Jasper and Edward just got back from Italy (yes, I was the first one they called when they got home!). They asked when my guest appearance on the Twigasm podcast would be available on iTunes – I told them, as soon as Skype stops cockblocking it with technical problems! Hopefully within a few days. :) I had a fantastic time recording the podcast and I hope you all enjoy it. For those without iTunes, you can also stream it on Mevio.
Now we reach the epilogue of our story, and the last instalment that will focus on Angel and Beautiful. Seriously, I'm tearing up even writing that. I know the story is over, but I don't want to say goodbye.
Thank you so much for the opportunity to share this story with you. Thank you for embracing these beautiful men and their love and tribulations. Thank you for reviewing, PMing, posting on the thread and hitting up my blog. I love you all; and I am so glad to leave you with this final glimpse into the life Edward and Jasper have built together.
-o-
Jasper
"What time does her flight get in?" I ask, dashing around the house looking for my keys.
Edward replies, a little tersely, "I told you, 3:30!"
"Fuckfuckfuck," I curse under my breath, "we're going to be late."
"We're not going to be late – let's just get our asses in gear and get to the airport!" he hisses.
"Where the fuck are my keys?" I finally growl.
Edward starts to chuckle, and I glare at him till he points. "In your hand!!" Even I have to laugh at myself.
"Okay, let's go," I urge. "She'll be upset if we're not there to meet her."
The drive to the airport is a little hectic. I keep watching the clock, worried that we'll arrive and she'll already be waiting for us. Edward checks the airline website on his iPhone, and the flight is, blessedly, running half an hour late. We both relax, knowing we will get there before she does.
We do, of course; and we are standing there at the gate when the flight arrives and the passengers begin to disembark. There are throngs of people everywhere, and the crowds have to part somewhat before we spy her.
"DADDY!!" she shouts, running for us the instant she sees us. We both kneel to her level, our arms wide, and she flings herself into them.
"Annie!" Edward replies, kissing her repeatedly on the cheek. She turns her head back and forth between us, kissing one, then the other.
"Welcome home, baby girl," I add, returning those enthusiastic kisses gratefully.
"I missed you!" Her little voice is music to my ears – I haven't heard it in nearly a week.
A moment later, Esme has joined us as well, having been left in the dust by Annie. As we stand to greet her, I pick up Annie. Edward hugs Esme, and I lean in to give her a kiss.
"How was the flight, Mother?" asks Edward.
"Fine, dear," she replies, though she looks a bit weary. Esme and Carlisle have had Annie staying with them for almost a week, Annie and Edward having flown to Seattle last weekend. Edward flew back the next day and we've had a week of child-free time.
For Edward and I no longer live in Seattle. It is just one of the changes that have taken place in our lives since that beautiful October day, six years ago, when we swore ourselves to each other.
The January after our wedding, I decided to go for my Masters of Science in Finance. I did it while still working full-time – it was when Edward was still travelling a lot to shoots, so I had quite a bit of free time in the evenings. It was challenging, juggling work and my degree, but I got through it, and was rewarded with a very welcome pay increase at work.
Another change came six months after my degree, when I finally gave in and allowed myself to succumb to what our mom friends call "the baby bug". I'd been turning it over in my mind for well over two years, since the night I'd had that dream about having several adopted children. I hadn't mentioned it to Edward directly, unsure whether my longings were for a child of our own or just melancholy about being so far away from the nephews. When I first mentioned it to him, he went a little pale, and excused himself to go to the bathroom; when he returned, he didn't mention it at all for the rest of the day and I thought that was my answer.
A week later, though, he came home with a gift for me. I opened it up and inside was a teddy bear. The bear was wearing a t-shirt that said "I love my Daddies." It was just so thoughtful, so loving a gesture, that I – naturally – burst into tears. We didn't even know at that point what the laws were in Washington State about gay adoption; but having registered our domestic partnership with Washington State as soon as we'd returned from our honeymoon, we hoped that a state that at least made that allowance, would allow us to adopt.
As it turned out, adoption wasn't in the cards for us. Not that we weren't approved – I'm sure we would have been, if we'd applied. Annie came into our lives in rather a different manner. We had, of course, shared with our family that we were planning to adopt. When I told Rosalie, she was excited, naturally; but as the conversation continued she seemed distracted, as though she was deep in thought and unable to focus on the conversation.
