Draco-
By the time the end of the Christmas holidays came, I had planned how to win Ginny. It was low, deceitful, and underhanded- but when it was a case of life or death, one often had no choice. I would not sink so low as to put her under the Imperious curse- even I would not make a girl love me that way. There was only one other way I knew how, and as much as I was loath to do it, I was facing torture into insanity, followed not long after by death. Contemplating this, I thought that perhaps I would welcome death, if I was really so far into insanity's crushing grip.
"Draco-"
My mother's voice broke through my overwhelming thoughts, and I blinked, startled. She was gazing at my with the same burning concern and worry in her eyes that so often plagued her nowadays- I resented her for it.
"Darling, are you listening to me?"
"No," I replied coldly. "No, Mother, I have given up listening to you, as all you say is the same old nonsense."
My mother looked at me, stunned and hurt. I felt a twinge of guilt in my stomach, but chose to ignore it.
"Now, are you Apparating with me to the station or not?" I demanded, raising an eyebrow at her.
"I… yes, darling, of course," she stuttered, then glanced around the empty hallway in desperation. "Do you know where your father is?"
"Of course I don't," I snapped.
"Well, darling, he did say he was going to come and say goodbye," explained Mother.
"I don't care. He shall stink of alcohol and cigars, and I don't want to be reeking of commoners when I reach the station," I retorted.
She glanced once more around the deserted hallway, caught sight of something in the doorway of the study, then turned on her heel, catching me by the top of my arm as she walked past me and dragging me along to the door as I clutched at my trunk.
"Let go of me!" I demanded, furious.
"Come along now, Draco," she snapped, glancing behind her as she walked.
We had barely stepped out of the iron gates when she twisted on the spot, dragging me into the compressing darkness that accompanies Apparition. It lasted the usual few seconds, and just as I felt as if my lungs would explode, we slammed onto the hard, winter ground. Stumbling a bit at the force of the impact, I gasped in the cold, dirty London air as the wind bit at my cheeks. It was never a good idea to Apparate when angry.
"We're almost late," muttered Mother to herself, dragging my trunk as she led the way into Kings Cross.
I followed behind her reluctantly, my hands stuffed in my pockets. I was thinking through my plan to win Ginny again. It made my heart thud, made the blood rush to my ears- but most of all, it made me feel ashamed. I would never win the heart of any other girl this way, but this wasn't any other girl, this was the girl that stood between life and death- my life, and my death.
"Draco!" hissed Mother, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Stop scuffing your shoes, they're almost brand new! You won't be allowed new ones if you ruin those ones, you know!"
"Mother, I am old enough to look after myself- a pair of shoes isn't going to be a problem," I retorted, hardly looking at her.
Scowling at me, she pushed me in the small of my back towards the barrier between platforms 9 and 10. Stumbling onto the platform, I was immediately engulfed in the thick steam from the Hogwarts Express, the sounds of people's voices echoing around me. Unlike so many times before, the students didn't sound excited to be going back to school- parents and children alike sounded anxious. As I wandered through the fog that obscured the station and its occupants, my mother now charming the trunk, as there were no Muggles around to see us, I heard a voice that shouldn't have been familiar to me, but which caused my stomach to give a jolt. I glanced around just as the steam began to thin for a second- and found myself only a few feet away from the Weasleys.
I stared at them, stunned for a moment out of my thoughts, frozen to the spot. They seemed not to notice me at first- at least not until my mother walked into me and the trunk fell onto the platform. All of the Weasleys who had accompanied Ginny to the station- her mother and two brothers, the same as two weeks previously- turned to stare at me, accusation in their brown eyes. I looked away from them, and my eyes fell on Ginny, who looked at me briefly and then turned away. Turning away also, I resumed my walk down the train until I found the Slytherin compartment. I did not want to be bothered with my Head Boy duties today.
As my mother heaved the trunk onto the train, I stood to one side, thinking. Ginny looked ill. She was definitely thinner, and her face was paler; the brightness of her hair remained undiminished, but it only emphasized her pale features. This was obviously due to the removal and imprisonment of her friend at the beginning of the Christmas holidays. I shuddered as I thought of the unexplained sounds coming from the basement of Malfoy Manor, and felt the familiar longing that it was some other captive being held down there, and not Lovegood.
