Magic I Psalm-lemnly Swear
Category: Harry Potter / Le Chevalier D'Eon
Rating: M
Warning: Alcohol consumption, gore, nudity, and heterosexual & homosexual content. Dumbledore bashing, Ron bashing, Ginny bashing, and Molly bashing. Good!Snape & Controlled!Malfoys
Pairing: Implied Lia/Maximillien, past D'Eon/Maximillien, and D'Eon/Harry Potter
Author's Note: …..What can I say? Real Life has, once again, decided to bite me in the a**.
Disclaimer: If I had my way, Snape, Sirius and Maximillien would live. I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR LE CHEVALIER D'EON! Reviews and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM are welcome, and flames I will extinguish with aguamenti on.
Chapter 4: With Our Tongues We Will Prevail
~Sirius Black's POV (kind of)~
This wasn't fair! Not at all! Today was the thirty-first of July, and Sirius couldn't celebrate it with his pup! Sure, he sent a letter to Harry, but it just wasn't good enough!
Sirius pouted as he sat at HIS kitchen table in HIS kitchen. Currently the run down kitchen was being used as a meeting room for the Order of the Phoenix. There were quite a few people that Sirius did know, including Albus Dumbledore, Minerva "Minnie" McGonagall, Severus "Snivelus" Snape, Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Doge, Mundungus "Dung" Fletcher, Hestia, Jones, Sturgis Podmore, paranoid Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, Remus "Moony" Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Emmeline Vance, Nympha – I mean – Tonks, and the Weasley family…and there were also some that Sirius did NOT know who were in HIS house in HIS kitchen.
Sirius gave a quiet sigh that only Remus could hear. Why did he decide to convert his ancestral home in the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix? Oh yeah, because Albus asked *cough*demanded*cough* him. He was almost tempted to glare at the Weasleys. Why were their children and Hermione upstairs when Harry was stuck at those good-for-nothing muggles, the Dursleys? Oh yeah, because Albus bloody Dumbledore demanded that Harry stay there!
Sirius was sooo tempted to just prank the drinks and be done with it.
Suddenly, Sirius felt a subtle tug on his magic, indicating that there was someone using a portkey to get in. At first, he was inwardly panicking, but he then remembered that there were some special portkeys made for only those that were given by the Black family. Sirius tried to think of who could be coming, until he suddenly remembered a little girl with dark blonde hair and big blue-green eyes.
He relaxed, until somebody appeared out of thin air and landed on the table!
Everyone startled, wands sliding into their hands, as the person gave a quiet groan and sat up. From his angle, Sirius could obviously tell that the person was male and had his dark blonde hair in a moderate ponytail, but when he saw the boy's eyes, he just had to give a gasp. The boy had blue-green eyes.
~End Sirius Black's POV~
D'Eon had to wonder why he always landed wrong whenever he used a portkey. This time, he landed on a table. Upon sitting up, D'Eon could feel how tense the air was in the room. Looking around slowly, he saw a motley crowd of witches and wizards, but the one that drew his attention (and not in the good way) was the elderly man with the long beard, half-moon glasses and a crooked nose. Albus Dumbledore. Bloody fantastic.
"Who're you boy and what're you doing here?" growled out a harsh voice in question, and D'Eon turned to see the disfigured face of the infamously paranoid Alastor Moody.
Ignoring the looks of everyone staring at his, D'Eon shifted so that his legs were hanging off the table's edge. "My name is D'Eon de Beaumont, and I'm here because while in a coma due to a tragic accident, my sister's spirit came to me and told me to go to England to help defeat the dark wizard there."
There was a slight pause until Dumbledore broke the silence. "I believe that that concludes the meeting. Everyone but those I mentioned remain."
D'Eon hid his mirth as several people huffed before they left through the doorway. The ones who remained were Dumbledore, Moody, a tall black man, a woman with spiked pink hair, a man with long shaggy black hair, a sallow looking man dressed in black, an older woman wearing the famous witch's hat, a tired looking man with tawny hair, and a couple with red hair.
