A/N:Okay. I wanted to update much earlier since it's our day off but, of course, we had to deal with a sickly chicken today. The chicken in question, named Jade, is now residing in our office. She has had baths, treats, massages, her own bed of fresh straw...
Seriously, I'm coming back as a chicken...or a cat, I'm still undecided.
Super-Exploding Stars
Being a friend wasn't easy, it was all a lot of effort, worse than a romantic relationship even or at least Brenda thought so. That's why she didn't have any, friends that is - close ones - because she hadn't yet found anybody who thought she was worth the mammoth effort. Except for Sharon.
Sharon who was clearly upset. Shock came to mind. Her earlier composure had gone, what had happened, the horrible ordeal, had finally set in. She remembered how the brunette had sounded on the phone - terrified, in fear for her life.
And then, at the scene, she had calmly asked for her glasses.
In hindsight, Brenda should perhaps have insisted that this Gavin character stay with her. Perhaps he had tried, just like Brenda had, and Sharon had driven him away so she could suffer in silence and sift through her feelings alone.
Sharon rarely relied on other people to pick up the pieces. Only, this time, she had asked Brenda to.
"Sharon?" She decided to knock on the door first then tried the knob - locked. "Open the door."
No answer.
There was only one way in. The blonde searched her tote and came up with a hairpin. She poked it into the little hole in the door knob and heard the click of the lock immediately; useless, really, she thought and threw the door open.
Sharon just stood there, hands gripping the sink, eyes fixed on her own reflection in the mirror. The blonde wracked her brain for something to say but realized words were superfluous, instead she approached slowly and laid a hand on Sharon's shoulder.
She guided the woman into her arms; no protest, nothing.
Brenda breathed in deeply as her arms came around the woman's body. Sharon didn't seem to just humor her this time; she slumped into the embrace, the tips of her fingers digging into Brenda's back and holding on as if some unseen force tried to drive them apart.
She felt Sharon's breath against her neck, in her hair, hot and labored, yet there were no tears, just sighs.
The blonde kept still, an eerie feeling making the hairs on the back of her neck stand. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to pinpoint what it was.
The flutter, it returned and Brenda felt as if her head was about to explode.
With the opportunity presenting itself, with Sharon wanting her, it was difficult to say no. That was probably how Sharon had felt back when she had finished things and it was quite clear to Brenda then that it must have taken a lot out of the woman to turn her away.
And besides, she thought, she didn't want to lose this.
That was that eerie feeling - loss.
Losing their new-found relationship; for some reason, Brenda couldn't fathom why the prospect would fill her with such dread.
Sharon's hands shifted then, slowly moving lower, curving along Brenda's hips.
The blonde felt almost hyper-aware yet she couldn't open her eyes. Sharon brought their hips together, aligning their bodies in a way that they hadn't touched in a long time. Brenda felt it, then; that familiar comfort that she wished she could just sink into. It wasn't desire.
It wasn't want.
It wasn't need.
She pried her eyes open and stared back at herself, the mirror showing them both, no lies, no hiding, just the naked truth to the naked eye.
Brenda stumbled backwards. "You're drivin' me nuts," she said, barely getting the words out.
Sharon nodded with a sigh, her hands on her hips. "I know."
Her bottom lip wobbling slightly, Brenda stared at the other woman in disbelieve. "Why didn't you say-why-" Words failed her, and what did it matter anyway?
Of course she had known.
"Because you drive me crazy, too, Brenda." Sharon shrugged, resigned. "Still."
Brenda couldn't help the dark, throaty laugh escaping her, yet she wished the irony would. "Of course." Blowing out a breath, the blonde leaned against the tiled wall, shutting her eyes.
"You should go," Sharon declared evenly without a hint of anger in her voice, just matter-of-fact, as per usual.
But Brenda shook her head. "Well, you better go on and call hotel security 'cause I'm not goin' anywhere." Opening her eyes again to the bright, luminous light, Brenda evaluated her predicament again, studying Sharon, the woman she had grown to really admire.
As buttoned-up and prim and proper as she was, uncertainty was deeply ingrained in her, just as it was in Brenda.
The blonde thought of the first night of passion they had shared - not the night in the hotel room, but the night their gazes first met, igniting a blazing, scorching fire in Brenda's belly. That fire wasn't gone but it had become more bearable, a flame that she thought she could control.
But affection? There was no controlling it.
"Come here," she said quietly.
Sharon came, her bare feet padding softly over the tiled floor. Brenda embraced her readily, dropping a soothing kiss onto a silk-clad shoulder.
"I can't stop thinking about it," the brunette whispered. "It's going round and round in my head."
"I know..."
