Chapter 2
It is amazing that in nine years Panem hasn't changed. The letter P is still missing from the sign above the Post Office. The butcher still has the same discount for pork in its window. Haymitch Abernathy is still propping up the local bar at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
I crinkle my nose at the long forgotten smell of fertilizer and manure as I step off the ancient and wheezing bus. The driver hops off the bus and pulls out my suitcase from the hold as I wipe off the sweat that has gathered on my forehead. Since the bus was manufactured in the 60's it has no air conditioning and I have spent two very uncomfortable hours in it as it has driven me here from the nearest train station. I am frazzled having spent almost twenty four hours travelling by plane, train and finally bus to reach a town I despise.
I shoot Cato a quick text to tell him I have arrived in Panem safely before stuffing my phone back in my purse and taking my suitcase off the driver. The aging driver gives me a big smile, showing several missing and black teeth, as he hands me the case.
"Good to see you back in Panem, Miss Katniss. Everyone is excited to see you," he says.
I try not to grimace as I smile back at him. Bill has been driving this bus for years and even confiscated the beer that we bought with our fake IDs from the next town over. He may have been old even back then but he is wily and knows exactly what is going on his bus. He was never going to forget my face even nine years later.
His comment reminds me just how difficult it is going to be to fly into Panem under the radar.
Bill pats me on the shoulder before he hauls himself back onto the bus and prepares to drive it back to its resting place for the night. I shake my head at how little things have changed.
The bus has dropped me off on the main street of Panem. It is the only non-residential area of the town and all the shops and conveniences are located here. It is the main hubbub of activity and trade in the town and the majority of the population who are not working the farms can be found here during the daylight hours. Several people clad out in denim and straw hats wander the dusty street as they go about their daily business and catch up with friends.
My eyes sweep down the street until they land on my parents' pharmacy. The white paint is a little more faded and there is now a big cardboard cut-out of a smiling and shiny looking doctor warning us about the dangers of developing type one diabetes but it is still the same pharmacy I spent my summers slaving away in.
It has been in my father's family for generations. When my father retires next year it will be the first time that no one from the Everdeen bloodline will be running the store. I almost feel guilty about the pharmacy passing out of the family. Almost.
Very briefly my eyes flit to the bakery next door and they linger there for only a moment. I barely let myself think about the son that inherited the bakery three years ago before I turn my attention back to the pharmacy. I try to ignore the soft pang in my chest at the memories I have concealed behind those bakery walls.
My phone buzzes within my purse and I scramble about to find it and read the message Cato has sent in reply.
Glad you are safe. Wish I was there with you. Xxx
I groan a little at the message. We had a big fight before I left about him wanting to come with me. It has always irked him slightly that I have never taken him back to my hometown and this latest refusal to have him accompany me has left him a little angry. He thinks I am embarrassed of him which couldn't be further from the truth. If anything it is my hometown I am embarrassed of. When Cato met my parents for the first time I know he was a little taken aback by just how small town they were. I couldn't put him through a whole week of this backward town and its simple people.
That's the reason I told him anyway of why I didn't want him to come. I missed out the fact that I don't want him bumping into Peeta. The two of them do not co-exist well together in my mind.
I haven't seen Peeta since I left Panem almost nine years ago. We had been best friends growing up. With his family's bakery being next to our pharmacy our parents would put us out in the back yards to tumble and play with each other while they worked the store fronts.
We were inseparable as children. Partners in crime and always getting up to mischief together. It seemed natural that when we got to a certain age that we became more than friends.
I shared all my firsts with him. With my intelligence and his charm we were considered the golden couple of our high school. Everyone expected us to get married and settled down once we graduated.
And I loved him. So much. I missed him if I didn't speak to him for a couple of hours. My heart would always pound when I saw him and lying in his arms was my safest and most favourite place to be.
So when he proposed in the fall of our senior year, I withdrew all my out of state college applications and said yes. We were married two weeks after graduation and I accepted a place at the community college two hours away. Everyone thought it was the perfect ending for the childhood sweethearts.
