OMAKE for The Dark Lord Reborn
Midquel for Chapter 2
Mr and Mrs Dursley, of Number 4 Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were quite normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, as they just didn't hold with such nonsense.
The Elder Mr Dursley, Vernon, was 39, and morbidly obese. He was the President of a firm called Grunnings, which seemed to be doing a lot better than it ever had been before.
His wife Petunia, also 39, was thin, and had a rather long neck. As she was a housewife, she used her long neck to spy on the neighbours.
Their son, 18, was finishing up his last two years at his boarding school, Smeltings Academy. He voluntarily went back an extra year (on his father's pound) to try for better grades, as his first couple of years had been horrid. It wasn't until he met that Soul Monster, the Demented or whatever it was called, that he decided to change his ways. He had seen himself as a bully and a failure then.
There was one former resident of Number 4 Privet Drive that wasn't present. This was their nephew, Harry Potter. Much to the Dursley's displeasure, his reappearance came way too soon.
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"Harry, you have to go," said Hermione. Hermione was an extremely smart witch, best of her year at Hogwarts. After retrieving her parents, she'd gone back to Hogwarts to sit her final exams (the NEWTs).
"I don't want to," whined Harry Potter, sounding like he was sixteen years younger than he actually was.
"Harry, they're your family," replied Hermione, before hearing the baby monitor. As she and Harry went to see what was the matter with Tom Sirius Potter, Harry had an idea.
"I wonder which ceremony I should invite them to?" asked Harry. "It might give Vernon a heart-attack if we invite them to the Magical one, at Hogwarts. Doubly so, as Kingsley will be performing the ceremony."
"Don't sound so hopeful, Harry," said Hermione as she picked Tom out of his cot, and placed him on the changing table to change his nappy. "We'll invite them to both."
"Tomorrow's Saturday, so we'll go then," said Harry.
"Fine," said his fiancée.
The next morning at precisely 10 o'clock, Harry, Hermione, and Tom appeared on the Dursley's doorstep, and Harry knocked.
"Who could be calling this early?" they could hear Vernon shouting as he walked to the door. "You!" he exclaimed when he saw who was at the door. "What do you want?"
"Hello, Uncle Vernon, how are you?" said Harry in a much more pleasant tone than would be expected. "Could we come in?"
"I expect that if I don't let you in, that you'll just loiter there all day," said Vernon nastily. "Come in," he said reluctantly.
"Who is it?" asked Petunia from the kitchen, where she was just cleaning up from breakfast.
"Your nephew," said Vernon in an even tone. "And he's brought more people like him. Again."
She came out from the kitchen.
"How are you, Aunt Petunia?" asked Harry, once again using a voice much too pleasant for his past dealings with the Dursleys. "Just cleaning up from breakfast, I see."
"Normal people introduce new people when they meet them," said Petunia, not answering his question.
"I'm sorry," said Harry. "This is Hermione Granger, my fiancée, and this is my adopted son, Tom Sirius Potter."
"Knocked the girl up, did you, boy?" asked Uncle Vernon in his usual voice, which is to say was a very unpleasant voice.
"I did not 'knock the girl up'," said Harry. "Now if you will just sit down, I will explain everything to you."
There was more than a hint of a wordless compulsion charm in those words, and the Dursleys immediately sat down on their couch.
"Now, as you might know, the Wizarding War is over, and most of the bad guys are captured or dead," started Harry. "What your minders may have failed to tell you is how we ended the War."
"Minders?"
"The members of the Order that were protecting you at the Safe House," said Harry. "I didn't mean for it to sound so rude. But, we, that is Hermione and I, used a forbidden spell that completely regressed the target to the age of a child."
"You're saying that's Lord Moldyfarts or whatever?" asked Vernon.
"Lord Voldemort," corrected Harry. "He is now Tom Sirius Potter."
Harry looked around for a minute. "Where's Dudley? I thought that he would be here by now."
"Why do you want to know?" asked Petunia. "Hoping to use some of your freakishness on him, now that you're seventeen?"
