a/n – Thanks to everyone how has review, faved, or followed this fic. The response continues to shock me. So keep em coming.

A couple things. First, I know I said this wasn't a death fic, and then I went and killed off Alexis. I guess what I meant by that is that by the end Rick and Kate will both still be alive. For those of you who don't like it, please don't give up on the story. I think you will all like where I end up, even those of you who love Alexis.

Second, I wanted to explain a little more about why I killed her off. I know that Alexis and Rick's relationship is what drew Kate in at first, allowing her to see past his playboy antics, but she's already there so she won't need that encouragement. I also think that this gives the story a little more flare, and allows for the relationship of C/B to develop differently than before, throwing different hurdles in the way that Kate will have to navigate in order to get her happy ending.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

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Chapter Four

Previously…

He nods at her and says "Okay, do what you need to do. Just do me a favor and don't make a scene. He's been through some hard times and I don't want to put anything else on him unless we have to."

"Hard times, sir?" What happened?

"He just hasn't been the same since his daughter died six years ago. It's understandable, of course, and he puts on a good front, but he's just not the same. I'm sure you understand, Beckett."

Oh. God. Alexis.

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She couldn't breathe. She couldn't have come back for this? His world revolved around Alexis. It is the father side of him that had first made an impression on her. How could she be dead? This is all my fault, she realizes.

"Sir? How…how did she die?"

"Murdered. Rick was walking her back from school one day when a masked man assaulted them in an alley near their loft. The guys stabbed them both, Rick survived, but Alexis didn't. The guy was never caught. Rick, for obvious reasons, took it really hard. He buried himself in his writing."

Oh. God. She had to get away. She couldn't do this right now. She mumbled something to Montgomery and nearly ran out of the office, her stomach turning over violently. She rushed into the ladies room and just managed to get herself over a toilet before she expelled the contents of her stomach. Breathing hard, she vomited again and again until there was nothing left in her stomach.

Pulling fingers through her hair, she stood up and made her way to the sinks on shaky legs. Her mind raced as she considered how this could have happened.

Alexis is dead because I came back. That thought ran through her mind over and over again. The guilt she felt rushed over her in waves. How can I ever face him knowing that it's my fault that he doesn't have his daughter anymore?

Trying to calm herself, she threw some water on her face, and rinsed out her mouth. Taking several deep breaths, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her short reddish hair, her gold flecked green eyes, and bags under her eyes made her look wild and extremely tired. Her face was ghost white, and her hands and legs were still trembling.

After several minutes, more questions began to filter through her mind. Will he even be the same Rick that fell in love with me? Will he even decide to follow me around this time? Will he be able to fall in love with me? Will I still be in love with him?

She had many questions, but no answers. The one she wanted answered most was How could this have happened? Like she always did, she wanted to know why and how. And she knew of only one place she could get those answers. She walked out of the bathroom and strode briskly into the observation room, closing and locking the door behind her. She pulled out her phone and looked up Jessica's number. Pressing the call button, she put the phone to her ear, and waited for the woman to answer.

"Hello, Kate. You have questions?" the woman said in greeting.

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me that thing from before my arrival here were changed as well?"

"I'm sorry, Kate, I should have warned you that that could be a possibility."

"What else has changed?" Kate asked angrily.

"I can't tell you that, Detective, because I don't know. Can I ask what has changed that has you calling me now?"

"His daughter is dead. She died. She died for me to have a second chance. How can I live with that?"

It took a minute for Jessica to respond. Kate could hear the other woman breathing on the other end of the line. When she finally started talking, her voice was quiet. "I'm sorry, Kate. That sometimes happens. My advice is to take it slow. The man you meet will be a little different than the one you met years ago. You'll have to learn about him, the new him, before you make your move. Remember that the true him, the one that you fell in love with, is still there."

"Why did this happen? What if I don't want this second chance? His daughter was his life. His whole world revolved around her, and now she's just…gone."

"I'm sorry. I know you didn't ask for it, but now you have it. All you can do is make the most of the time you've been given…again," she took a deep breath before continuing, "I recommend thinking about it differently. You now have a chance to make this Richard Castle whole again, with love and joy."

"What if I can't do it," she whispered.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, it's your choice. You could just question him, and send him on his way so you never have to see him again." Wow, I really don't like her all that much, Kate thought.

"That's not a choice," she growled. "That's not a fucking choice. How am I supposed to choose, huh? Either way his daughter is dead, don't you understand that?"

"I know this is painful, Katherine, but you have to either do it or not. It is a choice, that is what I'm trying to tell you. Everything you do from now on will rely on the choices you make. Your choices will affect your future,that's what I've been trying to tell you."

Kate felt the tears running down her cheeks as the enormity of what she faced finally struck her. How am I going to get through this? What if he's so broken that he can'tlove me?