But things went bad quickly. Growing up Peeta had always been willing to follow me on my adventures to explore as much of our town and its surroundings as possible. But as the twenty mile radius around our town became too constricting for me, and I itched to explore even more of the world, Peeta's desire to explore and discover new places diminished. He was happy to live in the Panem bubble while I wanted to see the world.
I grew to resent him for lack of ambition. For no sense of adventure. I blamed him for my decision to attend the local college and not a college out of state that would actually excite and challenge me.
We fought regularly. Always about the small things. Whose turn it was to make dinner. The fact he hadn't fixed the hole in the roof. We argued about these things to avoid arguing about what was really bothering us.
We were only eighteen and too young to handle a grown up relationship. Peeta and the town were suffocating me so when I reapplied for NYU and got in I took off leaving only a note and Madge to explain why I had left. I changed my name back to Everdeen and never looked back.
Divorce papers have been served on a few occasions but they have always been returned either shredded or with some unpleasant things written about me. It seems Peeta was too angry to give me what I wanted.
Cato has no idea about Peeta. No one in New York does and everyone in Panem thinks we got divorced. I desperately need Peeta to sign the papers so I can finally put this godforsaken town behind me and live the life I want with Cato.
The only problem is that I have no idea how Peeta is going to react to seeing me for the first time in nine years.
I sigh as I put my phone away and hope that I can get this all sorted out without Cato or anyone else knowing.
Just as I am about to cross the street a cop car pulls up by the curb. A cheeky young man with red hair and lots of freckles jumps out and smiles when he sees me.
"Well as I live and breathe, it's Katniss Everdeen. Back to cause more trouble I'd be supposing," the young cop says.
I smile and shake my head at him as he hops up onto the curb to join me.
"They letting you run this town now, Darius? If I remember rightly you were the one in high school that was always getting hauled in by old man Cray," I reply.
Darius laughs before he leans in with a cheeky smile on his face.
"That is why I am the perfect candidate for the job. I know all the tricks these teenagers try to pull. I have the highest success rate for tackling delinquent behaviour," he boasts puffing out his chest.
I shake my head at him. Darius was two years above me in high school but was always the leader of the high jinks we got up to at school. I scored my first beer through him and helped him steal one of Abernathy's geese. It is amusing to see him in the smart cop uniform and trying to keep the peace.
"Well, I'm glad that I don't live here anymore and have to rely on you keeping me safe. You always got me into trouble," I tease.
"Careful what you say, Miss Everdeen. I know enough of your mischiefs as a teenager to haul you into the station right now. Haymitch is still griping about that goose," he replies with a playful smile.
I roll my eyes before politely telling him I need to get going and trying to head once again across to my parents' pharmacy. I am not here for a trip down memory lane and the longer I stand out here the more likely it is that I am spotted by someone else who wants a chat.
Darius tips his head at me and tells me he'll see me around before I step off the curb. But just as I do I hear a shrill voice and an excited cry.
"Oh my goodness! Katniss Everdeen! It is so good to have you back!" a female voice exclaims.
I groan as I step back onto the sidewalk and turn to face the woman with blonde curls rushing her way towards me. There are two young dark haired boys running about her ankles and she clasps a blonde toddler in her arms. Her blue eyes shine with delight at the sight of me.
Delly and I were in the same grade in school. She is one of those extremely positive people who talks a hundred miles a minute and loves a gossip. If Delly knows I am back it won't be long before the whole town knows. But she is so god darn nice to everyone that it is impossible not to be friends with her.
Darius gives me a sympathetic smile as Delly reaches me and flings the arm that is not holding the toddler around me in a tight hug. The two young boys, who must be about four and six, follow their mother before they begin chasing each other around using their fingers to have a pretend gun fight.
"Everyone has missed you so much. Our annual class of 2005 reunions are just not the same without our valedictorian!" she exclaims.
I force a smile as I gently push her off me.
"It's nice to see you. Are these your children?" I ask
Delly's smile broadens.
"Yes. That's my boys, Jason and Ethan. And this little one here is Mackenzie," she replies tickling the chin of the girl on her hip.
Back in New York none of my friends will even consider children until they are thirty. Delly is twenty-eight and already has three.
"It means so much to everyone that you've come back. No one can quite believe that someone from Panem can make it big in New York with a fancy job!" she adds.