"Not everyone is out for revenge," stated Harry. "I plan to forgive you and him for your actions, as long as you discontinue treating me like dirt. And that, of course, means my family as well."
"He's at school, revising for his A-levels. He managed a 'B' in all his subjects on the GCSE, and is revising rather quite a bit for them. He's hoping for an A in maths, English, and physical education," said Petunia, sounding almost as if she were explaining his absence against her will.
"That's good," said Harry. "I always thought that Dudley was smarter than he acted."
"And how did you do on your exams?" asked his Aunt.
"Passed my NEWTs with what is the equivalent of an 'B' grade," said Harry. "That's our A-levels. I got an A* equivalent in my Defence class."
"That's all well and good, but why have you come here?" asked Vernon. "I mean, you don't go to your estranged family's house just to chit-chat."
"I mentioned earlier that Hermione is my fiancée," said Harry, and Vernon and Petunia nodded. "I am inviting you to the weddings."
"Weddings? As in plural?" asked Petunia.
"Yes, one will be at my school for family and magicals, and the other will be at St Michael The Archangel Church in London and will be for family and non-magicals," said Harry. "If you wish to come, I can arrange for transportation, along with a discreet necklace so that you will actually be able to see the School."
"Why the school? Haven't you enough money to rent a venue?" demanded Vernon. It was a little less gruff than previously, though that tone of voice came back with his next sentence. "We're not paying a single penny of your expenses, boy. You're an adult in that freakish world of yours, and this place is no longer your...residence."
"School is where Hermione and I met, Uncle," said Harry. "And I wasn't asking for your money. I was just asking for your presence."
"Why would you want us at your wedding?" asked Petunia. "We treated you terribly."
"Because it is the right thing to do," said Harry. "I also want to apologise for whatever Lily did to you."
"When is this wedding?" grunted Vernon.
"The Magical Wedding will be held on 31 October at Hogwarts, and will be presided by Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Minister for Magic," said Harry.
"The 'Normal' wedding will be held on the feast of St Basil the Great (1 January), at the aforementioned church" said Hermione, speaking for the first time in a while. "The Very Reverend Archpriest James will perform that ceremony."
"You will receive our RSVP in the mail," said Petunia, after taking Harry's business card. "Why 'General Delivery'?"
"Our house is not served by the Royal Mail, so if you send it "General Delivery" to Grimmauld Place, London, it will get to us" explained Hermione.
"It was nice seeing you," said Harry, lying through his teeth. "I hope you are well. We'll show ourselves to the door."
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At 11:00 on Halloween, the Hogwarts Express left London carrying quite a number of passengers. Most of the passengers on the train were witches and wizards who had been invited to the Potter wedding, although there were a couple of Squibs and a couple of Muggles.
Petunia and Dudley Dursley felt rather uncomfortable on the train, surrounded by all these magic people.
Within a couple of hours, the Express was at Hogsmeade Station. There were welcome witches all around helping to point people in the right direction.
"You there, get in one of the carriages, it'll take you right to the front doors," said one witch to the Dursleys. She held out a couple of necklaces. "Here, put these on. You'll be able to get past the Wards."
Petunia and Dudley were amazed at all of the people present—she had no idea that her nephew had been quite this popular. It almost seemed like the Royal Wedding of Prince Charles and Diana, Princess of Wales back in the '80s. And the senior most member of the Ministry of Magic was here to perform the ceremony.
She and Dudley were directed to their seats, only a couple of rows from the front. In the rows ahead of them were a whole gaggle of gingers, and people wearing distinguished-looking robes, that made Petunia think that they were VIPs of some sort. Probably government, she thought.
With a blast of music, Hermione Granger started walking down the isle with her father, and Harry was waiting for her at the front of the hall.
"We are gathered here to day to unite this Witch and this Wizard in the bonds of Holy Matrimony," said Kingsley Shacklebolt, a large black man, who had a very reassuring voice.
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After the ceremony, Harry and Hermione were greeting their guests.
"Aunt Petunia, Dudley," he said. "So glad that you could make it. Also, I am so sorry for your loss."
