A./N.: This chapter is un-betaed, but since I haven't updated in 3 weeks I put iit online.
Going Another Way – Have a wife and children
Isobel was standing silently in front of the large bay window in Violet's drawing room, staring out into the still bare and cold garden. The tea in the cup she was holding had long since gone cold. Her eyes had a faraway look and she seemed to be unaware of what was going on around her.
It was a heart-breaking sight. Even though, Violet couldn't bring herself to disturb Isobel's pensive state. She could well imagine what was on her cousin's mind. Frankly the same thing was on all their minds. Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson. Mrs Hughes and her unborn child. Mrs Hughes and her future at Downton. Almost all of the family's conversations had been about those topics of late. Her granddaughters, usually quite caprious girls, had gone out of their way to support the staff and especially their dear housekeeper. Each had gone about it in her own way. Mary had, even more than usual, supported their butler, silently but steadily becoming a sort of second shadow of the man. Sybil could not be dragged from Mrs Hughes' side by a team of horses, let alone a direct order from either of her parents. Only her dear Edith had chosen the more direct approach. She tried to make as little work as possible for Anna and the other maids. She had even started to make her own bed most mornings. A very worried Anna had asked Her Ladyship if Lady Edith was in some way displeased with her services. Cora had been quick to reassure the young woman and had kindly suggested that Anna spend her free time with Mrs Hughes. But most notably, Edith and Mary had stopped fighting each other for the time being, both calling a truce in the face of more pressing and important matters.
None of the girls, though, had been able to help with the traumatic effects of the rape. Violet herself felt utterly unprepared to help Mrs Hughes come to terms with her deep sense of helplessness and violation. Her husband had never been one to press her for his marital rights and the worst he had ever done to her was a sharp word during one of their disagreements. Then suddenly her heart stopped for a few beats. A disconcerting question had come to her mind; what had Cousin Isobel experienced to be so affected by Mrs Hughes' rape? It was something she didn't want to dwell on for too long. The answer would mean to delve too deeply into the life of the younger woman. It was not something Violet would feel comfortable with, especially since they only knew each other for scarcely longer than half a year.
Apparently, though, she was not the only one to notice Isobel's distress. Her son stood next to the fire place with young cousin Matthew, trying to have a sensible conversation with a like-minded male, but the younger man was distracted by the sight of his own mother so deep in thought. With a quiet apology to Robert, he slipped away and behind his oblivious mother. Gently he plugged the cup out of her unresisting fingers before drawing her gently into his arms and against his chest. Violet felt her eyes prick with unshed tears at the tenderness of this natural embrace between mother and son. The tears threatened to fall when she heard Matthew's quiet voice.
"It is alright, Mother," he said softly, pressing his face into Isobel's hair and stroking her back. "Mrs Hughes is safe and well on the road to recovery. She has a good man by her side and many friends willing to protect her and stand by her. Most of all, Mum, she isn't like those women who came to Father's office after dark. Mrs Hughes isn't broken." Reassuringly he squeezed her shoulders before stepping back and giving her a dazzling smile.
Isobel nodded haltingly before she, too, smiled hesitantly back. Her eyes were still moist, but the steel seemed to have returned to her spine. "You're right, my darling boy," she said softly, stroking his cheek. "Of course you are."
oOoOoOo
Charles and Elsie slowly walked back towards the Abbey. Elsie was emotionally drained after her confession. She was deeply grateful for Charles' steadying arm around her waist and his solid frame to lean against, for her legs felt like jelly and she wasn't sure if they would support her weight. Her euphoria had subsided somewhat, only to leave fatigue behind. Apparently Charles could either sense it or felt equally drained and tired. In all their years of service neither had felt this done in.
"Come, Elsie," Charles coaxed her softly. "Let us go another way back home. I know a lovely spot I want to show you, where we can rest for a bit … before facing the staff and our innumerable chores."
Elsie chuckled softly and nodded without hesitation. "I will follow you on whatever path you take me," she almost whispered this quiet statement, eyes demurely cast down and cheeks faintly tinged with a most becoming blush.
