The Healing Quality of Words
Sybil was pacing the corridor down in the Servant's Hall, slowly wearing out the rug. She often glanced towards the door as if willing Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson to appear in the doorway. An irritated huff and a stomping foot showed her frustration at the current situation. Anna had tried to talk her into going upstairs, but Sybil wouldn't be placated until they had seen the two heads of staff walk through the door herself.
Mrs Patmore silently shook her head at Anna and simply put a cup of sweetened tea in front of Lady Sybil on the table in the Servants' Hall. "Sit down, M'Lady," she said kindly. "They won't come faster from your pacing." With a gentle but persistent hand of the girl's shoulder Mrs Patmore pressed Lady Sybil down onto a chair. "Please calm yourself."
"Mrs Patmore has a point, M'Lady," Anna backed the cook. "Besides Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes have a lot to talk about. They need to plan their future together," she reminded softly, her eyes going soft and momentarily locking with Mr Bates'. Anna knew well enough what it was like to try to build a life on shifting sands around service. For months now she and Mr Bates had danced around each other, but it was nothing compared to the 20 years Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson had denied themselves the comfort of their mutual love.
Sybil sighed, drawing everybody's attention back to her, "I simply wish they were home. I'm worrying about Mrs Hughes. She is so … altered and so easily upset lately."
Anna's head bowed a little and she had to admit that the young lady was right. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Mrs Patmore shaking her head despondently while her mouth formed soundless words. Neither woman knew what to say to reassure Lady Sybil. They needn't bother; Mr Bates' calm voice filled the room and calmed their frayed nerves.
"If their marriage is to be successful, they must be able to talk to each other and trust in each other. A marriage is only as stable as the bond between the spouses," he said wisely, thinking back to his ill-advised and disastrous marriage with Vera and dreaming of a hopefully happy future with Anna. Tenderly, but covertly, he took her hand in his, squeezing it gently.
oOoOoOo
Meanwhile Elsie stood in the circle of Charles' arms and breathed calmly, inhaling his unique scent made out of his spicy cologne, sweat and the faint wisp of soap from his clothes. She got lost in him, drowning out their surroundings and the loud noise of her hammering heart. With a contented sigh she borrowed even deeper into his solid frame, drawing a soft chuckle from her fiancé and feeling it vibrate through her body. Elsie felt completely at peace with herself and him. This was a first for them both. No more haunting memories of Grigg wracking havoc on her mind. No more disturbing feelings of violation and separation keeping her from the comfort of Charles' loving embrace. For the first time Elsie allowed herself to be consumed by her love for Charles – it was overwhelming, but she wasn't swept off her feet, as she had feared. Charles held her securely to his chest, giving her strength and steadiness.
After enjoying a few more peaceful moments, Elsie felt Charles reluctantly loosening his arms from around her. For a terrible second she thought he would withdraw from their tender embrace, but he showed no inclination of letting go of her completely. One of his arms was still securely wrapped around her waist as the other hand slowly came up to caress the side of her face. He gently grasped her chin and tilted her face up so their eyes could lock onto each other. Charles steady gaze held Elsie's hesitant, blue orbs and reassured her with a tenderness and care in the depths of his eyes, she had thought him incapable of. She smiled shyly up at him and could clearly see the answering smile blooming on his lips. In fact he was positively beaming at her.
"Did you mean what you said?" he asked breathlessly, still not taking his gaze from her. "Do you … truly?"
Elsie chuckled at his endearing, boyish delight but also uncertainty. He was eager to believe her, but he was also hesitant to assume, to get his hopes up only to have them dashed again by her inner turmoil. She wanted nothing more than to reassure him and apologize for hurting him inadvertently. It had never crossed her mind that the people around her might be suffering as much as she was through the tragedy. Finding her inner strength for herself had been almost impossible, but finding it for him was not hard at all. He was her guiding star in these uncertain times, her inner compass to sail the rough seas of life, her strength to fight back the odds. Taking a deep breath, Elsie repeated her earlier sentiment, "Of course I mean that you will make a wonderful father and husband." Her voice was soft, but held a great deal of conviction.
Charles' eyes turned tender and almost unreadable to her before he gently brushed his lips over hers, silencing her heartfelt admission. "I thank you for that, my darling lass," he said softly, holding her even tighter against him for a moment. "I know that you mean it, too."
Elsie, though, could feel that this wasn't what he had been referring to. The muscles in his shoulders were still tense and he looked thoughtful – if not a tiny bit disappointed. She wondered why. Wasn't this what he wanted to hear? (Never mind that it was the truth.) What else had she said throughout their fight and reconciliation? She cast her mind back over their entire conversation. So much had been said, but suddenly the scales fell off her eyes. Her blue orbs widened and her heartbeat accelerated exponentially. Towards the end of their fight and reconciliation she had not thought over her words, but had spoken purely from her heart. Every word had been deeply felt and true to the core. She knew now what had shaken her steadfast butler.
Slowly she lifted her cheek off his chest and leaned back a bit, looking deeply into Charles' eyes. Her hands slid from his shoulders up to tenderly cup his cheeks. Then she gently drew his face down toward hers. Just before their lips would meet in a gently kiss, she spoke the words she had felt for so very long.
"I love you, Charles Carson."
It felt as if some sort of shackles were released around her wrist and ankles and bodily fell away. Her mind cleared, putting everything in perspective, and she could breathe freely since her rape. A weight had fallen off her chest and she almost felt as if she were floating above the earth – as cliché as that sounded.
For a moment Charles stood paralysed before Elsie, captivated in her ban. He couldn't believe what he had just heard – could bring his fragile heart to beat a little faster and allowing it to fall a bit more for her. It was to no avail. He was already hopelessly smitten with this fiery Scottish woman. Without warning or any conscious thought on his part, he crushed his lips to hers and kissed her deeply, pouring his devotion into every sensual caress of her lips, every brush of his nose against hers. His hands on her hips were still tenderly holding her, but also drawing her persistently closer. Coming up for air, he leaned his forehead against hers and tried to regulate her breathing. Once he got enough oxygen back in his lungs to speak, he drew her back into his arms with her head resting against his chest and whispered hoarsely into her ear.
"I love you, too, so very much. The rest of my life will be devoted to make you feel loved and our child is going to give meaning and relevance to the rest of our lives together."
Elsie felt tears prick her eyes, but they didn't fall. On the contrary, a huge smile was spreading irresistibly on her lips. She closed her eyes and just inhaled Charles' scent and listened to his heartbeat, letting it both drown out everything around her. The ghost of Grigg was banished to the far recesses of her memory and the knot of fear in her belly uncoiled. She could believe Charles now. He still stood here after all she had hurled at him, had proven that he wouldn't run at the first hurdle on their way, that he reciprocated her love. For the first time Elsie allowed herself to think about the future.