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Chapter 15

Tris

I wake up to light laughter coming from the living room. I sit up in the bed and the room feels warm. I feel the heat on my forehead and I touch it lightly. A churn and rumble comes from my stomach and I wrap my arms around my frame. The toast I ate felt ages ago and when I look at the time, it's nearly one-thirty in the afternoon. Have I really been sleep for that long?

I get up and walk out the bedroom towards the living room. As I get closer I see Natalie and TJ sitting on the couch close together. They are talking rapidly and excitedly about something they're looking at in front of them. One our small round wooden coffee table is the cracked sculpture, TJ's sketchbook which is opened to a drawing of a Ferris wheel and a sheet of paper with messy writing.

"I think we should do it Friday. If we can get inside before—oh hey Mom." Natalie says turning to me. I tried to be silent as possible.

"Is that the plan to destroy the file?" I say looking closer at the paper. One of the corners is a scribble with the words "stun serum". I had never heard of it before.

TJ nods and turns to me resting his elbow on the back of the couch. "We're trying to decide what day would work best to infiltrate the Bureau. Friday or Saturday."

I feel my brow furrow and I say "But that's…that's in like four days."

Natalie nods slowly. "Yes. We're almost ready. Once we show you and everyone the final memories, then we'll be able to go over the plan and move forward."

"Then what happens?" I ask nervously. I know the answer. They cannot be here longer than they need to be.

"We leave immediately after it's done." TJ responds looking me slightly morose. "And hope for the best."

I feel light-headed again and I close my eyes and breathe. I hear the twins get up and TJ comes over to me to and grips me softly around the shoulders. He leads me to sit down on the couch. I watch Natalie over in the kitchen going through the cabinets above the small white stove. I look over at TJ who's smiling at me. His cheeks has small dimples in them that I never noticed.

Natalie takes a small cup of instant soup and puts it in the microwave. Her long manicured fingers press the buttons on the control panel, each one making a loud beep until she presses start. The cup begins to rotate and the microwave hums with power.

"Did you all eat?" I ask. I feel so horrible that I haven't even checked to see if they've had anything since being here. TJ nods and says "Dad made us breakfast, he said he would bring home lunch."

I sigh in relief and lean back against the cushions in order to keep my head from spinning. The microwave beeps and Natalie comes to sit on my opposite side in a few moments. She hands me the styrofoam cup and a spoon.

"Here Mom. Eat this."

I nod and thank her. The soup is covered by a red plastic lid with small perforations on the top. The steam from the chicken and vegetable broth billows in spirals that vanish in the air. I inhale the scent and for a second I think I am going to vomit again. I gulp and take deep breaths and I feel my children stare at me. They both are biting their bottom lips and I cannot help but laugh.

"You two look a lot like me. Doing that. Stop it, it's not a good habit."

They grin at each other and then a knock comes the door. TJ gets up and walks over. I watch him peer out of the peephole and then he unbolts the two gold locks, along with the deadbolt. I expected to see Tobias walk in, but it was Christina. She was wearing a black blouse and dark grey jeans. Her black trenchcoat with silver buttons and buckles was open. In her hand was a small brown paper bag and in the other a clear short umbrella.

"It's supposed to rain later." She breathes placing the umbrella in the corner next to Tobias' black sneakers. TJ takes her coat and she grins widely at him as he places it neatly in the coat closet on a hanger.

"What a gentleman." Christina chuckles. She comes closer to me with the brown bag in hand and scans me up and down.

"Well you still look pale." She giggles. I take a small sip of the soup and it's still too hot. I roll my eyes at her and grin.

"What's in the bag?" I say pointing with the spoon in my hand. Christina glances over at Natalie, who nods at her. I look at them both slowly and suspiciously.

"What…are you two up to? Why are you here so early Christina?"

She purses her bright red painted lips together and sighs. "The twins called me while you were sleep. They asked me to bring you this."

I watch her reach into the bag and pull out a long blue rectangular box. She spins it around so I can read the label. I peer closely at it and then I feel my stomach drop.

"A pregnancy test?" I ask quietly.

Christina nods and says "I was going to ask you yesterday had you considered taking one. But we got interrupted."

Natalie laughs lightly and I see TJ grin softly as he leans against the wall with his arms crossed.

I look at the box and then at my stomach. It peeks out a little from under my tank top and it looks bigger than before. But that's not possible. I'm imagining it.

"Just take the test." Christina sighs with a smile.

I look at Natalie, then at TJ. They're eyes are bright and insistent. I imagine them looking at me as infants, looking up at me. I hand Natalie the soup and spoon and get off the couch. I take the test apprehensively from my best friend. She follows me into bedroom and then sits on the end of the bed.

