Hello, everyone. According to AO3, it's International Fanworks Day today. Also yesterday was Valentine's Day, and I didn't really give a fuck.

So if any of you follow my tumblr (An astounding 86 people. I'm so fucking popular.) you might be able to gather that I'm having some problems. Most of them are health-related, and the feelings from those have kind of managed to wend their way into literally every other fucking aspect of my life. At this point, I'm tired, I'm unmotivated, and I don't really even feel all that much like posting the chapter that I am posting right now.

And if you don't follow my tumblr, you should know that this is the last chapter that I've finished writing.

No, this is not the last chapter of the story. It's just all that I've written so far. You know all those big-ass hiatuses that I kept throwing your way, where I said I would be catching up and writing more content? Well, I lied. I fucking lied and I didn't write anything. In fact, I haven't written anything new in over a month.

So things aren't going well for this story. I've gotten about a tenth of the next chapter written, and the story is only about halfway finished. I am frustrating literally every single one of my readers because my slow build romance is SO SLOW, and it's going even slower because I haven't kept up with my writing.

Now you might be wondering (and hopefully you ARE wondering) how you can help. Well, I'm a filthy little attention whore with a self esteem that resides in the tenth sub-basement level of hell. So comment. Post about my story. Make fanart. Make playlists on 8tracks, or wherever else. I don't care. Just let me know that this story isn't getting totally disregarded by the entire internet. I've posted the information you need in literally EVERY OTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE I HAVE EVER WRITTEN.

Have fun, fuckers. Now I need to shut my whore mouth and give you what you came here for.

Story time.

Valentine's Day is a stupid holiday. I've always thought so.

Okay, maybe that's not entirely true. I looked forward to it when I was in elementary school. Back then, Valentine's Day meant that people would be giving out little self-esteem-boosting cards and free candy. I would look forward to any holiday that involves free candy.

The cards and candy don't last forever, though. Once middle school hits, people stop giving them out. When I reached that point, I kind of stopped caring about it. Then I was diagnosed, and the indifference quickly turned into hatred. I had already come to the conclusion that I needed to keep people out of the figurative blast zone that would be wiped out when the leukemia bomb in my bones went off. I thought that dying people should avoid love at all costs. Then, year after infuriating year, February fourteenth came along to take the whole concept and grind my nose into it.

I had been seeing Valentine's Day as it truly was for a few years before the one that found me tangled up in the issues of the Youth Cancer Support Group. It was just a stupid corporate construct, popularized to sell cards and candy and send couples into a frenzy as to how they would show their appreciation for their significant others on the worldwide "day of love." It didn't mean nearly as much as people thought it did. And for me, it was always just another day sitting inside and refusing to face reality. No love. No romance. No flowers. No chocolate. Not for the dying people.

Yes. Valentine's Day was a really, really stupid holiday.

It also happened to be two weeks away.

That was the situation that brought Armin to my living room on the afternoon of January thirty-first.

"What did you want me to help you out with, again?" I asked when we had settled down on the couch with our cups of hot chocolate.

"First of all, I want to know what you're doing on Valentine's Day," he replied.

My soul squelched at the question. I don't think I need to explain why. I just spent five paragraphs doing that. "Why does it matter?" I asked, barely able to keep the disdain out of my words.

Armin fiddled with his mug for a second before confessing, "It's about Annie."

I stoically took a sip of hot chocolate. "Didn't we agree that you weren't actually sure how you felt about her?"

"No, we agreed that I wasn't sure it was love," he clarified. "There is something. I haven't figured it out yet, but it's there. I'm not just going to ignore it."

"So you're going to give her a gift for Valentine's Day?"

"I think you're taking this a lot more seriously than it actually is."

"But-"

Armin cut me off. "There are a lot of types of love other than romance, Eren. People get Valentine's Day presents for their friends, too. In fact, I'm planning on getting you something."

I perked up at the change of subject. "What are you going to get me?"

"I'm not going to tell you!" Armin said. "That negates the entire point of a gift."

"Fine," I mumbled while he sipped from his mug. "But about Annie..."

"I just want to do something nice for her," he said. "You know how difficult everything's been for her lately."

"I know, I know, but Valentine's Day seems to be stretching it a little."

"How is Valentine's Day stretching it?" my friend asked, looking defensively at me. "I care about her a lot, she's been hurting for a while and I want to make her feel better." He paused and his fingers tightened on his mug before he added, "Reiner probably would have done something for her. But after he lost Bertolt... and with what's happening to him now..."

Armin didn't have to explain any further. We both knew very well what was happening to Reiner.

The last Youth Cancer Support Group meeting had taken place a few days earlier. Marco, whose mysterious cough was still persisting, had offered to host. Reiner had been there, and to say that the five weeks since his melanoma resurgence had changed him would have been a bit of an understatement. He'd started chemotherapy, since the radiation hadn't been doing enough to eradicate the cells in his lymphatic system. His energy was fading fast, and even though he still smiled at everyone and held his ground as the group's universal big brother, it was painful for him to do even that much. I had figured it out when he had hugged me I walked in, the same way that he had nearly every other time I had showed up at a meeting. I could breathe easily the entire time.

"Yeah. I wouldn't want to push him," I said. Frantic to change the subject, I asked, "But why are you waiting until Valentine's Day?"

"She isn't into getting random surprises," Armin answered. "I need a reason, and Valentine's Day is a pretty valid one. It's a day that people do special things for each other anyway. What other excuse would I have to be doing something special for her?"

"Champagne and rose petals are always an option."

"That wasn't what I meant by special, Eren."

I stifled my laugh with the edge of my mug before asking, "Well, what do you think she would like?"

"Hm." Armin hunched over with his mug between his knees. "I've been trying to think it over, but I don't completely trust my own judgement. I need a second opinion." He turned to me. "First of all, I don't want to go nuts with it. I don't have that much money to spare, and I don't think she'd be into it. Second, I want to keep any semblance of romance out of it."

"But this is Valentine's Day we're talking about."

"I know. I already explained why I'm doing this."

"So... no champagne and rose petals?"

He looked indignant for about two seconds before he laughed. "Seriously, Eren!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. Um... how much money do you have?"

"Not sure. Fifty bucks. Maybe seventy if I'm lucky."

"You could just get her a gift or something."

"That's lame, Eren. I want this to be something she'll remember, without crossing any lines."

"Are other people allowed to be involved?" I asked.

Armin paused for a second to think. "Yeah, probably. It'll keep things from becoming too date-like."

"We could get the group together, get dinner and go to a movie or something."

