A/N: Haha, first of all, I'd like to mention that although King Daltus appears to be a total imbecile, you have to remember that this story is mostly from Vaati's perspective. And Vaati doesn't have the kindest opinion of most people.
Of course, the King's somewhat lackadaisical behavior in Minish Cap didn't help his case much.
"V is for Vaati"
Chapter 3: A is for Annoyed
"And then BAM!"
"Bam, bam, bam!"
The old geezer's cackle drove like a hammer into Vaati's ear.
The purple mage gripped his eating utensil tightly, a tendon straining in his pale neck. When he had accepted the invitation to the feast, he hadn't known that it would be like this.
Hyrule Castle's banquet hall was brightly decorated with golden stars and banners. Its stone walls polished until they glowed, the guests were festively arrayed, and blah, blah, blah. Vaati cared for their decorating skills very little. He was sitting at a long oak table atop a dais, his back to the wall. From his vantage point, Vaati could gaze over the banquet hall at the other tables and their guests.
That dolt king had been right about one thing: the hero-worship kept coming. Three women in particular kept glancing at him from their seats and giggling, earning a wink for their attention. One had green hair, one had blue hair, and one's hair was red. The red head couldn't seem to keep her hungry eyes off him.
Vaati probably wouldn't have kept his eyes off of her, either, if it hadn't been for his table companions.
Dolt had been true to his word and placed Vaati at the head table. He was seated at the King's own left hand. However, what Vaati had never expected was to be placed between the king... and the loud old man from the forest.
How delightful it was for Vaati when he discovered that these two old men were best friends.
Unfortunately, there was no wine.
"...So with our shoulders angled determinedly, we (bam!)rushed outta that cage and burst into freedom! And we vowed right then and there never to visit Percy the Poet again."
The king heartily laughed and shuddered simultaneously. "Haha! Ugh, that was simply awful. Makes a great story, though." King Dolt grinned, looking over Vaati's head. "Smith, tell our sword champion about the time we challenged each other to a tree stump smashing contest."
Smith leaned back and stroked his beard. "Hmm..."
"You know, the one where we could only use a hammer to smash a tree stump into the ground?"
Vaati screamed inside. No, no, no!
"Well," Smith began, his hand instinctively fisting, "it started like this..."
"I have a story," Vaati interrupted. "Once upon a time, there was a man who hated stories."
"Good heavens, you don't say!" King Dolt exclaimed.
"I bet he got real ugly," the Smith commented. "Nasty things happen to people who hate stories, you see."
Vaati huffed self-consciously and flicked his head so his hair cascaded around his shoulders.
"Go on," the King encouraged.
Vaati sighed in annoyance and picked up a knife, preparing to cut the Lon Lon Cheese. "Go on with what?"
"Why, your story, of course! You never finished it."
"The ending was implied."
Smith nodded sagely. "Told you so." Vaati looked at him in annoyed confusion.
Their conversation paused when the king suddenly tensed, sucking a deep breath of air into his lungs. "Blast!" the Dolt grumbled. "She's done it again."
Vaati and Smith looked at him, one in curiosity and one in understanding.
"Who?" Vaati asked.
"My daughter," Dolt said distractedly, staring at the seat hidden from Vaati's view. "Princess Zelda."
An eyebrow lifted as Vaati entertained his thoughts.
Mmm... Princess Zelda, he said? Vaati had overheard that she was beautiful, with long golden hair and large dark eyes. He wondered if he should alter his plans for gaining control over Hyrule. He wouldn't mind taking a powerful, beautiful woman for his bride.
Smith crossed his arms and chuckled. "I told you, Daltus, let 'em live while they're still young. They're probably just off having an adventure. Besides, you and I both know that they're not foolish enough to leave the castle." He lowered his voice. "Those monsters could cause a lot of trouble if we don't figure out how to get rid of them, Daltus."
Vaati ignored the comment about the monsters that had been released from the Bound Chest and asked a question. "You said 'they'. Who is with the princess?"
