A./N.: I wanted to publish this before the actual wedding in the series because I fear that this will be a bit of a let-down compared to it. Leave me your comments and let me know what you think.
Happy the Bride the Sun Shines on …
Charles was nervously fiddling with his bowtie while Mr Bates was calmly standing behind him and was brushing off his coat. The valet had kindly offered to help Charles ready himself for his wedding. It was a good thing, too, seeing as Mr Carson's hands were shaking and he had had trouble to fasten the studs in his shirt. He wasn't having cold feet, but he was a little nervous about today. Many of his acquaintances in the village thought that he had been indiscreet with the housekeeper and was now forced to marry her. He hadn't corrected their assumption, since it was much more preferable than the truth being widely known. His insecurities about Elsie's reasons for marrying him and been appeased almost from the beginning. She had shyly made clear that she loved him truly and wasn't marrying him simply to give her child a father and name. Charles even believed that she was more comfortable with the physical side of marriage, accepting his kisses eagerly and even initiating contact with him herself lately. No in regards to Mrs Hughes all his worries had been eliminated … his doubts about himself, though, were still running rampant. His talk with his soon-to-be sister-in-law hadn't helped at all.
oOoOoOo
"I'm trying all I can to be patient, Mrs McKenzie. I love her, and I want to show her that, but – she might shy away from it all. She comes and we talk, but then I go to put an arm around her too tightly or kiss her too passionately, and suddenly she's across the room, dusting off her skirts and leaving. Is there something wrong with my desire, something I should do to make her more comfortable around me?"
Glenna gave him a disconcerting look so much like her sister's piercing gaze, straightforward and ruthless like a hawk. "You want to be with her as a husband and wife should be? After her rape and despite her pregnancy, I mean. She doubted that, but not anymore. She is still worried that you won't be able to see past this and love her. You do, though, don't you?"
He felt the blood rising in his cheeks. "I – ah – yes."
"Well, then. So far her latest experience of what one might call the delights of the flesh consists of being raped – Dr Clarkson telling her that she is pregnant – and her rather confusing feelings about you and your newfound intimacy. You really think this all is calculated to make her fall swooning into your arms in anticipation of your marital rights?"
Charles could have smacked himself. 'You asked for it', he thought, 'and you got it; right between the eyes.' His cheeks burned hotter than they ever had with fever. "I never thought of that," he muttered to the wall, unable to meeting Glenna's eyes.
"Well, naturally not," she said, sounding torn between exasperation and amusement. "You're a man for God's sake. That's why I'm telling you."
He took a deep breath, and reluctantly turned back to face her. "And just what are you telling me?"
"That she's afraid," she said. She cocked her head to one side, evaluating him. "Though it's not you she's afraid of, by the way."
"It's not?"
"No," she said bluntly. "She may have convinced herself that she has to know why you love her and want to be intimate with her, but that's not it – a regiment of blind men could see that. It's that she's afraid she won't be able to – enjoy it anymore – mmphm." She raised one eyebrow at him, encompassing a wealth of indelicate suggestion.
"I see," he said, taking a deep breath. "And just what do you suggest I do about it?"
She picked up the tray with tea cups and biscuits on it, she had brought to his pantry for a friendly chat, and regarded him honestly. Her eyes were open, showing her own worries and insecurities. "I don't know," she said, giving him another look. "But I think you should be careful.
oOoOoOo
And then there had been Brian, his future brother-in-law, trying to give him advise as well. He had clapped him hard on the back and then growled: "Our Elsie doesna need a coward – she needs to know you'll protect her and the child. He needs a real man." Charles wasn't sure if had understood Brian correctly. Was he supposed to force her? That couldn't be right. Brian would never advertise that.
Sighing deeply Charles resolved to stop wondering and worrying about his wedding night and let Elsie decide how far she was comfortable in going. He would not pressure her or demand more from her than she was able to give freely.
oOoOoOo
It was a wonderful spring day, the air scented with the fresh smell of growing plants and the sun peeking through scattered clouds. Elsie was in the suite of rooms she would share with Charles by the end of the day. Charles, who would be her husband then. She still couldn't believe that he had really asked her to marry him, not out of the obligation their employer's wanted to waltz off on him but out of love for her. Elsie had no great fortune or status to her name, had been raped and was pregnant by another man. She had heard a few muttered remarks about why he had chosen her … about being a fallen woman.
Her employers and staff colleagues were a source of strength. Beryl Patmore had had words with a few of the village's worst busybodies, who she had overheard gossiping about Elsie. Old Lady Grantham had glared down whoever had been stupid enough to mention either Elsie's of Charles' name in her vicinity. The Earl and Countess had made their unwavering support of both butler and housekeeper well known to the village, choosing a small cottage for the Carsons, should they one day decide to leave service or to have Mrs Carson's family over whenever they wanted. The fact that neither one of them had been asked to leave service had silence the last sceptics. They just couldn't phantom that staid, old Mr Carson loved the bitter spinster-housekeeper Mrs Hughes.