"Dinner and a movie so overused, though. I was really hoping that there would be something more original I could do."

"Then why are you coming to me about this?" I asked frustratedly. "You probably could have come up with something better on your own."

"I thought you might have some ideas that I hadn't thought of yet," Armin replied, starting to sound desperate. "Maybe something you would like to do for a date, or a nice place you know about that I've never been before-"

"Wait," I interrupted. "What was that last one?"

Armin stopped and stared quizzically at me. "A nice place I've never been?"

"Have you ever been to the Rhea Square Mall?"

The room was quiet for a second. "No, I don't think so," he said thoughtfully. "Not recently, anyway. I might have, but I don't remember." He paused, then brightened up. "Wait. Wasn't that the place that you went with Levi on Christmas Eve?"

"W-well, yeah, but that's-"

"What is it like? You think she'd like it there?" Armin said excitedly before his eager face quickly turned into a teasing, elfish smile. "You want us to go to the place where you and Levi had your first date, huh?"

"I-it wasn't a date!" I said defiantly. My face was starting to burn. "And you said that this wouldn't be one, either!"

"It won't be, I just thought it was funny." We laughed it off, although my blush wouldn't go away. Armin continued, "So we take the whole support group to Rhea Square Mall for the day."

"Basically," I replied. Then another thought came to mind. "Maybe I should ask Levi about it first."

"Why? It's not like he owns the place."

"I know, but he was the one who showed it to me. You said that this was going to be a thing for the whole support group. I don't know if it's so special to him that he doesn't want other people going there, or if it'll bring back painful memories or anything..."

"Did it last time?" Armin asked gently.

I shrank into the couch at his innocent question. "In a way... yes."

"Oh. Hm." Armin tapped his fingers on the side of his mug as he thought, taking a sip every now and again. "We're going to need a backup plan if he says no."

"If all else fails, there's always dinner and a movie."

Armin sighed in defeat, but still gave me a small smile. "Yeah, there's always dinner and a movie."

After a bit more discussion, we decided that if the Rhea Square plan fell through (which I genuinely hoped it wouldn't) we would meet at the Ermich Mall, get pizza from the food court and go to a movie at the theater in the complex. It would be up to a majority vote which one we would actually be going to see, but that was a decision that could wait. For now, we had a backup plan, and that was the most important base to be covered.

The next step, which I promised to Armin that I would complete after he left, was to ask Levi about it.

I texted him. It took him almost two hours to respond, then the conversation went something like this.

Me: Hey Levi are you busy on the 14th

Levi: No. I dont think so.

Levi: You want something from me for v day?

Levi: Eren

Me: Sry wasn't paying attention to my phone

Me: What took you so long?

Levi: I was in class, dumbass

Me: Sorry, goddammit

Levi: You were asking about the 14

Me: Yeah about that

Me: The group wants to do something all together and I was thinking we could go to Rhea Square?

The group was actually just me and Armin so far, but he didn't need to know that.

Levi: Sounds nice.

Me: So we can go to Rhea Square?

Levi: I literally just said

Levi: Did you need my permission or something?

Me: Sort of. :/

Levi: Why? Its not like i own the place

Now, where had I heard those words before?

Levi: You want me to come I guess

Me: Can you?

Levi: Is there a time for it?

Levi: NVM, i can always jam the YCSG into my schedule

Me: See you there then

Me: :)

I stared angrily at my phone as soon as the last message was sent. A smiley face. I sent Levi a fucking smiley face. Why the actual fuck did I send him a smiley face?

He didn't respond (though if he did, it might have been with a -_-). I locked my phone and resisted the urge to throw it at a wall. It was over, at least. Armin, Annie and I, along with whoever else, would have a place to go on February fourteenth.

I don't know whose bright idea it was to make February two to three days shorter than every other month in existence. It only made the month feel more stressful to me. Time feels like it passes more quickly than it should, leaving you with forty-eight fewer hours that should have been yours.

Before I knew it, it was February tenth, and the remains of the Youth Cancer Support Group was going to be dropping by my house for Mikasa's seventeenth birthday party.

It wasn't going to be anything huge. Our family didn't do huge parties. It was a hereditary trait, passed on even to adopted children. Mikasa Ackerman was not Jean Kirschtein, and we didn't have the space (or money) to pull that sort of monstrosity off.

All we had planned was a ton of food, a copy of Mario Party 10, and the entire Resident Evil series on hand if the group got bored of beating the shit out of each other on a screen. The rest would be left up to chance. Girls were allowed to sleep over, if they wanted. Armin was allowed to sleep over, if he wanted, as long as we slept in separate rooms. All other male-gendered guests (especially Jean) would get kicked out. And my dad would probably shove Jean out the door by hand if that was what it came to. It was a comforting thought.

Mikasa had made her party strictly invite-only. And for her, invite-only meant members-only. So... no admins were allowed.

So... no Levis were allowed.

Feel free to say She hates him, Eren, what the hell did you expect? at any point.

The party was pretty fun, as far as small gaming/movie/food binge parties went. The group showed up, we ordered enough cheap Chinese takeout to feed a small army, baked two sheet cakes, iced them and poorly decorated them after dinner, then ate both of them while the Mario Party tournament started up. Each one of us had already played a round before anyone remembered the pile of bags and boxes that had been left next to the couch in the upstairs living room.

"Hey, Mikasa, when are you planning on opening your presents?" Armin asked in the middle of a heated contest between Mikasa, Annie and Marco to get enough coins to pass the Thwomp on Yoshi's island.

"Um... eventually?" my sister equivocally replied. "Dammit!" she added as Annie took her distraction as an opportunity to shove past her and reach Bowser. The blonde smiled and giggled silently, which didn't creep me out any less than the first time I had seen her do it. That round went to Annie, and we left the game on its menu screen and ran upstairs to the forgotten presents in the living room.

Almost everyone had brought something. The gifts were small, inexpensive things, but Mikasa smiled gleefully at every one of them. Sasha had given her a red knitted hat to match her scarf and a set of cookie cutters. Connie piggybacked on her gift, claiming they had bought it together. Everything Armin gave her was homemade; his gift was a mixtape CD and a black craft store tee shirt covered in quotes from her favorite movies and TV shows written in multicolored fabric paint. Marco hadn't been sure what she would want, so he and his mom had made her a batch of almond cookies (as if two cakes hadn't been enough for us). Then Mikasa came across a particularly small bag that had been hidden behind all the others.

"That one's from me," Jean was quick to point out. I glared at him, no one else noticed, and Mikasa started to dig around in the tissue paper with her fingertips.

