Sorry for the wait! Thank you once again for all of your support!
Lonely.
Robin felt lonely, and didn't understand why.
Not much had changed. She was still sneaking out with Gaius almost every night, even as they changed locations. Sure enough, the band of assassins/ruffians/bandits had followed right behind them. They had just saved a village from a pair of twins brothers. The battle wasn't too difficult, save for some incompetent villagers that seemed to be determined to go towards the danger, rather than away from it. Robin, who was currently walking around camp, remembered throwing her hands up in battle (almost dropping her tome) and angrily questioning what twisted logic did the villagers have.
"Do they have a death wish?" she'd screeched as she'd impaled a rather lethal bolt of thunder into an enemy. She'd been working hard with the prince to cut a path to safety, until the healers could rescue the dolts from certain death.
"I don't know!" Chrom gritted out, taking out the man behind the fallen enemy. He winced as he pulled back out a bloody sword, and had to duck as a tome whizzed past his head. He whipped around to see Robin wearing a deer-in-the-headlights expression, when he saw the tome thrusted back against her.
"Please do not lose your weapons in the midst of battle, when we already have the Vaike ('peh', he'd added in disdain) to deal with."
"It's the Teach!" A loud cry informed them, right before they heard the swish of an axe and an unpleasant crunching sound that they'd grown more and more accustomed to each battle.
Frederick, whom she had noted stayed away from her in the recent battles had popped out of nowhere to save her behind. Before she could even thank him though, he'd disappeared once more, leaving a path of fallen enemies in his wake. She hadn't seen him in ages, and that was the only glimpse that he had afforded her. She felt a grin slide off of her face, not realizing when it had even gotten there.
Oh what did she care?
Unfortunately...
Robin sighed, remembering the memory of the last battle. She kicked rocks along her path as she walked around camp, lost in her thoughts. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case anymore. Sumia and Stahl had relayed to her all the heroic's of the great knight. He'd been desperate to search for a cure. He'd barked at anyone who made the slightest mistake, and even berated Chrom, for the state that she ended up in.
Robin shuddered and hugged herself at the memory. Even though she was an amnesiac, she was pretty sure that that had to have been the most painful thing she'd ever gone through. Her blood was simultaneously ice and fire. Her bones felt like they wanted to break, and was screaming for her will to fall under. Gods, she'd never wish that upon her worst enemies, let alone Chrom. Chrom, who she'd gladly take another dose of whatever substance caused her such misery. Her conviction may have been weak (after all, she had felt death almost steal her away) but she knew that she'd do it.
Chrom, her blue haired prince. It had been easy enough to quell thoughts about him. She knew Frederick had done his damnedest to separate the two, and practically thrust poor Sumia to him. The girl was sweet, she acknowledged that, and pleasant to spend time with, if a little odd. Not that Robin herself was normal by any means. She still had difficulty holding conversation sometimes. Her mind wandered off into odd directions during conversations, and she'd earned herself more than a few strange looks. Even so, she was starting to grow more and more familiar with everyone. Maribelle, who had nursed Robin to exhaustion, yet stood strong the next day without complaint.
Lissa, the once fragile princess who'd retrieved supplies for her in the dead of night. They were friendly on a superficial level, as both women were kindhearted, but her gratitude, and Lissa's worry pulled them together. Cordelia and Sumia would spend afternoons braiding flowers into Robin's hair. Robin would have tea time with Lissa and Maribelle. She'd snuck in to the kitchens for an extra snack with Stahl (all food was inspected with rigorous inspection, courtesy of Frederick with each new supply of food. He had actually gotten sick, but that was a case of rotten vegetables. Needless to say, the merchant that provided the crop had learned a new definition to the word punishment, and probably didn't deserve his comeuppance. )
When she wasn't training with Chrom, now that Frederick had abruptly stopped their sessions, she'd taken up to sparring with lon'qu. That was always a challenge, but her constant jabbing and fig throwing had gotten him to tolerate her, at the very least.