"I read the box. It only takes like three minutes. Accurate. The guy at the pharmacy said Erudite developed them a long time ago. They may have been arrogant, murderous, know-it-alls, but their technology is still unparalleled."

I force a laugh and try my best to keep my hands from shaking. I go into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. The blue box has small directions on the side and I read them over carefully. I look up and see myself in the mirror above the sink. My hair seems lighter and a little longer. My skin is paler than it usually is, but now it is flushed warm in places. I turn to the side and lift my tank shirt to touch my stomach. It protrudes subtly but it doesn't seem out of place…yet. I brushed my chest with my arm as I motioned to take the test out of the box and I found my breasts to be sensitive and a little sore. That definitely wasn't normal.

After I pee on the white plastic strip I set on the edge of the sink. I sit with my knees pulled to my chest with my back against the tub. The porcelain is cold and hard, so are the blue tiles under my feet. I can't help but wiggle my toes as I wait.

What happens if it's positive? I know that it will be Natalie and TJ. I know who they look like. But I also know what their future holds and for that I am afraid.

What if we fail? What if nothing changes at all? I have them only to anticipate the day Tobias and I will be captured and possibly never see them again.

I feel warm salty tears run down my face and I shiver. I have never felt this kind of fear before. I cannot bear it. Knowing I will not be there for my children.

I wipe my face and count the remaining thirty seconds in my head. If it's positive, how will I tell Tobias? Are we ready to be parents? I have always imagined my life filled with our children. To know we have two who are strong and beautiful brings joy in my chest.

Thirty seconds are over and I look over at the plastic stick balanced on the sink. I raise slowly and walk over, holding my breath with each small step and close my eyes as I pick it up. I feel my heart pound in my throat and I swallow hard.

I open my eyes. I gasp softly.

Positive.

I hold the test for awhile longer and stare at the blue cross in the small window. Everything is changed now.

I wash my hands and walk out of the bathroom. Christina looks up at me with worry and excitement in her eyes.

"Well?" She says leaning forward slightly. I nod and sigh as small tears escape the corners of my eyes and stream down my face. Christina's face brightens and jumps up to hug me.

"Congrats, Tris! Well at least you know what you're having and your kids turn out to be cute! Can't believe I'm going to be an Auntie!"

I breathe and she looks at my forlorn face. She frowns and puts her hands on my shoulders.

"We're going to help them, Tris. It's going to be alright."

I smile at her and tell her I'm going to shower. She leaves and goes back in the living room to where Natalie and TJ are. I hear their laughter before I go back in the bathroom. I close the door and slide down on to the floor. I feel the tears escape me harder now. I gasp between each breathe and I feel my nose congest making it hard to inhale. This feeling is strange.

How can I be so terrified but overjoyed at the same time?

After I shower, dry my hair, and get dressed, I walk back out into the living room and see Tobias sitting at our dining room table with Christina, Natalie, and TJ. They are eating hamburgers and french fries and I feel my stomach pain with hunger. Tobias looks up at me and smiles. He scoots over a little to an empty seat next to him. The table is so small and crowded but somehow they all fit.

Natalie looks up at me and smiles as she takes three fries into her fingers. I take my seat next to Tobias and he passes me a hamburger wrapped in wax paper. I take it and I cannot help myself but to devour it. It is plain without any dressings but I don't care. I finish it within a minute and Tobias eyes me and laughs.

"Hungry much? Have another."

I take it from the small pile in the middle of the table along with a pile of French fries. It tastes like nothing I've had before. I feel myself breathing hard through each bite.

"Okay now you're scaring me Tris. You act like you haven't eaten this a million times."

Christina rolls her eyes and takes a swig of water from the glass next to her. She swallows and chuckles "Well I mean she is eating for three now—oh my God. I was not supposed to say that."

Tobias drops his hamburger between his hands with a plop. Natalie and TJ look nervously at us both. He turns to me with his eyes furrowed and pouring with rising emotion. I'm not sure if it is anger or not yet.

"What?" He says looking at me. I look over at Christina and she covers her mouth with her hand. I know she didn't mean for it to slip out, but it still wasn't the way I needed to tell him.

"Christina bought me a pregnancy test. I took it just a few minutes ago. I was waiting for the right moment. But I guess some people can't keep their mouths shut." I say glaring lazily at Christina.

"I'm so sorry!" She exclaims. "I guess I got excited. You know I can't hold water."

Natalie and TJ laugh with her, but I don't join in. Neither does Tobias who looks from me to his hands. He gets up and holds the back of his chair, then walks toward the balcony doors. He slides open the doors and steps outside. I watch his palled face disappear and I bite my lower lip.