It seemed an age before the express began to pull away from the station. It moved slowly, and I was able to permit my mother to kiss my cheek fleetingly before the train pulled me away from her. I glanced back at her as she stood alone of the platform, no other parent or family member going near her, and managed to make out the trail of tears flowing down her white face. I knew she regretted her harsh treatment of me as we had left the Manor, and decided it was her own fault- if she wasn't so het up about Father becoming more and more disinterested in us by the day, then she wouldn't have minded that he'd not come to see me off.
As the train gathered speed, I moved away from the window and headed towards the open compartment door that led to the seventh year Slytherins. I walked casually into the compartment, seemingly calm and relaxed, and smiled demurely at the sight of my friends clustered inside it. Pansy spotted me before anyone else, much to my regret, and I was from then on forced to sit beside her whilst she lovingly stroked my arm. I didn't move away from her- I decided it would pain her more when she saw Ginny and I together if she believed that I liked her.
"Good holiday, Draco?" asked Blaise, glancing sideways at Pansy with a look of vague disgust on his face, no doubt due to her behaviour.
"Relatively good, thank you Blaise," I drawled. "And yours?"
"It was satisfactory, no doubt," he replied, looking down at his wand, which he had been tending to with a wand servicing kit, which I guessed had been a present for Christmas. I knew how Blaise loved to keep everything perfect.
"Good to hear," I said, glad that the conversation was not of too much depth, meaning I didn't have to concentrate.
Unfortunately, this did not stay the case for long, as soon Blaise began to talk about the burning all of the Death Eaters had felt on Christmas Day, and what it could mean. None of them could remember feeling such a pain as that- I thought them lucky. They only had the pain from their Marks to contend with. I thought back to how I'd spent Christmas Day, writhing on the study floor in agonising pain as I was tortured for my lack of progress with Ginny, and sneered at their idiocy.
"What do you think it was, Draco?" asked Theo, watching me as I sneered out of the window.
"I don't know, do I? I wasn't paying too much attention to it, to be perfectly honest," I lied, not moving my gaze from the rain that pelted the window pane.
"I heard that something happened with Potter," said Blaise, not looking up from his wand.
"What?" I snapped suddenly, turning my head to stare at Blaise.
"Something happened with Potter," he repeated, clearly not paying all that much attention.
"Yes, I heard that bit. I meant what happened with Potter?" I enunciated every word clearly to get the point across and to illustrate the frustration I felt at his slowness, which I decided must be deliberately to annoy me.
"Calm down," Blaise smirked. "I don't know what happened with Potter, do I? I was just asking you that."
"Right," I mumbled, losing interest again and returning my gaze to the rain streaked window.
They continued to talk in what seemed to me were hushed tones; I paid as little attention as possible, and eventually even Pansy lost interest in my monosyllabic comments. When the train finally neared Hogsmeade and we were changing into our robes, I noticed that she was paying considerably more attention to Blaise than usual. She was glancing at me every few minutes, looking decidedly more pissed off with every minute that passed and I didn't display any jealousy at her switched affections.
When the train finally pulled into Hogsmeade, I was quick to get off, shoving little first years out of the way and pushing my way to the front of the rabble forcing their way towards the carriages. Throwing myself into one, I waited impatiently for the other seventh year Slytherins to join me. They seemed to be dawdling- again, I decided they were doing this deliberately to annoy me.
I wasn't paying attention. My mind was somewhere else, focusing on my plan. How was I meant to get Ginny alone to carry out the first part of my plan? The door swung open; illuminated in the moonlight, I could only see a vague outline of whoever it was. I glared at the mystery person, annoyed at having my solitude interrupted.
"Do you mind? Unless you're a seventh year Slytherin, get another carriage," I snapped.
"I'm so sorry," came the sarcastic reply.
The sarcasm was painfully familiar to me; I suddenly realised who the dark, shadowy person was.
"Ginny?" I asked, my annoyance giving way to a tight, knotting sensation in my stomach.
"Yeah, no crap," she replied, and I could tell she was rolling her eyes at me.