A week later, she called back and made us an unbelievable offer. "I know this may not be exactly what you were planning," she said, "but just hear me out. You know Em had a vasectomy when Gabe was a year or so; and we're completely done having kids. But, well, I still have these eggs I'm not using…"
"Yeah?" I prompted.
"Adoption can take a really long time, Jay, and it can be heartbreaking. If you waited all that time and it didn't work out…You and Edward are going to be amazing dads, and I want that to happen for you sooner rather than later. I've talked about this with Emmett, and we're in complete agreement. Would you let me donate my eggs to you?"
I was absolutely floored – stunned speechless. So much so, in fact, that Edward had to take the phone from me and ask Rosie what on earth she'd said, because I simply couldn't speak. As he listened silently, his eyes flickered to mine. "How would that work?" he asked Rosalie, then listened again. "So we would find someone who was willing to be a surrogate…My sperm?...Oh right, of course – sorry, I'm a little stunned by all this…"
As though in a dream, I listened to Edward's end of the conversation, my head spinning. Was it possible? Could we have a baby who looked like both of us? I had never, in a million years, entertained that thought, aside from that dream son who had green eyes and shimmering copper curls.
Edward ended the conversation with Rosalie by assuring her that I wasn't having an aneurysm – that I was just in shock and that we would call her in a few days after we'd had a chance to think and talk about it.
After he hung up, he came back to stand before me. I had silent tears falling down my cheeks, and he gazed at me for a long moment before speaking. "What do you think, Angel? Shall we lasso a cherub?"
It was easy, at that moment, to say yes without thinking about the consequences or even the logistics of how this would be accomplished. I wrapped my arms around him and we clung to each other, our arms already aching to hold the child who was destined to be ours.
The next day, reality set in as we researched surrogacy. Contracts; compensation – which is illegal in Washington State outside of paying for the expenses incurred by the mother; whether or not we'd have to adopt our own biological child; finding someone willing to carry the child for us…it was overwhelming. Finally, after getting some legal advice from a lawyer who specializes in adoptions and surrogacy; and after paying a visit to Dr. Matson, at Edward's request, we came to a decision.
We would go for it.
All the paperwork, the expense, the decisions…every single moment was worth it. Rosalie started taking a drug to help stimulate egg production, and the eggs were harvested at a facility there in San Diego. We found a surrogate through an agency; she was located a little over an hour away, in Olympia. Julie was an absolutely fantastic woman, with two children of her own, and a husband as generous and understanding as she was. Her sister had gone through infertility, and she understood the desire to have a child. We were in almost-daily contact with her from the time the embryos were transferred to her; and the day she tested positive, she cried with us on the phone, sharing our joy. She kept a blog just for us, so we could keep up to date on her daily symptoms.
When Julie graduated from the first trimester, Edward and I celebrated with a glass of champagne. The first time she felt the baby move, my heart leaped in my chest. We visited her and her family in Olympia every other weekend, often just for a few hours, but occasionally staying overnight with them. They also came to our place twice, once with the little ones, and once when the kids stayed with their grandparents. In that year, before she became pregnant and during gestation, we became like family – what other word could we use to describe this woman who was, completely selflessly, giving our baby a safe place to be nurtured until he or she was ready to join us?
When Julie was about 20 weeks, halfway through her pregnancy, we decided to rent out Edward's – that is, our – loft, and purchase a single-family home. The apartment only had one bedroom, and no tub – were we supposed to balance the baby on the ledge for baths? No, it felt like the mature, parental thing to do would be to buy a home, with a yard and multiple bedrooms and a family-friendly bathroom and kitchen. Carlisle and Esme were overjoyed when they found out we would buy not too far away from where they lived, in Queen Anne. We found a beautiful red brick two-storey; on the small side, but perfect for the three of us. It had a yard, and a swing set in the back that the sellers offered to leave, as their new home had a larger play structure waiting for their kids.
In short, it was perfect. We had a short escrow, putting in the offer in late October, and closing in mid-November. We spent the rest of November and the early part of December, working our asses off to make it our own. We decorated the nursery in soft, gender-neutral colors – taupe and pale green – soothing for our new little-one-to-be.
One Wednesday in early March, I was at work, about to step out for lunch, when I got a call from Julie's husband, Randy. Julie had been having mild contractions that morning, and he was going to take her to the hospital to get checked. I wanted to jump in the car immediately and race down to Olympia, but he suggested I wait until I heard from them again. Nervously, I agreed; and as soon as I hung up with Randy, I called Edward to tell him what was happening. He, too, was beside himself. He was at a meeting that day downtown, but would be home by three o'clock. We would leave to go to Olympia then.
