AN: Here we go, another little chapter here.
I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Daryl helped Aaron shuffle around some of the boxes in their main storage facility while others were working on organizing things and making the lists for their runs. As their group was growing, so was their effectiveness on runs. They were bringing in more people with more varied areas of expertise. As a result, they were able to achieve more than they'd been able to in the past. With the assistance of scouts that were more familiar with the areas surrounding them and mechanics that could work on machines of different types, they were able to go on runs at longer distances and they were able to bring more back. And all of this they were able to do with more safety because they were sending out people who were more prepared, better trained, and who were travelling in areas where they had allies working to clear Walker herds as quickly as they could become problems.
They had fallen, as had Hilltop, but the fall had been temporary. Now they were rising up ten times stronger than they had been. Daryl took none of the credit for himself, even when it was offered for some of his service, but he took great pride in everything that was going on.
And the more that he thought about going back out there, and the more that he listened to the casual conversation taking place around him, the more that he was anxious to feel the road beneath tires again.
But it didn't mean that he wasn't worried about leaving Carol. She could tell him that she was fine, and she could tell him that she wanted him to go because she knew it was something that he craved, but he would never feel entirely comfortable leaving her behind. He hadn't before they'd lost Maison, and he certainly didn't now.
"I'm just sayin' maybe I'm gonna sit out until the next one," Daryl said. "Help you get everything ready to go for this one and all, but maybe I'm not gonna ride out until the next one."
He'd been discussing it, intermittently, with Aaron and Rick for at least an hour and a half.
"The next run isn't going out for months," Aaron said. "If you don't want to go on the long one, then go on the short one. The sooner you get back out there, the easier it's going to be."
Daryl chuckled to himself and shook his head at the man. He wiped his hands off on his pants as soon as they'd lowered the box into the place that it was destined to go.
"This ain't about being scared to go on the road, man," Daryl said. "Nothing to do with that. It's got to do with leaving Carol. She's doin' alright. She's doin'—probably better than half the people around here would, but that don't mean she's at a hundred percent. I don't really want to go running off and leave her alone. Not when she's—feeling like she's feeling."
"Michonne said that Carol wants you to go on the run," Rick interjected from his working spot in the makeshift warehouse. "She's working on training. Michonne doesn't have her fighting yet, but she's out there. She's involved. She's distracted."
"That's just it," Daryl said. "She's distracted. I went down there. I watched her. Her mind's kind of in it, but her heart ain't. Not yet. And I just don't want to run off and leave her. If she needs me?"
"We'll look out for her," Rick said. "I promise you that."
Daryl snorted.
"You'll understand if I don't trust you to do that," Daryl said.
He and Rick had more than one discussion surrounding Carol. Rick had apologized, ten-fold, about his decision to put Carol out of the prison when he had. Carol had forgiven him, but Daryl hadn't ever been able to put it entirely out of his mind. Rick was a pretty decent leader, especially when he had a council behind him to whisper in his ear and to help him out with the things that he got conflicted on, but Daryl was realistic enough to know that he buckled under too much pressure. Rick wanted to do the right thing. What he forgot, sometimes, was that the right thing didn't exist. What he forgot, the rest of the time, was that the right thing wasn't always what was going to be the most beneficial to Rick.
In short, Rick was human. And Daryl understood that, but it didn't mean that he didn't keep, somewhere in the back of his mind, the memory that Rick had once left his brother handcuffed to a roof and had left Carol, now Daryl's wife and even then love, to fend for herself in this world.
Rick gave Daryl the same apologetic look he always did when Daryl brought up past sins. He sighed and shook his head.
"I can't take that back, Daryl," Rick said. "But I can promise you that it won't happen again. We're safe. Alexandria is probably the most secure development in the whole world right now."
"It'll be two days tops," Aaron said. "If you go on the short run? Two days tops with six men. We're just scouting. It's not even too risky."
Aaron glanced at Rick and something in his expression must have told Rick to bug off for the moment. Rick turned and, without a word, excused himself back to what he was doing. Aaron looked at Daryl then.
"It's two days," he said. "Nothing's going to happen. Not here and not out there. Maybe the two days apart will give Carol a little time to think. A little time to breathe even. It'll give her a chance to think about—what she wants to say when you get back. And—Eric will look in on her. I promise you that." Aaron laughed to himself. "He'll even spend the night with her. Camp out on your couch. If that's what you want."