"It's not that fancy. But it keeps me interested and lets me travel all over the world," I reply.
Delly bobs her head as she shifts the little girl on her hip. Her daughter looks just like her and sucks on her thumb as she looks back at me with curiosity.
"Your daddy tells us all about your travels. It must be so exciting to see all these places. And I hear congratulations is in order! I heard you got engaged in Rome. How romantic," Delly says dreamily.
I let out an awkward laugh and I see Darius roll his eyes at me before one of Delly's sons bangs into his leg and he bends down to tickle him. The little boy's shrieks fill the warm summer air and it isn't long before his older brother has jumped on Darius demanding the same attention. Delly just ignores her sons as I see her straining to catch a glimpse of my left hand. Deciding to give her what she wants I pull out my left hand to show her the ring.
She gasps in awe as she picks up my hand to examine the ring closely.
"Oh my! It's gorgeous. I bet it cost more than my house!" she exclaims.
I smile awkwardly again as Delly begins firing off questions about the ring and Cato's proposal. I answer the questions as best as I can but can't help but notice that Delly's warm welcome has drawn a lot of attention towards us. I can see many whispering and pointing as they gossip about Heath and Lily's daughter finally coming back.
"You just have to come round to mine and Thom's for dinner. I have just perfected the perfect peach cobbler. You just have to try it. It is the only way for me to get my boys to eat fruit," she says.
I can't think of anything worse than going round to Delly's house and being surrounded by talk of the perfect peach cobbler recipe and the best way to get stains out of clothing. Delly got married to Thom when she was twenty. All she knows is how to be a wife and mother. I can't imagine my life being that small.
Before I get a chance to reply the owner of Panem's one and only diner comes up to us.
"Katniss Everdeen! What are they feeding you in New York? You are all skin and bone!" Sae tells me.
I try to smile politely at the wrinkly old woman who must be nearing eighty now as I looking longingly over at the pharmacy. I just want to reach it so I can meet my parents and go back to their house. But stuck talking to both Delly and Sae I know that won't be happening any time soon. I can just see all the questions brimming inside their heads:
"How long are you in town for?"
"When is the wedding?"
"Will we get to meet Cato?"
"Are you coming to the annual summer carnival?"
The questions are endless and I get dizzy from turning between the two women as I try to answer the questions as politely as possible. Every answer I give just seems to spring up ten new questions.
In the end I am saved by my dad exiting the pharmacy and making his way over to me. I smile at him gratefully as he pulls me into a warm hug.
"It is so good to have you home," he says into my hair.
I squeeze him tight and inhale his soft scent of pine. He keeps me tucked into his side as he releases me and turns to Delly and Sae with a warm smile.
"Will you let an old man take a walk with his daughter? It has been too long since I was last able to walk her through these streets," he says.
"Oh, of course," Delly says placing a hand against her chest. "A time with a girl's daddy is very precious. We'll let you go and hope to see you at the barn dance tomorrow night."
Delly then reaches out to give my arm a gentle squeeze.
"I really can't tell you how excited everyone is to have you back," she says.
I give her a forced smile before Sae reaches in to give me a warm hug and a promise of a free milkshake when I come into the diner. She also utters sentiments about how everyone is looking forward to seeing me again. I can't help but think that there is one person in particular who probably won't be overjoyed with my re-appearance.
But I put him to the back of my mind for now. I want to enjoy this small moment with my dad before I have to face Peeta and the rest of the town.
"Good day, ladies," Dad says tipping his hat in their direction. "I'm sure we'll see you around."
Delly waves at us before rounding up her sons, who are still playing with Darius, and finally leaving us in peace.
I link my arm through my dad's as he picks up my suitcase and begins rolling it back to his house.
"Thank you," I say as I give his arm a gentle squeeze and rest my head against his shoulder.
Dad smiles down at me affectionately.
"I'm happy to help in any way I can. It is going to be a rough week for you. You should see what your Momma has prepared for you at the house. She hasn't left the kitchen in a week," he replies.
I sigh. I know Mom will have gone overboard. She may never get the opportunity to have me in her house again. She is going to try her hardest to convince me that coming back here is a good thing.