There was no way I could focus on work after that; Kathleen, herself happily married to Ashton and four months pregnant at that time, insisted I go home and wait to hear. "You should pack your hospital bag," she smiled, giving me a warm hug and a kiss.
Before I went home, I rode up to my father-in-law's office to tell him the news. When I stepped into his office, he was speaking to his secretary. He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, then said, "Let's see – pale, perspiring, shaky, heavy breathing, and…" he paused and took my wrist, counting my heart rate, "elevated heart rate. My diagnosis is that you're about to become a father." His eyes were merry as he awaited my answer.
"Early contractions," I gasped, and collapsed into a waiting-room chair. Carlisle sat beside me and put his hand on my shoulder. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just gave my shoulder the occasional squeeze.
When I looked at him, he was smiling, shaking his head and murmuring to himself. "You're going to love being a father, Jasper," he said when I caught his gaze. His eyes had a faint mist of tears, and he squeezed my shoulder again.
"Thanks, Carlisle," I returned; then added, "I hope you love being a grandfather."
He nodded, a huge smile coming to his face; and we sat silently together for several moments. His presence calmed me, and soon I was ready to get home and get our stuff packed so we could leave as soon as Edward got home. As I left, Carlisle said he would phone Esme to let her know. I knew I had some calls to make once I got home, as well; to my parents, and to Rosie and Em.
Once at home, I realized I only had my smaller coupe there; so I got everything ready to go and at the front door so we could throw it all into our new Volvo wagon when Edward got home. We'd had the infant seat base professionally installed a month earlier, and it was ready and waiting. I had a suitcase of baby clothes; diapers and all the accompanying accessories for that business; bottles and ready-to-drink formula. I had another suitcase with clothes for Edward and me, enough to last us a few days – I wanted to be prepared.
At 2:15, Randy called me again. "Julie's definitely in labor," he reported, a smile evident in his voice, "but it's still pretty early; about four centimeters. In her labors with our kids, she progressed at about a centimeter an hour; so we've probably got about six hours to go. So, you guys should probably start making your way here; but don't kick in the afterburners, okay?" I thanked him, promising we'd drive safely.
True to his word, Edward was home shortly before three. When he pulled into the drive, I dashed out to meet him, having been waiting anxiously at the front window. He caught me around the waist and hugged me close to him; we each buried our heads in the other's neck, clinging tightly. There were no words – none were needed. We were about to be parents. We would just clasp each other and get through it together.
The drive to Olympia, normally a 70-minute drive, was made in fifty-five, thanks to Edward; whose normal penchant for speed was elevated by the situation. We arrived shortly after 4 p.m. and went straight to the hospital, not bothering to stop at the hotel to drop off our luggage. When we asked for her at the nurses' station, a kindly nurse in her late fifties asked us, "Are you the dads?"
We both heaved a nervous breath – the dads. "Yes," Edward answered her.
"Come this way, dears," she answered with a smile. We followed her down a hallway; she stopped at a mostly-closed door and, popping her head in, said to the occupants, "You have a couple of gentleman callers."
"Send them in," came Julie's voice, sounding a bit strained but otherwise fine. The nurse pushed the door open, and there were Julie and Randy. Julie was in a hospital bed that had no rail at the bottom; and Randy sat beside her, holding a Styrofoam cup with a plastic spoon in it. Julie had a wide brown elastic band encircling the girth of her exposed, distended belly. From a machine that was rolled up by her bedside, we heard a rapid whooshing sound – the baby's heartbeat.
"It's almost time to meet your son or daughter," Julie said softly, as we hurried to her side. She reached out a hand to us, pulling us each close for a hug and a kiss. We hadn't seen her for three weeks, she being too tired to visit us or to have visitors stay. We understood, of course; but we'd missed the entire family during that time, having becoming so close to them all.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, as Edward pulled up a chair for each of us.
"I feel great now," she laughed weakly. "Got my epidural about an hour ago."
"When each of our kids was born," Randy added, "Julie told me she was leaving me for the anaesthesiologist who had administered her epidural. The second time, it was a woman!" We all laughed, Julie nodding.