"Sorry, I didn't know it was you," I said, trying to make amends; my plan would not be any easier if I made her angry at me. "Do you want to… err… Do you want to join me?"
Despite the fact that I knew I had to talk to her and get her alone, and this meant getting her to somehow trust me, it still went against some part of my brain which was obsessed with my Pureblood heritage. I remembered my upbringing, how my mother and father had all but drilled it into me that we were better than the common Muggle Borns and Blood Traitors. Some part of me still believed that, and yet when I thought of her I felt nervous and confused. I hoped it was merely my fear of Him that was causing these feelings. I hoped it was the knowledge of my possible torture and death that made me feel nervous when I contemplated what would happen if my plan failed, or when I saw her, or thought of her, or fell into a dream about her…
"No," she replied.
I snapped out of my thoughts and focuses again on the shadowy figure at the carriage door.
"No?"
"No, I don't want to join you. I wouldn't join you in your carriage if this were the only carriage going up to the castle and it was a choice between sitting with you or swimming across the lake."
"You'd take the lake over the carriage just because I'm here?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her in an amused fashion.
"Exactly."
"Just get in the carriage, Ginny."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Get in the carriage, what harm will it do you, really? Just get in, sit down- as far away from me as you can get, if you really want to- and we'll go up to the castle together."
"You honestly think you can talk me into getting into this damn carriage alone with you? You're more delusional than I thought, Malfoy."
I watched as she stalked away, and sighed a bit. I felt disappointed, but I couldn't tell if it was because I'd missed my chance to put my plan into action- or just because I'd missed my chance with talking to her.
"You ran off a bit fast there, Draco."
I looked once more at the carriage door, and saw Blaise and Theo pulling themselves in, closely followed by Pansy and two other girls. One was in my year, I recognised her from some of our classes, and knew she shared a dormitory with Pansy- she was called Daphne. Behind her came a younger girl.
"What's she doing?" I asked, indicating at the girl, who looked about 14 years old- too young to be joining our carriage.
"She's Daph's sister," replied Pansy coldly- clearly I wasn't yet forgiven for my ignorance towards her on the train.
"Yeah, so?"
"I said she could come with us. Problem, Draco?" asked Pansy, eyeing me with something close to disgust.
"Not at all," I replied, equally coldly and with a look of disgust to match hers.
"Calm down, guys," commented Theo, sitting himself down in the seat opposite mine.
"Where're Crabbe and Goyle? Didn't they come up here with you?" I asked, addressing Blaise now, but still fully aware of the scorching glare that Pansy was directing at me.
"I don't know, we lost them in the crowd; difficult really, considering how large they are."
Daphne and her sister gave small sniggers, and I glanced at them sideways, taking in their appearances. They looked alike- both had dark hair, which contrasted with their pale skin and made their large, dark eyes stand out. However, whilst Daphne was of a slightly more robust build, the younger one was slim, and although she was still growing, she seemed to be as tall as her older sister already.
The younger one caught me looking at her, and blushed. It was not an unpleasant colour that rose to her cheeks, as was usual with blushes- it made her appear all the more striking. And yet, she did not have the endearing freckles that Ginny had; her nose was not large, but it was larger than Ginny's, and it seemed slightly out of place for her face; her eyes, dark as they were, did not have the same sparkle, and her eyelashes were not as long or thick as Ginny's. I shook myself- why was I comparing this girl, this Pure-Blood girl, to a Blood-Traitor? Did I really prefer Ginny's flaming red hear to this girl's deep brown lock, waving in understated curls past her shoulders?
"This is Astoria, by the way. She's in fifth year" said Daphne, motioning towards her sister.
A nice name to match her nice face, I thought. Not as common place as Ginny. Not as Muggle.
"Cool," commented Theo, who was also looking at her.
I noticed the gleam in his eye as we passed through the gates and up onto the grounds of Hogwarts. It did not bother me, but I knew this girl would not settle for Theodore. I had some idea of her character from her looks, and from what I knew of her sister. She was a Pure-Blood, through and through, if she was as alike in her personality as her sister as she was her looks. She would not settle for someone who was as low in the pecking order as Theo. She would want someone with more money.