Dad isn't wrong about Mom going overboard. When I arrive back the entire kitchen table is filled with different varieties of fried chicken, corn pone, mashed potatoes and three different types of cobbler.
"Mom there is enough food here to feed the entire town," I declare as I put my purse down.
"Oh stop exaggerating, Katniss. I know you have all that fancy food in New York but when was the last time you had a proper home cooked meal," she says as she pulls a plate out for me and immediately begins piling it high with food.
"Everyone is too busy in New York to cook," I sigh as I slump down onto the nearest kitchen chair.
Mom tuts and shakes her head.
"I'm a little ashamed that my daughter doesn't know how to cook her husband a proper meal. A wife has certain duties. Delly Andrews' fried chicken is exceptional," Mom replies.
I roll my eyes. Being a wife now is more than just cooking and cleaning for your husband. I'd rather burn to death than be a tired housewife chained to a stove.
Dad walks up behind Mom and places a gentle hand on the small of her back.
"They do things differently in New York. I'm sure Katniss will be a very good wife to Cato even if she doesn't cook him dinner every night," Dad says trying to placate her.
Mom huffs as she wipes her hands on her apron.
"Well, I just hope it works this time," she says.
I flinch at her indirect reference to my marriage to Peeta. Mom was devastated when I left. Our two families were very close and I know Mom took the failure of our marriage as a personal failure on her part as a mother. There are very few divorces in Panem.
Dad sighs before he turns to pick up my suitcase again. Mom busies herself with arranging the plates on the table.
"Why don't you go upstairs and settle in your room. Then we will all be in a better place to enjoy dinner," Dad says.
I smile at him gratefully and follow him up the stairs. I pass the various pictures of me growing up on the stairs. A picture of me smiling brightly at the camera with a birthday cake in front of me. Another of me sitting on my first horse. Me in my dress for winter formal. I notice, with relief, that the pictures at the top of the staircase have been replaced with recent ones of me and Cato on vacation. Any trace of Peeta has been removed.
Dad takes me into my room and it is like stepping into a time warp. Not a single thing has been changed since I moved out of this bedroom ten years ago. There is still the same forest green bedspread on the bed. My high school textbooks still line the shelves of my bookcase. My science trophies from school still rest on the window sill.
It is like they have kept this room as a shrine for a child they have lost. But I guess they have lost me in a way. One visit a year hardly constitutes as a close relationship with their daughter. I get a pang of guilt as I realise my hatred for this town has not made me a very good daughter.
"It has been ten years since I left this room. I won't mind if you want to change things in here," I say as I turn back to my dad.
He smiles at me sadly.
"This will always be your room. It will always be here for you whenever you come back," he says.
Another pang of guilt hits me. Once I finally have this divorce from Peeta I don't plan on ever coming back here. I realise my refusal to come back here hurts my parents more than I thought.
"I'm sorry I haven't come back sooner," I say growing sombre.
Dad smiles at me again and steps forward to place a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
"I understand why it is difficult for you to come back here. I'm just grateful you are here now," he replies.
I smile back at him and he gives me a reassuring pat on the shoulder before stepping away. Just before he reaches the door he turns around again with a smile in his eye.
"Don't spend too long unpacking. Your Mom isn't going to settle until you have tried every one of her dishes. She says you have lost too much weight," he says with a grin.
I laugh.
"Tell her I'll be down in fifteen minutes and can't wait to tuck in," I reply.
Dad smiles at me again before turning and exiting my bedroom.
I stare at the door for a few moments contemplating how I am going to survive a week here before I haul my suitcase onto my bed and begin unpacking.
As I am hanging some of my clothes in the wardrobe my attention turns to some of the posters covering my wall. In high school I covered the walls with pictures of all the places I wanted to go to and explore. There are posters of beaches in Bora Bora, skiers in the Swiss Alps, a black and white one of the Eiffel Tower. I smile to myself as I realise just how many of these places I have seen.
As I scan the posters my eyes land on some personal photos that are tucked into the side of my mirror. There is a picture of me and Madge laughing as we sit on the rocks in our bathing suits by the lake. I smile at the memory as I remember how we challenged the boys to a diving competition and their despair as Gale slipped and belly flopped on his last dive, handing us the win.
