a.n. So sorry for the delay. Sometimes life really sucks. My update frequency will hopefully get back to normal over the next few weeks, though it may take some time.

I've been accused of being obsessed with angst. There was a warning about 15 chapters ago that this story was going to be a little rocky. My advice to you, if you don't like angst or the way I right, don't read it. It's very simple.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.

xxxx

Chapter Twenty

Previously…

Castle sighed. "We're not over," he said softly, a look of defeat coming across his handsome face. "You'll always be enough for me, Katherine Beckett. Always. Never, ever doubt it. You are the only one I want, and the only one I'll ever want."

Kate sighed in relief. "I'm so sorry, Rick. So sorry. I know it's not enough, but I'm so sorry."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Kate breathed him in, so thankful for yet another second chance.

xxxx

Kate was nervous. She knew that the case she dreaded most was quickly approaching, and she still hadn't told Castle about the tape. Of course not, she thought sarcastically, I've been too busy trying to ruin my relationship with the man I adore. They had begun to put her jealousy event behind them, but it was rough going. She could tell that Castle still didn't trust her commitment completely. She, of course, couldn't blame him. She'd royally screwed up.

They hadn't spent as much time together outside of the precinct in the last two weeks as they had before the shit had hit the fan. He wasn't avoiding her, but they just seem to go their separate ways after work more often than they had before.

Every time Rick said goodbye to her instead of inviting her to his loft, she kicked herself for ruining the progress they had made. She knew he was weary of heartbreak and loving someone after what he had went through, and still she'd had to open her mouth and try and ruin something she knew was fragile.

So she hadn't had time to have him listen to the tape, even though she knew the Coonan case was coming up soon if events played out the same way this time around.

After closing their latest case, a double murder that had dragged on for more than a week, she pulled Castle aside before he could leave her behind again.

"Can I talk to you, Rick?"

He nodded and followed her into the breakroom, grabbing his jacket as he passed by his chair.

"Something wrong, Kate?"

She bit her lip, trying to figure out how she could get them back on track, knowing that she had to fix them before she could even think about her mom's case. He was much more important. Deciding she had nothing to lose, she grabbed him by his lapels and smashed their lips together. They hadn't been intimate with each other since their fight, and she needed that back.

It took several minutes for Castle to start kissing her back, but he finally did. Thank God, Kate thought happily.

They spent that night together renewing their relationship. Several times.

xxxx

The next day, which was a day off for her, Kate played the tape for Castle. She knew she needed to do it before the Coonan case came up again, if it indeed came up. She knew her mom's case was extremely different than it had been her first time around. It wasn't Bracken on the tape, and Montgomery apparently wasn't involved either, though she hadn't ruled it out.

After playing the tape for Castle three times in his study, he said, "I don't recognize any of the voices, but that doesn't mean much. I've been pretty secluded these past seven years."

She sighed, though she hadn't really expected him to know who was on the tape. "That's okay, Rick, I don't know them either."

"This is good news, though," he said, taking the tape out of the player and handing it to her. "If we can find the people on the tape, we have the evidence to take them down. Might I make a suggestion?"

She nodded. "Sure."

"Keep the tape here. I have a safe. If the person on the tape is as powerful as I think he is, he might end up coming for the evidence. He won't know to look here, and even if he does, that safe would take a long time to crack."

She smiled at him and handed him back the tape. "Excellent idea, babe."

They spent the rest of the day going through her mom's case file, thought they didn't find anything new. After they had been at it for several hours, Castle asked, "Can I show this to someone?"

Kate looked up from the file she'd been looking at, "Who?"

"I know a forensic guy, I call him Dr. Death. He's one of the best. He might be able to find something we missed, plus he has contacts everywhere."

"If you think it'll help, sure. Though you can't let anyone at the precinct know. I'm not supposed to let a civilian make a copy of an official case file."

"Alright."

xxxx

Several more weeks went by. Things finally went back to normal in their relationship and Kate spent nearly every night at Castle's loft. They spent some time every once in a while going through her mom's case, but found nothing new.

One day they were at the precinct, Castle sitting writing at the desk he had been assigned when he was made an official consultant, and Beckett laboring over her paperwork, when Castle got a phone call.

After he hung up he said, "Kate, that was Dr. Death, he has something for us. Can we meet him this evening? Or do you have other plans?"