I looked at this girl, the fifteen year old Astoria Greengrass, and knew she was the type of girl my parents expected me to marry. I felt the tension once again knot in my stomach, and realised I did not want to marry a girl like Astoria. She was very pretty, yes, and it never hurt to be a Pure-Blood. But right at that moment, my thoughts could not stray from Ginny.
Ginny-
"You honestly think you can talk me into getting into this damn carriage alone with you? You're more delusional than I thought, Malfoy."
With this, I turned on my heel and headed to a different carriage, in which I found a couple of Gryffindor sixth year students. I climbed inside, greeted the others, and then fell silent, not listening to their comparisons of their Christmas holidays. I didn't really want to think about my holidays.
Instead, I thought about Malfoy, and his behaviour, which had obviously not changed over the break. He was still acting strangely, and my head was reeling from the confusion of it all. I thought about my mum, and my dad, and my brothers. Was Ron ok, wherever he was? And Harry, and Hermione? I thought of Harry. I wondered if he still thought about me, and I wondered about my feelings about him. I hadn't seen him since the disappearance at Bill's wedding (hardly surprising). I was worried, of course, but I couldn't decide if I was worried about him in a boyfriend/ girlfriend kind of way, or if it was just a brotherly/sisterly way. What if I didn't feel the same when all this was over, but he did?
Finally, the carriage stopped, and I climbed back out of the carriage and made my way with the throng of students towards the entrance hall and, beyond it, the Great Hall.
"Ginny!"
Hearing my name, I turned, with much difficulty, to find the person who was calling me. Neville appeared out of the mass of students, and when he reached me he gave me an encouraging smile. Together, we continued up to the Great Hall, selected our seats at Gryffindor table, and waited as the other students filed in and, slowly, the hall filled up.
Glancing over at the Slytherin table, I saw a girl in the year below me talking with Malfoy. She was laughing at something he had just said, and from the look on Parkinson's face, I assumed the girl was flirting with him. I looked at Malfoy, expecting to see something like triumph or smugness of his pale face, but instead he appeared confused, as though he wasn't focusing on his conversation with the girl. As though he could feel me watching him, he looked up, meeting my eyes. He smiled slightly- not a smirk, like usual, or a sneer, but what seemed a sincere smile. I felt myself go red. It felt as though I wasn't in control of my expressions; I found myself smiling uncertainly back at him.
"So," said Neville, and the strange spell was broken.
I looked at Neville, then back at Malfoy to find that he was back in conversation with the girl. Neville appeared not to have noticed anything.
"How's your brother's ear?"
"Well, he hasn't got one," I commented.
"You know what I mean," smiled Neville.
His smile was strained, and I could see that it didn't reach his eyes. I smiled back, and felt the same tension that Neville seemed to feel.
"He's fine, they're both still working at the joke shop," I replied.
"That's good. With all that's going on right now, most people have shut up shop and gone into hiding. I'm glad there are still some people out there who aren't giving in to fear."
A fierce gleam was in Neville's eye now, and I shushed him quickly- we didn't need to get into trouble with Snape or the Carrows this early into the new term.
A painful silence suddenly engulfed the now filled hall, and we turned to see Snape standing at the Headmaster's chair, his face looking pallid and sallow as usual, although we could see, even from this distance, the dark bags under his eyes, indicating that he wasn't sleeping well. Good.
"Welcome back," he began, and his cold voice rang out across the hall. "I trust you all enjoyed your break. I would like to reiterate a few school rules, refresh your memories on some of the finer points of the workings of this school."
He began to lecture us in his slow voice, the pauses that always cropped up in his speech pattern occurring frequently. I stopped listening, and merely stared at him blankly. I didn't even hear him mention his warning of what would happen if anyone knew the whereabouts of Harry and didn't come forward. I remained statue like and deaf to his words, and only moved when he had resumed his seat and food had appeared on the plates in front of us.
Without seeing, I pulled a plate of chicken towards me and began to eat. As I had discovered over the holidays, the food had no taste. I felt as though I was eating cardboard, and struggled to swallow each mouthful. It was a minute or so before I realised that Neville was whispering to me urgently.
"-continue with the DA this term?"
