You want to know what's wrong?" Lukas hissed. "You're a horrible older sibling, but Gabriel will still call you 'Big Brother' or 'Big Sister', while Emil refuses to say it."

"Seriously, that's…" Sigurd said.

"Shut up!" Lukas snapped. "Just once, I would like to hear my brother say it of his own accord, just so that I could know that I wasn't a horrible older sibling. That he doesn't hate me, like Gabriel should hate you. Is that too much to ask? I just want to be sure that I'm not a failure."

The other two stared at her, and Lukas scoffed, before turning away. It was silent for a few moments.

"That seemed completely random," Sigurd said.

Gabriel sighed.

"I think I need to have a word with Emil tomorrow," he said.

…

"This is disturbing," Lobsang said.

He, Roberto and Ferdinand were sitting in a circle, a mirror in front of Roberto so that Ricardo could join the conversation.

"I agree," Ricardo said. "The Deathplayers don't want us to know what they're planning."

"It's too clear," Ferdinand muttered, rocking himself back and forth.

"Is there anyone else that can attempt to find out what's going on?" Lobsang asked.

"Bela," Ferdinand said.

"He either means Belgium or Belarus," Roberto said.

"I think it's Belarus," Ricardo said. "Do you think you can ask her about it?"

"Sure, just… not at this point in time. She's going to be grumpy this time at night."

To prove his point, the Brazilian yawned.

"Alright," Ricardo said. "We'll resume this tomorrow. Ferdinand, do you think you can try to paint something?"

Ferdinand whimpered, but nodded.

They departed, though each of them felt that something was seriously wrong.

…

"You're a failure as a Nation…"

"A failure as a brother…"

"You should just die…"

"The world would be better off without you…"

"The humans were right. You are just a demon…"

Gilbert awoke with a start. She was panting, and the dream slowly slipped away from her mind, though the hurtful words echoed.

She looked towards her two friends, seeing that they appeared to be sleeping restlessly as well.

She wanted to be reassured, but she didn't want it from Antonio or Francis. The two would lie and tell her that she was imagining it. And she didn't want to wake Ludwig, who was always a bit grumpy when being woken.

That was when she thought of a Nation she used to call little sister, and she left her two friends to search for that Nation.

…

Oliver sighed before picking up another book. One would think that there would be at least some information on the Deathplayers…

She had searched through everything regarding the apocalypse that she could get her hands on, but had found nothing.

Well, except for a phrase that kept repeating.

She groaned when she had read the exact same phrase once again.

Protect the original.

She had turned the page when something caught her attention. It was a portrait of two people standing side-by-side, looking nearly identical, save for their clothing and hair colour.

Oliver blinked, before reading the footnote underneath the portrait.

The mirror game.

She turned her attention to the next page, where the details of the mirror game were explained.

And her eyes widened.

She shakily took out her cell phone, before calling Marius.

"Could you get South Africa on the line?" she asked. "I think I found something."

…

Jana groaned when she felt someone shaking her shoulder, and she cracked an eye open to see familiar red eyes looking down at her.

"What do you want, Gilbert?" she mumbled, still a little tired.

"I need to ask you something," Gilbert said.

"What is it?"

"Am I a good brother?"

She looked at her before sighing, climbing out of the bed. She made sure not to disturb Anika or Theresa, who were sleeping next to her.

"Where's Omar?" Jana asked.

"I asked her to wait outside," Gilbert said. "Well?"

"You're a great brother," Jana said. "Although, it might be sister now. Not that I mind. But anyway, what brought this on?"

"I was just… worried," Gilbert said.

"Don't be," Jana said. "Sure, you could be harsh when you needed to be, but you're also fun and laid-back. I'm sure Ludwig would agree with me."

"Nein, he wouldn't."

"Gilbert… You're his big brother. He wouldn't want anyone else. Sure, you might be a slacker a lot of the time, but when you really try, you're one of the most dedicated people I know."

"Really?"

"Ja."

"But, I failed as a country. I'm not even one anymore."

"But Gilen is."

"What do you want to say with that?" Gilbert asked.

"He's still a country, which means there's hope for you. I mean, wasn't Poland partitioned? Twice?"

"Ja…"

"And he's still around. Um, sort of. Anyway, don't let it get you down. Who knows? Maybe the Kingdom of Prussia will rise again."

Gilbert smiled before hugging her.

"Danke Jana," Gilbert whispered. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you much lately."

Jana simply hugged her tighter.

"I missed you," Jana said. "I wish everything could be like it was before."

"You have two other sisters," Gilbert said. "I'm sure that they'll be better than me."

Jana pulled away, a soft smile on her face.

"Then don't try to be my sister for now," Jana said. "I'll be happy with friends. I just want to be close to you again. You and Ludwig."

"Freunde. I think I can do that."

"Gut. Now, I'm kind of tired. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Ja. And I'll be an awesome friend to you. I'll even make you an awesome breakfast."

Jana giggled.

"I'd like that."

Gilbert placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, like she used to do when Jana was younger, and calmly left the room, a smile on her face and tears falling from her eyes. Jana smiled, before climbing back in bed.

"That was sweet," a voice mumbled.

Jana blushed before looking towards the Mozambican.

"How much did you hear?" she asked.

"Enough," Theresa said. "But I don't get why Prussia, Mr Awesome, Mr World-Sized-Ego, would be insecure."

Jana blinked before frowning in thought.

"You're right," she said. "It is strange."

"Let's just go back to sleep," Theresa said.

Jana sighed before settling down again, sparing a glance towards her other sister. Normally, Anika was a light sleeper, but on days when she had an attack, she could sleep through anything. The fact that a lion roared outside of their tent once when they had gone camping was proof enough.

…

Gilbert was walking back to her room when her thoughts stalked her once again.

"She's only happy being friends. Not sisters."

No. Gilbert was the one that suggested that they not be as close as sisters.

"You will never be a full Nation again. She was only trying to reassure you."

"Nein," she whispered. "She was being honest."

Gilbert kept walking down the halls, trying to shake off the thoughts that plagued her, unaware of blue eyes watching her.

Heh, the scene between Jana and Gilbert was completely random, but I think it was cute. And it helped me fill a hole from way back when. In an earlier chapter I mentioned how Jana wants to be close to Gilbert and Ludwig again, and now here's her chance. And she helps Gilbert deal with her insecurity, though the Deathplayers will try to put a stop to it.

And Arthur's insecurity gets worse when she finds out that one of her former colonies has a problem, but she isn't approached to help out, though someone who is only regarded as a distant uncle perhaps is asked to help.

I only know a little of the tarot from research I did for another fic (which I need to get to. Curse my laziness!). If I remember correctly, if a tarot card is drawn from the deck upside down, it's a bad omen. There are different ways to read the deck, Natalya using the three-card method of the past, present and future. The World was drawn as the present due to the literal meaning of the world. Hanged Man is about letting go and seeing from different viewpoints. Positive it means a new perspective, while negative it means you only look at it from one direction. And Justice is, of course, karma. Negatively, it can also imply injustice or making/receiving the wrong decision.