Daryl laughed at the suggestion as well. The man would probably do that if Carol asked him to. He was fond of the children and he was good with them all. He'd been enthusiastic about Maison's arrival and helped to ready a nursery for him along with Michonne and few others.
He'd also been one of the devastated few to really step up and help Carol and Daryl when they felt like their worlds were crashing down around them. He'd been the one to suggest that, even if it seemed foolish and like a waste of time, they have an actual funeral for the boy that was complete with a small coffin for a respectful burial and a few words about the short time that they'd had to spend with him.
If Carol needed him to sleep on the couch, he would.
If Carol needed anyone, she had more than enough support there. She'd made friends with many of the people there. Some of them were good friends, Michonne among them, and any of them would offer her whatever comfort they could.
Daryl nodded his head. He wanted to go on the run. He'd discussed it with Carol already. She thought it was best if he did just that. She supported him entirely on his decision just as he'd supported her desire to get back out there and train with the others. He was, realistically, the only one holding himself back.
"I'll go," he said. "But just on the short run this time. Get back in there a little along."
"You know," Jamie said to get Daryl's attention as he approached. He was one of the newer men that had come to Alexandria through recruitment. "You ever thought about you and your wife just—trying again? Doc said it didn't have anything to do with the two of you. Everybody knows that. Just an accident what happened. You could try again. Have another kid. They say things like that? Work wonders for helping you move on. Helping your wife move on? Give you both something else to focus on."
Daryl swallowed. He wasn't offended, exactly, but what Jamie had said. The young man was just that, a young man. He'd had a wife and, according to Jamie, an infant son when the whole thing had broken out. He'd lost both of them. His story wasn't entirely unlike the story of most others. He'd started this whole thing a completely different person than he was at the moment.
And Daryl didn't dislike him, so he was able to forgive him for the less than delicate nature of his comment, but that didn't mean that it didn't strike Daryl at least a little.
"Good God," Aaron commented, interjecting before Daryl had a chance to say anything in response. "It's their son, not a dog. They can't replace him like that."
Daryl laughed quietly in his throat at the exchange, and also at the apologetic expression that came across Jamie's face. He waved it off and shook his head at him.
"It's OK," Daryl offered. He hummed as he thought, for just a moment, about how he might respond to the man's comments—and to what he felt that Jamie had really meant by the suggestion that was meant to be innocent and helpful. "You know, it might be true. And—Carol and me? We might—would want that. But it just ain't a good idea." Immediately Daryl was aware that he had the attention of everyone in his immediate surrounding area. It was something that he was growing more comfortable with than he'd ever thought possible. Being one of the main people who worked runs was making him more and more accustomed to dealing with a wide variety of people. "We didn't mean for Maison to come. It just happened. There's a lot of risks. Not just to the baby. It was fine when it was just what happened, but we aren't letting it happen again."
A few scattered hums around him and some nods of understanding were what he got in response. Nobody really knew what to say to him. Nobody had really known what to say to either one of them surrounding Maison's passing. Congratulations were easy enough when the baby was coming. Well-wishes were too. But when he was gone? People could say they were sorry, but the word was hollow. It was clear that even the people saying it realized that.
Growing uncomfortable, for the moment, with the awkwardness that seemed to necessarily fall around them, Daryl sought his escape route. He excused, with some stammered words of "it's OK" and "we're doing OK" any need to continue in the vein of conversation that they'd entered into, and then he sought further escape by changing the subject.
"When are we leaving?" Daryl asked, directing his question to Aaron.
"Two days," Aaron said. "Just like you always say, it's better to head out with the sun."
Daryl smiled to himself and nodded at the man.
"Two days it is, then," Daryl confirmed. "Glenn?"
Aaron shook his head.
"Not this time," he responded.
Daryl nodded knowingly at that too. Glenn had a young son. A young, healthy son, and he was off runs for as long as they could spare him to give him time to simply enjoy being in the community with his wife and his child. Daryl couldn't and wouldn't deny him that, even if he liked having him along on runs.
"You got it all together?" Daryl asked. A nod from Aaron confirmed that he did, not that Daryl doubted it. "You need...?" Daryl asked, sweeping his hand around the space to signal that he was asking if he was desperately needed there for anything.
"No," Aaron said. "We're just about through here and we've got more than enough people to cover what we're doing."
Daryl nodded again, this time in appreciation.
"I'ma head out," Daryl said. "Check on a couple things. But—I'll be ready. Two days."