A/N: Thank you, as always, for your amazing reviews. It makes my day to hear how much you're enjoying the way I've handled these events.
Emlovesyouu did a great job editing this chapter, which was one of my absolute favorites to write. I claim no ownership of anything from the show or the lyrics. Any resemblance to any real people, places, or events is entirely accidental.
Enjoy!
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
20 November 2014
"Kill herself?! What are you talking about? Where did this come from?" Snow exclaimed, rising to her feet and cradling Neal in her arms.
Regina waved her down, quieting her outburst. "We don't know for sure. Archie just put some things together and said that he thought it was a possibility."
Charming leaned over the table, unwilling to have the entire diner hear what the therapist thought about his daughter's actions. "What did Archie mention?"
"She gave me her car!" Henry repeated, fishing out the keys from his pocket.
Elsa blinked in pure surprise. "Her driving machine?"
Pulling Emma's note out of her pocket, Regina handed it over. "Doctor Hopper said that by isolating herself the way she has and then giving away her most prized worldly possession, it could be signs of someone who has come to a decision about their life."
The couple scanned the note together and came to the same conclusion as Archie, if their matching expressions of horror were any indication. "Oh my God. It's right there. 'A plan that would thwart both the Snow Queen and Gold'," the Prince breathed.
Snow was too much in shock for any words. Her eyes were huge and round with tears threating an overflow of water at any moment. When her entire body went rigid, Regina reached for Neal before her former stepdaughter could drop him. Elsa pushed the stroller over and helped her fasten the buckles so he would be safe. A loud exclamation from the other side of the table made her wince, but drew her focus, along with that of everyone else in the diner.
"Excuse me, everyone! Could I please have your attention for a moment?" Charming called out, raising his hand for further emphasis. "We have something of an emergency right now. We need to find Emma as soon as possible. Has anyone seen her recently?"
Looking over from the bar to the side, Belle and Ruby spoke up first. "I saw her about a week ago, walking down the alley behind the Pawn Shop, but it didn't look like she was aware of anyone or anything. Just had her head down and walking. When she looked up, there were dark circles under her eyes."
Both former queens had their eyes closed against the statement, but Charming, dedicated as ever, pressed on. "Did you notice anything else about her?"
Belle frowned as she thought back. Hesitating, she took a breath before looking at the family and continuing. "She'd lost weight. Her cheekbones were more prominent and her clothes were looser around her than usual. She looked…haunted."
From his usual spot at the corner of the bar, Leroy spoke up. "I saw her once, about six days ago. She was standing on the beach looking out at the water. Didn't look around. Didn't move. Didn't say anything. She was like a statue, your Highness."
"Like the librarian said, I saw her walking through town just a few days ago. Hands in her pockets, looking down. No clue she was aware of anyone or anything," Granny chimed in from behind the kitchen.
Elsa's quiet voice sounded when everyone else was done talking. "I haven't really seen her other than when she helped rescue me from Ingrid, when you defeated the snow warrior that night," she said, "I've been too busy looking for my sister to seek her out."
"So the one thing you all noticed in every instance was that she hasn't said a word to anyone, hasn't looked at anyone, and might as well have been on a different planet?" Regina clarified, dread flooding her system.
Nods all around the room signified general agreement.
"Does anyone even know where she's living?" Regina asked next.
A negative murmur swept the crowd. Elsa, Snow, Charming, and Henry all exchanged looks, but none of them had any solid information.
"All she told us was a text message from shortly after Henry moved back to your house," Snow said after the room quieted again, "that she'd found a new place to live. Something about not wanting a housewarming party and that she could handle the move on her own."
Just then the door swung open again, as a breathless Archie almost fell into the diner. "Got…'nother…letter," he gasped between breaths.
"Henry," Regina began to instruct, but either her son's innate kindness or her years of inculcating proper manners – hopefully it was a little of both – kicked in, and he interrupted her before she could finish.
"On it, Mom," he responded. The boy darted around the bar, grabbed a glass, and filled it with ice and water. Moving more carefully so as to not spill his load, he walked back to the front and handed the refreshment to the psychologist. "Here you go, Archie."
With a grin, the older man took a long drink of the water. "Thanks, Henry. That was very kind of you."
No one else in the diner had even moved yet, reminding Regina that as little time as she'd had to digest this new information, everyone else had had less. She shook her head; there might not be much time left, so she had to keep things moving. "You said something about another letter, Doctor Hopper?"