"I'm sorry Tris." Christina whispers wiping her salty fingers on a napkin. I know she feels terrible and she should. But that doesn't mean her intentions weren't good. Tobias was going to have to find out from me soon anyway.

"It's alright." I say rising up from the table to follow my husband. Natalie and TJ look at me and I give them a smile. "Keep eating. We need to head out soon anyway. Get ready after you're done."

"Sure thing, Mom." Natalie chuckles. "You're already a natural."

I can't help but grin. I walk toward the balcony where I see Tobias leaned over the rail, weight on his left leg as usual. He didn't bother closing the door, but I do. I hope that this wouldn't end us screaming at each other. I didn't want to fight.

He turns his head toward me slightly and says nothing. I lean against the glass and interlace my fingers behind my back.

"Christina doesn't have a filter, you know that." I begin. "I didn't want you to find out that way. I was going to tell you this evening."

Tobias sighs deeply as he scratches his cheek. I can see his jaw muscles moving and tensing.

"Stop chewing your cheek. Please look at me Tobias." I plead stepping forward to move closer to him. He turns around slowly but keep his gaze low.

"I didn't expect this to happen." I murmur.

"I know. Me either." He says quietly.

"I'm not…I don't want you to—

He looks up at me now and asks "You don't want me to what? Worry that we're not ready for children? Worry that their futures may not include us in the long run? You don't want me to worry that bringing kids in the world might be the stupidest thing we could ever do?"

I recoil slightly away from him and I feel my lips curl with the racing sadness and anger pouring over me.

Tobias sighs and says "I don't mean it like that. I mean that Tris this is dangerous. What if we can't stop this file from being destroyed? What if we do and still changes nothing? What if there's something else other than a DGD or Resurgent gene? We can't ever have peace! I don't want my child, or children growing up in that."

I shake my head and say sternly "I don't care. I will do whatever it takes. Whatever comes my way, I will protect my, no— our children. I will keep them safe as humanly possible. With or without you."

I feel the ice from my last words on my tongue shoot through him. He steps back this time and I can see nothing but hurt in his face.

"Tris. I would never leave you and our kids. I would never do that." He says shaking his head.

I feel hot tears flow down my face. I cannot imagine doing this alone. Raising our children, but I will. They deserve a chance.

Tobias comes close to me and grabs my waist to pull me in close to him. "You're the most important thing to me." He says hoarsely.

I sob into his red t-shirt soaking the fabric and I feel his racing heart on my cheek. He's afraid and I am too.

"All I want is peace for us. Our friends. Our family. Our children." He says holding me tighter. "I don't want my kids to see the things we've seen. I see it in them now even as they sit at that table. They know too much loss. They have had to run from too many people who want to hurt them. I don't want that. So I'm gonna do everything I can to protect them and you. I'll burn that whole damn Bureau down if that's what it'll cost."

I lean up and kiss him hard. He kisses me back deeply and I still feel myself crying. He gasps and says "I'm scared. But I'm also really happy."

He brings his large, strong hand gently against my stomach and sighs.

"Whatever it takes." He says talking to me, but also to the life inside of me. Life we have created. Life made out of our love. Life we will protect. No matter what.

When we arrive at the old Candor courtrooms, Caleb, Cara, and Uriah are waiting for us. The courtrooms are just the way I remember them. Covered in white and black marble walls, benches, and floors. It's chilly and I'm glad I wore my jacket. Christina walks over to sit with Uriah and he picks her up in his strong arms. She screams gleefully and then he kisses her deeply. I feel a pang in my stomach when I remember the possibility of their relationship ending sometime in the future.

I suppose I thought relationships like ours lasted forever because of all we've been through. I thought that everything we've done over the years was some kind of glue that bonded us forever. But I look over at Tobias who's watching TJ and Natalie setting up the crystal sculpture in the middle of the floor, and think about all the times we almost lost each other. I almost lost him today or so I thought. Somehow he stays with me and me with him. He looks at me and grabs my hand tenderly.

"I love you so much." I whisper.

He smiles and grips my hand harder "I love you too. Always."

We walk over to my brother who's sitting next to Caleb and sit down. Caleb turns and hugs me and beams when we break away.

"Susan and I are working things out. We're moving in together."

"That's wonderful Caleb. I'm so happy." I say holding his smiling cheek. "Let us know what we can do to help."

I nods and then Natalie turns around to face everyone. "Let's get to it then. This next memory will show you more of the DGD's influence in Chicago. Pay close attention."

Uriah says excitedly "And you're gonna show us the Black Lion of Dauntless right!?"

TJ nods and smiles softly. "Yes. He was our teacher."

