Here the much anticipated talk between Elsie and Glenna. I really hope it lives up to your expectations. I'm nervous about uploading it ... Please tell me what you think of it, the bad as well as the good.

Truth and Dare

Meanwhile in the library Glenna had sat down gingerly on the sofa and looked her sister over carefully, trying to gauge her feelings. She was struck how unreadable little Elsie had become in her years of service when she had always been able to read her younger sister like an open book. Or had it been the rape what did this to her? She wasn't sure, but she was worried beyond words.

"Feeling better now?" she asked tentatively, hoping her voice didn't show her anxiety.

She held out her hand and gently tugged at Elsie's skirt to make her sit down, but Elsie shook her head and softly brushed her hand away. Instead she went to the laid out tea service. She began to fumble around with the delicate china and Glenna could clearly see the trembling in her usually sure movements. Apparently Elsie was far from better.

"Aye, fine", Elsie assured her.

Her voice was hollow and Glenna immediately felt her heart drop to the bottom of her shoes. She raised one eyebrow dubiously, looking Elsie over more closely. When no further reaction came, she got up again and walked over to Elsie. Glenna took her by the shoulders and turned her into the sunlight coming in from the window, pursing her lips a little as she inspected her at close range. Elsie blinked at her older sister, imagining what she must look like with her red puffy eyes and fearing Glenna's judgement. She hadn't had the nerve to properly look at her yet and even now her eyes betrayed her and swivelled to the side in shame. Glenna's soft blue eyes peered intently into her face with no apparent disgust or distress. At last she let go and patted her shoulder gently.

"You will be, Elsie", Glenna said softly, reassuring. "It's still you, isn't it?"

"Yes", Elsie said, not quite certain and with no warning at all, tears welled up again and overflowed. She knew exactly what she'd meant and that it was true. She felt as though her centre had turned unexpectedly to liquid and was gushing out, not from grief, but from relief. She was still herself. Fragile, battered, and wary ... but herself. Only when she recognised that, did she realise how much she had feared that she might not be ... that she might emerge from shock and find herself irrevocably altered, some vital part forever missing. Feeling tender arms wrap around her shoulders, Elsie was shocked at how small and insecure she suddenly felt again. She had thought that Charles' tender attentions had helped be more herself again, but Glenna had broken open her defences once more.

Glenna ushered Elsie to the sofa and made her sit down with gentle pressure to her shoulders. In Elsie's eyes were so many conflicting and heart-breaking emotions that it took her breath away. She had never seen Elsie hurting like this and it frightened her. The letter had been hard enough to read, but seeing the devastating truth with her own eyes nearly brought Glenna to her knees, begging God to turn back time and spare her sister, she would face that vile man instead. God chose not to answer her, but deep in the recesses of her mind she heard their grandmother's honeyed voice; 'A cup of strong tea wi' a wee drop in it works wonders.' Turning back to the side table, Glenna rummaged around for a bit. When she turned back around she offered Elsie a cup of steaming tea with a shot of milk and one lump of sugar, just the way Elsie liked it, a wee drop of Scotch was in it, too. Helping Elsie to curl her fingers around the cup, she steadied her hands as Elsie took a healthy swig from it and coughed a little as the liquid burnt down her throat.

"Elsie, a leannan, we need to talk about this. I can't pretend I never read that letter and you can't run away from the memories of it. Let's face them together and I promise you that I will do anything in my power to try and take away your hurt. Oh god, I wish you never had to …"

Elsie jerked away and stared at her sister, all colour draining from her face. "I cannea …"

"Elsie, please, I can see that it haunts you. You're only skin and bones. I'm afraid that you bottle everything up and pretend to have forgotten when you will never be able to. I wish I could have protected you, mo gradh, but I'll be here for you now."

"You willna judge me?" Elsie mumbled quietly, terribley afraid of her sister deserting her once she heard.

"Oh no! Darling lass, I love you. I promise you that I will not leave you. You are my blood, my little baby sister. How could I judge you?"

Elsie leaned into her sister's side with a soft sigh leaving her lips. Both women sat on the couch now and stared into the fire. None of them wanted to be the first to speak, but then Elsie gathered all the last shreds of her bravery and she spoke at last, "Please don't interrupt me. I don't think I have the courage to start twice."

Glenna nodded and Elsie began her sad tale. She told her sister the whole story, the utter helplessness and feeling of desertion, the dull thuds of his fists, the shocking pain when he thrust into her. She told Glenna everything, with hesitations, sometimes with tears, much more than Glenna could bear to hear, but she heard her out, silently. Suddenly Elsie glanced quickly up at her and then away again.

"I could have stood being beaten, no matter how bad it was. When I knew what he was about I expected to be ... used and I thought I could stand that too. But I couldn't ... I ... he ..." Elsie shook soundlessly for a time, and then her voice came again, thick, but desperately steady. "He did not just hurt me, or use me. He hurt me ... hurt me badly ... while he did it, but it was all about revenge to him. He talked to him, Glenna. And he made me answer him ... damn his soul! I did not want to think of Charles. I couldn't bear to be there, naked and ... like that ... and to think of Charles and how I feel about him. It was blasphemy … in a way. I meant to wipe him from my mind and only to ... exist, so long as I must. But Grigg would not allow it." Wetness shone on her cheeks but she was not crying yet. "He talked. All during … it, he talked to me. Partly it was threats and it was about Charles. I fought to keep my mind blank, but … I tried, Glenna ... God, I tried so hard ..."