After we had chatted a bit, we each settled in for some more waiting. The doctor came and checked Julie around 6 p.m., and true to Randy's prediction, she was 8 cm – progressing at a centimeter an hour. We knew when she got to ten, she'd be ready to push. So we slipped downstairs to grab something to keep us from passing out, we were both so famished – with the understanding that Randy would page us if things sped up.
As we sat at the table in the cafeteria, we ate slowly, munching on sandwiches and cut-up vegetables. "This might be the last quiet meal we have for a long time, beautiful," Edward murmured to me, breaking the thoughtful silence that had descended upon us. "Are you ready for this?"
I considered his question. "Not hardly," I finally admitted, "but with you by my side, I can face anything. Even a screaming baby." He leaned across the table to kiss me tenderly.
At seven we decided we should go back up to the room, knowing it wouldn't be long now until Julie was ready to push.
We each had our pre-assigned roles during the birth. Randy would stay by Julie, encouraging her and getting her through the pushing stage of the delivery. Edward and I would be at her knees so we could watch the birth of our child.
Our child. My child. It was surreal to frame it in that context and know that in just a few short hours, that long-awaited, nearly-hypothetical individual would not only be real, but would be here, and would be depending on the two of us for every measure of comfort, every diaper, every feeding…every lesson about love and home and stability.
When we arrived back in the room, Julie's face was somewhat screwed-up, her eyes closed; it looked at first as though she was crying.
"What's wrong?" I asked, dashing to her bedside. "Why is she crying?" I demanded of Randy, fearing the worst.
Randy didn't answer me, just held up a finger to silence me; and I realized he was he quietly talking to Julie. He held her hand and rubbed her arm, speaking to Julie about a tea party and a tiara. I realized that he was trying to help her focus on her 'happy place', which was apparently a dress-up tea party with their oldest child, Isabel. As he spoke, her breathing regulated; and her face and shoulders gradually relaxed, until they were nearly slack.
Finally she let out a long breath, keeping her eyes closed and not speaking. She looked completely relaxed now. "Pressure," Randy murmured to us. "The epi takes away the pain, but as it gets close, the pressure is really intense."
"How close is she?" Edward whispered back.
"She's almost complete. The doctor checked her when you were downstairs and the dilation had actually sped up. She was already completely effaced and very close to 10 cm dilated," he answered.
Edward and I had a casual knowledge of the subject matter, wanting to be able to understand at least some of what the doctors said. We knew ten was the magic number, and when Randy said that number, I grabbed Edward's hand tightly.
The next hour was a blur. Staff raced around us, changing the configuration of the bed – Edward and I both gaped when the foot of the bed came off completely, just south of Julie's bottom – bringing trays of instruments, positioning lights and a large mirror. Then, a nurse helped Julie put her legs up into some torturous-looking contraptions that held her knees in the air, and raised the head of the bed so she was almost bent in two at the waist. Through it all, Julie held Randy's hand; his attention was focused solely on her as her contractions peaked and subsided. He was so calm. I envied him tremendously; because I was terrified.
Within moments, the doctor was sitting at the end of Julie's bed. Randy remained where he was, beside Julie's head; and Edward and I took up our stations at her knees. For the next 45 minutes, we watched as, with each contraction, Julie brought our child closer to our waiting arms. Finally the top of a tiny head emerged; we saw faint wisps of dark reddish hair, then a head, facing towards the floor; one shoulder was delivered, then the other, and once the baby's shoulders were out, one more push by Julie was all that was required. The baby slid out and into the doctor's arms.
Very soon, the doctor solved the mystery we'd been waiting for, for nine months. "You have a beautiful, beautiful girl."
A girl. Our daughter.
Dr. Shephard worked quickly, suctioning her nose and mouth. When she pulled the little vacuum out of the baby's mouth, the tiny girl gave a lusty cry, and each of us breathed a sigh of relief. Edward left his place on the other side of Julie, coming around to where I stood. He grabbed me around the waist, lifting me up off my feet. I wrapped my legs and arms around him and we kissed, quickly, repeatedly. When he let me down, Julie and Randy were lip-locked as well.
They pulled apart, and Julie's eyes found us. Her face had a sheen of sweat; her hair was matted around the edges of her hairline; but I'd never seen anyone look more beautiful, more empowered. She looked like an advertisement for Woman.
"Congratulations," she said weakly, giving us a little smile.
I moved to her, taking her hand in mine and kissing her hair gently. "Thank you," I whispered. "You are an amazing woman." Edward followed behind me, thanking her softly as well.