Regaining his composure, Archie looked around and found Snow and Charming watching him as intently as everyone else. "I wasn't formally treating Emma, but with the way she's written to me, I don't feel that I can't show this letter from Emma to anyone without violating her privacy, although the concern it gives me regarding her safety might make that a moot point. As her parents you are her next of…her closest relations. If you give me the approval, I will show you the letter with a clear conscience."
Regina's heart sank at the unfinished phrase 'next of kin'. Nothing good ever came along with those words. She had to know what was in the letter. As Henry's other mother and one of the most powerful magic users in Storybrooke, not to mention being Emma's onetime magic tutor, she was uniquely suited to help. More than that, she wanted to help. One of the secrets she had never told anyone, not even Henry or Doctor Hopper during their abbreviated sessions, was that she felt responsible for the way Emma had grown up. Sure, the Charmings put her through a tree, but it was her curse that spurred them on. Maybe by helping save Emma, she could start atoning for that particular sin.
The two royals met each other's gaze, communicating without words. After taking a deep breath, Snow stood in front of Archie. "I'll take the letter. We'll read it and decide what needs to be done."
He nodded, handing the document over. When Snow took it, he refused to let it go for a moment. Meeting her gaze, he stood straight and tall and looked her in the eye. "Emma broke the curse, giving us all back our memories. She helped save Henry in Neverland, from what I'm told, and helped defeat Zelena, not to mention the other threats we've come under. I feel I owe her a personal debt for that. Believe me when I say this: I think she's on the edge, and she could be in danger at this very moment. We need to find her as soon as possible. Whatever you need me to do, it would be my honor to help."
The rest of the town's residents clustered in the diner voiced their agreement, all promising to do whatever they could to help save their Savior. Visibly moved, Snow swallowed the lump in her throat and looked around. "Thank you all. We'll read this and make a plan. Once we know what we're doing, we'll round up everyone we can for help. Until then, can we borrow that booth in the corner to look this over in private?"
Clearing the area, the crowd gave them their space. Charming left Neal's stroller with Elsa before he and Snow moved to the booth, followed closely by Henry. Regina herself remained, stock-still. It was a family moment, one of the type they'd excluded her from ever since the curse broke. Her memory of the group going out for dinner after she'd absorbed a death curse, saving Snow and Emma on their way back from the Enchanted Forest, was still fresh.
Snow's voice shook her out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
Her former stepdaughter actually rolled her eyes. "I said, 'come on, Regina, and pull up a chair. We're going to need your help most of all.'"
She blinked in surprise. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, she slid into a chair bracketing Snow between herself and Charming as Snow spread the single sheet of paper out on the table. Henry tried to read upside down, but his grandfather stepped in. "Henry, why don't you take Neal over and ask Ruby to get you a milkshake and some toast for him to nibble on?"
"But I wanted to read the letter, too!" Henry complained.
"There might be some stuff in here that your mom wouldn't want you to know about her. Personal, private stuff. Trust me, we'll tell you the most critical parts," Snow offered as a compromise along with a ten-dollar bill.
Sensing he was being put off, but unable to argue with either the logic or the milkshake, he shrugged, accepted the money, and pushed the now-occupied stroller back to his previous table where Ruby was quick to hop over.
"Really? You're bribing my son with processed sugar that will rot his teeth?" complained Regina when he was gone.
Charming looked over and gave her a smile that she would never admit under any duress told her where Snow got her nickname for the man. "It's what grandparents get to do, I'm told."
"Will the two of you just stop bickering over trivialities so we can figure out how to save my daughter's life?" interjected Snow, waving her arms.
Regina and Charming immediately quieted as the three people at the table turned their attention to Emma's letter.
Archie,
I'm sending this to you because I know you're one of the people who would have a chance at understanding what I'm feeling right now. It's just easier to write it out than say it out loud for me. I've always thought that writing things down was easier than speaking them, which used to drive the counselors in school nuts. Anyway, you'd be able to comfort Henry if he needed it.
Phew, here goes: I know I'm the Savior. I broke the Curse, helped get rid of the wraith, helped defeat Cora, Pan, and rescued Henry from Neverland. I helped Regina defeat her crazy-ass sister, too. Now there's Ingrid – the Snow Queen – but it's me and Elsa she wants, not anyone else. Gold has a plan for me, too, but again it's just me he needs. I can save everyone in town one more time by taking myself out of both of those equations.
I'm taking the hero's way out.