Elsie had to smile despite her misgivings towards the villagers because she knew that Charles loved her from the bottom of his heart. That was enough; it was all she needed to know right now. His love was the only reason why she had agreed to marry him at Lord Grantham request. She had been willing to leave the Abbey and live with her sister or return to Scotland, inventing a dead husband she had had in England. It wasn't a very convincing story, but she had been prepared to live with that stigma – until Charles had asked her to marry him.
And today she would become his wife, give herself to him wholly. Anna and Sarah had both fretted over her, but now that she was ready she had shooed them away, needing a moment to herself.
Elsie scrutinized herself in her floor-length mirror. Her auburn curls were coiled and pinned into a loose chignon at the base of her neck. Charles loved her hair. He had remarked on its colour, had stroked his fingers through it while comforting her and wrapped loose strands of it around his finger when they had kissed in the last week. Today she had decided to leave two curling strands at either side of her face, framing it and softening her features.
Speaking of her face, she turned her gaze away from her shining brown hair and contemplated what she saw in her face. Her forehead was high and without too many lines, despite frowning at young maids and her age. Her eyebrows were delicately shaped and as brown as her hair. They drew an observer's gaze to her eyes. Many of her maids had remarked on how beady they could be and how they seemed to look right through any lie or weak excuse they could come up with. Charles loved their deep blue colour, bottomless and of such intensity that he claimed to loose himself in them. Their colour fascinated quite a few people, it was true, but she was exhilarated that they had fascinated pompous, exacting Charles Carson, even when they had only been butler and housekeeper to each other. She remembered many shared glances between them over dinner or a glass of sherry in the evening.
Blushing in spite of herself, she also remembered closing her eyes in anticipation before each kiss. Glancing down at the lower half of her face, she half expected to find her lips swollen from Charles' ardent attention to them last night when he wished her a good night. Of course they weren't. They were, however, curled into a self-sarcastic smile over the folly of their owner. A few fine lines fanned out at the corner of her mouth, as well as around her eyes. She hadn't escaped middle age entirely unmarked, but her lips were still naturally red, with a fuller lower lip, inviting Charles to nibble on it. The graceful curve in her upper lip was enhanced by the faint lip colour Anna had painstakingly applied today. Smiling at the younger women's efforts this morning, she saw her teeth flash between her lips. She was fortunate enough to boast healthy teeth, for which she was very grateful. She had seen too many farmers with bad dental hygiene to take her own good one for granted. Lady Sybil had been one of few people privileged to see her smile and laugh, while her maids were more often the recipients of pressed-together lips of disapproval. She vowed to smile more often from now on, owing it to her friends and family. Smoothing a finger along her lower lip, Elsie admitted to herself that as long as Charles continued to kiss her like he did, she wouldn't need much effort to keep smiling.
She silently chided herself for such crude thoughts, blushing furiously. Then she straightened her back and drew her shoulders back as she ran her hands along her waist. Sarah had fitted her wedding dress around her corset and Elsie wore it today, not wanting to walk into church with too obvious a sign of her pregnancy showing, although she hardly needed it. Elsie's posture always had been upright and proud. She wanted to look beautiful for Charles. Her shoulders were held back slightly to thrust out her very modest cleavage a little. From there her gaze wandered downwards along her torso.
Sarah had so lovingly and caringly designed her wedding dress, of course, and the result was absolutely stunning. Elsie's dress was made out of cream coloured silk with a delicate embroidery of thistles and roses on the seams of the skirt, symbolising the bride's and groom's origins. Long elegant sleeves wrapped around her arms, ending in cuffs rimmed with delicate lace. The dress' neck was round cut and showed very little, while still drew a man's imagination to what might lay below. In the back it was held together with dozens of tiny cloth-covered buttons. Charles would have a hard time helping her to undress tonight.
A light cough behind her brought Elsie's attention back to the here and now. She smiled radiantly towards the young Lady sitting on her bed. The girl's gaze was indulgent, but also awe-inspired; she had never seen anyone look more beautiful than Mrs Hughes on her wedding day. Blushing under her visitor's intense gaze, Elsie lowered her eyes to the floor, feeling foolish for having been caught out.
"I will be down in a moment, m'Lady. I'm sorry if I have held up the car …"
Sybil chuckled and shook her head at the housekeeper. "There is no need to apologize, Mrs Hughes. You are entitled to be late today; it's your wedding day." The young woman rose from the bed and came over to Elsie's side, leaning against her. "You're radiant, Mrs Hughes. Mr Carson won't be able to take his eyes off you."
Another soft chuckling noise from the door startled this homely scene, revealing Glenna standing there with a very amused expression. "Charles sent us up here to remind you to wear your broach today … well, actually he sent me, but Lady Sybil wanted to come and see you. I have to say that I agree with her, though. You are very beautiful, Elsie. Here, let me help you with the pin."
Seeing Elsie's finger tremble slightly and fiddle with the pin, Glenna stepped next to her on her other side and fastened the broach to Elsie's chest. It was, of course, the beautiful maternity symbol Charles had given her as a wedding present. "It is honourable of Charles to accept your child as his own and symbolise it with this." She indicated the broach, smiling brilliantly at her younger sister, only to be met with a cold glare.