"What is it?" she asked.

Jean smiled a little in response. "Open it and you'll find out."

"Fine." My sister pulled a small folded slip of decorative stationery from the bag. She undid its creases, read the neatly written message inside, looked up at her ex and smirked. "Pervert."

"What does it say?" I asked, leaning over out of pure impulse. Jean grinned knowingly, Mikasa shoved me away and refolded the paper, and I sat back down, trying not to look like I was seething.

A few more seconds of digging, and Mikasa came across a tiny box. It was white with some brand name printed in unintelligible black scrawl. My sister lifted the lid, took one look at the thing on the pillow of polyester fluff and gasped. "Jean..."

"Do you like it?" he asked, his voice sickeningly sweet.

Mikasa stared a few seconds more at Jean's gift, then reached into the box to free it from its confines. It was a necklace. Sterling silver, according to the little sticker on the inside of the lid. The small, delicate chain looked faintly like a thorned vine. Little bars of silver were twisted around into a dangling circle at the end, forming a small rose-shaped pendant. A tiny drop of deep red sat at the center.

"It's a garnet," Jean explained. "I would have gotten you your birthstone, but I know purple isn't your color, and the pendant with that one looked way too dainty..."

"It's beautiful," Mikasa murmured, awestruck. She dropped the necklace back into its box and gazed up at him. "H-how much did you spend on this?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Jean, seriously."

"I said it doesn't matter. It's a gift. It's yours now."

Mikasa sighed and gazed fondly down at the box in her hand before gently closing the lid and thanking Jean, who at this point I wanted to set on fire. My sister then gave out a thorough round of hugs and carefully wrapped everything back up in its original package. "So... we still in the mood for Mario Party?"

We were, so it was back to the basement. For most of us, anyway. Marco wasn't in the basement when I came down, and he didn't show up for the first few minutes. I had the nagging feeling that I was the only one who noticed, or who didn't know why he was gone. I wasn't currently in the game, so I left the basement to see if I could search for him upstairs.

The kitchen was empty, as was the living room. There weren't many other places he would have gone. I felt like I needed an excuse to be where I was, so I went to the kitchen to get a drink. I opened the fridge and Marco suddenly appeared at the foot of the stairs.

"Hey, Eren. Do you have water bottles in there or anything like that?"

His sudden presence made me jump. "H-huh? Yeah, we do. You want one?"

Marco nodded. "That would be nice."

He walked over to me, I handed him a water bottle, grabbed a can of Sprite for myself and asked, "Where were you? You kind of disappeared for a few minutes."

"I was just in the bathroom," he said. "I asked your dad if he had cough drops or anything on hand, and that was where he told me to look. My throat's been kind of raw lately."

A twinge of concern twisted up in my chest. "Still have that chest cold?"

"I guess so," Marco replied with a weak smile.

"Still? It's been like, two weeks," I pointed out, to which Marco's only reply was a shrug. "Did you at least find the cough drops?" I tried.

"Yeah, I did." He took a few out of his pocket to show me. Well, at least there's some good news in all of this, I thought. "I like the brand you guys buy. I didn't know they made ones with real honey."

"My dad's kind of a chemistry nut, and he's a little suspicious of what they put in the regular ones," I explained.

Marco laughed a little, and we went back downstairs acting as if nothing had happened. Everyone else acted the same. An hour later, most of us were a little tired of Mario Party, and those who weren't felt too happily indifferent to protest moving on to something else. We stuck the first Resident Evil into the Xbox and started watching that instead.

My Sprite ran out. People's food comas were wearing off. The movie ended. It was almost eleven, and whoever wasn't planning on staying over would be gone within the next few minutes.

Jean was the first to go. As soon as he was out of sight, I caught Mikasa alone. "About that necklace Jean gave you..." I started.

"What about it?" she responded. She sounded suspicious.

"I... I don't know. It seemed like a bit... much. You know, for a friend's birthday present."

Mikasa stared at me in disbelief. "Eren, you do know how rich he is, right?"

"Yes, I do, but-"

"This is probably how he always buys gifts. Spending freely probably isn't a big deal to him."

"I know, but... a necklace? He's buying you jewelry?"

"I'm a girl, if you haven't noticed," Mikasa deadpanned. "People generally assume that we like that sort of thing."

"But... but he's acting like... like he's..."

"Like he's trying to win me back?"

I tried to respond, but that was it. Mikasa had once again hit the nail directly on the head.

My sister caught the deflated look on my face and rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Eren," she sighed. "We broke up almost three months ago. I'm over him. He knows that. He's smart enough to know that I'm not interested in getting back together with him."

"But what if he isn't?" I desperately asked.

Mikasa didn't even feel like dignifying me with an answer. She turned away and headed for the stairs, Annie and Sasha in tow, probably to change into pajamas and wash their makeup off and braid each others' hair and whatever else girls do at sleepovers. Armin followed me up to my room, and we changed as well. Something on my bookshelf caught his interest, and I left him upstairs to look at it while I went back to the kitchen to make a bowl of popcorn (or three). Some time later, Mikasa showed up. I ignored her, but she wouldn't let me do it for long.

"Are you still stuck on the whole Jean thing?" she asked.

"No," I deadpanned.

She took a stack of mixing bowls out of a cabinet. "Yes, you are."

I said nothing while I pressed buttons on the microwave. Then I turned around, and her eyes latched onto mine. "I just don't understand," I confessed. "You were able to leave your relationship behind so quickly. Now you can just hang out together and act like everything's normal. How the hell did you do it?"

She looked at me for a long time, her eyes getting steadily narrower. "You want to know how I got over Jean?"

"No. Sort of, but not really." The microwave went off, and I took out the inflated popcorn bag and replaced it with another. "I just want to know how you can... I don't know, put your feelings aside and act normally around each other. Like you're actually just friends."

"I was barely even his friend in the first place," Mikasa said factually. "And being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him wasn't my idea either, if that helps."

"It doesn't," I tossed back at her. The microwave went off and the second bag of popcorn was finished by the time I decided to speak again. "You did like him back, though. Didn't you?"

Mikasa stared at the countertop and sighed. "Yeah, for a while. Not anymore, though. And not with the same magnitude that he liked me with."

The kitchen was quiet for a while longer, save for the microwave humming and the soft plinkplinkplinkplinkplink of popcorn grains falling into bowls. I heard movement in the upstairs hallway, then footsteps pounding down the stairs. The others must have gotten bored and renewed their desire to continue our marathon. Before the others were within earshot, I felt compelled to ask my sister one last thing.