Elsie sank her head in her hands, fingers digging hard into her temples. She spoke abruptly, "The ... it's all linked for me now. I can't think of Charles, even of kissing him or touching his hand, without feeling the fear and the pain and the sickness come back. I want Charles so badly that my bones shake in my body, but God help me, I am afraid to touch him! And be touched by him!"

Glenna was deeply shocked by Elsie's confession. Her heart went out to her, but her mind was blank. Every word she came up with to express her sorrow on Elsie's behalf, her support whatever it was Elsie needed from her, felt hollow and unfeeling. Finally she opted for actions rather than words. Gently she took Elsie by her shoulders and drew her close to her chest. Her every movement was slow and deliberate as she took Elsie's hands in her own and lifted them from her sister's face, pressing a kiss to each palm before she pressed a sisterly kiss to Elsie's forehead. Leaning back against the armrest of the sofa, she brought Elsie with her until both sisters lay side by side on the sofa, Glenna wrapped around Elsie. They had laid like that countless times in their childhood, the older sister acting like a shield to the outside world for her little sister. She stroked Elsie's hair aside and wrapped her arms tightly around Elsie's body, her right hand landing on her sister's stomach. Elsie gasped at the feeling and her eyes opened wide. She had forgotten to mention her pregnancy during their talk. Glenna's eyes on the other hand closed and she pressed her forehead against the back of Elsie's head, burying her face in her sister's brown curls as she unsuccessfully fought tears.

"Glenna, I …"

"I know, piutharg (little sister)," Glenna whispered, unable to control herself. She had still trouble comprehending what had happened to her darling Elsie. Her mind kept swirling and she absurdly kept thinking, 'Thank God, I don't have to explain that to our parents. This would destroy them.' In truth it nearly destroyed her as well. All she could do at that moment was to cling to her sister and send a prayer to god that Elsie was alive. "Sh, sh, we will talk about that later." Elsie's breathing eased and her head rested softly against her chest. She felt Elsie's muscles relax and her sinking deeper into her embrace.

There was more to talk about and both knew it. For now, though, they were content to simply hold on to each other and drink in the presence of the other. Elsie felt completely safe for the first time in a long time. There were no memories haunting her as if Glenna had cast an aura of calm around them and she drew strength from the peace her sister's embrace brought her. Charles had done his utmost to make her feel safe, loved and even desired, but he stirred too many emotions in her, both wonderful and terrible. Glenna only brought her peace and clarity of mind and gave her back what she had thought lost forever, childlike innocence and trust.

After a long while Glenna spoke quietly against Elsie's ear, "How do you feel about it now after …?"

At first Elsie didn't answer and Glenna began to think she had either fallen asleep or, worse, refused to answer her, but then a timid voice answered, "I'm so … confused all the time. At times I feel angry, I often feel like crying for no reason at all, and when I'm with Charles I feel happy too at times. Sometimes I want to kill G-Grigg and then at other times I want to hide from everything, but I can't go back, as much as I want to. I ... I don't know what I really want", Elsie ended lamely.

Her shoulders were hunched in defence. Slowly she reached over and took Glenna's hand in her own, interlacing their fingers, drawing strength from her.

"Glenna, am I a bad person?", Elsie whispered hoarsely, her voice a soft plea for her older sister to have the answer, for her to make everything all right again. "Or am I going insane?"

Glenna's eyes brimmed with tears as she turned Elsie around to face her. Elsie's eyes seemed to beseech her silently, but Glenna wasn't sure what Elsie wanted or needed to hear. There was only one truth and she spoke it confidently, "Don't you ever think that, Elizabeth. You went through a horrible nightmare and what you feel now is normal. You are neither bad nor insane. You're hurting." She kissed Elsie's cheeks softly and then pressed her to her chest again, fiercely protective of her – even if it meant fighting the demons of her mind. "I can understand you wanting to kill Grigg," she growled over Elsie's head.

Elsie's eyes widened against her sister's chest as she heard the pure hatred in Glenna's voice. She had never heard such cold and hatred in her sister's voice before and it made her heart race. When she heard Glenna's next words she was shocked to her core.

"I would cut his bollocks of and feed 'em to him, make him choke on 'em!"

Elsie squeaked in shock and nearly fell of the sofa as she hastily sat up, eyes wide and mouth agape. Glenna gently brought a finger under her chin and closed her mouth with a wry expression on her face and a tentative, apologizing smile quirking her lips.

"What?" she asked provocatively. "I'm sure Nana's ol' cookbook has a nice recipe for bollocks in it. Worth trying, don't ye think?" She raised an eyebrow at Elsie, whose face suffused with a deep crimson blush. Remorsefully she observed how Elsie's hands flew up to cover her face and her shoulders shaking with soundless sobs.

"Oh, Elsie, I'm so sorry, love," she whispered urgently. "I only meant to …"

But she was cut off as Elsie threw her head back and laughed hysterically, tears pouring down her cheeks, hiccups shaking her whole body. She sank back against Glenna's chest, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Thank you," she managed to gasp out before she collapsed again and could only cling to Glenna while her emotions broke free and wreaked havoc on them both.

When Elsie lay quiet and emotionally spent against her, Glenna pressed a cool hand against her burning forehead and cheeks. She kissed Elsie's forehead and spoke the words both of them needed to hear aloud for the sake of their sanity.

"I love you, lil'one, and nothing ever changes that."

Elsie's breath left her in a rush and she relaxed completely. Her eyes closed in bliss and she stretched up to brush her lips shyly against Glenna's cheek. "I love you, too, mo dìdionnair (my protector). Thank you."

Neither woman noticed the man who stood around the corner in the other room and now left quietly, tears glistening in his eyes.