"No, no other plans. We were just hanging out tonight right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He'll be by at 8, so we'll need to be home by then."

Home? Kate thought. It sounded so nice to her. She knew it was way too early for them, but she couldn't wait until he asked her to move in. In her previous timeline, Castle had never asked, it had just sort of happened, though she still had her own place. They had planned to consolidate after they had been married, which of course, never happened. She had high hopes that it would play out differently this time around.

xxxx

Dr. Death, whose real name was Dr. Clark Murray, arrived a few minutes early. Castle showed him into his study and they found seats, Castle behind the desk, Murray and Kate sitting on the couch.

"Rick, you're not going to like what I found," Murray started.

"No?"

"No. The knife used on Johanna Beckett was used in several other homicides over the course of the last twenty or so years."

"So it was a serial killer?" Kate asked, wondering if this was yet another difference in this case.

Murray shook his head, "No, no every hit was professional except one where the killer left a victim alive."

"You mean there was a witness?" Rick asked, looking across his desk to where Kate sat.

"Yes." The doctor looked nervous now, failing to meet their eyes.

"Spit it out, Clark. What's got you so worried about this news?"

"It was you, Rick. The knife that was used to kill Alexis and stab you was the exact same knife that was used to kill Johanna Beckett."

No, no this can't be happening, Kate though, thoroughly shocked at the news. She knew that there would be changes, but she thought that the biggest change would be the death of Alexis. She never even considered that Rick's daughter's death would be connected to her own tragic path. Blinking hard, Kate turned to Castle to see his reaction this news. Seeing the shock and grief on his face she stood, walked around the desk, and sat on his lap, hugging him tight. Right now she didn't care that they had an audience. Her Castle needed her.

Pulling away, she looked into his blue eyes.

Finally breaking the silence, he asked "How? How are they connected? It doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know Rick." She turned to face Dr. Death, who was looking extremely uncomfortable. "What evidence do you have? Are you sure they are connected?"

"Yes, I am sure," the doctor said defensively. "There are two things that make me sure. First we have a cast of the knife. There is a nick in the blade, and it is present in every cast we have. The odds of it being a different knife with the same nick in the same spot are astronomical. Second, there were metal shards left in both Alexis and your mom, and they are an exact match."

Kate could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She had so hoped that her mom's case would be easier this time around. All she wanted to do was be with Castle and live her life like she had failed to do the first time around. Instead fate had determined that she would still need to have the cloud of death over her every day. Worse, it had forced Castle to live under that same cloud.

Sighing, she stood up from Castle's lap then took his hand in hers. "Is there anything else you can tell us?"

"The killer has to be a man, probably about six foot tall, and very strong. Some of the wounds would have been very hard to make for a smaller person."

"Can you leave you findings?" She asked, hoping to have Lanie take a look at them to confirm Murray's findings.

"Sure. Everything you need is in this box, including the location of the evidence I pulled from. If this is a hired contractor, you should do something to get that evidence to a safe place. You never know what connections the person behind all this has." The doctor stood, shook their hands and made his way out of Castle's loft.

The loft was silent for a long time. Kate was lost in a world of complete shock. She didn't know what to do. It was supposed to be easy, but it wasn't.

She was brought out of her thoughts when Castle asked in a soft voice, "Did you know?"

Letting go of his hand she turned to face him, "What!? How could I have known?" He can't think that I had something to do with this, can he?

"I didn't think you did. I believe you. But it is one hell of a coincidence don't you think? Not only are these two cases connected, but you and I are partners and in a relationship. It just seems so…so…unlikely. And I'm sorry for implying that you knew. I know you didn't set up our meeting, that doesn't' make any sense either. I'm just in shock." He was rambling, which kept her anger under control.

She flopped back down on his lap and wiped away the tears that had managed to flow down her cheeks. "I'm just as shocked as you are, Rick. How could this be real even? If what he said was true, then someone hired a hitman to kill my mom and you and your daughter. What links the two? I think it's time you told me exactly what happened that day Alexis died."

xxxx

a.n.2. His story will come up in the next chapter, as well as some theory building regarding this case. I'm hoping that this isn't too farfetched for you guys. I do have an explanation for the two cases being connected. But it'll take some time for that reason to become apparent, so hopefully I don't lose too many people.

The next chapter should be up sometime next week.

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