Not all my memories of Panem are bad.
But after I have spent a minute reminiscing about that day my eyes drop to the picture below. My heart clenches as I take in the picture of Peeta and me smiling and so obviously in love. The picture had been taken on the camping trip all the seniors took during spring break. Madge had managed to capture a moment when Peeta was feeding me a toasted marshmallow on a stick. Our heads are leaned in together and our eyes sparkle as we both try to take a bite of the marshmallow.
This photo was taken before I grew to resent him. It is painful to see the way I looked at him then. No one looking at the photo could doubt our love. It is painful to know that in a few short months that feeling was gone.
I stare at the photo for a few moments before I can't bare it any longer and I rip it off the wall. I stuff it in a drawer to try and keep it out of sight and out of mind.
A moment later I hear the doorbell and voices at the door. I groan as I think of more people coming to visit me. I just want a quiet night in. But I know Mom will be up here in a moment demanding that I come and see our guests if I don't go down now. Reluctantly I leave my half unpacked suitcase behind and go to greet whoever it is that has come to see me now.
However as I walk down the stairs I hear a very familiar laugh and my face breaks into a smile as I run down the last few steps.
Standing in my parents' living room is a very tall man with dark hair and his wife smiling brightly beside him. A small blonde haired boy clutches his chubby toddler arms around the man's leg and sucks his thumb as he looks up at the adults surrounding him.
Both Madge and Gale turn round with big smiles on their faces as they hear me come in. I smile wider as I take in the sight of two of my best friends for the first time in nine years.
"Hey," Madge says with a beaming smile. "I know you are probably overrun with visitors but I couldn't wait to see my best friend any longer."
I smile again and take the few steps towards her to I can embrace her in a big hug. Of all the people in Panem, Madge and Gale are the only people I have looked forward to seeing.
Gale is my older cousin and Madge was my closest female friend at school. So many of my best memories from here involve the two of them. They would often join Peeta and me on camping trips and horse rides and they were best man and maid of honour at our wedding.
They also know exactly how bad things between Peeta and I were at the end. They understood why I had to leave. I know they won't bombard me with questions about my arrival back in Panem like the rest of the town.
And I am a little relieved that they don't seem to be holding any grudges about me not attending their wedding six years ago. I had been travelling in Malaysia at the time and it was a convenient excuse for getting out of attending an event where I would have had to face Peeta as the best man while I would have been maid of honour.
"I can honestly say I am glad to see you," I say as I pull away.
Madge grins affectionately at me as Gale reaches out to put an arm around her waist. Their three year old son is still standing clutching his dad's leg and he stands now slightly hidden behind it. He looks up at me shyly with his big grey eyes.
The sight of the child causes a twinge in my heart. He has inherited most of Madge's features but with his blond curly hair and stormy grey eyes I realise, with a shock, this is what my child with Peeta could have looked like.
But I shake that thought away. All that is in the past. I have long neglected friends I need to catch up with.
"You must be Noah," I say as I crouch down in front of the boy and offer him my hand. "I went to school with your Mommy and Daddy."
The boy looks at my hand curiously for a long moment before eventually popping his thumb out his mouth and offering me his slobbery hand to shake. I smile as I gently shake his hand up and down and he looks up at his dad to check it's okay. Gale gives him a reassuring smile and strokes the curls on top of his head silently telling him everything is fine.
"He's a little shy. He doesn't like talking much," Madge replies.
I give Noah one last smile before I stand and straighten up. I give Gale a knowing look.
"Sounds like someone I know," I say to him.
Gale scowls and I chuckle.
"It's a good thing he got all of Madge's good looks. No kid deserves your ugly face," I tease.
Madge laughs too and even Gale's face breaks into a grin.
"I see you are still stirring up trouble, Catnip," he replies.
"Oh God. No one has called me that in nearly ten years. I forgot how annoying it is," I say.
Gale grins to himself smugly. He came up with the nickname when he was nine. He thought it was a hilarious and witty play on my name and has insisted on calling me it ever since.
"That's the thing with childhood friends. We remember all the embarrassing stuff from when we were growing up," he replies.