"I've never killed anyone." Sharon let out a strangled breath then swallowed heavily. "I don't wanna think about it."
"Let's have some more wine," Brenda urged, hoping that the alcohol would somehow soothe Sharon's mind. She dragged the brunette out of the bathroom and handed her a glass, she couldn't remember whether it was her own or Sharon's but that didn't matter.
"Thank you," the woman said, well-mannered even then, and downed the red liquid in one go. Breathing out again, she nodded seemingly to herself then plopped down on the bed.
Brenda felt horrible, knowing exactly how Sharon must be feeling. She sat down next to her, their shoulders touching. "It's going to be alright tomorrow..."
"You're a liar."
The blonde bit her lip and stared straight ahead out of the big picture windows.
"When is it going to be alright?"
She felt Sharon's intense gaze, and she really did want to lie, but she knew that the woman would see right through her.
"Never," Brenda admitted, looking her friend straight in the eye. "But it gets easier until you can just...live with it."
Sharon seemed to contemplate that for a moment and then she averted her gaze, introspective. "It's ironic, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"I investigate officer involved shootings all the time, fatal shootings, yet I have never made this experience myself...I've only discharged my firearm four times, including this-"
"That's different," Brenda interrupted, "This is different, Sharon. You weren't out there, on the job, you were in your own home and Crawley-"
"I know, I know, I know," Sharon closed her eyes tightly, remembering and not wanting to, Brenda knew that expression by heart.
"You had no choice."
"Did I?"
Brenda gave the woman a long, pointed look, placing her hand on her knee. "You had no other choice. It was either you or him and I'm more than grateful that I'm sittin' here with you right now."
"Brenda..." Sharon breathed, reaching for the hand on her leg, holding it there.
The blonde came even closer, trying to make her point. "I don't know what I woulda done to him if I'da found you on that floor."
"Brenda."
The blonde squeezed the knee while the brunette gripped her wrist, a silent warning that Brenda chose to ignore. Carefully she caressed the soft skin, moving the silken robe higher up the woman's thigh.
Sharon understood, Brenda could see it in her eyes; a hopeful glimmer brightening them briefly. "Are you sure?" She asked breathlessly.
"I don't wanna ruin this," the blonde admitted.
Sharon came closer even, her lips mere inches away and her grip unconsciously tightening. "You can't," she assured, searching Brenda's gaze.
She couldn't? The blonde wasn't so sure although, they had slept together numerous times yet here they were, still, closer than they had ever been before. Perhaps Sharon was right.
"Well, then..." Brenda said, her eyes dropping to the woman's lips. "Yes." With that, her tummy turned itself upside down, fluttering, while her heart had a hard time keeping up.
Sharon kissed her and it felt just like the other day - breathtaking and wonderful and not at all wrong.
It didn't feel like a mistake, not then and not now, and Brenda knew that perhaps Sharon had lied that night.
The brunette dipped lower and kissed her jaw, urging her to lie down.
"Gently," Brenda whispered.
"I don't know if I can..." Sharon didn't slow down; she kissed along Brenda's jaw, nibbling, teeth sliding along sensitive skin, over a pounding pulse, to a protruding collar bone.
Brenda sighed, fisting the silken robe, trying to stay grounded and ignore that suddenly incessant pounding. The brunette shifted, and then Sharon's thigh was between her legs and her fingers were wrangling with Brenda's top, then her bra until she had exposed her breast.
Brenda's nipple was hard, pebbling as the adrenalin coursed through her and Sharon's mouth enclosed it, engulfed it in moist warmth and then...bit it.
The blonde's breath hitched; the sting didn't feel entirely unpleasant, but...
"Gently," Brenda said again. Her body, her whole being, even, felt alight, bright and alive. Humming with electricity and a need that seemed more like a feeling in her gut than arousal.
"I can't."
Brenda licked her lip, licked Sharon off of it as the brunette's hands roamed along her waist. She felt powerful, bigger than herself. Sharon had said that sleeping together had always caused her doubt and confusion but for Brenda it wasn't at all like that.
Sharon had always given her this, that empowerment, that sense of being better, bigger...of being just more than Brenda or Chief Johnson. Yes, she had very nearly forgotten why it had happened in the first place, having chalked it up to selfishness but this proved it, just as much as it should prove it to Sharon that it would have to be just this once and then never again.
Because otherwise they wouldn't stop.
Brenda felt damp, the wetness pooling in her underwear and she knew Sharon could feel it too. Denial wasn't an option - this meant something.
It always had.
The blonde stared into those green eyes, realizing she had gripped the brunette's robe so tightly that the sash had come apart, exposing her body. Brenda couldn't help but look, greedily drinking it up, marveling.