Without me, neither Ingrid nor Gold will be able to do what they're intending, and the town should be safe. My baby brother, parents, and son should be safe.
Henry will probably be the most upset after all this is over. The kid's always had his heart on his sleeve, but I hurt him. I hurt him, Archie, when I lost control of my magic. I'm not safe to be around him anymore, so I need to remove myself. He deserves to live a life not in fear from his own mother. Trust me, I spent most of my life afraid of what drunk or high foster parents would do to me next. When my emotions and my magic went crazy, I became those monsters that used to haunt my dreams, and I can't live with that anymore. Henry deserves his best chance at a fulfilled life and his own happy ending. That's why I gave him up for adoption in the first place. I knew he was better off without me. Everyone always is.
My parents – damn that still feels weird to say – will be upset, but they have Neal now, and they don't have to worry about him losing control of his magic and hurting anyone he loves because he's not broken like me. He's normal. They'll finally have their own happy ending, too.
Everyone got their happy endings back. Well, not really everyone. The Savior failed when it came to Regina. I know I was responsible for taking away her happiness when I brought back the one woman who could possibly ruin it, and it's killing me. I was starting to think of her as a friend, too, before all the shit went down. I messed that up, just like I've messed up every other friendship I've ever had.
Regina deserves her happy ending, too, and I took that away from her. The only way I can even begin to make it up is to let her have full custody of Henry. Not that she didn't have that anyway; the adoption was formal and it was closed. It just goes to show the depth of her compassion and inherent decency that she never got the courts involved, even before the curse broke. She could have taken me and Henry to a court in Massachusetts and had me thrown in jail just for talking to them, and she never did. But anyway, stepping aside and letting her have her son back full-time will give her at least part of her happy ending, her true love for her son. It's the very least I can to do make up for all the pain I've caused her.
By the time you get this, I'll have dealt with all three of those issues at once. Don't worry, though. I'm not leaving Storybrooke. I can't run away anymore. I have to face my problems head-on. With Gold and Ingrid's plans for me foiled, they won't have any reason to do anything to the town or the people. David's a great sheriff, Ruby's a great deputy, and Regina genuinely cares for Storybrooke. The town will be in better hands than ever.
Tell Regina I'm sorry, that I wish there was something more I could do to make it up to her. Nothing comes close to the hurt I've caused by threatening to take Henry away just before the curse broke, and then actually taking him away. Then that whole Marian mess…yikes. I've never felt this guilty before over anything in my life. Not even Lily. I know it would have been better for Regina if she'd never met me, so maybe someday the best that can be hoped for is that she forgets I ever existed.
I guess those other kids in the foster homes growing up were all right: there's just no place for me here. I don't fit in and I never have. This really is for the best.
My job is done. The town is saved once and for all. All that I wanted, that I thought I could have, was not in the cards for the Savior.
Thanks, Archie. You've been a great person to get to know.
Emma
When Regina came to the end of the letter, she was conscious of two things: the roaring of blood in her ears at the depth of pain Emma was suffering was eclipsed only by the sound of Snow's sobbing next to her. Looking over, she saw that Charming had an awkward arm around her shoulders, but he was so rigidly tense it looked like he was going to snap a rib just sitting there. His eyes were watery, but he was doing wonders to hold the tears at bay.
She had been furious at Emma, it was true. Bringing Marian back, even accidentally, ended in her fairy-dust foretold True Love leaving her for his wife. As the weeks went by, however, her anger had faded, until it felt more like an obligation to despise her for that and just being the daughter of her nemesis than anything more concrete.
What she never expected was that she would miss the annoying sheriff. She missed the sass, the challenge, the way Emma never failed to make her day more interesting. She missed the companionship from Neverland, not to mention the way their magic mixed almost seamlessly. The blonde was becoming an adequate parent to Henry, instead of just being his older sister. The idea that she would kill herself to save the rest of the town was sickening
They had to find her.
Getting to her feet, she took stock of the Charmings. They didn't look to be in any shape to even organize the town's annual bake-off, much less an exhaustive search of the whole area. Swallowing down her own tears, she looked around the diner before raising her hands. "Could I have your attention, everyone?" She called at the top of her voice.
The diner instantly stilled, all eyes on her as they waited for some news. "The Savior is indeed in grave danger. She has saved each and every one of you, more than once I might add. We have all let her down. Therefore, we will all work to find her. I have some things I need to get to start the search, so go home, make what preparations you need to be able to search the town, and we will meet back here in one hour!"