"Hey, Mikasa, what was in that note that Jean wrote to you?"

My sister looked a little surprised for a second. "It was pretty much nothing but a basic happy-birthday message." Then her face took on a shit-eating smirk. "It started off that way, anyway. Then he wrote, You never got to deflower me, so here's something to make up for it."

"Oh." If Jean hadn't already left the house, I probably would have beaten the shit out of him right then and there.

We lasted until a little after two in the morning. That was when people started passing out in the basement. When three out of five of us had started drifting in and out of consciousness, Mikasa decided that it was probably a good idea to call it a night. She put Resident Evil: Extinction back into its case, and we all went upstairs and disappeared into our respective rooms for the night.

Armin and I opted for sleeping in another puppy pile, tangled with miscellaneous pillows and blankets. The room was dead silent. I was still awake, and didn't feel like I was going to fall unconscious anytime soon. I figured that Armin was probably asleep, so I tried to act like I was too. I was doing pretty well, too, until I heard Armin quietly ask, "Are you still awake?"

"Yeah," I said without hesitation. "How could you tell?"

"I couldn't. That was why I asked." He squirmed around in the blankets until his eyes found mine in the semi-darkness. "Can't fall asleep?"

"No. I'm guessing you can't either."

"I probably could, if I wanted to. I just don't feel like it. I was on my phone this whole time."

"You were?"

"Yeah. My brightness was just really low so it wouldn't bother you." He shrugged and added, "I guess that wasn't really necessary, though."

"I guess not," I mumbled.

Armin leaned on his elbow and propped his head up on one hand. "So... why can't you sleep? Something bothering you?"

"Yeah," I hesitantly admitted.

"What is it?" A second later, he prompted, "Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah. Something like that," I said. "Levi said that we could go to Rhea Square, by the way," I added. I'd had the answer for days at that point. I couldn't believe that I had kept forgetting to tell him.

"Oh. That's fantastic," Armin replied, smiling. "Everybody agreed that they wanted to go somewhere, but they had no idea where. It's kind of sudden, at this stage of planning. We'll have to work out who still wants to go."

I felt bad about waiting so long to tell him, but I didn't say anything more. Neither did he, but after a few more seconds of silence, he asked, "That wasn't everything, was it?"

I hesitated for a bit. "No," I admitted eventually. "It's not."

"Then what is it?"

"You don't want to hear it."

"Yes, I do."

I glared at him. "I'm pretty sure you're sick of hearing about it."

"Eren, I'm your best friend," Armin asserted, his eyebrows coming determinedly together. "If I get sick of anything that has to do with you, then I don't deserve that title."

I swallowed convulsively. I knew I could tell him anything. He already knew how I felt. Hell, he probably already knew what I was going to say. "It's about Levi," I started, and all the other words came rushing out. "He's going to be there with us on the whole not-date thing. I know that's what we've said it was, and I know that for all intents and purposes, it's just the lot of us having an excuse to get together. But I don't know if it's going to feel that way. I've already jumped to that conclusion about you and Annie. And I'm going to do the same thing about him. I know I will, because I always do, no matter what happens."

"Whoa. Eren, slow down," Armin said. I shut my mouth. "Let me get this straight. Even though you were part of the whole planning process for this... not-date thing, and you know that it's not supposed to be romantic for any of us, you're still worried that you're going to start thinking that way?"

My fears sounded so much stupider when he laid them out like that, but they were legitimate. I could have sworn they were. "I always do it. It's happened before. I just don't want to do anything stupid."

Armin was quiet for a second, as if he needed time to think. "If it's any consolation to you, the rest of the group will be around the whole time. So if you start screwing up, then we'll be there to stop you," he reassured me. He sounded so confident. I almost smiled.

Then he added, "And even if you do screw up, then there probably isn't a better day for you to do it."

After he said that, I really didn't feel much like sleeping.

Four days later, I was on my way to Rhea Square Mall. I wasn't in the car that had first brought me there, and I was with the two most polar opposites from the person who had taken me there on Christmas Eve. I would have been excited, but this just didn't feel the same.

"Hey, Eren. You okay?"

I lifted my head from the window I was leaning against and staring aimlessly through. It was Armin who had asked the question. He was sitting next to me in the backseat of my dad's Highlander. My dad rode shotgun while Mikasa drove. She was freshly qualified with a probational license. My dad had said that morning that she needed practice, and she hadn't protested. We hadn't told Armin's grandpa that that was the plan, but if he knew about the skill Mikasa had already gained, it probably wouldn't have even been an issue.

"Hnn?" I mumbled numbly.

"Just asking if you're okay," Armin explained. "You seem a little out-of-it."

"I'm fine," I said quickly. "Just thinking about some things."

"Like what?" my dad asked. He turned around to look into the backseat. From the look on his face, I could already tell what he was thinking.

"I don't know. It's a lot." I pressed a palm into my forehead and pulled on my bangs. "Can't really talk in specifics right now."

"Well, we're almost there, and you won't have to think about anything once we're all together," Armin reassured me. I couldn't take him seriously. I slumped back against the window and sighed.

There wasn't any real reason why I should have felt so much foreboding. I knew that much, but still it didn't seem that way inside my head.

We reached Rhea Square a few minutes later. Mikasa pulled over to give my dad the driver's seat, and everyone climbed out who was staying out. We were about to leave when my dad suddenly caught my attention. "Eren, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," I said easily. I turned to Armin and Mikasa. "You guys go on ahead. I'll find you." I went back to my dad. The instant I got close, I saw faint lines of concern etching themselves into his face.

"Are you sure you're alright, Eren?" he asked.

"What would I not be alright about?" I replied, but he didn't even need to give me an answer. We both knew exactly which elephant in the room was going unaddressed, and I could tell that he wasn't trying nearly as hard as I was to ignore its presence.

"Listen, Dad, it's not that bad. I'll probably be fine once I'm with everyone else."

"I know you will. You'll act like it, anyway. You're good at that sort of thing." He seemed desensitized to me, and I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. "Listen, Eren... do you still... feel the same way about him that you told me you did?"

"I..." I do, I wanted to gush to him. Holy shit, I fucking do so badly. "I try not to think about it."

"Right. I thought that was what you would say." My dad sighed and looked earnestly at me. "Eren, I know that this is how you deal with things," he said, "but I really don't think you're going to get anywhere if you keep bottling yourself up like this."