"Oh," she cooed, touching, very gently, Sharon's chest. After that, there was no sound, just that tingle in her tummy and that unbearable heartbeat between her legs. Sharon looked at her, eyes wide and green, the depth of her gaze almost frightening.
She saw affection. And she knew the same was reflected in her own eyes. And Brenda could just not bear it.
"Oh, for heaven's sakes..." She reached down and pulled her skirt up, Sharon helped her, frantically shoving the material aside and then she tore at the panties, down the legs, and off.
Sharon flung them somewhere and as she gripped the blonde's knee, to part her legs, she felt the dampness, her dampness, on the brunette's hand.
She was wet, very much so, "Oh, Sharon," how did she always do that. "Oh, Sharon."
And then the woman descended upon her in a flurry of silk and skin, her fingers entering her, just like that.
Brenda wailed, screwing her eyes shut, as she met Sharon's hand. It was how familiar it felt that startled her most. How the feel of Sharon's touch, her fingers, her scent, the texture of her skin, was familiar, as if they had never stopped.
It was good. It always had been. An 'I need more' kind of thing. Big, warm, exploding light in her belly. Insurmountable need. Exhilaration that went straight to her head like a good bottle of wine, like a drug so good, so ecstatic, it elevated her beyond reasonable desire.
Reasonable. That's how Brenda's desire usually felt. Containable somehow.
This wasn't containable.
It made Brenda's head spin; too much, or was it? It all made little sense. Her arousal climbed, and it climbed, so high she could barely see herself.
"Oh, god, Sharon!" Brenda cried hoarsely, her hands clutching at skin, shaking. Oh, god, she would come, she knew it, too quick, too soon, again. She never had to chase it, not with Sharon, she never turned into herself, introspective, holding onto that flimsy, fleeting feeling, hunting for it, grasping for it.
It was just there, out of nowhere, rolling over her like a tidal wave, pulling her under only to find she could breathe under water.
"Oh, Sharon, slow, slow, slow!" But Sharon didn't listen. Why would she? Brenda always said that but really never meant it. "Oh, no...no, no, no, no."
"Yes," the brunette rasped.
"Oh, Sharon, oh, Sharon-" Her body convulsed, her spine curled, it was so intense, Brenda didn't know what to do with herself.
Was she flailing, was she falling?
Sharon's hand remained between her parted thighs, her fingers nearly still inside, warm...and just there.
Her body shook and then Brenda panted as if she hadn't breathed for an eternity. "Sharon..." She reached out for the woman, wanting to draw her into a kiss but Sharon avoided her and slid down the bed and to the floor. "No, no, don't-" Brenda was rudely cut off as Sharon parted her legs once more and spread her open.
The blonde felt a sudden discomfort, almost shame at her exposure, shoving her skirt back down but Sharon grabbed her wrists, her head disappearing between Brenda's thighs.
The blonde bit down on her lip and gave up the fight, resigning herself to the fact that this was going Sharon's way...all the way. Staring at the white ceiling, Brenda felt the woman's hot breath and then her mouth, moist and warm, engulf her clit.
Yanking her hands free, Brenda covered her face, flinging her arms over her eyes as her body flushed from head to toe.
Sharon took it very slowly then.
The blonde sighed as the arousal, that had never really ebbed away, made her thighs shake. "Oooh," she cooed, not entirely sure whether she could come again or not. "Oooh, that's wonnerful..."
Sharon hummed, her lips kissing and caressing and sucking, a delicious mixture of sensations that Brenda wasn't sure what to make of. "I don't know if I can...again."
"You can," Sharon merely said, her lips brushing the blonde's sex as she spoke, then her tongue traced over Brenda's clit, slowly, maddeningly so; the brunette just knew how to-well, how to everything.
"Oh, please," she whispered, flinging her arms back onto the mattress. "Please," she reached for the auburn mane between her legs, burying her fingers in it and tried to guide the woman where she wanted her. "Sharon...oh, that's...that's good."
The brunette had found that spot, just right there, where it felt best, and she licked it, just so. Brenda closed her eyes, sighing with pleasure and said what she had said before, "You're so good at this."
Propping herself up on her elbows, knowing that Sharon knew what she was doing, Brenda just watched for a moment, revelling at the sight of the woman's beautiful locks spread across her lap. "Oooh," the blonde moaned and flopped back onto the bed with the startling realization that she would come again.
It was a mere matter of time, waiting for it to build and explode. Reaching for her exposed nipple, Brenda squeezed it, caressed it, and sighed, her hips moving gently against Sharon's mouth.
"Oh, god," maddening, Brenda decided, wasn't the right word to describe this. "Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god..."