"My boy," Dumbledore started. "Why don't you take a seat and make yourself comfortable."
D'Eon had to hide his grimace. He was not Dumbledore's boy. There were only two men could call him that, and one of them was dead; Lord Alexandre Malfoi and his father.
He gently slid off the table and sat in an available seat next to the long haired man. He crossed his legs and put his hands in his lap as he looked at them with as much confidence as a Pureblood could. "You all may know my name, but I do not know yours."
As he looked at them all, he could feel that someone was trying – keyword trying – to get into his mind. He quickly threw that presence out of his mind with so much force, that he saw Dumbledore give a subtle wince, but he saw it.
So the old coot wants to play that game, huh? He heard Lia muse in his head. He couldn't help but agree.
Out of the corner of his eye, D'Eon could see that the red-haired woman's face was slowly turning red in anger. Oops? Not.
"My apologies, my dear boy," Dumbledore said as he began motioning to the others in the room.
"This is Severus Snape," he began as he motioned to the sallow looking man.
He just gave him a glare.
"Minerva McGonagall."
"A pleasure," the older woman said as she looked at D'Eon.
"Kingsley Shacklebolt."
The black man gave a tilt of his….purple hat and a wide smile. He looked pleasant enough.
"Remus Lupin."
The tired looking man smiled at him.
"Nymphadora – "
The pink haired lady gave an angry huff.
"– Tonks"
"Just call me Tonks and I won't have to sock you," huffed the pink haired lady in good gesture.
"Sirius Black."
D'Eon turned his head to look at the shaggy-haired man next to him as the man gave him a grin.
"It's nice to meet you, D'Eon!"
D'Eon smiled at him. "It's nice to meet you too, Lord Black. Do you realize that the French ministry is waiting for you to declare political asylum in France so that you could be tried fairly?"
Sirius almost faltered before he clapped D'Eon's shoulder as he barked out a laugh. Rolling with the hand to reduce damage, D'Eon turned to the couple that had not yet been introduced. He could still see the red in the woman's face.
"And these two are Arthur and Molly Weasley," Dumbledore finished as he motioned to the red haired couple.
I pray that those two are not related to each other Lia said, as they were both boggled that they were both redheads and yet were married.
"What are you doing Albus?" Molly just about screeched to the old man, making D'Eon, Tonks, Remus and Sirius wince at the shrillness of her voice.
Don't trust lemon-sucking old goats, a red-haired harpy and her two youngest hatchlings.
D'Eon! She's the harpy that Maximillien was warning us about! Lia exclaimed from D'Eon's mind as Dumbledore tried to placate the irate woman.
The attention soon turned to Sirius as he huffed in annoyance.
"If you are done harping at everyone," Sirius drawled, making the woman bristle some more.
"If you haven't noticed, he has a lord's ring on, making him Lord de Beaumont, therefore he is an emancipated minor," Sirius said quite smugly.
"Why the nerve of-!" Molly shrilly began but was escorted out by her husband and he gave an apologetic glance to the group.
With the door close behind the couple, everyone turned to look at D'Eon.
Hey D'Eon, let's have some fun with the languages that I taught you Lia mischievously said to D'Eon. Apparently she had had enough with Dumbledore's game, and quite frankly, so had he.
"Now that we have introduced ourselves, can you tell us more about yourself?" Dumbledore questioned D'Eon, quite peeved that he could not get into the young man's head.
"Va te faire foutre, connard sucer citron." (1)
Everyone blinked their eyes slowly as Remus spat out whatever liquid that he had taken a sip of from his cup.
"Pardon?" Dumbledore asked.
"Vai al diavolo limone succhia-senile vecchio caprone!" (2)
This time, it was Sirius and Tonks who seemed to have understood D'Eon, as Sirius just barked out laughing as Tonks gaped at him.
"In English please?" Dumbledore asked.
"Sígoura o propáppos sas to pí̱re me katsíka bástarde!" (3)
For a brief moment, D'Eon could see the corners of Snape's lips curve upward, but it was gone quickly although the amusement had yet to leave his black eyes.