"Ah, that would be Link," the Dolt answered. The king had finally peeled his eyes from the princess's empty seat and settled them on his brimming plate. He picked up a fork and crammed a crème-filled pastry into his mouth. "She and Link are insheperable," he explained around the food.
Ah, so I have a rival, Vaati mused.
A vassal approached bearing fresh beverages, giving Vaati a blessed minute of reprieve from his stifling table companions.
Vaati thought about his plan and wondered if he should go ahead and execute it. First, however, he needed to find out the state of the guards. The success of his plan depended on how alert they were.
Using a small spell, Vaati eavesdropped on the young guard he had seen eyeing him from across the room.
"...suspicious," the guard was whispering. "I don't like his proximity to the king, either."
"But he's wearing purple!" his fellow guard whispered back. "What could a guy in purple do?"
"Well... I read somewhere that purple is a sign of royalty. Maybe he wants to be king."
Vaati saw them peer at him.
The second guard grunted. "He sticks up his nose a lot."
"He's also probably a good dancer. I think that has to do with wearing purple, too."
"...Where do you read this stuff, man?"
"Uh... I'm not sure, but I think I found it in a book series written by some guy named Tingle..."
Vaati scoffed and lifted his glass. The guards were as foolish as their king. Taking over Hyrule was going to be as easy as tying Ezlo's beard to his bed post. Vaati pressed the glass to his lips and tilted his head back.
"And BAM!"
Vaati jumped up in surprise, spilling his drink across his face and down his tunic front. His foot snagged on his cape, and he quickly fell onto the chair again.
"Oh dear, and it was such a good drink, too!" Dolt exclaimed sadly.
Vaati swiped angrily at his face. His fingers came back covered in a filmy, slimey, icky, sticky, tingling, blue substance. Vaati stared.
"Do you have any idea what they make this stuff from?" he growled.
"Not a bit," the geezer Smith said warily, eyeing his glass.
"But it's supposed to be rare and exotic," Dolt pointed out.
"Of course. What a credible reason for drinking it," Vaati retorted. He studied his violet tunic. By some idiosyncrasy of life, the blue liquid stood out clearly on the fabric. Only magic would be able to clean it up.
I can't sit here in dirty and unfashionable disgrace until the speech! he thought in repulsion. There was no way but a flashy way to magically clean his tunic. Still, this situation might actually work to his advantage.
The blue drink was also known as Blue Picolyte, something exclusively made in his old Minish Village. How the king had obtained it was a mystery. If someone drank it, Blue Picolyte made it easier for them to find items. So it might help him find an item, say, like the Light Force.
Vaati had found himself a brilliant plan. He was going to drink the Picolyte and quickly excuse himself. Then he would allow the power of the drink, enhanced by a spell, to lead him to the Light Force. The feast-goers would be quick to realize that he was more than a champion when he got back: they would see that he had become a god!
Vaati stood up and lifted the King's glass out of his pudgy hand.
"Huh? That's mine…"
Vaati downed the Picolyte in two swallows. Immediately, he felt the power surge through him.
Vaati quickly brought his pale hands together under his cloak, creating two spells. He was going to create a clone that would temporarily replace him at the table. Meanwhile, he himself would be invisible, searching the castle for that magnificent Light Force. Nice and steady... he thought.
Vaati narrowed his eyes. Now, for a quiet, sneaky exit. A sly grin spread across his face as he completed the cloning and invisibility spells.
...His eyes widened.
KABOOM!
A huge explosion of magic blasted like happy, colorful fireworks up to the ceiling, releasing a shock wave that swooped out and rocked everyone around in their seats. The guards threw up their shields and stepped in disbelief towards the spot where the Sword Champion had stood mere seconds before.
"Don't worry. He'll be back," King Dolt chuckled, sneaking Smith's glass of Picolyte. Smith didn't notice. He was too busy gaping in awe at his own fist that he had slammed against the table.