Dr. Shephard spoke up then. "I have a little girl here who would like to be set free. Daddies? Who's going to do the honors?"
Edward and I had decided beforehand that I would cut the cord, and he would be the first to hold the baby. I stepped forward and took the oddly-shaped scissors the doctor handed me. The umbilical cord was like nothing I'd imagined – a thin, translucent sheath, loosely covering what looked like a curly telephone cord in an electric shade of blue. Cutting through the cord was difficult – like sawing through a heavy stalk with a pair of kitchen shears – but after squeezing the blades tightly several times, the cord separated.
Finally freed, our little girl was wrapped in a sterile towel by the nurse and taken to a warming tray to be assessed and cleaned up. Edward followed, watching as they put drops of silver nitrate into her eyes to protect against infection. When she was bundled up with several blankets, and a warm hat was pulled down over her little head and ears, they gave her to Edward.
He held perpendicular to his chest, looking into her face. He stared in wonder for a moment, then raised her face to his and burst into tears. Overwhelmed by the excitement and emotion of the day, deep sobs racked his body; I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to me. He shifted the baby so that she was cradled in his arms, and together we gazed at her face.
Her eyes were puffy and had a silvery-grey stain in the inside corners from the drops; her face was red, and her head seemed to peak in a cone shape. But her eyes were open and alert; as we studied her, she looked back at us.
"It's nice to meet you," I whispered to her. "We've been waiting an awfully long time for you."
Edward lifted his tear-stained face to mine. "Your turn to hold her," he murmured. I positioned my arms and he carefully transferred her to me. We continued to study her face, commenting on her features. Her hair color was definitely Edward's, I noted with some satisfaction; while he pointed out that the shape of her mouth and the cleft in her chin was all Whitlock. "What do you bet she has dimples?" he said softly, tracing her soft cheek with his fingers.
"Mmm, and curls," I replied, noting the way the wisps of hair were starting to wing up and away from her head as her hair dried.
"She's absolutely beautiful," he breathed, and I leaned to kiss him softly. She was, indeed, completely perfect.
Our moment was eventually interrupted by a soft inquiry from Julie. "So, does this little person have a name?"
"We think so," I said, looking at Edward. We knew what we wanted as a first name if we had a little girl – Edward had suggested it almost right away when we started going through the baby name book. It was at the beginning of the alphabet so it came early on in the suggestions; and it just stayed with me. Through many, many other options, this one was one we both loved.
The middle name was much more difficult. Should we give her the name of one of the women in our lives? If so, who? Rosalie, who had donated her eggs to make this possible? Julie, who agreed to conceive and carry our baby for nine months? We kept coming back to the realization that this entire process was made possible by the gifts others had given us, and so we sought a name that meant "gift".
When we told Julie and Randy the name we'd chosen, their smiles showed their approval. We gave them each an opportunity to hold our daughter, and thanked them again and again for making this sacrifice for the sake of our new family.
Soon it was time for Julie to be wheeled to her room to recover. She was a little teary when she said goodbye to us; but we reminded her that we would be part of their lives for as long as they wanted us to be. Our children would be, if not brothers and sisters, at least adopted cousins. She and Randy both smiled, waving goodbye; and they were on their way. It was just me, Edward and our new tiny human in the delivery room; which suddenly seemed very large.
After a few moments, a nurse came in. "Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are in the waiting room," she said kindly. "They would very much like to meet their new grandchild."
Edward stood with a smile. "Yes, of course. Please send them in."
Carlisle and Esme soon poked their heads through the door. The smiles on their faces were blinding; they were, perhaps, the happiest I'd ever seen them. I stood as well, giving our girl to Edward so he could present her to his parents for the first time.
"Mother and Dad…or should I say Grandma and Grandpa," he amended with a wicked smirk, "I'd like to introduce you to Annie Shiloh Cullen-Whitlock."
We had kept the names secret from everyone, so the name was a complete surprise. I watched Esme's face in particular when Edward announced Annie's name. Annie had been Esme's grandmother's name; and it was what my Opa had called Mama as a term of endearment when she was a little girl. We thought it was a good way to honor them both. Esme loved it, of course; and we hoped Anneliese would as well.
We spent the evening with our girl, Edward changing her first diaper and me feeding her the first bottle.