"Sorry, Neville," I said apologetically. "What was that?"
Neville glanced at me, looking just a touch hurt, before continuing.
"Well, I was just wondering if you were continuing with the DA this term?"
"Oh, right. Well, of course I am," I said, a little stunned that he even had to consider it a possibility that I wouldn't come back to the rebel group. "I promised I would stay right at the start, and I'm not leaving now, not after what happened to Luna."
Neville went white at the mention of Luna's name, but he nodded in agreement.
"You're right. Luna wouldn't have wanted us to quit. She'd have wanted us to carry on with it."
I nodded, but quickly shushed Neville- I had just noticed the Carrows. Instead of them eating dinner at the staff table, they were patrolling around the hall, listening to any conversations being had and generally making sure that these conversations didn't go in what they considered a negative direction. The female Carrow was far too close for comfort by the time I'd realised she was even there at all, but thankfully she didn't seem to have noticed anything was wrong. She gave Neville a look of such loathing as she passed us that I was surprised he didn't burst into flames. As it was, he merely stared back at her coldly, his face displaying no emotion- a blank mask with eyes burning in it. It was unnerving to look at; even Carrow quickly moved on.
When at long last we were permitted to leave the hall, and the students of Hogwarts did so in such silence that you could have heard a pin drop, if not for the loud laughs and conversations of the Slytherin students. They had been the only ones to make any considerable noise throughout the whole evening, their laughs rebounding off the walls of the hall, making it echo in my head, giving me a headache.
As I walked slowly out of the hall, I accidentally bumped into someone. Turning slightly to apologise, I saw that it was the Slytherin girl who had been talking to Malfoy. She was glaring at me furiously.
"Watch where you're going," she spat, her eyes burning into mine.
"I was about to apologise, but now I see it's just some Slytherin scum, I don't think I'll bother," I retorted.
She looked all the more furious, and an insipid rink colour rose in her pallid cheeks, making her look like a clown. She had a large nose, disproportionate to her face, and beetle black eyes which seemed dead. I realised she was Daphne Greengrass's younger sister, and despised her all the more.
"You alright?" came a drawling voice from behind her, and I saw Malfoy once again.
"Oh, Draco," smiled Greengrass, her voice becoming sickeningly sweet.
I raised an eyebrow in distain.
"You want to teach your little girlfriend some manners, Malfoy," I said coldly.
I was confused to feel a wrenching in my chest as I labelled her as his girlfriend, and realised with a shock that this wrenching was scarily similar to how I'd felt when Harry had been seeing Cho.
"You alright, Ginny?" Malfoy asked, concern on his face, something which confused me all the more.
"Of course I am," I snapped, and I turned at once, intending to stride away from him and Greengrass; unfortunately, the double doors of the hall which were my only escape from this strange situation were still blocked with the hundreds of students filing out of them.
"For God's sake," I muttered under my breath- I was obviously trapped near the two of them until the congestion of students began to thin.
Behind me, Greengrass was chatting away to Malfoy; she sounded so desperate, a simpering, soppy little girl. I had to remind myself that she was indeed only a little girl- she was only in her fifth year. But she was a Pure-Blood, exactly the kind of person Malfoy would go for. Why did this bother me? Why did this make me feel hot and sick?
Finally, I managed to break away from the crowd and ran off towards Gryffindor tower. As I reached the top of the stairs and was about to round a corner and disappear from sight, I glanced back. Greengrass had attached herself to Malfoy, her arm threaded through his, but Malfoy was not seemingly paying her a bit of attention. He was watching me as I stood at the top of the stairs, and I watched him as he walked towards the dungeons, arm in arm with Greengrass. I felt sick and confused. So, so confused.
A/N:
I know. I know it's been forever since I updated (although I don't actually know if anyone reads this anyway- certainly, no one seems to bother reviewing). I apologise if this chapter seems bad. I've been up to my eyeballs in coursework for the past few months, and at work every night until 7pm, so I've been struggling to find time to write this, and when I have found time it's only been a couple of minutes here and there, so if it's a bit disjointed that's why. Please forgive me for the lateness of my update, and I hope you enjoy this newest chapter of "Draco's Mission".
Beccari xxx