"If you could please answer the question?" Dumbledore asked, clearly he was starting to get frustrated by now.
"Maleït siguis als abismes de l'infern et senil, xuclant llimona, cabra de merda vell xaruc!" (4)
Everyone got questioning looks, so D'Eon figured that this was one language that nobody in the room besides him knew. He gave an almost innocent smile as they looked at him.
"Answer the question?" Dumbledore asked yet again.
"Du-te la dracu 'ai nenorocit de lamaie, supt capra vechi cu barba!" (5)
Moody laughed, his chest rumbling as he laugh whole-heartidly. "That's quite the mouth on you!" he boomed.
Dumbledore just sighed as he looked at D'Eon in that demanding way. D'Eon decided to shift gears for a bit.
"Po krayney mere, ya mogu poluchit' yego vy staraya svoloch'!" (6)
Sirius' eyes started to water as he laughed, almost falling out of the chair.
Dumbledore gave him 'the look' again.
"Nándào tā mā de dàizhe háizi zài jiātíng zhōng yùnxíng?" (7)
Kingsley's cheeks started to redden as he started at D'Eon in shock. Oh yes, he just went there as D'Eon gave him a cheeky grin.
"What did he say Kingsley?" Dumbledore asked him.
Shacklebolt gave an uncomfortable cough as he looked away from Dumbledore. "You...don't really want to know, Albus."
D'Eon could tell that Dumbledore was almost close to pleading, but he knew that old men like him would never give in, so he continued on with the language torture.
"Zavrtka vas, limon cicanje kopile." (8)
D'Eon knew that that was pretty weak, but the worst was soon to come as he continued on to the expression on Dumbledore's face.
"Mwen ta mande move lespri yo vin ban madichon ak malfonksyònman erectile, men ou te deja genyen li fin vye granmoun fucker ou." (9)
D'Eon was starting to feel bad for Shacklebolt, as he seemed to understand the worst of his words. Shacklebolt was now gaping like a goldfish and wouldn't respond to Dumbledore.
"In English please," Dumbledore asked, again.
"Versxigxos mortintoj, filo de putino Dementor! Vi devus esti neutered jarcentojn, vi animon mamnutrado, lulio ŝteli malsana fuck!" (10)
Just from the corner of his hearing, as he was the closest to the door, he could hear quiet chuckles coming from beyond the door, and his eyes sparkled. It seemed that someone out there knew Esperanto.
Dumbledore was becoming frustrated, he just knew it, as Lia was chuckling inside his head as she then suggested something for him to say.
"English please?" the old man ground out.
D'Eon's eyes had a glint as he gave out an impish grin. McGonagall gave a silent groan as she recognized that grin. It was one grin that she had seen James Potter, Sirius, and the Weasley Twins wear when planning something devious.
"Eğer bir tane yok çünkü sen o kadar alınamıyor nedeni mi?" (11)
Red was starting to pour onto Dumbledore's cheeks in anger.
D'Eon smirked. Now for the kicker in between the legs.
"Are you really that stupid to not think of using a translation charm?"
The room was silent before there was laughter. Moody started howling with laughter, Sirius fell off his chair and was on the floor, Remus was chuckling accompanied by Tonks snickering, all poor Kingsley could do was blush profusely, and Snape quirked one side of his lips. But the most surprising reaction came from:
"Albus, why didn't you think of using the translation charm?"
All laughter stopped as McGonagall held up her wand that she had hidden behind her back. "I certainly remembered to cast one."
Translations:
Since most of the translations is bad-mouthing Dumbledore, I'm only going to put what languages they were in so that I don't get in trouble with the website admins.
Enjoy!
(1): French
(2): Italian
(3): Greek
(4): Catalan
(5): Romanian
(6): Russian
(7): Chinese
(8): Macedonian
(9): Haitian Creole
(10): Esperanto
(11): Turkish
Most likely your translations are not going come out right, so if you're wondering what they're saying in the end, JUST PM ME PLEASE! I really don't want to delete reviews that ask for translations!