"We received your card," said Petunia. She could hear someone questioning why there was a woman wearing black at a wedding.
"Is there anything I can do?" asked Harry. "Are your finances stable?"
"It will be a little tight with Dudley returning to school," said Petunia.
"Would a couple thousand pounds help?" asked Harry.
"Why would you do that, Harry?" asked Dudley. "We were completely horrid to you."
"A man once told me that a person always has a choice—you can do the easy thing or you can do the right thing. It would be very easy for me to not give you anything, not care about how you are doing. But that's not what I do—that's not what Mum would've done. Fees for Smeltings are about £10,000 a year? I'll send £15,000."
"Thank you so much," said Petunia.
Harry looked at Dudley. "You're looking good, Big D."
"Thanks," said Dudley. "I'm down to 13 stone 13 lbs. I was getting in shape before, but Dad's heart attack made me really get going. I'm eating a lot better now, too."
"Great!" said Harry. "I mean, I'm sorry about your Dad, but happy that you aren't morbidly obese any longer. See you around, Big D."
"See you, Harry," said Dudley, shaking Harry's hand.
"Thank you, Harry," said Petunia, moving to sit at her spot for the dinner.
"You're welcome," said Harry. "My mum would've done this for you. She loved you more than you can imagine."
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OMAKE/Alternate Scene: Same up until the Departure from the Dursley household
"It was nice seeing you," said Harry, lying through his teeth. "I hope you are well. We'll show ourselves to the door."
They walked out the door, and Apparated away. They never heard the thunk of Vernon's body falling to the floor as he had his first, and last, heart attack.
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"Harry, there's a letter for you," said Hermione the next day. "It came in the mailbox. It's from your aunt."
Harry took the letter and read it.
Harry,
Uncle Vernon died yesterday minutes after you left. Visitation is tomorrow at Surrey Funeral Homes, at Smith and Privet. The funeral is Monday at 10, at St John the Baptist Anglican Church.
Hope you are well, and sorry that I have to give you this news
Aunt Petunia
"That was unexpected," said Harry.
"Not completely unexpected, Harry," replied Hermione. "The man was 28 stone 8. That's even beyond morbidly obese—that's a heart attack waiting to happen."
"I suppose you're right," said Harry. "Are we actually going to attend?"
"We should," said Hermione. "We'll also send flowers and a card."
"On it," said Harry, who felt like he'd just dodged an AK-curse.
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OMAKE/Alternate Scene 2:
"It was nice seeing you," said Harry, lying through his teeth. "I hope you are well. We'll show ourselves to the door."
They were about to walk through the door, when they heard a large crash from behind them. Harry turned around to see Uncle Vernon on the floor.
"Vernon!" wailed Petunia.
Harry walked over to Vernon's body. "Uncle, can you hear me? This is Harry Potter."
He felt at the wrist. "I can't find a pulse," he said as he started to do chest compressions on his uncle's body. "Aunt Petunia, call 112!"
"He's not responding!" said Harry, continuing to attempt CPR on his uncle.
Unfortunately, it was too late, and by the time the ambulance service arrived, he'd already been dead for five to ten minutes.
In the autopsy performed later, it was discovered that Vernon had probably been dead of a massive heart attack before he even hit the floor.
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A/N: I really hope that this is not too insensitive, seeing as Richard Griffiths, who played Vernon, died from 'complications due to heart surgery'.
As far as I know, St Michael the Archangel Church is not a real church in London, UK, nor is Very Rev. Fr. Archpriest James a real priest. There probably is an Archpriest named James, but my James is not based on any real priest
CORRECTION: I've been told that there is a St Michael the Archangel Church in London, but it is Coptic Orthodox instead of Russian Orthodox/ROCOR (as I imagined it): in my mind magic and the Orthodox Church aren't incompatible
112 is the emergency phone number in Europe. In the United Kingdom, it functions alongside 999. To the guest reviewer who mentioned 111: that is New Zealand's emergency number, and I do not believe that it is used in the United Kingdom