"What do you mean, Glenna? He or she will be our child. It is not his or her fault that her father was a man who ... who ..."
Glenna's arms wrapped around Elsie's shoulders and held her tight. She knew the turmoil storming inside her sister's mind. Glenna had told Elsie that the child may have been conceived by violence, but that she was sure Elsie would love it all the same, and so would Charles. Everybody could see how soft and gentle Elsie had become during the pregnancy. The first to notice had been her maids. The housekeeper had been short-tempered and distant, but now Elsie was still exacting but far more understanding and loving. Glenna had little doubt that Charles would love the child. First it might be because of its mother, later it's own personality would capture him and he would love it for its own sake.
"I know, Elsie. I didn't mean it was honourable of Charles to forget how it was conceived. I meant that he will accept it as his own and not many man could do that. If you should be blessed to have other children, this one will always be his first-born."
Elsie's eyes were close to over-flowing with tears. In her heart she knew that Glenna spoke the truth, even when her mind still voiced doubts every now and then. "Thank you for that, Glenna. I don't know what just happened."
"Understandable. Motherly instincts are very strongly pronounced in us Hughes women," she joked, nudging Elsie with her shoulder.
Sybil, silent until now, added dryly, "I have never known a more loving man than Mr Carson. He was always there for us and we're not his children either. He might have growled at us like a bear, but he has a heart of gold and gave in to us eventually."
Glenna and Elsie both laughed heartily. A soft knocking sound from the door interrupted them and Anna stuck her head in. "Mrs Hughes, Lady Sybil, we need to go now. Everyone is already at the church and His Lordship waits outside with the car."
"We're coming!" Sybil replied and bounded out of the room. Elsie turned towards the door and Glenna gathered up her train. Anna observed the two sisters. Glenna was obviously happy for her sister and the fulfilment of her dreams. Elsie, on the other hand, surprised Anna. She was calm and collected; her movements poised and radiating confidence. Anna was sure that she would be a nervous wreck at her own wedding, terrified that she would stumble down the aisle or embarrass herself in any other way. Mrs Hughes seemed to have no such fears, she radiated calm and happiness.
oOoOoOo
Brian McKenzie stood in front of the church with his sister-in-law on his arm and prayed to God that he wouldn't embarrass her. Glenna had impressed on him to give her sister away in style to uphold the family's honour. Glancing to the side, he was calmed by Elsie's silent confidence. Elsie smiled more radiantly than ever before. She was really happy and in love with the wonderful man she was marrying today. Waiting for a few more moments until they heard the traditional wedding march, Brian walked her down the aisle in the traditional slow gait. She could tell that she took Charles' breath away as she moved into the church. He was awestruck, Elsie could see it in his eyes as they shone with happiness and racked over her figure.
Charles couldn't for the life of his take his eyes away from Elsie. She was beautiful in the cream-coloured dress Miss O'Brien and Anna had sown for her. Despite his protestations she had insisted on wearing her corset again today to hide her slightly protruding abdomen and fit into her dress properly. The result was stunning, he had to admit that. His bride's eyes shone with their old fire, lighting up the whole church, and her smile might not have been entirely proper for such a solemn setting, but it lifted his heart nonetheless. He wanted to walk towards her and wrap her in his arms, but he was also strangely rooted to his place in awe. When Elsie finally reached his side, Charles broke out into a soppy smile. He took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, tenderly pressing them against her knuckles. Looking back up, Charles lost himself in the lovely eyes of bride.
Mr Trevis' voice cut through Charles' haze and the murmurs of the crowd. They had never seen Mrs Hughes look more beautiful. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the wedding of Charles Edward Carson and Elsie May Hughes."
Elsie smiled up at Charles and both shared a tender moment of silent communication. They loved each other with all their heart and from this moment on no one would ever come between them again.
Mr Trevis asked them to face each other and join hands, then he raised his voice and asked the congregation, "Who gives this woman away?"
Brian stepped forward and replied "I do" as was tradition. He then took his seat next to Glenna, who already had her handkerchief out, wringing it in her hands. Beryl, who stood with Elsie in front of the altar, seemed to be in a similar state of emotional upheaval. She had allowed Glenna, Sarah and Anna to see to Elsie this morning, knowing perfectly well that she would have dissolved into tears and not been any help to her friend. John Bates stood beside Charles, his eyes fixed on Anna's face instead of on the happy couple.
"Charles, do you take Elsie to be your wedded wife?"
Charles smiled and looked into the deep azure blue eyes before him. "I, Charles, take thee, Elsie, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth," he said calmly, the words rebounding from the stone walls around them.
"And do you, Elsie, take Charles to be your wedded husband?"
Elsie's own brilliantly smile answered Charles' as she responded, "I, Elsie, take thee, Charles, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
As Charles slipped the simple gold wedding band over Elsie's ring finger, he intoned, "With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."
"I hereby pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride," Mr Trevis proclaimed at long last.
Charles leaned forward and touched his lips ever so gently to Elsie's. Their kiss was unbelievably gentle and spoke clearly of the love they felt for each other, the kiss was also a little shy. It was after all their first kiss as husband and wife.