"Who said I wanted to get anywhere?" I countered defensively. "I've already explained this to you, Dad. I don't want a relationship with him. I don't want this to turn into some huge drama-laden mess-"

"So you would rather let your feelings ferment and keep hurting you?"

His words rendered me speechless in a second, and he continued. "Eren, I'm not telling you to act on your feelings. That is the opposite of what I'm trying to tell you. But I don't want you to just keep doing nothing."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to tell Levi the truth."

My dad might as well have told me to lay down in front of the tires and let him drive over me. "What?"

"I know I can't make you do anything, but that isn't going to stop me giving you advice. And I want you to tell Levi how you feel about him."

"Why do you want me to do that? What if something happens? Doesn't that seem kind of counterproductive?"

"Maybe. I don't know. The outcome isn't within your control or mine. But you talking this over with him and him reacting poorly is better than you hurting yourself for the rest of your life," he said, completely failing to reassure me. "Just tell him. If he doesn't reciprocate-"

"He doesn't."

"If he doesn't reciprocate, then you can sort things out from there. And if he does..." My dad shrugged. "Well, I'm sure we can figure something out."

I sighed and looked down at my shoes. Heat flooded into my cheeks. "I-I should probably go catch up with everyone else."

When I looked up again, my dad was smiling. "Have fun, Eren."

I turned on my toes and left it at that. I couldn't stand the thought of dragging that awkward conversation out any further.

I found Mikasa and Armin quickly enough. We had agreed to meet at the fountain at the strip mall's center, along with the rest of whoever happened to show up. That just so happened to be the entirety of the Youth Cancer Support Group.

Even Reiner.

I hadn't been expecting to see him there. It felt strange and a little unfitting, as if he were some kind of hallucination sitting there beside Annie on the edge of the icy, turned-off fountain. He could have been one, for all the similarity between the Reiner I remembered and what he had turned into now. Weight loss was a light way of putting what he had been through. Looking at him gave me the same feeling as getting speared with an icicle. I ignored it, though, and made my way towards him before anyone else.

"Happy Valentine's, Reiner," I said cheerfully.

He looked from Annie to me and a warm smile spread across his face. "Hey, Eren. Happy Valentine's Day," he replied.

His voice sounded worn, as if he had jogged the entire length of the strip mall to reach us. I shook off the sickening feeling it gave me. "How have you been holding up?"

"As well as I can. You know how it is." He shrugged, still smiling weakly. "What about you?"

I didn't know why it should matter how I was doing. He was worse off than I was. He was sicker, his cancer digging its roots deeper, as his condition made painfully obvious. So I responded with the same answer that I always gave.

"I've been okay."

"Eren is okay," Levi said. "How shocking."
The words sent a shiver down my spine, one that had nothing to do with the cold February air. I spun around, and Levi was standing behind me, an insignificant three feet away. "L-Levi! Hi."

"Hi," he said, his voice deadpan, but the faintest smile turning the corners of his lips.

"You... you actually came," I said needlessly, and in a second realized how I sounded. "I guess this means you weren't busy today."

"I probably could have been, but you guys kept me from it." He stepped toward me and draped an arm over my shoulders. I felt him pull me close and press me against his chest, but only briefly before letting go again. I wasn't even able to return the hug in time. "Come on. According to you, I'm the goddamn prime minister of this place. You wouldn't have gone unless I told you that I was okay with it."

"I-I totally would have!" I contested without thinking. "I mean... I know that this place... and you... I-I can make my own planning decisions."

Levi laughed quietly and his smile lifted a little more. "It's okay. I know what you meant."

By then I had caught the attention of the rest of the group. I still stuck close to Levi as the others gravitated toward me one at a time, though I had no obvious reason to. It wasn't like he was going to leave anytime soon. I just wanted him near me. I found Mikasa in the crowd and caught her watching me intently, her eyes following my every move.

The group started migrating once we were all together. First it was through a bunch of chain stores, then a few single-locations that seemed interesting. Some people brought more money than others, and Jean was asked to spot someone more than once. Hours later we stopped in a small bakery to get snacks and stop moving for a while, a welcome relief to a significant fraction of the YCSG.

After that, the group started to split up a little. That was mostly because some people wanted to try clothes on, and let's face it. A group this big gathering around a bunch of fitting rooms would be kind of awkward. Sasha, Mikasa and Hanji wandered off to some lingerie store or another. Connie wanted to take Jean and Marco off someplace that he found interesting. Reiner wasn't quite ready to move on yet, Armin and Annie offered to stay with him. I was pretty content to stay where I was, too.

At least, until Levi covertly nudged my ankle with the toe of his sneaker and murmured, "Can I talk to you? Outside?" in my direction.

I looked at him and nodded as subtly as I could. I then crafted some bullshit excuse about needing to find Mikasa or something, and the others took to it well enough. I then quietly stood up and started toward the door. Levi appeared at my side as soon as I was out in the cold again.

"What is it?" I asked tentatively. His Can I talk to you? still echoed in my head. He had sounded almost concerned when he said it. I was probably reading into the question so much more than was necessary, but whatever. Lovesick brains never think straight.

"It's about today," he said flatly. He started in the direction we had seen the girls go, moving at a brisk pace I struggled to keep up with. "It's about this place."

"Is something wrong? Did you not want to come?"

"No. I wanted to. It's great, and everyone seems to be having fun, but..." He turned around and I came to a dead stop. "Eren, why did you think you had to ask for my permission?"

"Because..." I started, but my nerves choked my sentence before it came out. Of course, I could tell him why. He might take it the wrong way. Or the right way when I wasn't ready for it. At that moment, I sincerely wished that my dad hadn't given me that advice when he had dropped me off. "Because bringing the group here was my idea."

"It was?"

"Yes, it was. Armin and I were the ones who wanted to plan the whole Valentine's Day get-together thing. It was just the two of us on board with it at first, and we kind of got the others in on it later... but I was the one who recommended Rhea Square, and I don't even know why it came to mind in the first place. And I know how much this place means to you, Levi. I didn't want to go dragging the entire support group here if they would be... I don't know, violating the sanctity of your nostalgia or something."

"What?"

I was about to apologize, but the look on Levi's face stopped me. "I know. It sounds really stupid, doesn't it?" I said shamefully.

Levi crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me for a long time. "Yeah. It really does."

"So... should I apologize, or-"

"No. I can't be mad at you for being considerate." He let out a small laugh. "Even if it is consideration about something really dumb."

"I'm just doing my best," I said, smiling weakly. We started walking again. "I guess I just overthought everything you told me. I tend to do that a lot."