Then there were her nightly outings with Gaius. She had to admit that she was growing severely frustrated at their lack of progress. Gaius assured her, time and time again that he was getting closer to finding the lead that they'd need. He explained to her that he smelled a rat, and that was why...that was why she ended up being poisoned. He'd said grimly how Chrom's dumb luck kicked in to save his life, or else he'd be 'rotting' dead in his tent, and no one the wiser but them two.
The mental image was horrible. She started an assault on the thief, and was deaf to his apologies. "Don't! Say! That!" she punctuated each word with a hit, and let the thought dissolve. And speaking of Chrom...
Robin sighed as she found a nice patch of grass to sit on. She'd extricated herself out of her evening tea with Maribelle and some of the other girls, and wanted some time to herself. Not caring too much about the grass stains forming on her robes, she brought her knees up to her chest and sank her head between them. She made sure that her mouth was muffled enough and screamed.
What was this? She suppressed everything she felt for him, and he came crashing back into her life. It was easy to differentiate working time and personal time. Yet, he constantly appeared like magic, sans pretty pegasus knight. Lissa kicked him out of their tea times (Cordelia occasionally being a part of this always seemed to grow sullen whenever he left).
He'd even almost walked in on her again! Gods, as though the first time wasn't enough for her poor, (chaste) heart. What did he think of her? Maybe...was that incident the cause of something else? He certainly had a good look of every inch of her. The man was so tactless he didn't even bother to close his eyes. Part of her worried that he didn't think of her as a woman at all...but she was more worried about the aftereffects of if he, well, did recognize her femininity.
"Don't be stupid," she quietly admonished herself. Chrom wasn't the type of man to be...ruled by what was between his legs. She'd heard that Chrom had been equally distraught over her illness, to put it lightly. His face was ghost white, and as it had been described to her, it was as though he was trying to pry his lover from her deathbed, as though he were pleading to trade his life exchange for yours. He was diligent in protecting her, and was tender in his treatment. Knowing all this...how could she push him away?
It hurt at first. It hurt a lot. All too soon had she gotten used to spending every waking moment with the prince. She didn't think she was a bother, because he looked like he genuinely enjoyed her company. They'd have silly argument, get into strange situations...and oh, how she remembered each touch between them. They'd be an accident, but she still could feel the lightning that would shoot through her heart.
She'd wondered if things had changed when he'd...presented the necklace to her. Robin insisted that she couldn't possibly accept such a gift but there was no turning him down. She shivered at the memory of his touch, his fingers were ice cold from the cold air, and yet left something warm inside the woman.
She didn't wear it of course. He asked her, but she said she had her reasons. She told him that she'd save it for something special. Truth be told, she didn't know how to feel. Did he like her more than friends? Would it be right to wear a token of...whatever it was. His gratitude, his affection, his friendship. Her mind drifted to Sumia, and what she would think of it. She often wanted to ask either party of their relation, but good judgement always stopped her.
Things grew ever the confusing once they started to spend the night together. Oh Naga, but that sounded wrong. It was the only way that she'd managed to get any rest at all though because, since that fateful, fateful night...
Robin learned to hate sleeping. She couldn't exactly place what images had haunted her into a shivering, sweaty mess. But it lingered. Oh the poison was gone from the body, but new toxic waste filled her mind. She continuously wondered what was it, what was it that hurt in such a real manner? It would be painful to remember, yet painful to forget. She'd spend all day mired in negativity, and thus at night they'd return. Intense dread, fear, worry for her comrades, but for what reason? Who was she so afraid of?
She blushed as reminisced the first night. She had just been turned away by Frederick who'd treated her with a chill that was even colder than the first time they'd met. She'd wanted to cry but she...she had no right to say anything after all that. After he'd just about almost died for her. Chrom who had been her support simply sighed; he'd told her there was no point, and she had to admit that he was right. His lips faintly brushed her ear as he whispered for them to go back.