For a moment Charles was completely thrown and certainly overcome by her loveliness. The most inappropriate thoughts raced through his mind – for the second time that day – but he reined in his urges, always acutely aware of her vulnerability. Her words, though, nagged him, especially the coy smile she couldn't quite hide behind her demure expression. "Now what exactly do you mean by that, lass?" he managed to croak out, having the distinct feeling that she might be teasing him.
"Let us find that spot you mentioned and have a sit-down," Elsie murmured, not to buy herself some time or to be coy, but to get them both away from their emotional battleground and any lingering bad memories. She gently patted his chest with her hand bearing his ring to further reassure him of her intention, indeed her need to share her thoughts and feelings with him.
oOoOoOo
"Anna," Ms O'Brien's voice floated through the doorway into the Servants' Hall. It held nothing of its' usual sharpness or impatience. "I found the latest edition of 'The Sketch' I mentioned this morning. I knew I saw Her Ladyship read the article about wedding preparations and traditions." With these words Ms O'Brien announced herself just as she entered the Hall. Gwen was hot on her heels and Daisy came rushing out of the Kitchen. Even Lady Sybil perked up and suddenly forgot her vigil by the backdoor. Ms O'Brien was more or less swamped by girls and women of various ages while the hall-boys and footmen stared in horror at the magazine.
Mr Bates laughed heartily and waved the boys out of the Hall. "Come, let us find some other things to do and leave the women to dither over dresses and flowers."
He was immediately glared down and Mrs Patmore nearly threw him out by his ear.
Before it could get out of hand, William asked softly, "Mr Bates, do you think that we could look into Mr Carson's room and see what we can change, so that two people can live there?"
"Oh, that's a wonderful idea …" Gwen exclaimed.
"… well, I think Mr Carson would not thank you for breaking and entering his room," Mrs Patmore interjected, reining in the young, excitable folk. "Let's wait until they get home and ask him then."
"I think the easiest way would be to demolish the wall between their bedrooms …" Mr Bates mused loudly, tapping his walking stick against his shoe in deep concentration.
Many of the maids blushed at the implications and giggled uncontrollably behind their hands, while casting furtive glances at the two footmen and the older hall boys. Mrs Patmore rolled her eyes at the maids' foolishness, but she, too, felt the heat creep up into her cheeks. She hoped, of course, that her friend would learn to trust and love in her marriage with Mr Carson, but to actually stand here and plan for the possibility of their union of the flesh … she sighed, realising that with Elsie in the state she was in and a baby on the way, Mr Carson would not get lucky in his wedding night or for some months to come. Her doubts had resurfaced after Elsie's most recent lapse of reality.
"I wouldn't act too hastily, Mr Bates," she cautioned softly.
Anna's happy smile faltered a little, but she soon regained her composure. "With everything going on, I doubt it would be entirely proper. Besides they aren't married yet, Mr Bates. We can still make changes after the wedding."
Ms O'Brien nodded her assent, her eyes going soft and her smile growing sad. "She'll need to learn to trust in him before she can let him love her," she said sagely, making most people wonder how she came to know that. "We shouldn't assume and pressure her into something she isn't ready for. What is meant to happen, will happen naturally and in its own good time."
Many of the maids cast their eyes down. Gwen, especially felt wretchedly guilty and unhappy. With clarity she remembered the almost cruel teasing of Mrs Hughes that one evening with Anna in their room. "Maybe she thinks the stork brings them," they had laughed together at the housekeeper's expense. In fact all the maids had been given the talk by the stern-faced and very serious housekeeper. There were to be no gentleman callers, no foolish and careless behaviour on their part, no immodest attire. Only a few weeks later the very thing Mrs Hughes had always warned them of happened to her and suddenly the banter sounded like a foreboding, full of threat.
"He would never hurt her," William's voice sounded over the heads of the assembled servants.
Ms O'Brien shook her head, but did not contradict the second footman. Instead she smiled sadly and spoke softly, "No, he won't ever, but she has been hurt and no mistake."
"If only she had gone another way," Daisy whispered brokenly, clinging to Mrs Patmore's arm.