"Eren, why do you think I brought you here in the first place?"

I glanced over at him, my eyes wide. "I-I don't know. Whatever I think is probably wrong anyway."

"I told you that I hate coming here alone. Not that I hate coming here in general. Rhea Square is kind of like a happy place for me." He paused and met my eyes with his own. "It's only happy when I have someone to share it with, though. Like I used to."

My heart had a small seizure, and I turned my gaze to the pavement again. Warmth was crawling steadily up from my core, up the back of my neck to pool in my cheeks and ears. My hands were trembling. I shoved them into my pockets. Levi wandered ahead of me, only a little, just so my eyes were able to fix on him without compelling him to look back at me. Dad's advice replayed in my head, and I wished that I had just run off with Armin and Mikasa instead of standing around to listen to him. But I had stayed, and now there was something new to add to the soup of emotions in me that was threatening to boil over. Something pushing me to open my mouth. Then, without thinking, I had started talking.

"Hey, Levi, I..."

Immediately, he had turned around and captured my gaze with his steely blue eyes. "What is it?"

Self-awareness hit me like a truck, and I choked back the rest of whatever it was that I was going to say. I couldn't do it. Not now. Not yet. Not ever. "U-um... nothing. Never mind."

Levi sighed. "Please. Not this shit again."

"Really, Levi. It's not important."

"If it isn't, then why can't you tell me what it is?"

The question stung, but not as much as telling him the truth would. "I... I just can't."

"Is it about your cancer?"

I took a breath to steady myself. "Sort of." Well, it's not a total lie.

"Does Reiner have anything to do with it?"

"Not really."

"Is it the same thing as what was eating you in September?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"I already said I can't tell you."

We had stopped walking again. We stood off to the side of the main drag, close to a brick wall of one of the buildings, but not close enough to block the wind that was steadily chilling us both. Levi was standing in front of me, his hands in his pockets, looking at me on his slight upward angle, his eyes sharp and perceptive, holding mine captive like teal fish on blue and grey hooks.

"Why is it that the more something upsets you, the less you want to talk about it?" he asked.

The calm, icy tone of his words made me shiver, even more than the environment around us that was still coated with snow. There it was. Levi had laid it bare, plain and simple, for both of us to see. He had gone and ripped off the congealed, musty band-aid that I had hoped no one would ever find.

"Maybe it's because I like running from my problems instead of accepting that I have them," I murmured in response. I sounded so small, so ashamed of the truth in my own words. Levi had heard it regardless.

"Then stop running," he said. "Aren't you worried that eventually your problems are going to fuck you over?"

"If you'd had the choice, wouldn't you have done the same thing?"

Levi fell silent, then his gaze slid from mine and hit the ground. My heart sank as soon as the words were out of my mouth. It was a stupid thing to do, dragging his past into all of this. But we both knew that it was true. When his father had died, pushing his problems away and pretending wasn't an option. For him, it was either face reality or lose everything.

And there it was again. The nagging feeling that all of this was trivial. Pointless. Feelings wouldn't kill me or cure me. Eventually, none of it would matter anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I-I shouldn't have said-"

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine," Levi replied, bringing his eyes back up to mine. "Listen, brat. I know that whatever is hurting you might seem totally insurmountable, but it won't always be like that. Maybe you don't want to talk about it now. That's fine. You'll come around eventually. People always do."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I simply nodded, my breath stuck in my throat.

"Just promise that you'll tell me when you're ready. I'll be listening. I always will be." I felt a soft, fleeting warmth on my skin. Levi's hand, resting on my arm. "Okay?"

"Okay."

I had to choke the word out past the anxious tightness in my throat. Levi's eyes brightened with understanding, and he murmured a soft "Come here" as he gently slid his arms around me, one at my waist, one at my shoulder. I reacted fast, banding my arms around him and letting my head loll down onto his shoulder. I exhaled into the nylon of his jacket and closed my eyes. I wanted to melt against him, letting him hold my shape until I felt stable enough to stand on my own again. All I wanted was to hold him close like this, for hours on end until my arms lost circulation. Then Levi shifted his position, cradled my head in one hand and pressed a kiss into my hair.

My eyes flew open. At first, I wasn't sure if I had felt it or not. It had been so fast. One second his lips were there, and the next they were gone. Something had happened. I was sure of that much. But what?

Before I could figure it out, Levi was pulling away from me, and I had no choice but to let him go. Our personal spaces were restored, and the cold air returned where Levi's body had been only a second earlier. The feeling made my chest ache.

"We should really find somewhere to go," Levi said. "It's way too cold to just stand out here."

I agreed, fully aware that I was starting to shiver. I was freezing, and we weren't even sure that the girls would still be at the place they told us they were headed when they left. We started walking, and it was all I could do not to reach for his hand like I had the last time I was here.

I didn't mention what happened that day to anyone. Not even to the people who already knew what kind of lovesick bullshit ran through my head on a daily basis. I might have told Armin, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to risk him giving me the same advice that my dad had. And I sure as hell wasn't going to tell my dad that a twenty-one-year-old man had kissed me.

If I could even call what he left on my scalp a kiss. In all honesty, I had no idea what it was. I was only certain of one thing.

Valentine's Day had fucked me up.

I didn't see Levi, or Armin, or any of the others in the Youth Cancer Support Group for a few redeeming days after the fourteenth. And I was happy about it. I didn't think I would be able to face any of them for a while. But it was only a while, and I knew that I would start feeling lonely again before long. That new facet of my personality didn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. I brought it up with my dad once, and he told me that it was a normal feeling to have when you have people to miss.

Having people to miss. That's got to be one of the worst things a person with cancer can do.

The next meeting of the YCSG was one that Jean offered to host. There was a stretch of days in the middle of February in which both his parents would be away on business, and with Nicole still safely kept separate in the dorms at Sina, we could drag the meeting out for as long as we liked.

Mikasa drove us to Trost while my dad instructed her from the passenger seat. I sat in the back in my semi-vegetative car ride state and stared mindlessly out the window until we arrived. As we left, my dad said something about me driving us back. But I had learned my lesson about listening to the things he said to me through a car window, so I forgot it as soon as he pulled out of Jean's driveway and disappeared.

The entire group had managed to show up that day. With one exception. And yes, it was who you are probably thinking it was.

It wasn't a surprise to me. The group rarely ever saw Reiner anymore. Only Annie and Armin were able to keep up with his current events anymore. And even they had their limitations. When a person is sick, they can only see their friends so often. Besides, he had looked disturbingly weak when I had last seen him. I couldn't blame him for not wanting to show up.

