Note: I'm so inconsistent with my updates and for that apologize. Well no matter how many times I apologize I'm not going to get my act together. So without further ado here's the chapter.

Kill Thy Neighbor

Three: Fresh Meat

After a grueling day at work, Link was unwinding on his couch; when his cell phone started ringing. Reading who was calling, Link groaned.

Damn why'd I give that bitch my number?

Ever since Link had saved the world (or maybe even before that) Illia had fallen head over heels for Link.

I might as well answer it..., Link thought reluctantly.

"Hello." Link said in an indifferent tone.

"Hi Link!"

"Shut up you're giving me a headache!"

"Sorry Link... I have some great news!"

"Hurry it up, I don't have all day." Link snarled.

"We've got new neighbors! They live across the street!" she chirped, her happiness making Link sick to his stomach.

"That's great," Link muttered with false gusto, "Why don't you go visit them Illia?"

"I can't. My dad is having one if his crazy lockdowns," she sighed; Link could imagine the frown settling on her face.

"Oh? Well why don't you tell everyone else?"

This will be the only way to get this bitch to stop yapping. Her voice is like a fucking alarm clock, Link thought. He was starting to get pissed.

"I already did."

Those words struck panic into Link's heart and he quickly said,"Bye, I need some time to clear my head."

"Okey-dokey Link!"

Link promptly hung up his phone," Goddesses she's annoying."

She was a minor setback in his night time activities. Link began to listen to one of his all time favorite songs, Discovering the Waterfront.

"I won't kill again!" Link sung, completely off-key but not caring who could hear him.

Many of his friends had insisted the tune had become annoying, but Link ignored them like always.

He loved the song because it reminded him of his killings, failures, and accomplishments.

Link was in fact a murderer; he killed the Postman simply because he had gotten on his nerves.

Link later learned his to harness his anger. At times the hero had held back the urge to attack his "friends".

I should go see the new neighbors; wonder what the bastards are like.

Link left his home and found a large white house with a blue roof, a sold sign on the lawn.

The hero walked to the door and knocked softly. Link could hear loud barks from within and shushing.

Reminds me of when I turned into a wolf; worst transformation ever.

A black-haired woman with sea green eyes answered the door. Behind her were three kids, two boys (likely twins) about ten, and a little girl around six or five. There was a large pitbull pushing against the woman barking loudly. This lady obviously had a very busy household.

"I see you're new here. My name is Link. Welcome to the neighborhood."

Link held out his hand, the woman returned his gesture with a firm handshake.

"My name is Mom-"

Link chuckled,"Mom?"

"Oh whoops! Being a mother can be a bit stressful at times. My name is Jessica Jinx. Pleased to meet you," she started to motion to her children"These are my sons Jake and Elliott. This is my daughter Samantha."

Jessica Jinx... that sounds like a porn star name. Also reminds me of those times when I couldn't draw my sword, Link thought chuckling to himself.

The dog barked for attention.

"Oh and let's not forget Toby! He's always been rather boisterous."

Link grinned and pat the dog on the head, cooing softly at it.

"So where did you move from?"

"San Francisco." she replied.

Isn't that where all the hippies live?, Link wondered.

"Why make such a big move?" Link asked.

"To be honest, we needed a change of scenery. San Francisco was getting a little boring. Also Walter's mother is ailing right now so we want to be around to help her out."

"I'm assuming Walter is your husband?"

"Yes. He's at work right now," Mrs. Jinx paused, then asked "So what do your parents do for a living?"

"P-parents? I live alone. Plus my parents are dead." Link answered.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Forgive me I didn't mean to-"

Link interjected,"No. It's my fault. They died right after I was born so I shouldn't be upset over something I never had. I got to go sort some things out..."

"Please don't go. We were about to have dinner and we would love to have you over," Mrs. Jinx begged.

Link turned to leave but, as he walked away he heard paw pads.

Mrs. Jinx erupted,"TOBY NO!"

Toby came in front of Link and did a playbow. Link smiled and thought this dog was SO cute. It has sheen black and white fur and a happy hanging tongue.

"Do you want to play?" Link asked.

"TOBY GET BACK OVER HERE!" roared the mother.

That's when Link's sexy bits were bitten, making him squeal like a little girl. The pain was unbearable.

Link barked at the dog, which ran tail between it's legs.

"I'm so sorry. Toby is a very disobedient dog. Are you alright? Do you need a band-aid?" Mrs. Jinx said, her tone full of concern.

Is this bitch for real? I bet she trained that damn dog to attack..., Link mused, fuming all the while.

"I'm fine..." Link managed feebly.

Link limped home in agony, unbeknownst to him trouble was brewing in the neighborhood.

Afterword

You know when you leave food out too long and it gets nasty? I kinda feel like that is happening to this story. I will NEVER again post a story without completing it first! I actually have written out most of this story; I'm just too lazy to actually type it up. I know what you're going to say: "Get Dragon so you'll never have to move your sausage fingers all over the keyboard." No that is not the answer. I like to hear the satisfying clicks. Well enough babbling, see ya!