"Yes, if only she had," the cook agreed sadly, her voice laced with deep pain and tears falling from her eyes, finally allowing herself to cry, "or if only I hadn't sent her on that stupid errand for me."
oOoOoOo
Elsie slowed down as she stared in wonder around the little clearing Charles had brought her to. It was simply breath-taking. Small clusters of wild strawberries were sprinkled all over the clearing and a little stream went by around the outskirts of the clearing. When she spun around to gape delightedly at her fiancé, she found him looking back at her with a very uncertain and boyish expression in the depth of his soulful, brown eyes.
"What is it, Charles?" she asked softly, eyeing him closely. Her big, strong man looked suddenly hesitant and insecure like a small boy. She found it very endearing … and, if she was being honest, empowering. She instantly knew that she could crush him with her opinion. For some reason this place was very important to him.
"This was my favourite place when I was a boy," he said softly. His gaze drifted away as if he was seeing something through the mist of long-forgotten memories. Elsie could see the little boy in him … wishing, not for the first or last time she was sure, that the child under her heart was really his. Before she could get too sentimental, Charles spoke again, "My mother would bring me here on her half days. During the summer months we would pick wild strawberries and wade into this little river … funny, I remember it bigger …" He trailed off after a while, subconsciously squeezing Elsie's hand to keep him anchored in the here and now.
"It is lovely – peaceful," Elsie murmured truthful, closing her eyes briefly in enjoyment.
"You are the first person to know where this place is," Charles admitted with a wry smile. "I brought the young ladies once, but I made it out to be a grand adventure and blindfolded them. They still don't know where it is. Lady Sybil asked me before she … if I would show her child this fairy place." He stammered through the memory. "I want to share this place now with you … my own small, but growing family." Here Charles stepped behind Elsie and softly placed both hands over the small swell of her belly.
Elsie's eyes filled with unshed tears of happiness and gratitude as she brought her own hands up and over his. Again their child obliged them with a small bump against their joint hands. With a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, she stroked Charles' fingers and whispered hoarsely, overcome by her strong emotions, "It would seem that your child agrees with you." She felt Charles' arms tighten around her and his face nuzzling the side of her neck. She was rendered speechless when she felt hot tears slide down it.
"Oh Elsie …" it was all Charles could utter at this moment, but his heartfelt gratitude for her words was clearly transmitted. His voice broke and he couldn't possibly stem his tears. From that moment on he would never again refer to their child as this vile man's. Elsie was carrying his child and he would do anything to protect his family.
For a very long while Charles and Elsie just stood entangled in each other's arms and soaked up the peaceful atmosphere of their clearing. Breathing deeply, Charles gently turned Elsie in his arms. For what he intended to say he needed eye contact with this dear woman, so he could lay his heart down at her feet.
"Thank you for that," he whispered into her ear tenderly. "You can't know what this means to me. I love you, my darling girl."
Elsie smiled radiantly at him and reached up to tenderly stroke his cheek with the tips of her fingers. "I love you, too." Now that she had shared those feelings with him before, it was easier for her. This time they weren't spoken in a rush or in order to convince him to stay, but they truly came from her heart. She meant them with every fibre of her being. He mirrored her radiant smile and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. He would never tire of hearing her say that.
"Do you remember when you asked me, if I had ever wanted to go another way in life?" he asked her softly, stroking her arms with his hands in a soothing gesture. Elsie perked up a little, nodding eagerly. "I didn't answer you then, but I want to answer you now." He took a deep breath. "I have loved a woman before, but even though … no, I have never imagined to go another way. Only once, for a fleeting moment, some years ago. It was a few days before Christmas after you were promoted to housekeeper. Anna had just come to the house and was feeling homesick. You comforted her and let her hug you fiercely, stroking her back in soothing circles. Your voice was soft and tender as you spoke to her. In that moment I saw you, comforting our daughter."
Elsie could clearly remember the day he was talking about. She remembered holding Anna in her arms and wishing that she was her daughter. It had been one of those "sometimes" she had spoken of. Standing on her tiptoes, she reached up and wrapped her arms around Charles' neck. She pressed her lips against his and kissed him deeply, trying to express the depth of her feelings despite her inexperience. Her mouth slanted across his and she tentatively nibbled on his lower lip, drawing a surprised but elated moan from her fiancé.