The support group gathered in the living room. Bowls of chips and salsa were laid out for us (but mostly for Sasha) and the meeting commenced as usual.

Hanji was the first to speak. "To start things off, I just want to say that I had a great time on Valentine's Day. I want to thank all of you guys for coming together for a day, especially when so many of the group's members are going through so much. It's my personal philosophy that when things get difficult, the greatest help that any of us can ask for is to have people to be there with us, and to know that there are people who love you and care for you. I just wanted to say that I think all of you are so strong and so amazing, and that I love you guys so much. Being with you is my favorite thing, and I just-"

Someone in the room coughed, and Hanji's words came to a dead stop. "Right. I think I should pass the torch now."

"I have something I'd like to share," Armin said shyly, and the entire group turned to look at him. His face flushed a faint shade of pink. "Well, it's... it's not really mine to share, but..." He looked at Annie, who sat on the other piece of the huge L-shaped couch in Jean's living room. She met his eyes and nodded. "Annie wanted to give you guys an update on Reiner, since he didn't really say much the last time you guys saw him."

The group was quiet for a second. I could tell Armin was hesitating. He didn't want to say it outright, but he would have to. Finally, Connie prompted him with a prodding, "What is it?" and he had no choice but to answer.

"He... he's still pulling through. So far. The treatments he's been receiving so far haven't done very much to reduce the cell growth or slow their spread, though. They're cutting his interval in half, and he's going to be spending some time in the hospital to see if there's anything more that his doctor and her staff can do for him. But... but he's not giving up yet. We can all be sure of that. So... maybe, soon he'll be..." Armin blinked several times and looked up to face the group. "He'll be joining us again."

I didn't believe Armin's last sentence for a second. I had seen Reiner on Valentine's Day. He didn't look like a man on the edge of recovery.

I wasn't going to say any of that, no matter how vehemently I thought it. The last thing that the Youth Cancer Support Group needed was another taste of my shitty outlook on life. So the conversation moved on. Jean, Connie and Sasha talked about just barely having survived their midterms, then Sasha mentioned a group of girls in her class that didn't understand that her weight was caused by a mostly-missing digestive system and constantly asked her for dieting tips. The conversation was interrupted by a sudden, soft cough coming from the corner of the couch where Marco sat.

"Sounds like Marco's lungs have something to say," Jean teased, nudging his best friend. Marco coughed again and his cheeks flushed faintly.

"Hey, Marco, how long has that been going on anyway?" Connie asked.

"I don't know," Marco choked out before another cough was squeezed out of his lungs. He cleared his throat and started over. "It's been a few weeks, I think."

"That sounds a little concerning," Levi pointed out. I looked over at him. His eyes were laced with concern. "Haven't you seen a doctor yet?"

"Just my GP. Even he isn't sure what it is. Some minor respiratory infection is still in the realm of possibility. I don't get over things very fast." He coughed one last time, as if to prove a point. "Besides, it's not like I'm in pain or anything. We'll go in for another visit if it doesn't go away."

With that, the subject was dropped. The support group went back to its usual discussion. The subject never left my head though. Marco's cough. I couldn't even remember how long he'd had it. It had started a little after New Year's, and from then on it had stayed right where it was, lodged in his chest. In fact, if I remembered correctly, it had gotten just slightly worse over the weeks. I knew all too well about how a shitty immune system could prolong illnesses. But whatever he had was beyond the scope of anything I had ever seen. Other than the cold-turned-pneumonia, maybe. But even that hadn't stayed a low-level cough for over a month.

No one else seemed worried, though. Or at least not that I could see. So I pretended that I didn't feel it, either, and went on talking with the support group.

One hour spilled over into two, and it had been almost three before someone pointed out what time it was and said that their parents expected them to be home for dinner. Someone else's mom had become concerned after three hours with no messages and was on her way to retrieve them. Mikasa already had her phone out and was texting Dad. It seemed as good a time as any to end the meeting. But before that, Hanji had one more announcement to make.

"Guys, it's been a while since the last writing assignment I gave," she pointed out, and I heard a few groans issue from the group. "Hey. You can't tell me that you're not in the mood for some creative writing, can you?"

"Too late, we just did," I said, and Mikasa elbowed me in the ribs while the rest of the group shared a laugh.

Hanji made a disappointed face and continued. "Well, if any of you care, I've decided that this meeting's question would be about our loved ones, since I forgot to ask it before Valentine's day. The question is: if you could send a message about your cancer to all of your loved ones, what would it be?"

A few people mumbled in acknowledgement. Then my mind fell to the dark side, as it usually does in these situations. "We aren't... writing our own eulogies, are we?"

Hanji looked sympathetically at me, like a babysitter looking at a child asking her to check for monsters under the bed. "No, Eren, you're not writing a eulogy for yourself. Just things you wish you could say that maybe you haven't. Everyone has them, with or without cancer. Just because you've never said something doesn't mean you'll never have another chance to say it."

So it wasn't supposed to be a eulogy. That didn't mean it wouldn't turn into one under my incredibly fucking skillful hands. I sighed and turned toward Armin, if only to get my eyes away from her. He was watching me with a slightly disappointed look on his face. "What?" I asked sharply. "Was it too depressing?"

"I'm not going to say anything," he replied calmly. Then his phone chimed, and he quickly changed the subject. "My grandpa's going to be here in about ten minutes. Do you guys need a ride today?"

"No. Our dad will be here at around the same time," Mikasa replied confidently. I saw that she had her phone in her hand, the screen still unlocked. Hopefully that meant she was telling the truth.

"Armin, I wanted to ask you something," I said. I glanced around. "Annie isn't listening, right?"

He looked up as well, and we all saw her sitting by Hanji and Levi as Hell-PN talked avidly about something or other in words that I couldn't hear."I don't think so."

"Good. Because I wanted to know how the whole Valentine's Day thing went over for her."

Armin's eyes brightened. "It was great. She loved it. I mean, I was a little nervous, since I wasn't even sure she'd be into going out and running around with the rest of us like she used to, but when Reiner agreed, she did too, right after him, like clockwork..."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Armin's speech came to a dead stop. The happiness in his eyes darkened into something else, something sad and wistful. I instinctively knew why, even before he opened his mouth again. "You know, I can't believe he could make it. I didn't think he would even want to try."

"I couldn't either," I responded, the words sounding empty in the air.

"Annie cares about him so much."

"She really does. He needs it, especially with all of this after-"

"Yeah, I know. I know what happened. You don't have to say it."

