This is the first half of Tris' POV. Next chapter a very busy and interesting day will begin. :-) thank you for all the lovely reviews, i hope you're enjoying the story. i was only thinking of doing 20 chapters, but it'll probably be more than that. i can get pretty long-winded, but i won't apologize.

but i will say sorry for any typos you may see. leave a review. enjoy reading.

Chapter 14

Tris

I peer from my bedroom door at my two children in my living room. I strain my neck to see if they are still in place where I just told them good night nearly an hour ago. I cannot help myself, I am so afraid that this is all still a dream. Any moment, Tobias will brush me awake with his lips on my collarbone like he usually does. But I dig into my palms with my fingernails until I feel the sharp pinch and see the angry red marks.

As I take a small silent step forward into the narrow hallway I get a better view of both of the twins. Natalie is under a heavy black quilt on the salmon colored couch Tobias and I picked out a few months ago. It was squishy and comfortable, I fell in love with it the moment I saw it in the marketplace. She sleeps on her left side and her face is hidden by her her hair.

TJ is lying on a floor pallet made of several blankets and he's covered under a spare comforter we have. He sleeps on his stomach and his messy dark blonde head is turned facing the balcony doors. I listen for their breaths but all I hear is my own. It is heavy and uneven, but I realize it is because I have been holding it for a generous portion of the day. I feel the cold wooden floor under my bare feet and I bounce a little on my heels.

Tobias' arms come around my waist unexpectedly, making me shutter a little.

"Let them sleep. You need to rest too." He breaths into my ear. I smell spearmint toothpaste and the alcohol from mouthwash on his tongue. I breathe him in, taking in his clean, but slightly musky scent. After all these years, nothing smelled better to me. I was grateful that it wouldn't change sixteen years from now. It's hard thinking about spending your life with one person forever, but Tobias and I have never been like most people. So many times, I thought we would lose each other. I am grateful for him. He is so intertwined in my existence.

I exhale and say "I'm afraid they'll disappear if I close my eyes."

He chuckles deeply still embracing me. I feel his heartbeat on my back through his grey tank shirt. "You know how I feel now."

I turn into him and kiss him deeply on the lips. He kisses me back and sighs.

"I'm afraid of what else they'll show us." He says as our noses touch lightly. "The future doesn't seem that great."

"That's why we're going to change it. They deserve to have peace. I don't care about a Divergent gene or a Resurgent gene. It doesn't matter."

I feel him pull away from me slightly and he says "Apparently, I'm the blame for that one."

I look at him and the forlorn and worried look on his face. I touch his cheek lightly and say "So I am, then. Tobias, it doesn't matter."

"I just…I was just…so…worried. I'd turn out like Marcus, but why do I feel like I'm worse?"

I shake my head and say "You can't possibly think that. I saw those memories. I saw us. Tobias you're a wonderful father. Just like I knew you'd always be."

He smiles into my cheek and says "What about you? Mama Tris doesn't play around."

We laugh quietly trying not to disturb our children sleeping eight feet away. "I can't believe I'm one of those Mom's who uses their kids full names when scolding them! Who does that?"

"You do, apparently." Tobias chuckles softly.

I smile and then a long yawn escapes from my chest. I feel Tobias pull me toward the bedroom and then he pulls the black sweater I'm still wearing over my head. The room is chilly and I shiver a little, but he kisses me and warmth rushes under my skin. He presses a large palm to my stomach and kisses me again. I'm wearing nothing but my own tank top and underwear now.

"C'mon let's get some sleep." Tobias says walking to his side of the bed. He moves his long, muscular and hairy legs under the covers and pats the space next to him. I crawl from the foot of the bed into the nook his arm. I curl into his body letting his warmth and the blankets cover me and I yawn again.

"I love you Tris." Tobias says sleepily.

"I love you." I sigh. I feel his body shift to get comfortable and I cannot help but close my heavy eyes. I hear Tobias cough a little and then sleep takes me.

I feel my body, no my stomach jolt me awake. I don't know what time it is, nor is that important. I yank the covers back and leap over Tobias' sleeping body and dart into the bathroom. I kick the door closed with a small slam and barely get to the toilet before I vomit into the ceramic bowl. I feel the bile and vinegar taste coat my tongue and teeth, all I can do is snort and spit. I breathe deeply, but I am heaving again. The smell of the toilet bowl's cleaning chemicals makes me more nauseous than I am right now. I have to yank my head away and I try breathing again.

My body shakes with sweat now and my hair is slightly damp on the ends from the water in the toilet bowl. I take a mass of toilet paper from the roll built in on the wall and wipe my nose, then my mouth. The room smells of sick, mouthwash, and the scented potpourri Christina gave me last week she found while shopping. Every scent makes me dry heave into the toilet, gagging on my own sour tasting spit.

I hear the door open and see Tobias's legs and long bare feet walk in. He grabs a washcloth from the linen cabinet near the shower. I say nothing as he turns on the sink and wets it. He crouches next to me and pats my forehead gingerly. He smells like our bed and his eyes are still ladened with sleep.

"I'm sorry." I say grabbing his wrist, taking the wet rag from his hand. "Go back to sleep."

He shakes his head "I'm not going to work today. This is the second day in a row. Let me take you to the doctor, Tris."

I shake my head and say "You have to go to work. I'll stay home and rest. Besides, I won't be alone. Natalie and TJ are here."

He recoils slightly. Perhaps I am pushing the limits of his trust for them.

"I'll be safe with them." I say confidently.

"I know you will." Tobias sighs rising from his knees into a crouch. "I'll go to work, but I'll come home early. Johanna will understand."

I nod and whisper "Thank you."