I smile and shake my head at him and know my parents are grinning broadly at the display in the corner. Madge and Gale used to spend hours at our house. It must be like catching a glimpse back in time as we stand about teasing each other.
"Come on. Mom has made a mountain of food. I'm sure you'll be able to put a big dent in it, Gale," I say as I lead them through to the kitchen table.
Mom and Dad kindly leave us be to allow us time to catch up.
"Just as long as he doesn't eat too much. Now he's hit thirty his metabolism isn't as fast as it used to be," Madge replies gently patting his stomach.
Gale scowls at her before he lifts Noah up so he can sit on his knee while we eat.
"I'm in great shape. I carry the most bales of hay on the farm," her husband protests.
Madge shakes her head at him.
"I'm just saying, I had to let out your pants last month," she replies.
Gale makes a huffing noise but then Noah tugs on his arm and tries to reach the chicken at the far end of the table. Gale immediately lets the subject drop as he reaches for the chicken and begins cutting it for his son.
I watch the three of them silently for a moment. While Gale is cutting up the chicken, Madge feeds Noah some carrots and their hands move above, over and around each other with ease. The family dynamic between them is so natural. It is nice seeing them look so content.
"I need to congratulate you. Mom tells me you are pregnant again," I say as I tuck into my own plate.
And I am happy for them, even if their life is something I don't want for myself right now.
Both Gale and Madge beam as Madge's hand goes to rest over the slight swell in her belly. There is that pang again as I see Madge rub her belly lovingly.
"Thank you. I've just gone fifteen weeks. Gale is convinced it is going to be another boy but I have a feeling this one is a girl," Madge replies.
I smile back at them but my eyes remain on the swell of Madge's stomach. Long forgotten memories resurface as I watch her.
"Well, I'm happy for you," I say. "I sat next to you long enough, doodling Mrs Madge Hawthorne on your notebooks, to know how much you wanted this."
Madge blushes at the reminder of her doodled notebooks. She had a crush on Gale since we were old enough to have crushes. But Gale was a couple years older than us and didn't see her that way for a long time. Ironically it was the mess of mine and Peeta's relationship that brought them closer together and finally encouraged Madge to be honest about her feelings. They are the perfect complement for each other. Madge soft and refined and Gale rough and fiery. I don't think there are two people better suited for each other.
"I didn't doodle that," Madge mumbles.
Both Gale and I know this is a lie and share a grin with each other. Gale leans in to place a kiss on the side of her head.
"Don't worry, honey. I carved your name into a tree, remember?" he says.
Madge softens at his touch and I smile at them again. Madge finishes feeding Noah carrots before turning back to look at me.
"Have you seen Peeta yet?" she asks.
I freeze. I knew this question was coming. I am a little surprised he hasn't come up already. But it still doesn't make hearing it any easier. Not when the thought of seeing him again makes my stomach go into knots.
Gale fires Madge a look that says "What are you doing?" Madge looks a bit guilty but turns back to face me.
"I thought I'd bring him up sooner rather than later. There is no point avoiding it," she says.
I slowly gulp down the bit of chicken I am eating before looking back at her.
"No, not yet," I say dabbing a bit of food off the corner of my mouth. "I thought I would go round and see him later. Eliminate the element of surprise bumping into each other would bring."
Madge nods her head in agreement.
"I think that's wise. I think a meeting away from prying eyes is a good idea," she says.
I nod my head.
"How is he anyway? What's he been up to?" I ask trying to sound casual.
I have not let myself ask this question in nine years. At first it was to protect myself from hearing how much I had hurt him. I was barely holding it together myself and hearing how I left him heartbroken would have tipped me over the edge. Now it is more about trying to dissociate myself from everything to do with this town.
"He's doing well. They bakery is doing really well since he took it over. Lots of new recipes. I swear his cakes are the reason the whole town has put on a few pounds," Madge says with an awkward laugh.
I'm glad he is doing well. Running the bakery is all he ever wanted. I respect him enough to not begrudge him his happiness even if it is a very different version from mine.
I nod my head again and both Madge and Gale watch me carefully. Even after all this time they still know me well enough to know the thought of seeing Peeta makes me anxious.
"I'm a little nervous about seeing him. I mean I didn't exactly leave things well. He has every right to hate me," I admit.