With that last thought her legs gave out and she sank to the floor, sobbing. Still holding the phone to her ear, she heard Jessica say "I am sorry that it turned out this way, Kate, but not all is lost. If it's done right, you can have the love of your life by your side again, without all the regrets of last time hanging over your head."

Kate said nothing, the sobs still racking her body. She let the phone slide shut and fall to the ground while she attempted to find her center again.

How am I going to do this? That question floated around her head, but no answer followed. She was startled then by a knock on the door. "Beckett? You in there?" It was Montgomery.

She wiped at her cheeks, trying to remove the evidence of her breakdown, and tried to take some deep breaths in order to calm herself. She had no choice but to face this new reality, to try and do her best to fix the man she loves. She couldn't let his sacrifice, his daughter's sacrifice mean nothing. She had to fix this.

Feeling more determined, she unlocked the observation room door and came face to face with her captain, the man who had once died for her after admitting to his own betrayal. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't get much sleep, and I guess I'm a little out of sync with everything."

"Did you know Alexis Castle? You seemed to take that news pretty hard."

"No, I didn't," she lied. "But he's my favorite author and I guess I'm just a little more attached to him than I thought." She had to admit that she was pretty proud with herself about coming up with such a convincing lie on the spot.

She went to move past the captain when he caught her arm and said, "If you need to take the day, Beckett, no one will think less of you."

She shook her head, giving him a small smile, "I'm fine, sir."

He nodded and made his way back to his office. Beckett walked through the bullpen and over to where the boys were standing in front of the murder board.

"Anything?" She asked.

"No. No apparent connection between the vics yet, and we haven't heard anything from Perlmutter yet," Esposito said.

"Okay. Ryan check financials for Tisdale, Espo look into her recent activity and check her social circle. I'll contact the next of kin, and then I'm going to go and bring Richard Castle in for questioning. We'll need to get access to his fan mail too."

They nodded and went back to their desks to start the tasks she had set them. She picked up Allyson Tisdale's file, got the contact info for her nearest next of kin, and made the call. Tisdale didn't have a brother and her father had died six months previously from cancer. She did, however, have a sister.

After arranging for the sister to come down to the precinct to answer questions, Beckett made a call to Black Pawn to look up the number for Castle's agent. She remembered making this call her first time around to find out where Castle would be. It's how she found out about his book signing party.

Once she was directed to the proper office, she was given Paula Haas' number. Dialing, Kate took a deep breath. She had never gotten along well with Paula, but she had to do this.

"Hello," Paula's voice came from the other end.

"Yes, Paula Haas?"

"Yes?"

"This is Detective Kate Beckett of the 12th precinct. I need to find out if Richard Castle has any events planned for this evening or if I'll be able to find him at his home."

"He should be home this evening, Detective, though I'm not sure of his plans. His next book signing isn't for another couple months once Storm Falls comes out." Well, that's different.

"Alright, thank you. Can you give me his number so I can let him know I'm coming?"

Haas gave her the number, which Beckett already knew, and said her goodbyes. Kate took a deep breath, thinking about how she wanted to go about this. She could call and let him know she was going to stop by, or she could just show up. I want to see him. I need to see him.

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A couple hours later, after a thoroughly disappointing interview with Tisdale's sister, Kate made her way to Castle's SoHo loft. At least he lives in the same place.

Her nerves were all over the place. Unlike the first time she met him, she had no idea what she was about to walk into. Before she knew about his playboy persona. While she had learned over time that it was mostly a mask for the real him, she had known at least a little about what to expect. This time she had no idea. Would he be broken? Would he even decide to follow her around again? She hated not knowing what would happen. I love him, that is enough to get me through anything, she thought.

Parking her cruiser out in front of his building, she took a deep breath and made her way inside. Nodding to the doorman, who she didn't recognize, she walked briskly to the elevator. Nervously biting her lip, she thought about everything that could go wrong. What if I mess this up? How will I live without him knowing that I'm the one that couldn't fix this? What if I ruin our second chance?

The ding of the elevator brought her out of her thoughts. She made her way to his door and thought about the last time she had been to the loft. She remembered how utterly alone she felt without him in their home, knowing that he was dead, and that he would never be there again. That thought gave her the courage to knock on the door.

It wasn't long before the door opened to reveal the haggard face of Richard Castle. He looked the same as she remembered; slightly unshaven, crisply dressed, neat hair, but he was also different. The light in his eyes wasn't there. He looked more serious, more grown up than he had ever been in their previous life together. Her heart broke a little more for him at that moment, knowing that the loss of his daughter had made him look so broken, so utterly defeated.

Even with that look, she couldn't help the joy that flowed within her, seeing him there, alive, no longer burnt to a crisp lying on an autopsy table. God I missed him, she thought. I wish I could just crawl into his arms and never leave.

Pushing her thoughts aside before the tears started flowing, she flashed her badge and nervously said, "Richard Castle? I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and I need to talk to you about a couple homicides."

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