Annie stayed in the hospital that night for observation. We, of course, weren't inpatients of the hospital, so we didn't have a room to stay in. As it wasn't a busy night in the labor wing, the staff let us stay in the delivery room as long as we could; but eventually we had to let her go to the nursery. It was terribly difficult to leave her there to go to the hotel; and I thought at first that Edward might refuse to leave, might insist on sitting in the waiting room outside the nursery all night long, until Carlisle told us that he would, himself, sit and wait out the night. We tried to protest; but he insisted, telling us to go to the hotel with Esme and sleep as well as we could, under the circumstances.
"You need to rest," he pressed. "The nurses will look after Annie; and I'll be right here. Go on – I've stayed up all night many times before, for people I didn't know at all. Let me do this for my granddaughter and my sons."
What could we say? We hugged him gratefully, kissed our baby girl good night, and headed to the hotel, taking Esme with us. We slept fitfully, but managed to get some rest; and were all back at the hospital by eight o'clock the next morning. Carlisle looked exhausted, but gave us a bleary smile and assured us that Annie was just fine. She'd had a bath, and would be discharged whenever we were ready to go. After getting some final instructions from the nurses, and letting Julie and Randy know we were on our way, we strapped Annie into her car seat, and we all went home.
Adjusting to life as parents was, unquestionably, the most difficult and the most rewarding thing Edward and I have ever done. I was very fortunate to be able to take the Annie's first six months off from work, and stay home with her. I would never trade that time for anything; although it wasn't always easy. Edward was still traveling to shoots across the country, and probably four days out of every two weeks, Annie and I were on our own. It was difficult for Edward to leave; and difficult for me to let him.
Fortunately, Esme was our baby whisperer on call. She was always just a phone call away, and she was at the house in moments, all those times when I thought I might lose it, when Annie was colicky or cranky or when I didn't know what the hell was wrong with her; and that applied whether Edward was away or not. Without her, we all might have lost our minds.
My parents, too, were over the moon at having another grandchild in general, since they knew Rosie and Emmett weren't going to have any more, and at having a granddaughter in particular. They both came to visit when Annie was about two weeks old; Dad by then was beginning to wind down his career, and had actually begun to train his replacement. The week they spent with us was so enjoyable. Dad and Mama, of course, fell in love with Annie, and they both loved the nod to Mama's girlhood nickname. We decided that Mama would be Oma to Annie. Dad, not being German, would be Grandpa.
Rosalie and Alice were both thrilled to be aunts, and Em of course took to being an uncle as seamlessly as he had to being a dad. All in all, we became a very loving, close-knit group.
By the time Annie was two, though, Edward and I had both had enough of his travelling. It was hard on all of us; and particularly on Annie once she became old enough to understand that Daddy was leaving yet again. Edward and I debated for a month or two on what to do, on how to support our family if he stopped freelancing or just did local work. We still owned his loft, which was paid for and bringing in some decent rent money; but our house being in the beautiful older area of the city meant our mortgage was ridiculously high. We each had a car payment, daycare…we weren't sure how best to manage.
And then the opportunity presented itself – randomly, as the best things in life often do. Our friends Gareth and Lily, by now parents to a girl and a boy, had us over for dinner one evening. Gareth's friend Dave was visiting them from San Francisco, where he taught at, of all places, Edward's alma mater – SFAI. He was in the fine arts department, but when he found out Edward had gone there, he told us about some changes that were taking place within the photography department staffing; programs were being expanded and they were looking for SFAI grads to do some teaching.
Edward merely nodded, listening thoughtfully to Dave. I didn't ask more about it, though I was dying to. I knew Edward would need to sit with this for a while before making any action to find out more. He took Dave's card at the end of the night, and as I expected, three days later he called him.
That's how, in July, we found ourselves moving from Seattle to San Francisco. Since I now had my masters, I applied back to SF Children's, and was given the job of Assistant Director of Finance, with the understanding that the current Director, my former boss, would retire within five years or so; and I would move up into her job.
Rosalie and Em were glad we were back in California, though we were still a long ways from them. They could drive it in a day, though; and that was fine with them. Their boys were getting older and better able to handle a long car trip. They came to visit us several times a year, and we made the trip to see them as well. Mama and Dad, too, were glad the flight wasn't quite as long; though no flight of any length would have kept them away.
Carlisle, Esme and Alice were sad – tremendously sad – that we decided to leave Seattle. They would miss us, and they would miss Annie. They understood, though, that young families have to do what works for them; and they supported us completely. Alice had been seeing Ian, a very pleasant man for about 18 months by then, and things were pretty serious. We weren't surprised when, our first Christmas in San Francisco, they became engaged.