Her thighs shook and she tensed, her walls clenched in anticipation, wanting it so bad she tried to will it to happen. "Oh, please, Sharon!" She bit her lip and reached down again, tangling one hand into those curls while the other squeezed her own nipple. "Oh! Yes!"
Brenda moaned and wondered briefly what the people in the next room might think but then the orgasm ripped through her, wiping her brain of all thought.
Silence, that was it. There was always that silence in her head. Just...nothing. And that nothing, in itself, was something.
Shaking and definitely spent, Brenda let her legs flop to the bed and closed her eyes. Barely breathing, she felt Sharon hover above her, felt her lips on her own, kissing her gently. The blonde tasted herself on those lips.
The kiss was sweet and it made her feel safe and unafraid. Then Sharon shifted and straddled her hips. Opening her eyes, Brenda saw her beautiful Sharon sit atop her, robe still undone, body exposed to the bright light in the room.
She didn't say anything, not that it was necessary, and guided Brenda's hand between her own legs. The blonde sat up and swallowed as she felt the dampness there - Sharon was incredibly hot, alive - and let her fingertips slide over the woman's clit.
Sharon still guided her, guided Brenda's finger inside followed by her own.
"Oh..." Brenda said, mesmerized. "Oh, wow."
The brunette withdrew, leaving the blonde to figure it out. Brenda knew exactly what to do, remembering how the woman liked it, how her body felt and responded, how it smelled, tasted, looked, everything. It was as if it had been yesterday.
Pushing a second finger inside, Brenda merely watched as Sharon moved her hips, her eyes staring back at the blonde. Her hands came to rest on the blonde's shoulders, holding on as she went back and forth. Brenda was in awe, feeling the heat and the wetness inside Sharon as her fingers slid in and out.
Sharon sighed then and closed her eyes, her fingertips digging into Brenda's shoulders as she moved her hips faster and faster. They held onto each other, the brunette's face pressed into the crook of Brenda's neck, breathing hotly against it.
"Ah," it was the only sound, barely audible, that left her lips as her walls gripped Brenda's fingers tightly and Sharon came with shuddering breaths.
The blonde just stared, wanting to do more, to do it all again but instead pulled her fingers out slowly and rested them on Sharon's thigh.
Afterwards, Sharon went very quiet and Brenda began to wonder whether something had just been broken. But then the woman laid down, laid her head next to Brenda's and closed her eyes, exhausted.
She woke up to voices in the background and realized it was the TV.
"Hey," Sharon said from beside her, wine glass in hand.
Wiping drool off her cheek, Brenda sat up. "What time's it?"
"Just after five."
Sighing, the blonde plopped back onto the pillow. "I should go." She closed her eyes for just a moment, grasping for that sated, satisfied burn between her legs.
"I've missed this," she said quietly, listening to Sharon breathing slowly beside her.
"I know," the brunette whispered. "But Brenda-"
"Shush...I know." With that she sat up again and gave Sharon a gentle smile. "It's fine. I understand now."
The brunette looked at her for a long moment then smiled back. "Okay." She patted her leg. "Thank you, though, for being there for me."
"What a mess I made of it, too, huh?" Brenda chuckled. "Well. I'm gonna go on home but you call me if you need anything. I mean it."
"I will," Sharon said reassuringly. "If I need anything."
With a heavy heart, Brenda dragged herself out of bed and put on her shoes. She spotted her underwear next to the bedside cabinet and stared at it as her cheeks turned rosy. She snatched it off the floor and stuffed it into her purse alongside her lipstick that had fallen out and the phone charger she had taken to carrying around wherever she went.
"Here. The statement."
Brenda took the brown folder with a smile. "Did you find it all in order, Cap'n Raydor?"
"Certainly, Chief."
"Right then..." Brenda murmured. "Bye, now," she said and bent down to place a gentle, gentle kiss on the corner of the woman's mouth. "Bye, Sharon."
When she finally made it home, Brenda was exhausted. She managed to drag herself into the house, dropping her purse onto the couch in the living room where Fritz had left the light on for her.
As she meandered into the dark bedroom, first one shoe off then the other, Fritz laid on his back in bed, his chest bare and one arm stretched across her side of the bed.
Brenda watched for a moment then pulled the v-neck shirt Sharon had stretched on one side over her head. She dropped it just there, on the floor, the skirt as well and went into the en-suit.
She wished she could have just crawled into bed but Sharon's scent still lingered on her skin, so shower it was.
Under the hot spray, Brenda contemplated the idiotic thing they had done and tried, with all her might, to find at least a shred of regret within herself.
When she returned to the bedroom, Fritz had turned over, his back to her.