A./N.: And here the story comes full circle. Now they … and we can finally focus on the future.The phrase, "The rabbit died," came to be a euphemism for a positive pregnancy test after the late 1920s and early 1930s because of the test, originating from 1927, I describe in this chapter, but I thought I could get away with using it for this story. So please be nice, HB rules. ;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please leave a review.
The Rabbit Died
Elsie came to in the hospital ward for women a little after Charles had carefully placed her on one of the beds and stepped back to allow Dr Clarkson and Mrs Crawley to hover over her. Her eyes had slowly fluttered open, terribly disoriented, and she felt rather dizzy. Eventually her eyes focussed on Mrs Crawley. The nurse smiled kindly down on her and offered her a glass of water. As Elsie carefully sat up the room around her began to spin and as she took a hasty gulp of the water. It hit bottom and started back up. She pushed Mrs Crawley to the side and ran for the bathroom to the right in the back of the ward, reaching it just in time to throw up into the toilet, retching bile.
She was dimly aware that Mrs Crawley had followed her, hovering anxiously in the doorway, and waved her away with one hand. She hesitated for a moment, but then went to shoo Mr Carson and Lord Grantham out of the room and telling Dr Clarkson what was happening.
Elsie slowly stood up and, after flushing and closing the toilet, started toward the sink to wash out her mouth. The entire inside of her head tasted of bile. Careful swilling with water cleansed her mouth and did a bit to remedy the nasty taste ... but nothing to drown the panic that had come in the wake of the nausea. She had the sudden, distinct and thoroughly bizarre impression that her skin was missing. Her legs felt shaky and she sat down on the toilet seat.
'I can't', she thought. 'I simply can't.'
She sat there on the toilet, lacking the will to rise. She could feel her womb very distinctly. A small, round weight at the base of her abdomen, feeling slightly swollen, very tender.
'Nothing', she thought, with what determination she could muster. 'Entirely normal. It always feels that way at a particular point of my cycle. Maybe it is normal after … well, after that.'
But a small part of her mind knew that there was another reason. A soft sound from the door caught her attention. Mrs Crawley had returned and now stood there, watching her carefully and worriedly.
"The doctor would like to do some tests. Do you feel up to it?" Isobel asked gently. She was aware that the result of this test Dr Clarkson had in mind might very well destroy Elsie's life forever.
Elsie paled considerably. She didn't want to have any tests done, but she also reckoned that it would be better to know now instead of guessing for months before being certain. Swallowing thickly and feeling the urge to throw up again, she finally nodded slowly. When she tried to get up, the room spun again and she heavily leaned against the sink. Isobel immediately came over and supported her friend.
"Lady Grantham is outside and we will both stay with you until we have the results," she tried to reassure the younger woman.
"How long will it take to know?" Elsie asked quietly, not daring to look up into Isobel's eyes.
Isobel tried to remember how it had been with Matthew, but then she had tried for a child and had only gone to one of her husband's colleagues to have it confirmed. She knew that a sample of a woman's urine was taken and then tested, but how precisely that was done, she didn't know. "We will have to ask the doctor," she said quietly.
Again Elsie nodded and then succumbed to the gentle prompting of Mrs Crawley to follow her. In the ward Lady Grantham spoke with Dr Clarkson, but instantly stopped her conversation when she saw Elsie. Quickly she moved to her side and took her other hand, supporting Elsie as well. "Are you feeling a little better?" she asked softly. "Or are you still faint?"
"I still feel like fainting, M'Lady," Elsie admitted sadly, sitting down on the hospital bed and slouching forward rather ungracefully. Her knees were shaking uncontrollably and her heart was pounding in her ears, nearly deafening her to what went on around her.
Dr Clarkson slowly came over to stand in front of her and crouched down so he was level with Elsie. "Mrs Hughes," he addressed her, trying to get her attention, "I would like to ask you a few questions first, if that is alright with you."
Elsie nodded feebly and flushed a bright red as she imagined some of these questions. Dr Clarkson himself felt highly uncomfortable, but ploughed on as professionally as possible.
"When was the last time you had your monthly cycle?" The question was asked almost inaudibly. Elsie wasn't entirely sure if it was because of Dr Clarkson's discomfort or to give them as much privacy as was humanly possible at the moment. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Elsie had to admit that she hadn't paid much attention to it lately, feeling rather alienated within her own body, but that she believed it to have been before her attack.
"Before or after?" Apparently Mrs Crawley had heard the doctor's question and could understand her friend's reluctance to answer such a personal inquiry.
"Before …" Elsie wasn't sure anyone had heard her small voice, but Dr Clarkson nodded grimly and closed his eyes for a moment.
"Have you been feeling dizzy lately?"
She nodded miserably.
"A bit queasy around food?"
Again she nodded, tears springing to her eyes. Lady Grantham sat down heavily next to her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She was a mother and had gone through these questions three times with the doctor. Now she prayed that there was another explanation for these symptoms.
"I would like to take a sample of your urine and test it," Dr Clarkson said after a moment's hesitation. He winced a little at the creaking of his knees as he straightened up again.
"H-How?" Elsie's voice trembled something awful and she grabbed onto Lady Grantham's hand, seeing her wince a little at the tightness of her grip.