So now, Annie is four. We've been in San Francisco for two years and we love it. We have a little house in the Castro district, which has undergone a gradual shift in recent years, from gay ghetto to family neighborhood. Annie goes to a pre-K near our home; and between Edward and me, we have arranged our schedules so that we don't need a nanny. We have a neighbor whose teenage daughter is our babysitter on the occasional night out. She has bright red streaks in her hair and a ring in her nose – Annie idolizes her.
The days of going out to clubs till 2 am, and then coming home to fuck till dawn, are over for us. Even this past week, while Annie has been visiting her grandparents, we went out to a club once – and spend the entire next day recuperating. The nights we spend at home, though, are often as steamy as they've ever been – our passion for each other has never cooled. Edward still gets me as hot as he always has; if anything, that aspect of our life just gets better as time passes.
Tonight, though, we are both snuggled into bed with our beautiful girl, reading to her, hearing about all the things she did in Seattle, and just loving on her. Even after we turn out the light, Edward and I lie flanking her till she falls asleep.
As her breathing deepens, Edward looks over the top of her head at me. "Annie asked me tonight," he whispers, "why we don't have two children like Kathleen or like Aunt Rosie."
"That's nothing new," I whisper back. "She's been clamoring for a baby for a year."
"Yeah," he replies, and brushes a tray curl from her forehead. He is silent for a moment, then says, "Think she's onto something?"
I hesitate before answering him, unsure whether he's truly serious. When he holds my gaze in the dim glow of Annie's night light, I slowly begin to realize that he's honestly suggesting an addition to our family.
"Really?" I almost squeak. It has occurred to me, of course; but neither of us has ever voiced anything about it. The thought of starting it all over again has been merely a random thought, dismissed in the space of a moment.
"Yeah," he smiles softly. "I admit, I've been thinking about it a lot the last couple of months."
"You haven't said anything," I reply.
"I wanted to be sure it was something I really wanted – not just nostalgia for when Annie was a baby." He kisses the top of her head softly. "What do you think?"
As I did when I tried to imagine Edward in my life, I close my eyes and let it take shape in my imagination. A baby – the baby in my mind is Annie, since she is my frame of reference – tiny, helpless and sweet. No Esme to help this time; but Edward no longer travels for work so he will be home. Annie – a big sister. She adores babies and has begged us for a little sibling; she would be over the moon if we decided to have another.
"We still have some of Rosie's eggs at the fertility clinic," I muse. "But do you really want to go through it all again?"
"Actually…what would you say to adopting this time?" he suggests. As soon as the words leave his mouth, my mind shifts gears. Providing a loving family to a child who needs us – it just feels right.
"Angel?" he prompts.
In answer, I take his hand, leading him out of Annie's room and closing the door behind us. I draw him down the hall and into our bedroom. Inside, I tenderly take his face in my hands.
"I want to be the daddy to another baby with you, beautiful," I whisper.
He wraps his arms around my waist, drawing me to him and kissing me deeply. I pull him to the bed, lying beneath him; his body presses against mine as our passion grows.
Edward and I may not be creating this child together – our biology does not, perhaps, allow the physical creation of a human. But with this act of consummation, the idea of our future child is conceived – and it feels as corporeal, as tangible, as if we could hold the child in our arms now. Every caress, every kiss…every thread of pleasure weaves the fabric of our future.
And when our passion is spent and we lie cradled in each other's arms, I know that with this addition, our lives will be complete. Our happiness and love will only grow; perhaps more than we can even imagine.
After all, our lives will be over the top.
-o-
I wrote the last 400 words or so of this with pen and paper, initially; and when I wrote that last sentence, I truly became weepy.
So much to say. Remember that the Jack outtake will be published in two weeks or so, and then I will finally click that button that says, "Complete".
I'm going to strongly encourage you to add me to your author alerts, sooner rather than later. That's all I can say right now without giving anything away. ;)
I am volunteering my services as an author in the Support Stacie auction. The bidding opens at 11:59 p.m. on Sept 11, 2009, until 7 pm Central on Sept 14, 2009 (for the Twilight fandom – for other fandoms, check the schedule. Closings have been staggered so as to alleviate some server traffic). Check out my blog for a link to the auction and to my author thread! starfish422(dot)blogspot(dot)com