He told her that he'd be treating her in her tent; she wondered why he and not someone else, but figured they'd need the rest from all that. Robin told him that he needed it too, but he wouldn't hear it. Commander of the army or not, he said that she was his biggest priority at the moment. Those were words that she really shouldn't be hearing, but nevertheless her heart swelled.
Once he'd tucked her in bed, against her better judgement she clutched on to his arm and begged him to stay with her. He chuckled an said he would. He stroked her hair and told her that he was her nurse, after all. Her hold on him became more insisting and he realized just what she wanted. The moment her eyes met his, he was lost to her will. He slipped in to her bedroll and promised to protect her from everything.
"Thank you," she said softly and in a moment of weakness, kissed his cheek. Before she could do anything more foolish on impulse she quickly turned on to her side and away from him and let sleep claim her. She didn't hear the prince sigh and mumble about how bad this was for his poor heart.
She didn't get to sleep for too long. It began. The imagery was gone but every other sense was there. The next thing she knew was that she was crying and that there was something trapping her. She thrashed around, but the grip on her was only tightening. Gods, she felt like she suffocating, and was scared she was going to die. Her body moved of her own accord and only started to settle when Chrom's voice finally reaching her.
"You're okay," he said over and over again. "You're fine now, you're okay. You're safe." He had her in his arms, trying to calm her down before anyone came in to see just what the commotion was about. His heart reached out to her, and he never, never wanted to see her so desperately frightened again. "I've got you..."
She wouldn't stop sobbing, and somehow Chrom's instincts kicked into place. He got her water and all but forced her to drink it and it managed to settle her down. She flung her arms around the man and shuddered against him, as he kept rubbing her back and carding through her hair. "I don't want to sleep anymore. I don't want to go back to sleep. Please...please..." She kept begging him and begging him as she dug her nails into his skin. She couldn't relay the nightmare...she didn't know what she was afraid of herself. He told her okay, and gave her some medicine...that contained sleeping draught. She slept like a rock, nestled in his arms.
She found that she couldn't sleep alone. She'd creep to strange places at night and ask for the night shift to guard camp. When those were denied, she took to reading or doing chores at the midnight hour. Chrom had the inkling that she wasn't taking care of herself, and lo and behold, he was right. He'd dragged her kicking and screaming to bed and only managed to get her to sleep with the promise that he'd hold her once more. She felt immensely guilty...considering her feelings, whether or not they lingered...but she took it. She took his comfort and reveled in it. It didn't give her the satisfaction she wanted though. The ever niggling feeling she had...that she lost something-someone was consuming her when her nightmares weren't.
This continued every night, and the following evening would be no different. Robin sighed yet again and clenched the fabric of her pants.
"They say that sighing will let out all your happiness."
She whipped her head around with a grin, expecting to see the knight (because he'd say exactly that sort of thing) only to find Chrom. When her face fell he had a sad smile on his. Oh no, she didn't want him to think that she didn't like him! She pushed herself to forget about the (unexpected) disappointment and beamed at him. "Looks like you've found me." She moved to stand up and he helped her up without even giving her the chance to refuse. "Thanks," she mumbled, and detected a whiff of tea from him. "Tea party?"
"You know it," he grinned sheepishly. "Cordelia convinced the others to let me in. Course, there wasn't any point since you weren't there and I-ah..." The blue-haired prince blushed at the implication of his words and Robin followed suit. He looked away from her face as he tried to cover and his eyes lingered on his neck. Not for any nefarious reasons but...there was something he wished was there. "Robin..." his voice was a low fervent murmur and his fingers moved to brush across her collarbones. Her skin turned flush under his touch and the woman stood rigid. "I want to...see the necklace on you."