He helps me stand and I turn to the sink and slide open the mirror to grab my toothbrush. Tobias walks back out into the bedroom and closes the door slightly. I brush my teeth and the taste of the spearmint paste almost makes me puke again, but I keep it down. I rinse my mouth with water and splash the coolness on my face.

As I leave the bathroom I see Tobias has left the room. His space in our bed is a mass of twisted sheets and pillows. I look down at the small alarm clock on his nightstand and see it's only five-fifteen. He doesn't have to be at work for a few more hours. Maybe he's checking on Natalie and TJ.

I walk out the bedroom and into the living room to see Natalie sitting wide awake on the couch holding a small square picture. Her lower body is still covered by the black quilt. Her shoulders are broad for a girl and they hunch up like her father's. Her arms are long and study, so are her hands. But they still are soft in appearance and her long painted nails glisten in the rising sunlight. I peer over at the photo and see her and a boy with a large face, angular dark eyes, manilla colored skin, thin red lips and a short nose. He is very handsome and his smile in the photo is bright. Natalie has her arm around him and their cheeks are touching.

"Who is that?" I can't help myself from asking.

She sniffs a little and sighs. "Julian."

"Are you two friends?" I ask prying a little more. Natalie looks up and gives me a skeptical grin, but her face couldn't be more sadder.

"Maybe you'll see." She breathes as she puts the photo carefully inside a small pocket of her backpack.

I look to my left and onto the balcony where the sun is slowly rising, pouring the house with burnt orange light. Tobias and TJ are both outside watching the sunrise. Their posture is identical, weight shifted back on the their left leg as they lean against the rail. I hear their muffled voices and I try to hear what they are saying. Then I feel the room move under my feet and I catch myself against the wall. Natalie looks up at me and says "You should go lay back down, Mom. I'll bring you some water and toast. Put something on your stomach."

I shake my head.

"I'm fine." I lie. The room still feels a little tilted. She laughs and says "No you aren't. Please, go rest. I'll bring you something."

I listen to my fifteen year old future daughter and make my way back to the bed and curl up in Tobias' space. I smell his hair and skin in his pillow as I inhale. Within a couple of minutes, Natalie is at the door with a cup of water and a small plate of toast. I sit up and rest my back against the wall as she sits on the edge. She hands me the water first and I sip, letting the coolness pour down my throat. I take a piece of toast from her and bite into it. It is dry and coarse in my mouth. It goes down hard, but I eat it. There's two more pieces on the plate and I devour them within a matter of minutes.

Natalie smiles warmly at me and I say "Thank you. I feel a little better already."

"Good. You used to give me dry toast when I got sick as a little girl. You'd rub my belly and hum."

I chuckle and imagine myself the way she's shared with me. It reminds me of my own mother and how she would do the same for me. When I look at Natalie, I see her, my mother. I see her in her cheekbones and forehead. She has the same silent strength and beauty I saw when I was young in my mother.

I hear Tobias and TJ enter back in the house. Tobias' laughs and I hear his footsteps get closer. He enters the bedroom and smiles at both Natalie and I.

"Natalie made me some dry toast. It helps." I say to him. He nods and says "Thank you Natalie."

She nods and rises up from the side of the bed. Natalie wipes her hands on the cotton sleep pants I let her borrow and she sighs.

"Well, I'm going to talk to TJ about today. We have only a few more things to show you. Then we can go to the Bureau."

Tobias nods and I ask "But what about the things you can only show us?"

She grins and says "In time Mom. Don't be so hasty."

I huff irritably and she only laughs. "Besides you need to rest some more. Today will be a big day."

She glances over at her father who is pulling out fresh clothes from the small dresser against the wall. I eye her curiously. She's hiding something.

Natalie turns to leave out of our room when I call out to her.

"Wait…Uriah. He and Christina aren't together in the future, are they?"

She freezes against the door and says "No. They aren't. But that could change. Everything can change. Is changing, now."

"How does the future, time travel, and everything work?"

Natalie throws her head back and laughs deeply.

"You're asking me Mom? I don't know. Uncle Caleb is the one who knows. All I know is, that time apparently works on some sort of sort of loop. It's a cycle. Constantly in rotation. Or at least that's what TJ told me. He actually listens and reads about all that crap. It's the Erudite in him, I say."

Tobias turns to her and asks wondrously "You all took an aptitude test?"

She nods and says "George gave us one. We wanted to do one for fun. Even though the factions aren't real and don't exist anymore."

I sit up slightly and feel the curiosity on my tongue.

"What was your result?"

Natalie scratches her head and says "Inconclusive of course. I guess you would call it Divergent, but we know what or rather who we are is way more than that. TJ and I both got all five factions in total amongst ourselves. We both scored high in Dauntless, obviously, but he got Erudite and Amity. I got Abnegation and Candor. We actually broke the machine. Blew up internally and everything."George was pretty mad, it was the last thing he had of his former life."

She shrugs and walks out the room back to her brother.

I look at Tobias who is grinning and chuckling to himself as he pulls out a pair of long white socks from a drawer.

"So this is what our future kids are like? Rebels by birth." He says with a deep chortle as he walks into the bathroom. He closes the door and in a few seconds I hear the shower turn on.

I slide back down into the bed on my back and stare into the ceiling. I counted the cracks in the white paint and thought about how much I still didn't know or understand. Even with factions and everything behind me, they still haunt us. Their influence and lie has even trickled down into my children.

I close my eyes and imagine them at sixteen at the Choosing Ceremony. I see Natalie dressed in tight black clothing take a silver knife from a faceless Abnegation man. She cuts into her palm and drops her blood into three bowls instead of one. She disappears into a faceless crowd with multicolored clothes. I reach for her. But she has blended into a mass and swirl of colors.

Then I feel sleep take me again.

next chapter. special delivery. more memories. Natalie and TJ's training with the Black Lion of Dauntless approaches!