Madge and Gale share a look before both looking at me sympathetically.
"It was a long time ago. You have both moved on and are mature adults now. I really don't think it will be as bad as you think. You may even become friends again," Madge states hopefully.
It is my turn to share a look with Gale. Both of us know that is unlikely to happen.
"I think that is a bit too much to ask, Madge. I broke his heart with a note. Hardly friend of the year material," I reply.
Madge sighs before her attention is turned away by Noah offering her a bit of fried chicken. She smiles at her son as she takes the bit of chicken off him before turning back to me.
"You both made mistakes. You have to stop blaming yourself for leaving. It was the healthiest thing for both of you," she says.
I smile at her gratefully but the knot in my stomach grows tighter at the thought of all the not entirely unfounded horrible things Peeta could say to me.
After spending and hour with Madge and Gale and sampling every dish that Mom made for me I decide to bite the bullet and go and see Peeta. Nervous butterflies swirl about my stomach at the thought of his reaction at seeing me but I know it will only get worse the longer I put it off. I want that divorce and no matter what harsh things he could say to me will stop me getting it.
I tell my parents I am going for a walk before I make the short journey to the house I used to share with the man I used to love.
It is surreal standing once again at the bottom of the steps of the house I spent a year of my life in. A thousand arguments run through my head with the very intermittent flash of a laugh or a smile. All my ghosts live in this house.
Nothing else may have changed in Panem but this house certainly has.
It seems Peeta has been busy these last nine years. The porch has been sanded down and extended. A wooden porch swing has been added and swings in the gentle evening breeze. There are new tiles on the roof and the timber walls have been repainted a soft yellow colour. Primrose bushes have been planted along the edge of the house and the bright yellow flowers dance together in the breeze.
I stand at the bottom steps for a long moment surveying the house and trying to build up the courage to knock on the door. I ended things badly when I left. The shredded divorce papers highlighted how angry he was with me.
I take a deep breath to compose myself before gaining the courage to move and walk up the couple of steps to the front door. I walk across the porch and hesitate only slightly before knocking on the door and waiting for a reply.
I chew my bottom lip as I wait and wring my hands together to try and rid myself of some of this nervous energy. I wonder if he still looks the same. Will he have grown a bit of stubble like I saw Gale supporting earlier? Will his curls still be as unruly? I rock back on my feet as these thoughts run through my head.
But after two agonisingly long minutes no one come to answer the door. I wonder if he saw me coming and is just refusing to answer. I wouldn't put it past him to be petty and leave me standing like an idiot on the doorstep.
I move to the window and place my hand above my eyes to peer into the small house. It seems to be dark but I can just make out an old leather couch and a six pack of beer on the table. I press my head closer against the glass to see if I can catch any glimpse of him.
"I heard you were back in town," a male voice cuts through the air.
I tense at the sound. The hairs on the back of my neck prickle and my heart momentarily stops. He sounds exactly the same as he did when we were teenagers.
Slowly I turn round and take in the sight of my husband who I haven't seen in nine years.
He has parked the old blue truck that he had in high school in front of the house and has hopped out of it to stand at the bottom of the steps.
He has barely changed in the years since I have left. His blond curls may be a little darker but still sit atop of his head in an effortlessly messy style. His shoulders and arms have broaden as he had filled out his teenaged frame and there is just the hint of a few blond hairs gracing his chin. But he still looks like the boy I feel in love with all those years ago.
We are both stuck staring at each other as we analyse the other's appearance and note all the changes we see. I can tell Peeta can't really believe what he is seeing.
He is the first to move as he locks his truck and walks up the steps to join me by the door. He stops a good foot away from me as he continues to study my appearance.
"What are you doing on my porch?" he asks.
I am a little taken aback by the hard look in his blue eyes. His eyes used to be a huge source of strength for me. I could get lost just looking at them. They always looked at me with love and adoration. Now it is just coldness.
I straighten up as I get ready to face him. I am not going to let him have the upper hand. I came here for a reason and I won't leave until I get it.
"Technically it is still my porch too," I reply holding his stare.
Peeta lets out a bitter laugh as he shakes his head.