When Regina wanted to, she had a presence that could command the trees themselves to bow down, even without magic. In this instance, she indeed wanted to command. As one, the townspeople agreed and moved for the doors. Looking down at her son, she smiled to comfort him. "Don't worry, Henry. We'll find her. Isn't that what your family does for a living?"
The boy gave her a weak smile, understanding immediately. "Something like that."
"Go to the loft. See if there's anything Emma left behind that we might be able to use with a locator spell. Preferably cloth, nothing breakable, but if you can't find anything else, we'll take what we can get. I'll get my potion from home and meet you there," she instructed.
As he ran off, she turned back to Snow and Charming, still wrapped in each other, and Elsa sitting quietly, trying to make herself as small as possible so as to not intrude on the moment. She cleared her throat, the loud noise echoing around the now-empty room. When three pairs of shocked eyes turned to her, she tried to give them as warm of a smile as she could muster. "There's no time to lose. I'll leave Neal here with Elsa, but I need to go back to the mansion for a locator potion. Meet me at your loft. Henry's already on his way there to find something of Emma's. Once we try the potion, it should help us find Emma."
The trio nodded, and as Elsa stood to take Neal, Regina concentrated her magic and teleported herself back to her study.
Gathered around the table in Snow and Charming's apartment, Regina took the item Henry had found – Emma's red scarf – and laid it out flat. "This should do just fine. Good work, Henry," she smiled.
He gave a small nod at her praise, but turned serious almost instantly. Snow, Charming, and Elsa watched in silence as she took the bottle of light blue liquid out of her purse. With a deep breath, Regina sprinkled the potion over the entirety of the scarf. After a beat, the scar rose up and started wriggling toward the door. Before it had gotten even ten feet, however, the scarf went limp and crashed to the floor.
Stunned silence echoed around the apartment. The group stared at the red scarf, spilled over the floor looking almost like blood. Snow broke the moment by turning to her. "Has – has that ever happened before?"
Regina blinked her eyes a few times, making sure she saw what it was she saw. "No, I can't say I've ever seen a locator spell fail that badly in my life."
The failure seemed to galvanize something in her. Instead of depending on her magic to do the job, she would have to put in some hard work. So much the better. "Okay, it looks like we're searching the old-fashioned way. Charming: you take Emma and Henry's old apartment. Turn it upside down and inside out. She was right in her letter, David. You're an excellent Sheriff. If anyone can look for the details it's you. After there, go to the station, see if any of her papers there give you any ideas. Snow: you and Elsa stay here with Neal. Look here to see if there are any indicators or other belongings she may have left behind. Henry and I will marshal the town."
Taken aback by her no-nonsense manner and commanding tone, the royals nodded their heads and split up, David leaving after giving Snow a kiss. "We'll find her," he promised.
"It's what we do," answered Snow with a wan smile.
Try as she might, Regina couldn't bring herself to be as disgusted as she usually felt by the display. That annoying tendency of the Charmings to find each other might just be what helped save Emma's life.
"Okay, Henry. Let's get going."
They walked back into the diner and immediately noticed the crowd. It seemed like half of Storybrooke had turned out to help the Savior. Help Emma. If she could see how many people's lives she'd touched that were willing to put their own problems aside to help her, she would never, ever doubt that she was loved again. Regina consciously forced the dread balling in her stomach into a grim determination. Closing the door with more force than was necessary, she garnered the attention of everyone in the diner.
"Alright everyone. We've run into a snag. I used a locator spell on an item belonging to Emma. It failed. I've never seen a locator spell fail before, but since we have reason to believe she's still in this area, that means time is of the essence. I don't have to tell you what's at stake here," Regina paused, sweeping the crowd and taking in the seriousness on every face. Ruby looked to be on the verge of losing her composure, as she was probably Emma's best friend in Storybrooke. It hurt to think in those terms, but she knew she'd given up that place when she'd berated a drunken Emma in the Rabbit Hole and almost struck her. Another thing she had to make right.
"Emma Swan has saved us all. Most of us more than once. She gave up her old life and stayed here, among us all. She got to know us and care about us over the last two years, risking her own life multiple times for us. We have a very clear reason to believe that she is on the verge of causing herself serious harm because of both events that have happened recently as well as the Snow Queen and Rumpelstiltskin trying to gain power over her for their own ends. We have to find her. We have to stop whatever she might be trying to do to herself. Each and every single one of us owes her our maximum effort."