I notice a twinge of sadness in his tone. I see Natalie's face sink a little. Something must have happened to this Black Lion of Dauntless.

"Who or what is he?" Cara asks crossing her leg over her thigh.

Suddenly the courtroom doors open and Zeke walks in. He's dressed in his all black police uniform and his patent leather boots shine on the glossy black and white tiles.

"Amar found someone else to do patrol tonight, he let me off. You all should lock the door. Just because these aren't really used anymore, people still work here." He turns and bolts the doors shut.

"The Black Lion of Dauntless is an old story some of the older Dauntless used to talk about. My mom and her friends would get together, play cards, get drunk, eat cake, and sing songs about him." Uriah continues.

Zeke comes and takes a seat next his brother and shakes his head. Uriah grins at him and says "You remember the song, Zeke."

"Don't sing—

But it was too late. Uriah stood up and rested his right leg on the counter in front of him. He stretched his arms in front him and curled his hands into claws. He took a deep breath and began to sing.

"Black Lion.

Black Lion.

Fingers of steel.

Black Lion.

Black Lion.

One hit kill.

Black Lion

Black Lion.

Before he will fall

He'll snatch out your eyeball!"

He finished on a croaking high note and Zeke is hiding his laugh behind his hand.

Everyone stared at Uriah who's eyes were narrowed fiercely to the ceiling and his arms were still raised. Natalie laughed loudly and tears were streaming down her face. Cara rolled her eyes and said "It sounds like a farce to me."

"It's not. He really did snatch out someone's eyeball. Or at least that's how the story goes." Zeke says putting his feet up on the counter, crossing them at the ankles. "He was an initiate who transferred from Amity. He was in Amar's initiate class, along with Max. From what Amar says, he was in the lead to be top of his class. The Dauntless leaders at the time took a keen interest in him. He was the first choice before Max to take the place of the old leader, Frank. But Frank and the other leaders noticed he was a little too strong, a little faster than the other initiates."

"He was Resurgent." I mumble.

TJ nods and Natalie says "You catch on quick Mom."

"What happened to him?" Tobias asks eagerly.

Zeke picks at his fingernails and says "Well when it came down to the fear landscape training, he quickly maneuvered through it. He was good. You know if you were too good, then that raised eyebrows. He was classified Divergent. Frank and the newly Erudite representative Jeanine Matthews couldn't have that. So Frank had to get rid of him. The way the story goes is, he called the Black Lion into his office with about six Dauntless soldiers inside. The Black Lion was naturally distrustful of people. Amar said he didn't have many, if any at all— friends."

I watch Zeke sit up now and he leans forward. "Frank was going to kill him personally. But he knew he wouldn't go down without a fight. He had his personal guards in the room with him and also Max, who was ordered to bring Black Lion into the office. Frank pulled out the gun and prepared to shoot him in the head. Next thing you know the Black Lion has Frank in a headlock."

Zeke raises his index and middle finger together with his thumb.

"The Black Lion snatched Frank's eye right out the socket. Three fingers. Then crushed his throat with just his hand. One hit kill. The guards all fired, they emptied at least five rounds of bullets each at him. Not one hit him. The legend goes the Black Lion took fountain pen from Frank's desk and killed all of the guards. Stabbed them all in the neck or eyes. He nearly killed Max but he spared him. Then he was gone. Fled into the night."

I felt myself on the edge of the bench as I watched Zeke finish the story. My brow is dripping with sweat and I peer over at Caleb who looks like he'll be sick. Cara sits statuesque with her arms folded. Her lips are pursed in disbelief.

Christina whistles and shakes her head. Her eyes are wide and she murmurs "That can't be possible."

Zeke shrugs and says "Most people don't believe it. Like I said it was a myth in Dauntless for a long time. But Frank, the old leader, did disappear and all of a sudden after Amar's initiation, Max became a leader. Apparently he didn't speak to anyone for days after Frank's…absence. Amar says the day it supposedly happened, he came back to dorms bruised and bloody, face drained like he saw a ghost. The Black Lion disappeared too. They were told he dropped out and went to be factionless. Nobody was to question it or they'd be kicked out."

I look over at Natalie and TJ who say nothing. They press the button on the sculpture and the narrow scope raises out of the center.

"Perhaps we'll see if the stories are true." Zeke says turning his attention to the twins. I look over at them and they sit down. TJ grips Natalie's hand and she turns to him.

"Let me show this time TJ. You just follow me, okay?"

He nods slowly and they both look at Tobias and me. Tobias nods and I do too.

The holographic screen appears in an arc of light. It flashes and jumps.

I see smoke, rubble, a bloody leg.

The the image shifts and I hear screeching tires on pavement.

Then there's darkness.

Natalie's POV next!