Dr Clarkson scratched the back of his neck and looked a bit uncomfortable. He knew that Elsie always wanted to know the details – that's what made her good at her job – and he sighed softly, preparing to explain himself. He could see that she needed to know what was going to happen … to feel at least some sense of control. "Well it is called 'Urology'. You see … I mean … you could be … well, pregnant," he stuttered, trying to spare his friend, but feeling the need to be honest with her and prepare her for the worst. When Elsie nodded silently, not looking up at him and only gripping Lady Grantham even tighter, he went on, hating himself for each word. "I will inject the urine into a rabbit. If you are … pregnant, there will be corpora hemorrhagica in the ovaries of the rabbit. These bulging masses on the ovaries can only be seen under a microscope. So the rabbit has to be killed to inspect the ovaries. It will take up some hours for the bodily processes to take their course, but then we should know at once."
Dr Clarkson was met with the incredulous stares of all three women. He swallowed and raised an eyebrow at Mrs Crawley. She as a doctor's wife really shouldn't be that surprised. She flushed a little and averted her gaze. Clearing his throat loudly to get Mrs Hughes' attention again, He gave her a little glass container and indicated the bathroom.
In the seemingly endless hours of waiting for the results, Elsie prayed fervently to God that the test would be negative. But no such luck. When the doctor appeared from his laboratory, Elsie tried to prepare for the worst, but was unsuccessful. Elsie had been pale before, clearly frightened what the results would be. Now, as she heard the results in the doctor's distant, impassable voice, all colour drained from her face. Her eyes rolled up and she slumped to the floor ... she fell rather gracefully.
oOoOoOo
Charles calmly sat next to his darling fiancée. His hand gently held her much smaller one against her stomach. He could feel the slight trembling of her fingers against his and he tenderly interlaced their fingers. Elsie bowed her head next to him, a becoming blush tinting her cheeks and a soft, shy smile curling her lips. She looked very lovely, he had to admit. His hand stopped trembling after a few moments and she leaned slightly into him. Charles felt his heart swell at her show of trust. His gaze was once again drawn to her small hand over her stomach and he gritted his teeth a little when he understood her gesture. For a moment he feared she was dizzy once again or feeling nauseous. Charles could hardly keep his mind on the sermon, as he remembered the anxious hours of waiting outside the ward in the hospital this same day last week.
oOoOoOo
"A word, if you please, M'Lord", Charles said, hesitantly stepping closer to his employer. Outwardly he appeared calm, but on the inside he was a wreck. A thought had struck him since he had been waiting outside the women's ward in the hospital, and he couldn't face it alone. "I don't know yet, of course, but … there might be a possibility."
He sounded calm but there was a trembling in his voice. Lord Grantham heard it clearly and nodded to his formidable butler, trying to reassure him with his own faked calm. "Say then," he commanded softly.
Charles took a deep breath, and shrugged a bit, as though his coat were suddenly too tight around his shoulders. His voice was almost inaudible as he whispered, "Can a man feel the same for a child that isn't his?"
"What? I don't quite understand." Lord Grantham was truly taken aback by the question, not having anticipated it at all. He simply stared at the other man, eyes wide and mouth unbecomingly hanging open slightly.
"Think, M'Lord," Charles said quietly, not able to look His Lordship in the eyes and the tips of his ears turning very red.
Robert was thinking then, wondering what Mr Carson was talking about. Evidently this thought showed, for Mr Carson ducked his head in acknowledgement of the need to explain himself further and ploughed on.
"I know ... it's not likely, but it is possible. Mrs Hughes … she might … be with child by that bastard, do you see?" Robert did see, with a blow like a fist under the breastbone. Before he could get breath to speak, Charles went on, "I will not see her outcast or disgraced. So can a man love a child that isn't his?"
Lord Grantham was struck speechless. His mind was reeling as he couldn't even begin to imagine what it must be like. It was horrible enough that their dear Mrs Hughes had been subjected to such a brutal violation in the first place, but now this possibility … Robert felt his heart sink to his shoes. Nevertheless Robert tried to think this over and give Carson an answer – he owed him that at least. Before his mind's eye Mrs Hughes was replaced by Cora. His hands curled up into fists as he imagined killing the swine who would dare to touch her. Slowly he brought his emotions back under control and tried to imagine Cora pregnant with another man's child. When he spoke at last, he hesitated and wasn't all that sure of his answer.
"I would accept the child as mine … for my wife's sake," he admitted quietly. "Maybe with time I would be able to love the child for its own sake. It never asked to be conceived in that way." Charles nodded thoughtfully, then His Lordship's next question shook him out of his thoughts. "You love her, don't you?"
Charles stuttered insensibly, but before either man could speak properly the door to the ward opened and Dr Clarkson stepped out. For a fleeting moment Charles could see Elsie. She lay crumbled on a bed, obviously sobbing into the sheets while Mrs Crawley and Her Ladyship tried to console her. He needn't hear the test results. It was clear as day that the news had not been favourable.
oOoOoOo
The next day both the butler and the housekeeper had been called into the drawing room to speak to Lord and Lady Grantham in regards to marriage. Since then Charles had not once regretted his decision to stand by Elsie's side as her husband and friend … only time would tell if he was destined to become her lover as well.
Without a conscious thought Charles moved his hand in slow, tight circles over Elsie's stomach, abandoning her hand and tracing it with his forefinger before flattening his hand once again over her stomach. Then, suddenly, he felt a little, almost imperceptible swirling sensation. At first he thought he had imagined it, but then he felt it again and this time it was a little stronger. His hand twitched a little on Elsie's stomach and he looked down onto her, his eyes widening as the realization of what he felt hit him. His eyes slowly travelled up and met Elsie's startled blue gaze. Her mouth formed into a perfect round 'o'. Her hand came up and covered her mouth, tears were springing into her blue orbs, but Charles still distinctly heard a faint gasp from her. A tender smile pulled at the corners of his mouth and he wasn't even fighting it as it broke out full force.