"I see you lost your accent. Tell me, is that because you wanted to impress your new fiancé or are you too embarrassed about your home roots?" he asks.
Damn him. He could always read me like a book. I immediately dropped my accent when I moved to New York in a defiant attempt to remove myself from everything back here. I hate that he is calling me out for it.
"I don't need to defend myself to you," I reply.
Peeta smirks and I can feel my temper rising at the sight of it. That smirk always irritated me as teenagers. He knows exactly how to get under my skin.
"I forgot just how little it took for you to get your back up," he says.
My nostrils flare and I clench my fists as I try to keep my temper under control. He's goading me into a fight. Both of us became good at this at the end of our marriage. It was just easier to fight than admit our real problems.
He steps to the side to pick up a can of paint that lies by the door. My eyes follow him as he does so and he begins to speak again as he pulls back up.
"I hear congratulations is in order. Though I didn't take you as a bigamist," he says as he turns back round to face me clutching the can of paint under his arm.
I narrow my eyes at him.
"That's why I'm here. I have the divorce papers. You can have everything. I just want you to sign the damn papers and finally end this," I say as I pull out the papers from my purse.
I present them to Peeta and he does take them as he rearranges the can of paint under his arm so he can flick through them.
"How generous of you. What does your fiancé think of you still being married? It takes a very understanding guy to propose to someone that already has a husband," he says as he flicks through.
I avert my eyes from him and look at the ground. I wring my hands together as I think how I don't want Cato to ever find out.
Peeta sees my guilty look and he tips his head back to laugh.
"Things just get better. He doesn't know," he says as he takes a step towards me. "Maybe I should give him a call to warn him just what a nightmare it is to be married to you."
I don't like the hard edge to his voice. He is definitely no longer the boy I married.
"Just sign the fucking God damned papers!" I say finally snapping and raising my voice.
I am not going to take his taunts any longer.
Peeta raises his eyebrows in surprise at my outburst. He flicks the papers back to the front and tucks them under his arm.
"Does your Momma know you swear like that?" he replies. "What happened to the good little country girl?"
I exhale loudly through my nose and close my eyes to try and compose myself again. This has gone horribly. He clearly still hates me for leaving like I did and I am too easily goaded into a fight with him. I need to calm down so we can both get what we want.
"Look. You don't want me here and I don't want to be here so just sign the papers and we both get what we want and I leave," I say trying to stay calm.
Peeta shakes his head and takes another step towards me. His nose is only inches from mine and I can smell his familiar scent of cinnamon and dill. My heart begins to beat rapidly as he stares deep into my eyes.
"You're a right piece of work, aren't you?" he says. "You don't get to turn up here after nine years and after leaving just a note to demand things from me. Not everything gets to go your way, sweetheart."
My breath is momentarily taken away by the intensity of his stare. I can see all his anger for me in his blue eyes and it seeps into my body, wrapping round my heart and clenching round it in guilt. Because I also see his pain. Pain over the fact I just took off. That I didn't give him a chance to try and change my mind.
But I couldn't stay to face him. I couldn't stay and see the pain in his eyes as I broke his heart. Because even though I had grown to resent him for keeping me in Panem part of me still loved him and I couldn't handle seeing him pain, particularly because I was the cause. I left him a note to save my own heart from even more anguish.
I can't take the intensity of his stare any longer and I flick my eyes away to look at the wooden floorboards of the porch. I don't want to be reminded of my bad choices.
"I'm not leaving until you sign the papers," I mutter.
Peeta shakes his head again and I feel him push the papers back into my chest.
"That's fine, Katniss. You stay standing outside on our porch. I'm off to The Hob. Enjoy you evening," he says.
I look back at him and his jaw clenches before he turns and storms down the steps.
I am left stranded alone at the top of the steps with the unsigned papers fluttering in the breeze.
A/N: Peeta is one very hurt jilted lover right now. He's got a lot of unresolved resentment built up. Things are going to take time.
I feel like I introduced a lot of characters in this chapter so I hope it wasn't too overwhelming. We've still got some more to appear in the next chapter.
Thanks to everyone who has already followed/favourited/reviewed the story so far. It's good to see so many Sweet Home Alabama fans out there. I hope you enjoy my take in that story.