A ripple of acknowledgement swept the crowd, with murmurs of assent and promises reaching her ears. "Good. Belle, I want you to stake out Gold's shop. She might try to go there for something magical to use."
Before she could continue, the librarian raised her hand. "Um, Regina? She already has. Rumple said a few days ago he detected the presence of her magic and found a box that she'd gone through. She took a potion and left this note," she explained, getting up and handing Regina the piece of paper.
Reading over Emma's litany of reasons for taking whatever potion had been in the bottle's place, Regina allowed a proud smile to cross her face. Well done, Emma. "Did he say what the potion was?"
Belle's face grew concerned as she twisted her fingers together. "I didn't understand all of it, but apparently it's a very old, powerful potion that, when drunk, creates a cloak over the user that blocks any traces of their magic from escaping. He thinks she took it so that neither he nor you would be able to find her through her magic."
Not for the first time in her life did Regina rue Emma's cleverness. By taking that potion the blonde was taking one of her best tools out of her toolbox. "Okay, well. That tells us something. How about instead of the shop you go to the top of the clock tower? That way you could keep an eye on a large part of town with a pair of binoculars as well as making sure she can't get to the top to…jump," she finished, instantly regretting the choice of words in front of Henry.
With Belle's nod, Regina turned to the dwarves. "Grumpy, can you take the rest of the dwarves to the mines? There's a chance she might decide to hide down there, or even jump down the shaft where she rescued Archie and Henry. Sorry, Henry," she finished with an apology to her son, who looked more distressed as she went on.
He set his jaw, focus taking the place of worry on his young face. "No worries, mom. You're right. We have to cover all our bases."
Giving him a tight, proud smile, Regina turned to the last person she wanted to address personally. "Ruby, I'm sorry I have to ask you this question in this way, but since you have the best physical senses of anyone here, I need you to try. Can you take the letter and try to either see or smell anything we missed that could give us clues to Emma's whereabouts?"
Ruby looked taken aback, but nodded, understanding. She accepted the paper, tilting it this way and that to see if she could detect traces of any foreign substances. "Nothing to see, just paper and ink," she declared. Closing her eyes, she leaned in and inhaled. "Dirt. I smell earth, and grass. There's traces of hay and a lot of dust, too, but earth and grass are the primary scents here."
"The farm!" Henry exclaimed. "She's at Zelena's farmhouse! Or at least she was when she wrote that letter."
This time Regina's proud smile took over her whole face. "Very well done, Henry! You're exactly right, and it's a perfect hiding place for her. None of us would go there after Zelena. It's in the open, so she could see anyone coming, and it's close to the woods, so she could make an escape. Ruby," she said, turning back to the werewolf, "I need you to patrol those woods. Don't let her see you, but make sure she can't run anywhere."
"Done, Regina," Ruby promised.
Granny cackled from behind the bar. "I'll set up in an old deer blind I know around that area, too!"
Chuckling along with everyone else, Regina looked around, finding two of her least favorite people in Storybrooke. "Hook and Tink, I need you to take the Jolly Roger and keep watch on the docks and the beach. Make sure she doesn't try to take a boat anywhere."
"Aye. We'll lock the shoreline down," the pirate promised with the fairy's nod.
"Good," and with a wave of her fingers, walkie-talkies from the Sheriff's Department materialized in Grumpy's, Ruby's, Hook's, and Belle's hands. "Use these to communicate with each other as well as myself, Snow White, and Prince James."
"As for the rest of you," Regina declared, turning to the crowd, "Patrol. Explore. Be safe! But keep your eyes open. Just because we think she was at the farm doesn't mean she's going to stay there. If you see her, don't rush her. Approach slowly and call either me, Snow White, or the Prince."
She waved her hands, and everyone's pockets started emitting purple smoke. "I just put my phone number into your phones. This is a one-time emergency situation. If I start getting drunk dials and texts after we find Emma safe and alive," she paused for emphasis, allowing an old Evil Queen grin to spread, "Well, I may be reformed but I can still make you highly uncomfortable."
The crowd started marching for the door, chuckling at her remark. Grumpy and the dwarves stopped in front of her. "Don't worry, Madam Mayor," he said, "Snow White's daughter is in danger? The dwarves will do what we have to do to help her. Let's go to work boys!"
Regina watched the crowd disperse, impressed as ever with their devotion. I just hope it's going to be in time.
A/N: They're getting closer to finding her! Have no fear, dear readers. I wouldn't kill off a main character like this :)
Thoughts? Reviews and constructive criticism is always appreciated!