"Ch-Chrom..." Her feet were rooted to her ground and her arms were pinned to her sides. She didn't know what to do. She...she liked it but it didn't give her sparks...Should it have? No what was wrong with her, it's not like he meant in it that way-"Ah!" a little gasp escaped between her lips when he repeated the movement.
That took him aback. His eyes widened and he wanted to apologize...but perhaps that would make the situation awkward. "Ahem," His hand retreated from her skin to the back of his neck. "It's getting late...should we retire early today?"
"Yeah," Robin said, her voice thick. She wouldn't be able to get much work in this state anyways. His hand was on her back as they quietly went to her tent. It was strange how it had become so routine. Immorality aside, she wasn't even sure where this put them. Sleeping together like this...could one claim it to be an act of friendship? A man and a woman lying together every night...what would she think of someone she knew who did that?
Lovers. That's what she'd call them.
She slipped out of her robes and made him wait outside as she changed for the night. He'd been out of armor already and only needed to take off his shirt, as he'd been doing for several nights by then. She wouldn't admit it but that just made her feel more self-conscious. Chrom being Chrom never realized what was natural to him made her freak out.
His arms found their usual place around her waist once they settled in. This...this was definitely not normal either. It was the only way to keep her night terrors from paralyzing her and yet the nagging feeling that she was using him...What were they? She didn't feel the sparks that she'd, damn it she'd admit it to herself, with Frederick, the man that loathed her...and the man she despised once too, with all she had. She wasn't an ingrate. She couldn't, wouldn't, forget everything he'd done for her. From the blanket to the tea, to falling off a mountain...She had no idea what compelled him to do such things, but she was touched regardless. Even if he couldn't stand the sight of her...even if he couldn't bear the thought of her...she couldn't do that to them. She wanted to see him again. She wanted to be the target of his criticism. She wanted to train with him, she wanted to fight with him, she just wanted to...to talk to him. Why was it that when he thought she was up to no good, later that same night he gave everything to save her?
What would he think of this? Her lying with his Lord every night without giving anything in return. She could be a blemish on his reputation. He'd warned her to keep her heart locked up tight, and that's just what she did. why was it that the moment she managed to bottle her feelings away this was happening? It was no one's fault but her own...She wanted to scream the question in hopes of an echo answering her: what were she and Chrom?
As though he were seeking the answer too, his fingers crawled to her neckline once more. "I want to tie the clasp of your necklace again...Robin I...I want to..." He bit down on his lip and his words. He was going to say something he'd deeply regret later. And yet...He pulled her so she turned in his arms, and his face was in dangerously close proximity to hers. She could count his eyelashes...her eyes traced the contours of his jawline, sharp, but softer than Frederick's, and lingered on to his lips.
He saw just where she was looking and took it as a hint that she did not mean to give. His eyes were half-lidded and he leaned just enough so that his bottom lip brushed over hers. He paused to give her the time she needed, but his patience was struggling to stay within reach.
Gods, she wanted to, she so wanted to. Why...why shouldn't she? Frederick's face immediately popped up in her mind. Why was she thinking of him now of all times! She respected him but she-
He'd tell her off. He'd tell her to back away right that moment. He was a Prince, and she was nothing. Yes, that was right. No matter her feelings (merely a shadow of the torch she once held for Chrom, not that she'd realized it just yet) she couldn't do this. She couldn't take advantage of him any more than this. Her back was to his and her tongue was running over just where his lip touched hers. It couldn't be called a kiss...an accident if anything. The tingling fled the second her reason won out over her lust.
Chrom bowed out graciously and settled for burying his lips in her hair, right at the nape of her neck.
"I'm sorry for being greedy...Is this...is this okay?"
And he thought he was the greedy one? She wanted to laugh at their predicament.
"This is...this is okay." Her thoughts settled on Frederick once more as she lay in the arms of another man. He'd call her a liar and lecture her for others. "This is okay," she muttered, more to herself than him. "It's okay."
No. It wasn't.