Chapter Three: The Crossing
They say when you die you go to the gates of heaven were you will be judge and either allowed through or sent to the agony burning pits of hell. Others say you will be reincarnated as a bug, or a flower. Maybe some form of bird I don't know. Though I can say one thing.
I'm either evil and or Hitler Jr...or they just got it wrong.
Pain. One word that doesn't even describe what it's meaning. My head is pounding like a heart beat made of sledge hammers in my head. My chest feels like magma is flowing into my veins, yet nitrogen takes it's place at times. Daggers, no Swords impale my limbs like a machine gun with infinite ammunition. Theses eyes of mine see only darkness, the deafening sound of nothing surrounds me within this void of black. My bones feel like they had been ripped from my being, then replaced with razor sharp shrapnel, impaling my limbs like needles.
I would scream but i hear no sound, and none leaves my mouth as i yell in unadulterated agony.
Why?...What did i do to deserve this?
Softly speaking within my mind. Funny, I feel like screaming till my throat is raw, yet my thoughts in this head of mine feel so calm. Dark surrounds me, just like it did back then...all those years ago. Even then, when i was barely six. I knew what the dark meant. Back then it meant safety, shelter. Back then...
I knew the meaning of Hell
"Where are they taking suzzy? my voice was innocent and young back then.
Young, innocent, eyes looking upon our...care-taker. Mrs. Rebeka, she acted as if i was nothing but a fly buzzing around for food. My six year old eyes once again found the small girl, seeing her being dragged by her hand through the orphanages back door. I'd see this so many times in the future that i would become numb to it. But it never set right with me.
It never would
"Did she get parents?" taking a fist full of her dress tugging lightly. She was sitting down at a same worn down table. Her cold avarice eyes focused on the green paper in her hands, a sickinedly sweet grin was planted on her face. I was ignored again, as if i was white nose not even worth being heard. I turned back in time to see the harry man plant his meaty fist on-top her hazel covered head. With a loud thud she hit the ground.
Hard
She didn't get back up
"Hey!" She shouted her head turning towards the man that smelled of garbage and something children should never know the smell of. He turned his evil eyes towards her, while mine looked on in hope.
Hope died faster than the starving fly's in that place
"Do it inside your own hovel Fucker!" Her voice was stern and full of hate.
" I didn't sell that dam brat just to clean up the mess you sick fuck's make!" Cold venom seemed to attach itself to her words. My hopes burned in the hell that place created. The man grunted, and with a single motion, grabbed suzzy and flung her over his monstoris shoulder. As he walked out the door he paused then looked over his shoulder at the greedy woman. Their eyes meet. A grin splits his face in the most unnatural ways.
"Takes one to know one" and with that left through the door.
If I could, a grin would be sown on my face at the thought of what happened next. Or years after words at least. I'd grin because of what i did after running away from that hell hole. I'd laugh at the...thought...of...
...
...
...
...Wha?
T-t-the pain
Stopped?
The swords are gone. My blood feels normal. Bones are good...But why can't i move? Eyes that once saw darkness still do but-
they feel shut
- I thought a tired but joyful voice giving life to that sound in my head.
"Hus..li...ba...y...rd...mo...cky"
What? I questioned the words through my head as i regained some feeling in my limbs. They felt weak, small, like they were barley able to move. Warmth seeped through me, wrapping me in a blanket of warmth most only dream of.
"and...f...ockin...on't...word ma...aby bird"
The voice was broken and scattered like a song with parts of it missing. But it held such warmth, such compassion. Not to a neighbor or friend no, not even a lover. It was directed to...me?
Why?
"and if th...won't si...a word ma...you a lullaby"
A woman's voice
"Hush little ba...ay a word"
Who?
"Ma... gon...y you a baby bird"
light started to flood my vision. Small eyes opened as if for the first time gazing up at a unknown woman. Light showed through a window obscuring the view of her face. I looked past her chest to see her smile down at me as she rocked my little body back and forth. She sang to me while doing this, the words filling me with a love I never new. She looked as if she was a godess from old folk tales. The her lips stop moving. She lifted me up and planted a single tender loving kiss on my for-head. And as my memory of a lost time began to faded into the Abyss, as it started to slowly crawl into my vision I saw her lips utter words every orphan wants to her.
"I love you my son"
...mom?
And with that I returned to darkness and the best, most peaceful sleep I've ever had. I'd need it to, for when I wook up...
I'd be in a world only dreamt of.