I stopped talking and waited for the gloominess to leave Armin's expression. It was slow going, but it did eventually. Elsewhere in the house, a car was pulling into the driveway and people were starting to leave. I checked my phone, wondering if my dad had contacted me as well as Mikasa. I had nothing new in my inbox. Either Mikasa had lied, or Dad had finally come to the realization that I was unreliable as hell. In just about any situation, I would have preferred the latter.

The support group gradually migrated to the high-ceilinged entryway of Jean's house. More cars showed up, and people stood around talking, trying to stall for as long as they could. Voices echoed in the cavernous space,

In the midst of all the other noise, there was coughing.

I was by myself while the rest of the group was talking. I didn't have anyone else to distract me. I looked around the room to see if anyone else had heard it. No one seemed to notice. A moment later, it happened again. The coughing was louder this time, just a little more violent. I saw Armin pause in the middle of his conversation, then Mikasa, then both of them looked toward the open front door. I followed along. So that was where it was coming from.

The coughing didn't stop. In a moment, almost everyone had been interrupted by the short, raspy bursts of air being fired from someone's lungs. More accurately, from Marco's lungs.

I'm not sure who pointed it out first. Barely anyone had been standing outside. It was only Jean and his best friend, waiting for more cars to appear and more people to see off. Only seconds after Marco had first started coughing, Seabiscuit had moved just a little closer to see what was wrong. Now he was worried. I could hear him talking.

"Marco? Hey, Marco, are you okay?"

Seconds passed. The only answer was more coughing.

"Marco?" Jean was starting to sound frantic. "Hey. Marco. Marco, say something!"

Coughing. Coughing intensified. It wouldn't stop.

Something like an attempt to speak clawed its way out of Marco's throat. "I... I can't..."

Someone heard the commotion and pushed through the people clustered around the front door. It was Hanji, her face drawn with concern. She took one look out onto the front porch and turned pale. "Oh my god."

I found myself being pushed out the door, surrounded by a jumble of concerned words.

"What's happening out here?"

"Is everything okay?"

"What's wrong?"

"What's happening to Marco?"

Jean's best friend was standing against the wall. He wasn't exactly standing, really. It was more leaning, letting the wall hold his weight because his legs barely could. He was shuddering, his body convulsing as one cough after another was reflexively forced from his lungs.

I didn't even notice Levi at my shoulder until he spoke to me. "What the hell is happening out here?" he demanded, his eyes sharply focused on Marco.

"I-I don't know," I replied automatically. "All of a sudden, he just..."

I never finished the sentence. Levi rushed forward to join Hanji, who was trying desperately to get close enough to Marco to help him stay on his feet and examine him. With one nurse on either side, Marco was moved to the edge of the porch and forced to sit down on the edge. He was gasping in between coughs now, his lips starting to turn pale.

"He's losing oxygen," Levi said quickly, his voice eerily calm. "Hanji, Jean, one of you. Get your phone."

"Get my phone?" Jean replied in a panic. "Why? What's happening to him?"

"Something we won't be able to stop unless we get help. Now get your phone and call 911."

Hanji was already on the task, her phone unlocked and clenched in her hand, waiting to be dialed. Still, she couldn't take her attention off of Marco to do even that much. Neither could the rest of the group, including me. Marco's fit was getting worse. His body jerked uncontrollably with every convulsive movement of his chest. The hideous noise that broke free from his throat with every pulse of his ribs sounded like he was choking, even drowning.

Marco pressed a hand to his sternum. He was staring straight ahead, eyes wide and glassy. His hand rose up to feel his throat, and one arm wound itself around his spasming torso. All of a sudden, he pitched forward, his head falling between his knees. When he came back up, phlegm and blood were splattered on the pavement.

Everything became a blur after that. Jean was screaming. Hanji was chattering frantically into her phone. Another car had pulled into the driveway, but no one was leaving. The driver had climbed out and rushed to Marco's side. Julia Bodt. Marco's own mom. Armin had rushed to get closer. I had followed. I saw Marco's face. He was pale, his lips almost indistinguishable from the rest of his face. There was blood at the corners of his mouth. His eyes were huge. Terrified. He had no idea what was happening.

But at the same time, he knew exactly what was happening.

The ambulance didn't take long to arrive. Marco was laid out flat on a stretcher, a mask placed over his face. He disappeared into the back. Julia followed, her face stained with tears. Jean agreed to borrow her car and took off after the ambulance when it left the driveway.

After that, it was just us; me, my sister, my best friend, and two nurses. Then, before long, Armin's grandpa showed up to bring him home, and it was just the four of us. The host had abandoned his own house. His reason was more than valid. I couldn't blame him. But there we were, sitting on his front step, locked out of the house in mid-February while my dad still refused to show up at a reasonable time.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked after we sat there in total silence for an indeterminate amount of time. No one responded. For a while, I was pretty sure that no one heard.

"It could have been a number of things." It was Levi. I turned to see him staring at the paved walkway in front of us, an unreadable expression on his face. "It could be an infection, or tissue damage from whatever problem he was already having. Or it could be the result of a new colony settling into his lungs."

My ex-nurse's blunt words hit me like a combat boot to the face. "What?" I asked, dumbfounded, as if I hadn't heard him well enough the first time.

"There could be a satellite colony of cancerous cells in Marco's lungs," Levi said, his voice flat. "Let's face this realistically. At this stage, it's completely possible. We can't rule it out." He lifted his eyes to mine. There was a twinge of something. Worry? Sadness? Something emotional that he would let me see.

"But he..." I started weakly, but my words died on my tongue. I turned to look at the others. Mikasa and Hanji were all staring at the concrete, their faces numb. They all knew he was right. And I knew it too. I was just scared to admit it. I looked back at Levi and felt pain and confusion starting to crumple at the edges of my face. Levi responded again, the icy edges in his eyes softening as our gazes met.

"I don't want to think about it either, Eren," he said. "But we have to. At least until the truth comes out."

No one said anything more after that. I felt weakened by everything I had seen. I leaned over and wilted onto Levi's shoulder. He didn't pull away, so I stayed there until my dad's car appeared at the end of Leto Avenue. Then I forced myself to sit up, get back on my feet and walk away from him. He and Hanji would be leaving soon enough anyway.

I didn't speak much on the car ride home. I didn't speak much when I got home, either. I could only think, and I could only think about one thing.

Marco.

He had been coughing up blood. What did it mean?

Levi's words. I hoped that they weren't true. There weren't many people that the YCSG could afford to lose, and Marco was definitely not one of them.